I am baffled by how peaceful this week has been, granted the only reason for such peace is this devastating heat and humidity.

In this heat and humidity, the couch and ice cream are my only friends in this apartment complex. Well, of course, my smartphone in my hands is my best friend which is no mere friend. It is also a book and a tool to annoy people anywhere around the world.

As I slouch away on the couch, my melted figure suddenly feels discomfort from laying on one side for too long. With the help of my arm, I reach to my left to lay on my side. Continuing to browse on my smartphone, I decided to check the time. It is evening, displaying 19:00. The weather and humidity are in a perfect state as well. It is time to ruin this week's peace.

I thrust my hands forward to move myself into a sitting position with less effort, or else I would struggle as I am fat. I put my smartphone on the table adjacent to the couch.

Suddenly I hear knocking at the door, perfect, it seems I will be able to ruin this week for someone. Quickly I grab my untidy jeans and the shirt laying on the table and barely dress up. I approach the door and open it.

A child wearing a tablecloth pretending to be a ghost says "Trick or treaat!" Seems short, young and naive.

How wonderful to have a victim this soon, I smile slightly. Halloween truly is wondrous.

"Wait a minute, I have just the thing." I sputter. The kid nods and stands still. I immediately move to the back of the room with the couch, a powered mini fridge sitting on top of a console table. I open it and grab two veggie snacks, laughing internally. My parrot, Ruby next to the mini fridge in a birdcage cackles.

Moving to my door and putting two veggie snacks in the kid's basket full of snacks, I tell him to have a good day and close the door.

I go ahead to Ruby, my dearest parrot, opening the birdcage and allowing him to jump on my shoulder. With this, I am all set to annoy everyone. Locking the door, I go to the apartment elevator and tap the button for the entrance floor. Elevator music chimes in and in 40 seconds I have arrived. I decide to wait a little for my next victim.

Pressing all the elevator floor buttons but keeping the door open, I wait for a person to arrive. Around two minutes later a person comes around, and Ruby cawks at them. "Wait! Don't close!" yells at me a handsome blue-eyed tall unfortunate businessman.

I open the elevator door for them and as they enter the elevator thanking me, I leave the elevator. Moving to the side where I nor my parrot Ruby wouldn't be seen, I hold the elevator button. After roughly 10 seconds, I hear a grunt, where they start clicking a button, probably the one which's responsible for closing the door. I release my finger from the button and hear a gasp. He must've realised that he was going to be visiting all the floors before his own.

I laugh, my parrot joins in with me and we finally go outside. A cool breeze hits my face, perhaps even the universe is entertained by my attitude. A deep breath rejuvenates my desire to continue being a minor inconvenience to everyone.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

I check my pockets, the perfect amount of pennies ready to buy some bacon and obviously my key which I never take out, I keep my smartphone in this same pocket to infuriate any bystander who hears coins clanking and sees me pull the smartphone out of the pocket.

My other pocket has only one plastic toy brick, which I take out while walking and put right on the corner of the street, hoping someone steps on it.

As I kneel and put the toy brick down, I straighten my spine and move to the convenience store in my sight. Grabbing a shopping cart, I enter and go straight to the section with bacon. The beautiful college student cashier rolls her eyes and releases the most excruciating-sounding sigh a human could make.

Grabbing the bacon, I leave the shopping cart there and go to the checkout counter. The cashier gives an irritated smile, scans the bacon and as soon as she opens her mouth I interrupt her, saying "That'll be all."

I slam all the pennies I have and a single bill on the checkout counter. She groans at the sight and gives me a side eye, grumbling to herself about the customer being always right. She knows that I have paid the exact right amount and doesn't even bother counting the coins.

I go to the adjacent vegan cafe, rip the bacon out of its packaging and start aggressively chewing in front of the cafe window. My parrot which has been silent, Ruby, imitates my chewing noises. I scan around the usual disgusted faces until I find THE person reading "Gremlins Alike" a literary masterpiece which I shall spoil. Approaching the man, I tell him "Did you know that Jay and..."

Before I get to finish my sentence, the man stands up and yells "God's sake! Every single morning! Stop it!" He slams his fist on the table and reaches into his pockets, swiftly pulling out a pocket knife.

I chuckle to myself, that's grandiose, he'll be sentenced to prison and it'll be a perfect way to go out. Before I could think any further he swiftly stabs me in my chest.

It hurts... but I am satisfied. I pity my parrot a little but she flies away. My eyes close as I hear screams and chaos erupt.

What a way to go... yet why am I still able to think? Souls were real all along? I attempt to open my eyes, and I see 13 imposing figures before me as well as flames, lava and overall... black, grim architecture. I stand up and scan the figures.

The one figure resembling the devil in the center stands up and says "Welcome, prime entertainer. Your questions will be answered." The voice is deep and reverberates the entire area, echoing in my head yet despite all of this the voice is absolutely clear and understandable.

I attempt to open my mouth, simply to realise I can't speak, huh? Well that's certainly a soul issue. "You might have understood that you are dead. Since you have technically not committed any grave sin in your life, Soul Deity's workers have sentenced you to purgatory." He paused his speech, thinking about something. I hummed along with the silence in my head.

"Perhaps it was unjust for us thirteen sins to interfere and give you a second life. But we found that your entertainment provided to us has been magnificent and your potential stay in purgatory too lengthy. We believe that it would be far shorter and easier for you to live a second life." The so-called sin made eye contact with me, he was lacking pupils and there was a quite literal fire in his eyes. It was a beautiful sight but seriously, what's the catch here?

"There is no ulterior motive, unfortunately, you will have to act kindly in this particular life if you desire heaven. It is truly a pity that our best entertainer won't bring us joy no more but we'll have to make do." The devil looks up and does seemingly nothing. Well alright, that's fair and all but when and where am I going?

As if to answer my question immediately the devil tells me "Now, you'll be proceeding to the world of Arcane."

He snaps his fingers and everything turns white.