Chapter 5: Space Janitor, part 1

Do women have male pattern baldness?

I used to believe they don’t, but looking at my big ass forehead, I’m not so sure.

Did my hairline recede, or has my frontal lobe gotten bigger?

I would wear bangs, but bangs are for cowards who cannot accept reality. People who refuse to believe they are born losers.

I am a loser. I am a failure. I never deny that fact.

For that is who I am. What I am. My identity.

But I would prefer it if people don’t call me Marianne. That name simply doesn’t fit me.

Mary. Marie. Mia. Anne. Anna.

None of those names fit me.

Annie is kinda cool. Little orphan Annie. That name actually fits me and my current situation to a tee.

But no one calls me that, though. Don’t know why.

Was it because I’m not ginger? Perhaps it’s because I’m too tall.

What a bunch of judgemental pricks.

No. They simply refer to me as…

“Hey, Marl! Are you listening, you lazy cripple!?”

“Yes sir, Mr. Ross, sir! Your every wish is my command! Do you want me to shine your shoes!? Or scrub your toilet!? I could also gather the pigs’ manure!”

I fell on my knees and crawled over to kiss the plump balding man’s shoes. But he just used his muddy boots to kick me right in the face.

“Get away from me, you disgusting slug! I just want you to get off your lazy ass and take my crops to the market!”

The man used his fat fingers to point at the rusty old cruiser with dozens of boxes of vegetables illegally stacked in the back.

I looked at the vehicle, then at my boss’s pinkish face.

“Me? Piloting a ship!? Did you take your medicine this morning, sir?”

“Don’t act smart, you retard!”

The man raised his boot, threatening to kick me again.

“None of the other lazy bastards bothered to show up today! Why? Just because it's some stinking holiday!? People don’t stop eating on their day-offs, you fools!”

The man became dangerously red like he was going to have a heart attack.

“So now there’s just me and you! And you can’t power the ship can you, you cripple!!? I’ll keep the damn thing floating, you drive!”

With a huff, the redneck turned around and walked indoors to prepare for travel.

Me?

I just stood up, dusted off my clothes, and was confused as fuck.

After all, I had never piloted a ship before.

Well, guess there’s a first time for everything!

***

The rusty old land cruiser made its way to the wet market right next to the spaceport.

The ride was smooth and very comfortable to my fat bum, as the ship was floating a meter above the ground. No bumpiness to be felt, aside from the occasional shaking of the old vehicle itself.

Steering a ship was easier than driving a car, who knew?

It could also be that my boss did most of the heavy lifting as he’s the one who’s literally lifting the giant tin-can with Mana.

Oh, Mana, what a convenient element!

But Mr. Ross should really stop being a penny pitcher and invest in a Mana battery. That way he wouldn’t be sweating profusely as he is right now.

“Slow down you crazy fool! Turn! Turn! Turn! Watch out for that truck!! Slow down!!! Goddamn woman driverrrr!!!”

The two of us smoothly made our way to the market. The place was on the outskirts of the city, with tens of thousands of people and vehicles going out and about no matter which direction l looked.

I hate heavy traffic, but Mr. Ross seems to enjoy the slower-paced movement. He looked as if he wanted to go down for a casual stroll among the hustle and bustle.

When we arrived at our destination, I unloaded the merchandise and looked around the area with interest. Never been here, in the day before.

Look at all the people! The aliens! The job opportunities!

“I’ll hitch a ride back on my own, so take the rest of the day off, you insane cow!”

Oh, Mr. Ross. What a kind man. What a good employer.

He even paid me in full today! Me! A full minimum wage! Wow!

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I really should drive more often!

Now that I have a pocket full of cash and free time to spare, I decided to enjoy the locale like a tourist.

The place was arranged like a slum, but some of the stuff on sale here is more expensive than my life. Not that I'm worth much.

Imported goods. Well-made counterfeits. Exotic spices. Jewelry, real and fake.

It’s like I’m a kid in a toy store. I want to have everything, but I can’t afford any of it.

I crisscrossed multiple alleyways until I found myself at the tall metallic fence separating the spaceport.

Spaceships! So cool!

I looked at the shiny vehicles on the landing pads with stars in my eyes.

If there’s one dream I wish would come true in this life, then it is to become a space janitor!

Just imagine it!

Me, traveling across the Galaxy in a badass star cruiser!

Going from planet to planet. Visiting the furthest reaches of space. Walking on the streets of an alien civilization. Tasting the fruits of unknown worlds. And get paid for it in the process!

I want it! I want it so bad it hurts!

That’s how I knew… my dream would never come true.

For I will fail.

I never asked for much. I never dream big. Yet in the end… I often left disappointed, anyhow.

God, I’m going to make myself cry over nothing!

Suffering wouldn’t feel so bad if we never had dreams, to begin with.

For dreams are illusions. Phantoms. Lies.

Hope.

Hope for a better life.

Like a carrot at the end of a really long stick.

Fuck, I’m tearing up again. And today was such a good day, too!

First, I woke up to a feeling of sogginess as rain leaked down the old roof. Only two holes today! It’s a miracle!

When I finished patching up the rooftop, I came down to the ear-piercing shrieking of Ms. Johns. She wanted tuna and an omelet with a side of hand-ground latte. Not wine. Not rum. Actual food! Therefore, I didn't receive the usual morning drunken beating! Hallelujah!

After the lady finished her meal, there were enough leftovers for me to put in the porridge. The orphans went wild at the taste of fish, even Abigail teared up with happiness!

Speaking of, Abbi has been getting closer to me lately! Perhaps, she has finally outgrown her rebellious phase. She greets me in the morning, says thank you when I do something for her, and she has been very diligent at our little mock training.

Playing with sticks has never been so much fun! Even if I had a hard time keeping up with Abbi’s superhuman strength. The girl absorbed every advice I gave her like a sponge. Practicing every strike like her life depends on it. Prodigies truly are built differently.

And then, of course, the joy ride I just had. Having the wheel in my grips, feeling the wind in my hair, The rush of speed, pumping my veins. It’s intoxicating! It gave me a taste of the paradise I so craved!

God, I really, really want to be a space janitor!

So please, if you’re listening, grant me this one selfishness.

Amen.

At that moment, I heard a loud bang from up above. Like fireworks in midday. Like thunder in the clear blue sky. Like the world's biggest popcorn just popped. A sound that doesn't belong.

I lifted my head to see…

A giant bird of metal and glass, crashing down to the uncaring ground below.

Huh, that’s interesting.

It's coming right at me.

Cool.

Tell me, how does one dodge an incoming plane crash?

You step sideways.

I have the strength and speed of an olympian, I can dodge it with the skin of my teeth.

Problem was…

There’s a kid.

There’s always a kid.

Not right here on the ground, but up there, in the crashing spaceship.

I see him. I hear him. He’s afraid, and he’s all alone. That poor boy.

Welp, here goes nothing!

There is not much time before impact.

Make more time.

Stretched out the moment. Burn your neurons. Turn every millisecond into minutes. Hours. Days.

Breath in. Breath out.

Feel the air. The ground. The Sun. The clouds. Feel it all. Study it. Understand it. Touch it. Feel it. Become one with it.

Control it.

Control yourself.

You cannot control the would, but you can control your own actions. You can carve your own path. Make your own road. Write your own rules.

You are weak.

You will fail.

Fail slower. Fail better. Fail smarter.

The kid will live. I know he will, for he is a winner.

The wind will catch him. The fires cannot harm him. The very ground will soften his impact.

There is no doubt in my mind that Heaven itself would bend to his will.

His intent.

To live.

Even this failure of a body of mine, would be his instrument. With his will, even I could create miracles.

I bent my knees and kicked the hard ground with every power in my legs. My tendons snapped, but I didn’t care.

My body shot up into the air like a speeding bullet. I aimed for the small hole on the front windshield.

My trajectory must be perfect. Always aim for perfection. Ride the wind to your target and bite your teeth for the impact!

I crashed into the window. Every bone in my body broke. My right arm, torn off. I didn’t care. I kept going.

All around me were corpses. Floating as if in space. They had died long before I arrived. Long before the ship exploded.

Death surrounded me, but there is life here. I only have seconds to find him.

I do not need to look, for he calls me. He commands me. Just like the baby on the bus. Just like Abigail.

God’s chosen cannot be harmed. They cannot be killed. They will live, even if it kills me.

Over, and over, and over again.

For that is the way of the world.

It is by design.

I found him. The poor boy. He cried for his mother, yet there was only me to comfort him.

There, there, don’t cry, big bro is here now.

I wrapped my body around him. Using my flesh to shield him from impact. Using my skin, to shield him from fire.

He’ll live.

I know he will, for he is a winner.

I closed my eyes, and felt myself melting away.

In that final moment, I realized something.

I’m on a spaceship!

So cool!

Dreams do come true.

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