t was ten PM. I sat on a bench outside the campus library, waiting for Suzette in the dark like a fucking stalker. My body taut with anticipation, feeling every bit the predator lying in wait. The thought made my stomach churn with a nauseating mix of guilt and hunger.

My phone buzzed again – Kat's fifth call in the last hour. I ignored it, my head pounding in time with my racing heart. My hands shook as I rubbed them against my jeans, trying to still the tremors and remove the sweat. Without thinking, I started scratching my arms, the withdrawal symptoms getting worse by the minute.

There was no way I could carry on a conversation with Kat and pretend everything was okay. Because it wasn't. Not by a long shot.

The night air was cool against my feverish skin, carrying the scent of approaching rain. I was so lost in my own misery that I almost missed it when someone silently sat down beside me. I tensed, ready to lash out, but when I turned, I saw it was my sister.

"How did you find me?" I asked, my voice sharper than I intended. But that was the damn moodiness I couldn't control at the moment.

"Tracked your phone," Kat replied casually, her eyes scanning my face with concern. "You scared me again. Are you okay?"

I blew out a breath, trying to steady my nerves. "You're the second person who's worried about me today."

"Who else?"

"Carter's back," I said, trying to sound nonchalant, but the mention of his name made my chest tighten with an emotion I wasn't ready to name.

Kat nudged me playfully. "You missed him?"

I was grateful she was keeping the conversation light. "I don't know. I barely know him. I haven't given him the effort I should if I was really making friends with him."

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow. "Struggling with baggage from Phillip?"

I tensed at the mention of my ex, the name bringing a flood of memories I'd rather forget. "You're probably right. Lots of Phillip baggage overflowing to Carter."

"Well, little sis. Unload some of it. It'll make you feel better."

Would it? I wasn't so sure. But as I sat there, the weight of my secrets pressing down on me, I realized that maybe it was time to let go of at least one burden. All the details of my past with Phillip seemed nothing more than an old memory right now. A person I no longer was. I wasn’t sure what happened, it probably was because this world didn’t quite seem as real to me anymore, or my own embarrassment was nothing like the intensity of the withdrawal I was feeling, but my shame I felt for sticking with Phillip seemed to be so insignificant now. Maybe it was time to unpack…

"He was a nice guy the first year we dated," I said, gazing at the library door instead of my sister. "Then this past year... he changed, and I have no idea what triggered it. He just became..."

"Completely possessive?" Kat suggested, her voice softening with concern.

I laughed bitterly. "Yeah. That and abusive... mostly verbal, but there were times..." I didn't have to say it. I knew Kat understood what I was getting at. "Phillip just... made me feel worse and worse about myself. It was like nothing I could do was right. It made me wonder if I was someone else, if Mom and Dad would have stayed here."

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"Oh, Kal," Kat said, pulling me into a hug. Her warmth fighting with the cold emptiness I felt inside. "Mom and Dad's dream was to travel. It has nothing to do with you and me. And you know that you're an amazing person, right?"

I laughed dryly. If only she knew the truth. I was sitting outside a university at night, waiting for a young woman to die so I could feel good. Some amazing person I was.

But confessing the secret that had weighed me down for an entire year did make me feel…what?

A little lighter. A little freer.

That's when Suzette emerged from the library, her green aura flashing like a strobe light. She descended the steps and turned to head down an opposing street, her pace unhurried, unaware that her time was running out.

"Kat, let's walk," I said, standing abruptly.

My heart raced even faster, knowing that something was about to happen. But what?

We followed Suzette at a distance, Kat still talking. "Seriously Kal, Phillip was just an idiot. I know it's hard when you fall in love to see things for how they are. But you deserve so much better. Someone who lifts you up, who sees your worth."

I half-listened, my eyes fixed on Suzette. The world around me seemed to slow, each second stretching into an eternity. I could feel the tension building, the air thick with anticipation.

And then, it happened. A man in a hoodie emerged from the shadows, moving swiftly toward Suzette. He grabbed her and dragged her into a nearby alley before she could scream.

"Did you see that?" Kat gasped, her voice filled with shock and fear.

But I was already running. My body moved on its own, driven by a primal instinct to protect, to save. I sprinted toward the alley, my mind a whirlwind of fear and determination.

When I reached the entrance of the alley, I saw the man holding a knife to Suzette's throat, grabbing her purse. Her soul was blinking so fast now, I couldn't tell if it was almost solid. And I knew, in that moment, that I didn't have a choice. I was going to save her. I had to save her.

I was a good fucking person.

"Stop!" I shouted, my voice echoing off the brick walls.

The man spun around; his eyes wide with surprise. But when he looked in my direction, his gaze passed right over me, as if I wasn't even there. He couldn't see me. I was right behind him, but it appeared that to him, I was nothing more than a shadow in the dark.

I reached out to grab him, but my hands passed right through his body as if he were made of smoke. Panic surged through me as I realized I couldn't physically stop him.

There was my answer. I was a reaper. I was powerless to intervene directly.

And then Suzette fought back. She struggled against him, pushing him away with all her strength. The man snarled in frustration, and I knew what was coming next. The knife slashed out in a quick, vicious arc, aimed right at her.

I did everything I could to jump between Suzette and the blade. I tensed as the cold steel buried itself deep into my stomach.

But there was no pain.

I looked down and realized the man's arm had passed right through me. I wasn't the one bleeding. I wasn't the one dying.

Suzette gasped for air, her hands clutching at the bloody blade lodged in her stomach. She crumpled to the ground, her life slipping away in front of me.

"No!" I screamed, the word tearing itself from my throat as I watched her soul solidify, the once-flashing green aura now a steady, haunting glow, snaking out of her body and forming a little globe, waiting for me to take it.

The man grabbed her purse and fled, pushing Kat aside as she stood frozen at the entrance to the alley, watching in horror.

I could have gone after him, but as I watched, his soul changed from gold to green right before my eyes. Killing Suzette had sealed his own fate. He would face justice, one way or another. His time was coming, but not tonight.

Suzette's soul hovered above her lifeless body, and my own body screamed for it, the withdrawal tearing me apart from the inside out. Tears streamed down my face as I reached for my scythe.

There was no escaping what I had to do.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice breaking. "I tried. I really tried."

As I swung the scythe, reaping Suzette's soul, the faceless barista's words echoed in my mind. My job was to reap souls. Nothing more. Nothing less.

My duty.

The soul filled the void inside me, quelling the ache and the hunger, but it did nothing to ease the pain in my heart. I was crying for her lost life, for the person she could have been, for the choices I couldn't make.

The rush hit me, momentarily drowning out Kat's screams. As Suzette's good memories flashed before my eyes, I realized the terrible truth of my existence.

I wasn't meant to save lives. I was meant to take them.

And it was something I couldn't escape.

So, I embraced the darkness and let it carry me wherever it wanted me to go.