“Ugh… Remind me not to die again…” Alan said groggily to no one in particular as he woke up slowly.
It’s nice to see that with a twenty-four-hour deadline you can still sleep. Oh and yes, the deadline was a joke, see, because like, you’re dead. Hehehe… A familiar voice said.
Sitting bolt upright, Alan looked around dreading what he thought might be the case. Sure enough, his worst fear was realized: Scary ghost Anomalous dude.
However, there was a particularly strange…. Umm… problem…
He looked like a Boo from Mario Bros.
What’s so funny? Anomalous inquired.
“Well...Umm… You look terrifying” Alan lied, not willing to tell the truth and get zapped into the pits of hell, or some other terrifying fate that comes from insulting someone who is strong enough to make gods and devils piss their pants in fear.
Damn right I am. Was the smug reply from the two-foot-tall round ball of horrifying cuteness.
Ignoring that utterly strange comment, Alan looked around, trying to figure out where he was.
“It’s nice to see you awake user, the system was about to try the revival process again to assure there was no malfunctions with the previously deemed appropriate measures taken.” A cold yet not cruel metallic sounding female voice spoke suddenly.
“Who are you?” Alan asked in surprise, not seeing anyone in this white space he seemed to be floating in.
“I am the user’s personal interface for the [True Gamer System]” The voice responded. “And as the interface, personal customization is in order.”
“Personal customization?” Alan questioned.
“Yes, Since you are the only user who can access this ability as of now, a password is not required but recommended, among various other things.” The interface answered.
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Alan thought for a moment before he chuckled like a middle schooler that heard a dirty joke. “Make the password, ThisDick.”
Before Alan could notice his mistake, the interface replied with. “Sorry, ThisDick is too short.”
“FUCK I FORGOT THAT DAMN JOKE!!!!” Alan cursed before replying with an overly wordy comeback. “ThisDickIsTooHugeToBeTooShortForAPassword.”
(Author note: I couldn’t think of a better immature joke here, if you have any better ones don’t be afraid to hurt my feelings by commenting on them lol)
However even as he was sitting there in triumph, the interface lady, who he already decided to call Ms. Assholery of Bitchdom, decided to dump a bucket of ice water on his head, literally.
“PFFFFTTTT WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!?!?!” Alan shouted in outrage as he tried to shake off the freezing water.
“Well, immaturity needs to be stomped out immediately upon sight to teach kids the proper way to act in public, when such instances occur.”
Alan was getting pissed, he refused to have his life dictated for him, that included semi-omnipresent game systems.
This.
Means.
War.
“OK! so you want me to change the password?” Alan asked as he geared up for war.
“Yes please do” Was the reply.
“Fine then.” He proceeded to mentally type in:
‘MOTORBOATTHEMTITTIES!’
SPLASH! Another magically appearing water bucket was dumped unceremoniously on Alan’s head.
‘MyAnacondaIsMighty!’
SPLASH!
‘FISTINGISN’TFUN.’
‘Mrs.AssholeryOfBitchdomIsABitch.’
SPLASH!
‘LOVEMYBUTT!’
SPLASH! BANG! This time the heavy metal bucket was dumped on his head as well.
Mrs. Assholery of Bitchdom meant business.
As soon as the near concussion from the violent temper of Ms. Assholery of Bitchdom wore off, he gave in and just put in his birth date as the password.
Ding! The lovely sound of surrender rang out bitter-sweetly upon Alan’s ears.
“Password accepted, would you like to proceed with the revival function?”
“YES PLEASE!” Alan shouted out in joy.
“Then please wait a moment, you will be transferred to the Character Customization Window to choose your settings.”
Alan floated in that white realm of nothingness until he saw a red ten counting down appear out of thin air.
10...9...8…
I wonder if they have pizza where we are reviving…
7...6...5…
Or if they have good food at all...
4...3...2...1…
Then Alan blacked out.
________________________________________________________________________
“Nonono…” Lize muttered to herself as she hid next to the secret escape door, begging whatever deity might be listening to move the Wyvern brigade member, that was stalking near the door, away from the room so that she could open the rusty trap door and escape.
She and the entire noble family she had been staying with were caught completely unprepared by the sudden sneak attack in the middle of the night. She was the only survivor, not like it would stay that way if she couldn’t escape though.
I have to get out of here...