Johnny
Johnny awoke to a blaze of pain on the side of his temple. Trying to fight off something or someone who was attacking, he shortly dropped off the branch and plummeted towards the ground. In a panic, Johnny held out his palm and pushed out a torrent of wind. It slowed his descent enough, but not enough for him to cancel all of the fall. He slammed into the ground with a thud and a slight bounce. “DAMNIT!” Johnny cursed.
He whirled around to find whom or what his attacker was. Johnny only found Urlug staring back, waving, and stupidly grinning with his not-so pearly white tusks. Johnny narrowed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Urlug tossed another stone and Johnny threw his hand up, extending his reach to snatch the rock. Except when he caught it, it was not a rock; it felt way too smooth for that. Johnny pulled the object closer. Johnny uncorked the familiar purple-red potion. “Sorry, but the other rocks didn’t wake you,” Urlug stated.
Johnny stopped before glamping down the potion, “What other rocks?”
“The rocks I lobbed at you?”
Johnny scowl deepened, “Ya threw multiple rocks at me you dumb fuck?”
“First, language. Second, you flew a little high for me to do anything else. Third, I tried to hit around you but you were sound asleep, so I had to pelt you.”
“Ya curse too ya big knuckle draggin, rhino fucking, ale drinking, beer pissing motherfucker.”
“True, but you do it way too much. Not good for your tongue, my mama taught me that.”
Johnny kept his scowl and his gaze as he chugged the potion to remove the welt from the same damn spot. After wiping his mouth, Johnny followed, “What time is it?”
Urlug shrugged, stretched, and untied the leopard pelt from around his waist. He draped it over his body, only for it to cover his torso. He blinked, scratched his chin, and then grinned. He wrapped it around enough times to make a comfortable square. Then, slamming himself onto the ground, he used it as a makeshift pillow underneath his head, falling sound asleep. Johnny stared for a good moment then shouted, “Well?!”
“Shh, it's my time to sleep.”
Johnny rolled his eyes. He sat down to do his meditation.
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Urlug
Urlug threw aside another log, knocking over small foliage in the process. “Ya know,” Johnny quipped swinging from a branch, “If ya learned how to limber up just a little bit, ya wouldn’t have’ta exert so much force and anger! It could lead to a shorten life.”
Urlug snorted, “Better to live a life short but sung for a thousand years than live in obscurity.”
Urlug kicked a sizable rock out of his path and it, for the first time in its existence, flew. Johnny grinned, “Also it leads to much needed pedicures.”
“Pedi-cure? Is that another potion, one for being lazy?”
Johnny shrugged, using the moment to lift himself up, “Kinda, not really. It...”
Urlug pushed back another tree to find a clearing. But there was no sign of a path. “Johnny, found the X.”
Johnny hopped down from a tree, rolled next to Urlug and sprung up. They stared at a cave on top of a hill in the middle of the clearing. Yet that’s not what caught their eyes. Four statues, standing proud, even though they were covered with hungry vines, dotted a path upwards. Each one marked a turn on the pathway. “I don’t need your senses to tell me this place is magical,” Urlug stated.
Johnny nodded. Urlug drew his great axe, and Johnny gathered his magics. The duo began to scan the clearing and kept their heads on a swivel as they walked towards the hill. Grass dominated everywhere it could lay foundation, seeming to choke any other plant that dared break their monopoly. The only exception was the vines that not only try to strangle the statues but the perfect slopes up the hill. Urlug noted how soft and strangely lifting the grass was, as if to entice moving forward. He turned around quickly to see if the grass would do anything after being stepped on. But nothing came, including no evidence of trodden feet. He peered back into the forest and saw his heavy footsteps yet not once has he found his nor Johnny’s prints. “Nature spirits?”
“I don’t think so,” Urlug stated looking at the lack of footprints too, “those spirits would not be picky about the plants. Here, we have only grass and vines.”
“But the no footprints?”
“Dunno, do you have an idea?”
"Dunno, do ya?" Johnny asked back again.
Urlug frowned, “Why would I ask then?”
“Shut up, I'm on edge.”
Urlug turned back around, “Spirits devoted to Order? No wait, the vines are too chaotic for that.”
Johnny nodded and just as slowly relaxed himself, ready for any attack from any direction. Urlug looked at the statues, “Gargoyles? Maybe each one will pop out and attack us?”
Johnny shook his head, “Gargoyles don’t have any kind of defects. They have some magics that can repel plant life off them, making them too eerily perfect.”
“Then what are they?”
Johnny said nothing. They both trended carefully as they approached the first statue. Johnny studied it and asked, “Is this a Rakshasa?”
“Tiger,” Urlug answered, “Look at the paws. There are no true opposables and the claws are a lot sharper. Also the tail is wrapped around the base of the tiger, too long to be Rakshasa. Besides, no Rakshasa statue would be naked. They hate being called tigers so they clothe themselves as often as they can. Heard they even bath and fuck fully clothed.”
Johnny pointed at Urlug, “Ya said fuck! Ya breaking ya mother’s heart!”
Urlug growled, “Watch yourself before I split you in two!”
“Gay,” Johnny snickered.
Urlug ignored and peered at the face of the statue. It was contoured in an expression of predatory rage. Nothing passionate nor personal, something impartial and almost dutiful. Yet the hard eyes, pulled back sharp teeth and flared nostrils reminded the power that the beast wielded. Johnny rolled his eyes and continued upwards, still being cautious.
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Johnny
Johnny took a breath and called upon his Humors and they in return began to call to the earth. What was returned was a contempt of silence. Johnny never felt that before and let out a surprised yelp. He had worked against stubborn earth before but not one that knew of his presence yet denied him and was powerful enough not to move. Johnny raced around his teachings at the temple. Even elementals would take time to bend even if it meant certain death for the inexperienced, but the earth beneath him refused and denied him completely. Johnny turned to Urlug, “Urlug I…”
He caught Urlug swinging his ax down, upon and to the sides of the statue constantly, only to have his blows bounce off the statue as stones would be bounced off against a fortress. Johnny’s worried expression melted to contempt. “Urlug, stop that. It’s obviously not working..”
“No! This statue offends me by being defiant! It will FALL!”
Urlug channeled his will and fury into a single strike, only for him to be blown back and fall on his back. Urlug stood back up and snorted, letting out puffs of hot, broiling air and charged the obstinate effigy. Johnny sighed and sat down. If any spirits would attack, they would have ripped Urlug apart by now. Or try anyways. After a minute of angry Orcish curses, sweat and muscular power, Johnny began to wonder why the statue was not only not being harmed, but Urlug’s blade was not getting any duller. So after Urlug began to noticeably slow, Johnny stood up and said, “Wait, let me have a crack at it.”
“FINE! GO AHEAD!”
Urlug slung his ax over his shoulder and was huffing and puffing, both out of frustration and out of breath. Johnny smirked and walked towards the tiger statue. He slowly opened his hand and carefully began to rest his hand upon the statue. It felt stony. Taking in a breath, he went to feel the stone itself. He found something even more chilling, in fact truly disturbing than the earth beneath them responded with. Nothing. Not even silence. Silent earth is earth that tries to hide. This one did not. It said nothing as there was nothing inside of it. No spirit nor energy from the Great Humor of Earth resided in its foundation. Johnny pulled back his hand and curled it into a fist. He reformed it from a calm, outstretched hand to a wrathful fist and struck the statue. He felt resistance but not anything like earth. “Urlug, come look. Tell me what ya see with my fist against the state.”
Urlug groaned as he stood back up from his sitting position and inspected the point of contact. He narrowed his eyes and answered, “You’re not touching it. There’s a lil sliver of air that’s between you and this piece of shit.”
Johnny nodded, “Then it stands to assume we can’t harm it. It doesn’t have any earth spirits and no amount of force we possess can get through this barrier when we try to strike it.”
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
“Air spirits then?”
Johnny concentrated on the air that was stopping him. His heart sank as he said, “There’s no air there. I can’t feel any currents.”
Johnny pulled back, his stance rigid. “Urlug, I don’t think we should…”
Urlug grumbled and began to march up the mountain. Johnny turned, groaned, and then got in front of Urlug. He began to open his mouth, but Urlug shoved Johnny aside. Spitting out a curse, he stood back up and began to speak until Urlug sharply swung his ax as quick as possible to the statue of the tiger yet again. Urlug’s attempt was just as fruitless as before. Urlug turned to catch Johnny’s raised eyebrow. “Sneak attacks don’t seem to work on it,” Urlug said with a puffed chest.
He returned to stomp up the mountain and Johnny followed suit, shaking his head. Climbing up the pathway, they stop at the next statue. “What is that?” Johnny asked, “Another type of local?”
Urlug shook his head, “No and I don’t know what that is.”
They both stared in puzzlement at the statue. It was carved in the shape of a regular mortal, torso, hands, legs. Both hands had their palms open with the left across its diaphragm and its right hand up and out away from the body. But the key differences were the face and accessories. Particularly how avian they were. Unlike the tiger below, this creature’s expression was more stoic and calmer yet held a similar ferocity behind its eyes. Its wings were folded behind to give an appearance of grandeur and nobility. It sat cross legged, but with clawed, bird feet protruding. Urlug rolled his shoulder. “Urlug, please.” Johnny protested.
Urlug raised his ax high and chopped down onto the statue. Johnny’s mouth was agape, shocked by the difference between the two statues. This one was noticeably higher in its shielding with a great distance between the ax and the statue.
Then Johnny had an idea. Walking calmly past the furious roaring of Urlug, Johnny held no act of aggression in his heart and put his hand in the space between the ax and the statue. He wiggled his fingers a bit and one of them actually was bit by the blade of Urlug’s ax. Johnny pulled back his hand and found the cut began to bleed. “So there is some consciousness that recognizes when we attack it…”
“Or there is a damn hex or something!”
Johnny shook his head, “No, hexes would irradiate magic when they activate, and not only could I sense it, but both of us would see some sigil glow. I guess this is a force of will if anything.”
Urlug looked from the corner of his eyes at Johnny, “So these statues are alive?”
Johnny shrugged. Urlug snorted and growled, then pushed down onto the invisible wall, hoping to break through. “Stop! Ya aren’t gonna hurt the statue.”
“I will if I keep at it!”
Johnny just walked past and continued up the hill, then stopped in his tracks. The soft tufts of grass were pushing upwards towards the top. Johnny hopped backward, surprised that the blades of grass did not grasp ahold of him. He looked back at Urlug, not surprised at his continued attempts to bury his ax into the statue. Sighing, Johnny went towards the next statue to at least admire it before it was assaulted.
This one was easier to make out. No mistaking the snake-like form of a dragon. Divine creatures that guard and protect, perhaps this one did the same. Johnny wondered if that is what all of these statues did. He looked down at the other two and also found a vulgar Urlug still trying his damnedest to harm the odd creature statue. Johnny just looked away and began to inspect the dragon statue.
The dragon’s face was softer than the others, almost inviting. There was no hint of malice nor hatred in the carving of the eyes, no teeth bared nor any pulled back scales to signify stress or anger. The claws expressed otherwise. They were held close to the spirling body as if waiting to strike when the dragon’s prey got closer. Johnny looked back at the eyes and jumped. He stared at the face of the dragon again then moved to the side, keeping his gaze locked. He swore that the eyes were looking forward and not to the left where he was. Johnny stood rigidly straight. This statue was sentient somehow; Johnny swore on it as he moved to the right side. Sure enough, the stone eyes slowly traced over to where Johnny was moving. The statue was watching him.
His train of thought was broken by the sound of a clash like a wardrum behind him. Johnny turned to see Urlug hucking, throwing hand axes at the dragon statue, the weapons bouncing off an invisible wall that separated not only the statue but Johnny as well. “Urlug what the fuck?! I’m right by it and ya don’t know how it will react!”
Urlug was not paying attention and once he ran out of his short supply of throwing axes, he rearmed his grand battle ax. “Oh gods…” Johnny cursed.
He jumped back and away from Urlug’s path, not wanting to get caught in the middle. Urlug bolted headlong towards the sculpture, ax dragging behind trying to catch up whilst cutting through the wind. Yet near a yard away, Urlug slammed into nothing then onto the ground. He immediately sprung back up, ax in one hand and a fist in another. He ordered his lone fist to grab the ax once more with its brother and together they brought down the weapon upon the unseen shield.
Johnny was not watching that though. He was carefully watching the statue and his hypothesis was correct. Once Urlug nearly collided with the unseen force, the eyes of the dragon statue swiveled and locked onto Urlug. Johnny’s heart sank. This was the third out of the four statues that stood post on the path up to the cave.
He turned to see the next statue. A lion, its head held high, mighty and strong. Its paws beefy, the coat flowing with curls and its mane larger and fluffier than what he saw from lions in the Middle World. It had a grimace intermixed with a smile which unnerved Johnny the most. Well the most that he could see in its appearance.
Johnny did not want anytime spent trying to look nor interact with this guardian. He reached out for the wind, thankful that it did not pledge fealty to these beings. He gathered it and launched himself upwards, scaling the cliff in one jump. He looked down to see Urlug still roaring and slashing against the dragon’s statue will. He rolled his eyes and began walking towards the cave. Urlug snorted and growled, but recently stopped and regathered his axes.
After putting them back in their slings, he snapped at the statue before returning to his ascension up the mountain. Once near the top, he was face to face with the final statue. He gritted his teeth and slowly reached for his first hand ax. Anger, his most fundamental aspect of his being, had fully taken root. Whatever logic or low cunning he possessed had melted long before. He unnested a hand ax and flipped it in his hand. One flip, two, three. Urlug heaved it from behind his head and flung it towards the damning effigy. But the ax did not leave his grasp. Instead it fell directly towards the earth below, dragging the entirety of Urlug’s hand and arm. “What?!”
Dirt and grass flew into the surrounding landscape as the throwing ax weighed more than Urlug ever knew before. His hand cracked from the weight and pain soared throughout from his fingers and flew all the way up to his shoulder. But he refused to let go of his ax. The pain was soon turned into a dangerous fuel source for the frustration Urlug experienced since he entered this grove. He yelled and swore. Spat and bellowed. Yet the throwing ax would not leave the ground which is it was affixed.
He used his other hand to lift it from the ground, but it did not matter. He dug his feet into the earth, grasped the handle with both hands and relaxed his back. Urlug took a deep breath and stared with absolute concentration at the weapon. His bellow sounded the call for all of his physical, mental and spiritual might to lift the puny ax from off the earth. He strained, veins bulging from this neck, arms and legs. His feet dug deeper into the earth, blood flowed from his gums and sweat poured from every microinch of skin. Yet it refused to move. “WHY?!” Urlug demanded.
“Because you were disrespectful Urlug.”
Johnny whirled. Urlug looked up. They found the lion looking directly at Urlug, head down and all. The duo stared at the statue wide-eyed. The only sound was the calm breezes that passed through the clearing. The sound of the nearly still wind was more deafening than the busiest city either mortal knew. Urlug curled his lips, regained his anger, and demanded in a low, guttural growl, “Give me back my ax.”
The lion statue opened its mouth, the stone flowing as if it were living tissue. Johnny felt his stomach sink into a bottomless pit. He encountered earth elementals that could speak, but their movements were nowhere near as fluid as this lion statue. “No,” it told Urlug.
“Why?”
“Because the moment you entered this sacred site, nearly all of your actions have been disrespectful and irreverent.”
Urlug pursed his lips, “Just give me back my ax and I won’t do it again.”
The statue stared back coldly, “You will not either way. This ax is now my possession so I will not allow you to steal it.”
Urlug’s anger flared up again, “This ax is MINE to begin with, so give it back!”
He returned to strain against the might of the will of the lion statue, but the only reward was more pain in his arm overriding his scorching anger. He continued to struggle against the overwhelming reality of the situation. Johnny just watched, both in fascination and terror. He felt no magic radiating from the statue. His only thought is that the magic enchanting this statue was not from this realm but from another.
Urlug snarled and fell on his hands and knees. He was dripping with sweat and spitting up blood. He never exerted himself like this before and he glared at the no progress he made getting his ax back. He snarled once more and reached for his last healing potion, ripping off the cork with his teeth and chugging the blessed solution down like a mortal in the desert would for water. After the mending ended, he stood back up and glared at the statue.
He huffed once more and stormed off towards past Johnny and towards the cave. Johnny watched as the statue followed Urlug and locked eyes with Johnny. They pierced his being; Johnny felt not only his physical body examined but also his very soul. Johnny glupped instinctively. These statues had to be connected to some Divine. That was his only answer. Ever so slowly, he began to back peddle towards the cave and away from the gazing lion. It slowly realigned its gaze back to the grove, moving almost like an animal of flesh and blood. Johnny turned his own gaze at the mouth of the cave.
The top of the maw of the cave had a face not so much carved in but it seemed as the face sprung the mountain as its body. It sported a third eye that seemed to focus as well as the normal pair. Between the abnormal and normal eyes layed a set of eyebrows that seemed to be made of fire frozen in place. Its mustache also signified it was made of the same material beneath a hog like nose.
Johnny gulped and stood frozen. What was he doing here? Everything he witnessed said he was over his head and should run, let Urlug to his rage and fate, whatever the latter may be. He stood at the mouth and stared down the cave. If he turned back now, he would be alive and well, maybe able to run to the Middle World if he was careful enough to avoid any relatives of the bastard Khalaghana. Down the hole was another unknown though, perhaps less dangerous. No. Definitely more dangerous. Whatever the Lord held in his mortal power was less than a mouse’s power compared to what was down there. It would be a gamble.
And that thought crossed the old pathways of habit. Perhaps the danger that laid before him would yield an enormous outcome that would reward his wager. Johnny nearly leapt into the cave and hurried down the corridors. Well until not seconds after a shallow descent he smacked right into Urlug. He scratched his head and asked, “What the hell Urlug?! Why did you stop so soon?”
“The treasure chest is right here.”
Johnny reopened his eyes. He peered around Urlug to find a plain wooden chest against a cavern wall in the open. Johnny darted his gaze around the room. Some pointed rock formations but no immediately visible traps. He slowly crept towards the chest, listening physically and magically tuning himself to be watchful of anything that might come. Every step he took was painfully slow, ensuring no step was triggering anything.
Urlug got tired of Johnny’s patience and grew too impatient. He casually stomped over towards the chest while drawing his little axes. Johnny groaned and stood back. Urlug slammed his axes into the chest and treasure poured out as if it was a wound. Gold, silver, and jewels of a plethora of colors spewed forth. Both Johnny and Urlug stood in disbelief. “You touch it,” Urlug ordered.
“No ya touch it.”
“Nope. It’s definitely cursed.”
“So why do ya want me to touch it then?”
Urlug chuckled, “Might be funny.”
Johnny retorted, “Ya have more might than me. If anyone can beat back whatever pathetic curse, it will be ya.”
Urlug pursed his lips and stroked his beard. He knew what Johnny was doing to him, yet he needed to regain his honor after the previous displays of shame. Urlug had no idea what hex could be on it and even if physical might could overpower it. He muttered to himself, “It be a gamble.”
Johnny knew that Urlug did not mean to entice himself like that, but now his instincts were kicking in. He began thumping his foot, waying the odds. If there was no curse, he could grab as much treasure and run out as swiftly as possible. Urlug would not care and he would be filthy rich. Even if it was cursed, a decent enough mage could remove for part of the profit. Urlug stroked his beard. Johnny thumped his foot. Stroke, thump, stroke, thump, stroke, thump. Stroke. “Fine!”
Johnny put aside all thoughts of fear and doubt or any thoughts at all. He proceeded to act only. Grabbing a handful of the treasure, he shoved it in his pocket, waiting for the magics to take their actions. The duo stood in anticipation. Nothing.
They both looked around nervously, searching for any change in the cave. They found none. Urlug slowly went to grab a handful himself and said, “Let's grab this and go.”
Johnny nodded and began to grab a couple more handfuls of treasure and began shoving them in his pack. Urlug pulled out his throwing axes out of their satchel and shoved the loot in there. Urlug was okay with his hoard, he could deal with that inconvenience later. He grabbed his hand axes loosely and stalked out of the cave. Johnny hurriedly shoved as much of the treasure in his pack, garments, shoes and pockets. Even when bursting with wealth, he saw a lone silver coin and grabbed it. When he stood up, Urlug called back, “Johnny. Found the effect.”
Johnny groaned. He was covered in the damnable wealth, and whatever happened to Urlug was about to happen a thousand fold to himself. Maybe leaving the cave with the treasure activated it, he thought. “Yeah?”
“Come outside and see.”
That confirmed it. Johnny began unloading all the wealth he stole and flung it out of his pack first. Then when he was dumping out his shoes, Urlug called, “Hurry Johnny. We need to get our bearings now!”
Bearings? Johnny stopped mid smack of a shoe. He slowly put it on and slowly crept up towards the mouth of the cave. He saw that Urlug was standing on top of a snowscape. Johnny halted for a second, then even more carefully ascended to join Urlug. They were in a tundra. Ivory snow blanketed ground with perfect uniformity. No spot was more heavily snowed and in fact no spot higher than the other. The exception to the rule were the rivers of ethereal blue, streaming ever so lazy that Johnny wondered if they moved at all. Tall and mighty evergreens stood in natural splendor, untouched by animal vulgarities. The most shocking were the inhabitants that crawled around the scenery.
They were slouched over, always crawling on the ground. Black hoods draped their heads to hide their faces, though aspects like trunks that dragged trenches in the snow and beards salted by the same snow told the duo who hid behind the robes. Yet no matter what, they all did the same tedious, laborious, continuous task. The carefully picked snowflakes, so delicately and so slowly that the flakes that fell move faster than them. Then they brought up the frosted water and inspected it. Then just as slowly, the hooded mortals reached behind their backs and placed the snowflakes in large sacks they carried on their backs. Onwards afterwards the trodden mortals trodden along the snowscape to find their next treasure in the truly endless ocean.
Johnny and Urlug looked at each other. Johnny began to open his mouth, and a roar rained down from up high. They both looked upwards to find a hole more white than the snow they stood around. It was smaller than any coin they ever saw but the radiance it shone and the form that moved across it told of its true size. That form was of a dragon’s. It slithered through the sky like an inchworm moving across a sheet of paper. Both of them stood in awe and realized that they stood nowhere in the mortal place. Whether it be a Heaven or Hell, maybe both, their journey and treasure seeking became more askew.