“Ugh... Am I.... Am I dead?!“
A vast expanse of darkness stretched on before my eyes, filling my horizon with its profound emptiness; prompting a groan followed by a question doubting my very existence.
'What is this? Where the hell am I?! I can't be dead, can I!?', I began to panick in the bottomless chasm that hold me in its gaping maw.
My heart began racing as the only conclusion that came to mind kicked in. 'This couldn't be real, right? I... I need to remember!'
There... There was this guy. Suspicious, straight out of a criminal movie even. Face covered behind a deep hanging cowl. Skin tight bomber jacket and a large black cinch bag clinging to his shoulders. Yes... yes! I remember!
We had lunch break when that guy stormed into the cafeteria, mumbling incoherent mumbo jumbo with frothing spittle hanging from his face. The door wide open, sunlight invading into the somewhat dimly illuminated room. Even with sunglasses on I could still see the bloodshot eyes of the man, cold and mad he glared us down.
I felt the danger, I knew..., -Who am I kidding?- we all knew what was about to happen but we choose not to intervene. We clung onto a false hope. 'Someone would come, someone will help us! There is now ay this can be happening...', but it did happen...
The first shot signalled the unfolding bloodshed. The madman took out some kind of rifle, I was never one that was particulary fond of weapons, and began the mass-shooting; he began to execute us! Without mercy he pointed this instrument of death into the crowd made of living flesh.
Hot lead smashed through skin, bones and will. Seconds passed when the first salvo was fired, when the first humans turned into masses of unrecognizable muscle and tissue. Broken laughter, insane cackles, mixed with the wondrous ra-ta-ta, captivating us, us lost lambs, in its bloody dissonance.
*BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!* A thick two barrled shotgun claimed the next few lives. -The grim reaper didn't come at us with a scythe, he came in the form of human ingenuity-. Thick slugs tore open the throng of students. The thunderous bangs echoed through our heads, literal thunderclaps left us stunned and pinned to the ground. Why is this happening to us? Why God, oh why?!
*BANG! BANG! BANG!*
I wrestled with the terror that festered deep inside, but the tides of battle were in favor of the chilling angst. I would die, I was certain of it.
Crouched behind a toppled table I watched with keen eyes, eyes that didn't belong to me anymore but to the darkness in my heart, how the man marched over lifeless heaps of flesh, people I have once called friends. Fear pervaded through to my very core; my body wouldn't move to my will anymore.
A gloved hand reached for a bed of blonde hair. Pulled by the golden strands the frail body stood up on weak legs and trembling knees, I continued to gawk in disgust.
“Let me go! LET ME GO!“, I heard the scream, resonating in my rattled brain. “PLEASE! GOD! SOMEONE, HELP ME!“, the girl screamed, a dark nuzzle pressed against her head, thin wisps of smoke trailing into the air. “Hmph!“, a dissatisfied grunt escaped the man.
“NOOOOOOO-!!!!“ *Click. BOOOOOM!*
Red sprayed through the air, once more, sprinkling us shivering humans in vermillion magnificience.
With callous eyes, mechanical, the man kicked the corpse into a corner. Unwavering he walked towards his next victim.
I was no hero, I was one of those people that looked, watched on with horror rooted in their marrow, their sights anchored to the brutal spectacle that was unfolding. 'Someone has to stop him! Where is the fucking police?!', I cursed, I cried inside my mind. Was there no God? We were goddamn students only! We had so much to live for!
“Please... Please don't.“. *BOOM!*.
“Have mercy.“. *BOOM!*.
“Father, mother!“. *BOOM!*
“Ellias, I always loved you...“. *BOOM!*
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
No...... There is no God, there was never a God in this world, in this playground for the devil.
Reality cared little for the innocent, the weak, the unfortunate. In life there was no thread that led you towards the path you seek. There was nothing like that. Human lives matter little if one thinks about it, its not like we contributed much to the universe, to anything really. In the face of creation we are nothing more than a short blink.Such philosophical non-sense did not drift through my mind. All I was thinking about was my family and friends.
Death was the humans' last destination, it always was and will be. But it doesn't mean that you can't curse this fact. I hated the idea of death, I hated it since I could think. I don't want to die, I don't want anyone else to die.
You would never see these people again, NEVER! And neither would they see you. All that was left behind would be sadness. Your future, gone, your life, gone, memories, gone, emotions... gone. Death was absolute, it would take everything from you. That's why I feared it so much.
*Thud. Thud. Thud.*
“Hahahah... hahahahahhaHAHAHAAHAH!“, I don't know why but I was the only one left alive, hiding behind thin wood riddled with fine holes and smeared with crimson blood. It was a wonder that I had yet to die.
I laughed manically. What else should I do in the face of despair and death? I wanted to cry, I really wanted to, but to no avail.
The tears wouldn't come out, the sadness overwhelming and yet I couldn't show it.
“Hehehehehe! HEHEHEHAHAHAHAAHAH!“, the man chimed in with his feverish laughter, the black rod that killed so many of my friends pointed between my eyes.
“Someone who understands...“, the man mumbled, his face sporting a crocked grin. “Come with me! Let's show them all the humans' depravity!“, the madman actually thought I shared his sentiments. He reached for me with his bloodstained hands
“HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!“, I couldn't hold it in, my stomach cramped and I keeled to the side, swatting his hand aside with my own. “Fuck you!.... HAHAHAHAHA!“, with middlefinger raised, fostering a wide grin, I waited for the click.
“Bastard!“, a final whisper, insult, reached my ears. *Click. BOOM!*
A searing hot pain assaulted my mind before the cold grip of death pulled me into the abyss.
“I-I am dead... ain't I?“, who was I even asking? I had no answer to this question. I was simply curious about my conscious death-state in this perpetual darkness. Some explanation came to my mind. Maybe I wasn't dead and just inside a deep coma, but then I had to ask myself. Would I rather live for who knows how long inside a husk that was once human or simply accept my fate, my death? I was inclined towards the second choice.
What is beyond death, I always asked this myself. I could come up with many theories but this infinite scape of darkness certainly baffled me.
“Yes... You are dead.“, all around me the darkness answered my question. The voice was neither pleasant nor unpleasant, young nor old, calm nor impatient. It was the perfect equilibrium of light and dark.
Before I had the chance to ask for the whos', whats' and whys' the everlasting view of blackness was exchanged by a wide room of unblemished white.
A sudden pull brought me hard onto the marbled ground. *Argh!*
It definetly hurt.
I rubbed my behind, the graveness of the situation yet to catch up to my mind. Leisurely I stood up from the cold ground. My body felt weak, breathing was hard and my chest ached.
I rubbed the sore spot with my fleshen hands. Whatever I did the aching did not stop, it only got worse, it hurt extremely! When i couldn't endure it anymore, when I knelt onto the ground from pain I got a quick glimpse of what was supposed to be my chest.
A large, gaping hole existed where once my chest was. The edges were rough, the flesh bursted apart, and the bones were visible, sticking out and hungry for fresh air.
“What the fuck!?“, I screamed and rolled around on the ground, whatever that was keeping the pain bearable suddenly turned off.
My limbs flailed around on their own volition, their movements dictated by the seething pain that was threatening to split apart my own self. I cried and shouted as the blood trickled onto the white underground, painted a gruesome picture of a lost fight against death.
“Enough.“, the voice boomed through my head once again and brought with it a freshening gust of air. The pain stopped and suprisingly the wound also disappeared.
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I wiped the snot, tears and spittle from my face with my dirty sleeve, I didn't notice that I was still in my school uniform. My legs shivered, if the pain were to return I didn't know how long I would be able to endure.
The question that plagued my mind was finally voiced out after I recollected my wits.
“Where am I? Who are you?“, brazenly I directed my gaze into the giant though empty white room.
“You are merely inside me, inside my domain, my kingdom. And who am I? I wonder. Maybe if you rack your brain you will come to an answer?“, the voice asked back.
“God?“, I asked more than answered.
“You humans certainly see me like that. But as for myself? I don't know either. Maybe there is something bigger, something wiser above me. Though it matters not for now.“
So... Right now I was talking to God. Unbelievable! Impossible!
“You don't believe me?“, the room began quaking and space distorted. My senses weren't quick enough to notice the massive giant that stood now before me. I tripped and fell back when the titan made itself noticeable with a light stomp.
It was a bizarre creature. Four arms, four legs, neither male nor female with a face that was no face and yet all faces at the same time. My brain was unable to keep up with the devine might this being emanated.
“You-You are God?“, I asked with trembling voice. Something about this creature made my soul shudder.
“Indeed, I am.“, the giant answered while staying unmoving.
As I raised my voice to speak out again I was interrupted by God.
“Stop. I already know what you want to ask.“, the eight-limbed being continued on.
“There are indeed other beings in the universe. You were not the only ones I created, merely the weakest I created. As saddening as it may sound your species was in reality only a mean to keep me entertained. Because you were the weakest it was the most fun to see you guys grow, evolve beyond your original capabilities. I really enjoyed it. As for why you die and are born... That way things are kept fresh for me, new people, new adventures. Simple as that. And now your final question. Yes, you are certainly dead and will soon be reincarnated.“
What?
The cyclopean human began moving, kneeling down to face me with his expressionless head. Each movement exuded power beyond comprehension. It was ineffable power that nothing on earth could compare to.
This couldn't be real. I didn't really die, did I? Next second I know it I would wake up in my snug little appartement complex, relax on my couch, play some videogames, get bored, meet up with friends for the night and get drunk, get back home, laugh it all off and go to sleep. Yeah, this was just a dream, none of this was real. This CAN'T be real!
“Hohoho... But it is. This is as real as it gets. Ever heard of the 21 grams? The weight of the soul. This is what you are right now, just a soul. Nothing of this is real as in having a solid form but real as in reality.“, the giant tilted its head to the side.
“Since the human race entertained me sufficiently I will grant you reincarnation into a world of your desires. And no, you are not the only one being reincarnated but the chance that you will see old friends, family or acquaintances is slim. The reason being that I will create a world for you guys from scratch. How does that sound? A world just for you, everything you want at your beck and call.“, the offer was tempting, too tempting in fact but right now my mind was a mess. I couldn't think clearly much less make a choice that will decide my next life.
What the hell was really going on?!
“Just tell me a few keywords and I will create the world fit to your wishes. I won't even read your mind to make things more interesting. Let me help you.“
While I was still wracking my brain over an answer my vision was covered by the giant's hand, only a finger to be exact. Gently I felt God's touch upon my head, a cold whilst warm sensation ran through my veins, my flesh, my skin. I felt reinvigorated, alive, and most of all the haze clouding my judgement was lifted.
“Now, tell me what you want.“, God spoke softly. It was such an harmonious voice, I could listen to it forever.
“Women, power, love, whatever you want, I will give it to you.“, again, the offer was literally the offer of my lifetime. This choice was what would decide my future. There were so many possibilities. I could just recreate my own earth, live my life as I did before. But who would want that?
Life on earth was lacking, that's how most people see it but for me it was plainly boring. I wouldn't mind to continue on with my life on earth, but... all the possibilities!
I could become a God even, a God in my own world, suited to my wishes. But then again, would it be boring? Can a life filled solely by happiness be considered a happy life, without the contrast of sadness? I wouldn't know what happiness is, take it for granted and life would turn out like it did on earth.
“God...“, wow, I really thought I had more pep behind my voice.
“Can you reincarnate me in an already existing world?“, what I wanted was adventure. As much as I would like to deny it, the childish thrist for the unknown still prevailed inside me, and I believe it does so in others as well.
“I can already imagine it, many people of your era choose this option. Reincarnation into a fantasy world, a nice idea, ordinary but good nonetheless.“
This is what I wanted, what many people dreamt off.
“Could you give me some kind of power that makes me stand out from the masses? Something unique.“
“Certainly, cerntainly. The best chocie would be the 'Interface'. Much like in games on Earth you will be equipped with an interface that allows you quick overview of your status and, most of all, unlimited potential through 'level-ups'. What do you say?“
Interesting..... But will I be satisfied with something like that? Dammit, the choices are to much for me!
Maybe... Maybe I should choose to stay on earth... keep on living from day to day. Should I? No. This is the only chance I get, I think, to get the life I always wished for! Only a fool would turn his back to such an offer.
“I want things to be more interesting, to make my life a daily battle for survival, I want the power of evolution on my side. You said that humans evolved beyond their actual capabilities, I will show you that we can do even so much more!“, I don't know where this newfound enthusiasm originated from but right now I was pumped for a life of battle, blood and survival.
“Heeee.... Good choice.“, I believed to see the smallest of smiles on the face of God.
“I guess you don't wanna start your new journey as human?“
Naturally I shook my head.
“Hum... I guess creating a new species from scratch is fun as well.“, God contemplated and all of a sudden a tune was hummed from his lip-less face. I waited only for a few instants before a blue light blinded my sights.
A screen appeared before me, a 3D model of the creature I will be born into was churning inside the blue light. It was a bizarre creature, a mix between spiders and nightmares. It looked somewhat like a spider but when one saw the jagged legs, the pitchblack carapace, the mass of spines protruding from the thorax and abdomen, the twin fangs dripping with sizzling poison and the two grotesque eyes that starred straight into your soul one would have a heartattack for sure.
“Let's call it... Hum... Terrantula?“ yeah... the name was certainly fitting. But... really, God? Terror and tarantula? That's all you got?
“Something more scientific would sound better. Ophitula for example. Snake poison and tarantula.“, God nodded to my words. Then I realized: 'What was I actually doing?'
I was discussing the name for some kind of demonic spider I will be born into with no one less than the creator of the universe itself. This situation was... was... I don't even fucking know. How did it come to this?
“Ophitula... Hum... That lacks this certain... Wham!... You know?“, I would have never believed that God would be so chummy with me. This is derailing into something inconceivable.
I liked the spider idea very much, alone to control its body would be a challenge, even more so my cannibalistic siblings and mother nature wanting me in its earthen embrace. This life would be far from boring.
“Your memories will be kept or else you won't be able to keep your promise. To show me what humans are truly capable off. I am trembling in excitement already.“, God gave me a little nudge in the side, pushing me into a dark hole waiting on the ground.
“When did yo-!“, I was cut short as the void suffocated me.
That's it then... off to my new life! I wonder where all my pessimism, sadness and anxiousness went. God's doing? Humph... whatever.