Chapter 2: Guess It Runs In The Family

“ ” = Speech

‘ ‘ = Thoughts

* * = Actions or SFX’s

~ ~ = Third Person

[ ] = Time Skips

Lonely, very lonely

And painful, I can’t feel my limbs anymore, or anything for that matter. I wonder if this is phantom limb pain.

Not sure if the world is black or I just cant see.

Not sure if the world’s quiet or I just can’t hear.

Mot sure if I’m floating or just cant feel.

It feels as if my very soul is being eroding away in the darkness

‘I wonder who I am again?

No parents, grew up in a shithole, thief and homeless guy…

Yeah that’s me

I wonder what my name was.

Shit I can’t remember

Ah well, doesn’t really matter…

Is this hell? Not that bad actually, got used to the loneliness ages ago and what’s life without pain eh?

HahAHah HAHaHa HA, LIFE! Get it?

I wonder if I’m insane, probably went insane ages ago

Talking of ages, I wonder how long I’ve been here.

I haven’t got sleepy so might not even a day yet, or maybe you just don’t get sleepy here.

I should try doing something constructive, yessss I shall be cleaver when this shit is over

Right, let’s play some Uno whilst I think of things to think of’

[Later]

‘YEAAAAAAAAAA BOY, something’s happening!’

There was a small dot of white in the distance and I was slowly being dragged towards it.

‘HAHAHAHAHA yeah put the peddle to the metal cuz I’m picking up speeeeed! Vroom Vroom

Oh I am definitely insane.’

The white dot was more like a white sun now and covered the centre of my view.

‘Is this heaven?

Or maybe rebirth? I hope it is, I want to be a dark lord.

And this time I’ll learn from what movies tell us and kill all the nasty Hobbitses first

Fucking Hobbits

And THEN I’ll go wipe out the Fire Nation and make my self the Dragon Born by killing the Avatar!

Muhahahahaha PERFECT!’

My delusions were rudely interrupted when I was yanked to the side and pulled through a golden door that just seemed to materialise there.

‘What the fu’

“ck PUT ME BACK!” (me)

‘Eh, I can speak.’

Surrounding me is a golden grass glade; golden grass as far as the eye can see.

With a beautiful figure standing in front of me

‘Wha?’

“Watermelon Mama?” (me)

*Thwack*

Pain on my forehead, I was flicked by something

“That’s my granddaughter you’re perving on young man!” (???)

‘Eh, granddaughter?’

“Who the hell are you?” (me)

In front of me was a woman standing at about 5,10ft with bronze coloured hair, she had soft brown eyes, olive coloured skin and a rather revealing, semitransparent silk dress that showed of her two huge mountains.

*Gulp*

Looking at her I couldn’t help but gulp and try to suppress the rising mountain in my pants.

“Pervert, but to go through the void yet maintain the decency to suppress your third leg and retain some of your memoires, you are quite the gusty pervert aren’t you?” (Big Boob Lady)

“Huh? Erm, thank you?” (me)

“Your welcome” (BB Lady)

“…” (me)

“…” (BB lady)

‘Even when she’s annoyed she’s hot, crap I really want to make her blush. Maybe if I take my pants off I could take her by surprise’

*Thwack*

“Oww. WTF you can read minds?” (me)

“Yes, and my great grandchild could as well by the way, but I didn’t need to, your disgusting face said it all.

*sigh* to think I was about to make you my champion. Well whatever, pervert or not you still have a very strong will” (BB Lady)

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

“Huh? Champion? Dahell you talking about, or rather explain what’s going on instead of casually insulting me, I’m the Dark Lord you know! Plus I don’t think you can call me a pervert whilst wearing that yer slut” (me)

“WHA? Slut! What do you mea- oh whatever. My name is Vinerva daughter of Minerva, so stop calling me Big Boob lady.

I am the spirit of nature, beauty and the mind.

You are here because I called you. Why did I call you? Because I want you to be my champion in your next life.

And you’re not the Dark Lord!”(Vinerva)

‘So that was rebirth’

“Don’t want to, I’m Gonna be the Dark Lord” (me)

“No you’re not.” (Vinerva)

“Am too” (me)

“Where’s your horns then?” (Vinerva)

“……” (me)

“Anyway, now that you’re here you no longer have a choice in the matter” (Vinerva)

“… Slut” (me)

“Shut it. When you saved my grandchild and great grandchild I had planned to just give you a gift in your next life however when I saw you keep your memories and most of your sanity, which by the way only happens 1 in every 100000. I thought I’d make you my champion before any of the other gods or spirits notice you.” (Vinerva)

“ …. What’s a champion and what do I get from this?” (me)

“Basically you just have to spread my name and get people to worship me so I can become stronger. And the stronger I get the stronger the powers I give you, my first champion, gets.” (Vinerva)

“What are the powers?” (me)

“Its random, you will have to find out yourself.” (Vinerva)

““First champion”? Why did you choose me as the first and cant you just make some others?” (me)

“I am only a medium level spirit so I can only have one champion and I was waiting for some one with an extremely strong will as you’ll need it if you’re going to enter the world of gods, you fit the bill” (Vinerva)

“…….” (me)

*sigh*

“Fine whatever, I’ll be your champion… but first, can you do something for me?” (me)

“What?” (Vinerva)

I recall my life time goal

“Can you give me horns in my next life?” (me)

“……….. really? That’s what you ask?” (Vinerva)

“Yeah, and why not? Horns look cool.” (me)

*Sigh*

Well I guess it can’t really be helped after going through the void,

Fine, you can have your horns.” (Vinerva)

She rested her head in her hand like she was enduring a really bad headache

‘Wonder if she’s okay, oh wait, no, she’s back to normal’

“Right, now that that’s sorted get a move on” (Vinerva)

I was flung back into the void and started moving towards the white again.

“Oh yeah I forgot to say” (Vinerva)

“What?” (me)

“The rules of the Gods states that champions can’t start off as sentient beings.” (Vinerva)

“Huh? What do you mean?” (me)

“Means your not start out as any humanoid being this time round” (Vinerva)

“……… WHAAAAAAAT! WTF! YOU SLUT OF a SON OF a BITC-” (me)

And so, kicking, screaming and cursing I go onwards, to my new non-human life

AN

Hello, the author here. You may have noticed some of my writing is slightly awkward but that’s not all due to me being new to this, but also because I was trying to clearly show our protagonists’ personality and at some times it may have seemed strained.

So now that our character is set I think my writing will get a bit more fluid from now on.

Main Character = Perverted, cold, logical, slightly insane. Kind off childish in some areas and can be kind at times.

-PervyPanda-