Fennrin sobbed into Daryan’s shoulder as thorns once again ripped his skin open, ever deeper. It hurt so much, but he knew he deserved it. He kept failing Daryan.

“You need to do better, Fenn,” Daryan told him, his voice just as gentle as ever as he carding his fingers through Fennrin’s hair. “This won’t stop until you bring him in. Or kill him.”

“I’m t-trying,” Fennrin whimpered out, shaking. “He’s too strong.”

“You are stronger,” Daryan insisted, pulling away from him enough to look him in the eye. Fennrin did his best to blink away his tears enough to see. “You let him blind you this time.”

“I didn’t….” Fennrin hung his head as he nodded. He wasn’t trying hard enough. That must have been it. What other explanation could there be. If he was so strong, he should be able to defeat Ainreth. The thought of killing him, though…. It made his stomach twist. But he would do it if he had to.

“You said you almost captured him,” Daryan said, pulling him into a hug again.

“Yes. But a civilian threw a rock at me. It distracted me for long enough to lose control,” Fennrin said, sniffling.

Daryan held him tighter as he scowled. “So even the civilian population has been riled up enough to risk attacking the Nightrazer, all to protect Ainreth.”

Fennrin nodded.

“Did they hurt you badly?” Daryan asked, fussing a bit, which made Fennrin’s heart flutter.

He knew times were hard and they didn’t have time to be gentle about anything, but he yearned for Daryan to go back to his protective, caring self. He was so frustrated from the way things had been developing lately.

“I’m okay,” Fennrin said, swallowing as he gently rubbed the spot on his head where the rock had struck. There was still dried blood there. He winced at the dull pain the action had brought with it.

“Let me see,” Daryan said, letting go of him so he could inspect the injury, going over to his medicine cabinet then. He soon brought back a healing salve and started to rub it against the wound, forcing Fennrin to grit his teeth.

“What about the soldiers I sent with you?” Daryan asked as he treated him.

Fennrin sighed. “They are too easily defeated by Ainreth blinding them. He hasn’t killed anyone, or blinded anyone permanently, but he easily could.”

Daryan nodded. “Then we truly need eye protection. I already started working on something in that regard.”

Fennrin nodded, a bit relieved. When Ainreth could so easily put everyone else out of commission, then it was really just Fennrin fighting him and all of his allies. And he couldn’t manage that, no matter how hard he tried.

“That’s enough for today,” Daryan said as he finished applying the salve and the thorns retreated back into the bracelet, making Fennrin groan in pain. Blood was dripping from his wrist to the floor.

“I…could I…get treatment for my wrist as well?” Fennrin grimaced, hating that he had to ask. He didn’t want to seem like he was trying to cheat his way out of his punishment. Because that wasn’t it at all. “It makes using my powers much harder.”

Even like this, Fennrin felt as though he was asking too much, swallowing thickly as Daryan humming and considered it.

“Very well. But I will only give you the means to treat your wrist if you are outside of Kyr-Toryl,” Daryan said at last, nodding. “Otherwise there is no need for it.”

Fennrin let out a breath and nodded, happy that at least he could hopefully be ready for battle without an injury slowing him down.

“You have to do better, Fennrin. For everyone, for the country,” Daryan said, kissing his forehead. Fennrin clung to him with his uninjured hand. “Already there are incidents between the army and the civilian population, and they are getting more and more frequent. If we don’t apprehend Ainreth soon, we might have a full-blown civil war on our hands.”

Fennrin shuddered at the thought. That was about the last thing he would ever want. So many people would die for no reason. Just because Ainreth couldn’t let their army stop queen Svytlani’s experiments.

It almost felt dizzying to think about what had started all of this. It had just spiraled so far out of control.

Fennrin almost pointed out to himself that if they hadn’t staged that assassination, then Ainreth wouldn’t be able to garner support so easily, but he stopped himself before he could even properly think that thought.

He wasn’t here to question Daryan, or even think. Thinking was the Herald’s job. He was here to do as he was told, and that was it.

“Rest while you can. I need to go have a talk with the Bulwark. If you’ll excuse me,” Daryan said, getting up and leaving the room. Fennrin sighed, looking down at his still bleeding wrist. He walked over to the medicine cabinet, retrieving only a rag to wrap around his wrist, hissing in pain.

Then he sighed again, tears of frustration pricking at his eyes. What if he never could be good enough to defeat Ainreth? He couldn’t disappoint Daryan like that. Daryan was all he had left now.

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Sniffling, Fennrin wiped his eyes and walked outside, intent on taking a walk, hoping that would help him clear his head. These negative thoughts, all the self-doubt, it would just weigh him down, make him perform even worse.

He wiped his eyes as he walked around aimlessly for a while, not feeling any better. He almost turned back to go to his and Daryan’s room to sulk there, but then he walked past Mhalyn’s door.

He paused, nodding to himself. He didn’t particularly want to speak with Mhalyn or anyone right now, but he did want to see Snowflake.

Taking a deep breath, Fennrin checked his wrist and clothes to make sure his wounds were covered up before knocking.

At first Mhalyn didn’t respond, making Fennrin think that perhaps she was somewhere else, but then the door opened a crack, Mhalyn looking through it.

“Fenn,” she said, sounding wary as she opened the door up more.

“Mhalyn,” Fennrin nodded at her, choosing not to read too much into her reaction too much. She’d been jumpy ever since those rebels had tried to publicly whip her. “Could I see Snowflake? I would like to pet her.”

Mhalyn blinked at first but then nodded and moved aside, opening the door wide to let Fennrin in. As soon as he stepped inside, he had Snowflake between his ankles, rubbing herself all over his boots.

Despite his gloomy, depressed state, Fennrin couldn’t help but smile at that, reaching down to pick her up, wincing as he moved his injured wrist. But Snowflake’s purring quickly helped him forget about that as he cradled her close.

“I missed you, Snow,” he told her quietly, scratching her behind the ears.

“She missed you as well,” Mhalyn said as she closed the door behind them both. For a moment there was silence, Fennrin focusing on petting Snowflake only, but then Mhalyn spoke again. “Can we…talk?”

Fennrin looked at her, frowning. “What about?”

Mhalyn guided him to her sofa so they could sit down, her head waving a bit. Fennrin went with it, but he didn’t like it at all. The way Mhalyn kept looking at the door, as if expecting someone to burst in any moment, made him nervous.

“Daryan. Has he seemed…okay to you, lately?”

Fennrin frowned at her. “Okay? Well, he is stressed. Who wouldn’t be in this situation.”

Mhalyn shook her head. “What I mean is…I don’t remember him acting this way. Faking that assassination? The Daryan I know wouldn’t have done that.”

Fennrin scowled, narrowing his eyes. He didn’t like this talk at all. Nothing Daryan had done seemed out of character for him to Fennrin.

Perhaps Mhalyn just didn’t know him well enough, though he resisted the urge to snap that at her. He didn’t want to be hostile since he was certain she didn’t mean to annoy him. He was just very, very tense, and frustrated.

“Well, he has. So it is like him to do so,” Fennrin replied, not sure what else to say.

Mhalyn didn’t let up, though. “What about making people sign that document? What about….” She swallowed thickly. “What about not helping me when I was kidnapped?”

Fennrin sighed. He’d asked Daryan about that as well, so that was clear to him now. “It was unfortunate, but he couldn’t do anything because intervening directly would only make things worse.”

Mhalyn shook her head, looking at him almost pleadingly. “Do you really think that?”

“Yes, of course,” Fennrin said, getting very impatient. He tried to focus on petting Snowflake since that was calming him, but it was only somewhat effective.

“Fenn…. Is he…treating you well?” Mhalyn asked, her tick growing worse as she chewed on her lip.

Fennrin scowled at her. “Yes. Of course.”

Mhalyn looked even more alarmed now, though, her eyes wide and scared. And when she grabbed his shoulder, he blinked, only then realizing he’d been making the whole room dark.

He immediately stopped that, swallowing. That had been happening more and more often. If he was in a bad mood, he tended to make shadows around him darker, larger. There was something comforting about darkness. But he didn’t tend to notice when he did it.

He huffed and got up quickly, still cradling Snowflake. The cat, however, jumped out of his arms and curled up on her bed instead.

Fennrin sighed. He must have scared her. And it wasn’t as though he could force Snowflake to let him pet her, so there was no point to this visit anymore.

He walked to the door, but he was stopped by Mhalyn who grabbed his shoulder again, pulling at him to turn him around.

“Please, Fenn. What Daryan has been doing isn’t right. You have to know that,” she pleaded with him, but Fennrin just scowled.

“Keep talking like this, and I’ll tell him I suspect you’re going to join those traitors,” he told her, jerking his shoulder out of her hold. “Now leave me alone.”

With that he marched out of the room, ignoring Mhalyn calling him behind him.

This had been a bad idea after all. If anything he just felt worse now. He should have just stayed in his and Daryan’s bedroom, wait for the other man to return, but it was too late now.

Fennrin took a deep breath when he reached Daryan’s chamber, shaking off cat hair off himself before closing the door behind him and going to the bed to curl up on it. He let his shadows cover him, plunging him into comforting darkness, but unfortunately, he became very painfully aware of his wrist again.

His heart ached so badly as he lay there. He just felt so guilty and useless. He tried so hard, but nothing he did seemed to be enough. He couldn’t keep failing Daryan.

Despite his anguish, Fennrin must have ended up falling asleep—or more likely passing out—because the next moment he was jerked awake by the sound of the door opening.

Fennrin rubbed his eyes, wincing as he moved his injured wrist as he sat up. Daryan was there, of course, walking over to him to lean down and kiss his forehead. Fennrin clung to the loving gesture like a man dying of thirst would cling to a pitcher of water.

Daryan retrieved a healing salve before returning to him, sitting next to him as he started to treat Fennrin’s injured wrist.

Fennrin swallowed. “Does…this mean I am to be sent on another mission?”

Daryan hummed. “The rebels have cut off our access to Lor-Lyntera. They’ve taken over the town. I need you to go with one of our general to deal with them.”

Fennrin nodded. As long as Ainreth wasn’t there, it should not be difficult. Of course, on the other hand, if he was in Lor-Lyntera, then Fennrin would have to try to defeat him even more than before, and he already wasn’t sure how much more he could do.

But he’d nearly succeeded last time. If not for that woman….

He didn’t enjoy the fact that he’d be going to the town his parents lived, but that didn’t matter at all. All that mattered was him making Daryan happy.

“Can you do that?” Daryan asked, a slight edge to his voice. Fennrin ducked his head. Daryan wasn’t asking much. It was fair to be annoyed that Fennrin wasn’t giving him good results. Results he should be able to give simply based on how he’d managed in the war against Orinovo.

“Yes. I’ll do my best,” Fennrin replied and nodded, his eyes stinging. He was such a failure.

“Yes. Good.” Daryan said instead of what he could have done, which would be to mock Fennrin’s trying. Fennrin was very grateful for it.

“You leave in the morning,” Daryan said as he finished treating Fennrin’s wrist. He put the salve away and then captured Fennrin’s lips in a somewhat rough kiss, making him gasp in surprise. “So I suggest we use our time together well.”

Fennrin nodded. He was here for whatever Daryan wanted. He just wanted to be good, useful. That was all he ever wanted.