The 7th of December, the 2023rd year

It seems I wasn’t quite ready before. I’ve had a long road to this point, most of it walked and lived inside my own head. But it is enough. I can now speak.

A part of me is tempted to skip all that occurred between my last entry and this day. Yet to do so would be a great disservice. After all… the fact that I am writing this new entry shows an astounding amount of character development. What the hell happened in two years that brought me back to writing this story?

It feels as though the whole point of this story lies somewhere in those two years. Skipping them would skip the very meaning and goal of this story: to document the transformation of a coward into some semblance of a normal human being.

Thus, though I find it tedious and heavy, I will retell what happened these past couple of years.

~

The 13th of July, the 2024th year, 7 months later…

You may notice, dear reader, that the date above is not going into the past. On the contrary, I’ve landed us even further into the future. A little over seven months to be precise.

Goodness gracious, how am I to explain myself?

~

The 14th of July, the 2024th year, 1 day later…

The good news? I’ve delayed by only a day this time.

The bad news? I’ve delayed again.

Well, overall, I suppose we are making progress, aren’t we? From two years, to seven months, to one day… I’d say things are looking up!

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But why the delays? What prevents me from telling you a coward’s story?

Ah yes, cowardice! Of course! But that’s not enough. We need the juicy details! What do I fear? Why do I fear it?

In the broadest sense, I am stricken by a bit of an impasse.

I want to tell a sincere story.

But I also want to tell an interesting story.

Yet, perhaps I am biased, but I don’t find my story very interesting to hear, thus it requires some “stretching” (cough, lying, cough) to keep it engaging. On the other hand, I do hate “stretching” very much. That requires, gods forbid, creativity! Something that a journal such as this shouldn’t need at all!

Yet, if I don’t “stretch” and “twist” details, I’ll be writing a very clean, clear picture of myself. And you, getting to know the real me? We can’t be having that!

In short, I desire to be vulnerable, yet safe. I desire to be honest, yet engaging.

…

Ah, but herein lies the supposed talent of the writer! To be able to deliver the truth in a deceitful, charming vessel. False details can bring us to universal truths. Was there ever really a boy who literally cried “wolf” for the fun of it? Perhaps, perhaps not. Yet we don’t question it. Why? Because we know the story is true. We’ve seen it play out, whether in front of our eyes or with clear understanding within our minds, in so many different forms! It’s a simple story that captures an important truth and holds a lesson that we can all gain from following. It may be false in our literal reality*, yet it is true in our essential reality.

(*Okay, I actually suspect it is a literally true story, thus this was a bad example. If there is one thing in this world I do not doubt, it is human stupidity. Therefore, I am quite sure that in some place at some point in time in history, a boy did actually do this and get eaten by a wolf for his shenanigans. In fact, my faith in human stupidity is so great, I am quite sure history repeated itself, happening on many occasions, in many places, by all kinds of pranksters, and that they were eaten by all kinds of animals, be it bears, wolves, lions, tigers, sharks, or cannibals. But I digress. We can use lies to tell the truth. That is all I am getting at.)

So… the trick is to tell my story in such a way that is literally false but essentially true, thus keeping you engaged by both honesty and interesting details and plot, while also protecting myself via anonymity.

Sounds like an obvious plan if I might say so myself. So many creators do this all the time, consciously or unconsciously, without having to take the time to explain it to their reader as I am doing for you right now.

Well, as I stated almost three years prior, you are already my accomplice in the crime of wasting time. So I shall continue doing this with the comfort of knowing that you’ll be there for me and my ravings. I’ll have you know that I am touched at the thought of your criminal patience. Your willingness to waste time with me is precious and I won’t forget it, dear reader!

Now that I’ve revealed my plan to you like a proper monologuing villain, I’m off to think of a way to tell my story without really telling it! When I’ve thought of something, perhaps I shall return. With the way I’ve come and gone, appeared and disappeared, who can really know?

Until you hear from me again,

Your first-class coward,

T.