For some reason, it always rained on funeral days. Old movies used to show the burial site raining hard as people mourned their loved ones. It was cliche and an overused scene, yet, it was raining today. Pastor John stood at the podium speaking to the small crowd. There weren’t that many people present, mostly family.

Buttons was here, she was always here. I’m not sure what she was doing but she rested her head on my shoulder as she kept her eyes closed. She looked at peace. It made me wonder if my father was at peace.

“Is there anyone who would like to come up and say a few words?” Pastor John asked.

I didn’t see anyone move, however, a few seconds later my mom got up. She was dressed in a black dress with a scarf around her neck. I was in a black and white suit that made me feel uncomfortable. Suits made me feel constricted for some reason, and like I was pretending to be something I was not.

“You should say something Ray,” Buttons whispered.

I looked at her and shook my head, “ What am I going to say? How he was a good dad? How we used to play ball together? That I miss him?”

“I mean, I guess? Whatever comes to mind.”

“No. I’ll hold my peace. They still don’t know who did it, and I doubt they ever will.”

“These things take time,” Buttons changed what she was going to say after I gave her a look. “Yeah, you’re right.” We both knew how the system worked. Officers were paid to look the other way and unless it was a major crime they would move at a snail's pace.

Would they eventually find my father's murderer? Probably within the next month or eight. If the case was not that juicy for them then they wouldn’t move at all. It all depended and knowing how minor my father was in the city, his case was just a dime in a dozen.

“Yeah, I know. Once I make it back to New Vegas I’ll find out who did it, no matter what.”

“Do you even know when you’re going back?” Buttons asked me.

“After this is done with. I’m mostly here for my mom, but I can consider staying a bit longer with a bit of convincing.”

She smiled at that and raised her head. “Oh really now?”

“I’m just saying.”

“And what exactly are you saying?”

I gave her a smile but didn’t reply.

“You know the streets are always talking, if I want information I have to move while the news is still fresh.”

“Do you even have anyone you can count on there? Are you thinking of doing this alone?”

“If you’re that worried, you can always join me.”

“No, there are still things here I have to do.”

“And those things will still be here when you get back. But, I understand,” I told her.

Was I disappointed in her answer? No. My question was sudden and I knew she would decline my offer, but that did not stop me from asking. I still wanted her by my side, even if she was not going to be with me for long.

She bumped up against my shoulder.

“Come on Ray, don’t look like that. You weren’t being serious.”

“Yeah, you got me alright.” I lied.

The two of us sat in silence as my mom finished speaking. She held back her tears as she left the stand, and Pastor John continued the service. When everything was done it was time to move from the church to Parkin’s Memorial.

The four people that carried my father's casket were my cousin Derrick, uncle Luo, uncle Mike, and me. They all had a few words to say to me, but it wasn’t much. My family was pretty spread apart, and this was truly the only time I can remember us all being together. Even now, there were still a few faces missing.

“We’ll see you at the cemetery,” Buttons told me.

By we, she meant her, Kiki, and Ricky. The other two were here as well since we all were or used to be very good friends. I did not chat with them much here today, but they still showed up out of respect. Be it for my father or me, it didn’t really matter.

The two of us hugged then went our separate ways. I was riding with my cousin Derrick who was dressed in his dress blue.

My mom was riding along with my aunt and uncle, but considering all the stuff she had in the backseat there just was not enough room. I offered to ride with someone else, mostly to see what was going on with the world. There was only so much you could learn from the net or news.

Luckily Derrick was here. He looked a bit more serious than I remembered, but that could also be due to him being a rank higher than I recall. The emblem on his uniform was altered, and he now had a bald head.

“When’d you return,” I asked him.

“Couple months ago, but I was able to leave the base after I heard the news.” Derrick sighed as he rolled down his window and pulled out a cigarette. It was not the e-cigs that used to be around when I was a teen, those things went out of style a while ago. “How are you holding up?”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

“Alright, I guess. Just trying to keep calm and stay focused.”

“That’s one way to do things. Better than trying to find out who did it and aim for revenge. Most guys I know would have jumped head first into an investigation, but it seems you’ve matured.” Derrick said.

I smiled at that remark. They say with age comes experience and in my short time on this earth, I’ve managed to learn a few things. Twenty-two years is not a lot by any one's standard, but it is still better than most. Especially in New Dawn City, where the average male lives to be fifty. Yet, I wouldn't say I was not craving revenge.

“Keep your head up Rayvon, and take care of your mom.”

“It’s the only thing I can do. We haven’t heard anything from the cops, and knowing how slow things move we might never.”

Derrick looked my way and then back towards the road. “Don’t worry about it, I reached out to a friend that knows someone in New Vegas. Uncle Huey was a good man, he didn’t deserve to be gunned down like some low-life thug.”

His words surprised me. There’s hardly been anyone in my life that has done something good out of their own volition. Even more so because this cousin of mine knew someone that could help us out. I thought he was just a low-ranking soldier, but I guess the military life has been treating him well.

Still, who knew how good this connection of his was or when they would act. I refuse to believe things would be this easy. Did I tell Derrick that? No. He was just doing what he thought was right, and for that I was thankful.

“Thanks,” I said. “How was Europe?”

“Honestly man, shit is ass backwards over there. The Russians really fucked shit up before, and the civil war after didn’t help. I’m just glad to be back.”

“Damn, that bad?”

Derrick sighed, “Yeah. Normal weapons still work fine, but with everyone equipped with crystals of various types, there’s no need for guns and such. Why shot a gun when you can cause an earthquake?”

“War’s changed so much since the mutation sixty years ago. Everyone thinks this place is bad, but it’s paradise to some people, don’t forget that.”

There was a lot I wanted to ask but we arrived at the cemetery. There were not as many people here as there were at the church. Some left to go home, and the ones that stayed were here till the end.

My father did not have a large circle of friends, so it was nice to see that a few of them were present. They were still here, which meant they were better than the family members I had.

Everyone always wanted something, and my mom was always one to say family was important. Yet, my family did not seem to care much for our family. I was not expecting much anyway, everyone looked out for themselves. It was an unspoken rule because you could never count on anyone else.

“Is Gin still around,” I asked Buttons who stood next to me as we watched them lower my father's casket. Some people threw flowers as he was being lowered, but we were all silent.

“Ray, Gin’s dead,” She said.

I should have been shocked, but I wasn’t. “His crew?”

“Everyone's dead. Things have changed here Ray, the power dynamic is always shifting.” Buttons looked at me. “Are you thinking of doing something?”

“Maybe,” I told her.

“Don’t. Just keep your head down Ray, what is your mom going to do if you die?”

“Relax, I just wanted to ask him a question. But since he’s gone, guess I won’t be asking, alright?”

She was not buying it and I could not blame her. If I were in her shoes I would not believe a word I was saying either. We knew one another too well to not see through each other's bullshit. It came in handy in a ton of situations, but I hated it now.

“What’s your goal, Ray? What are you trying to do?” She sounded worried.

I nodded towards the hole my father was getting lowered in. “I’m just trying not to end up like him.”

“Everyone dies, you can’t change that.”

“I know, and I’m not trying to. I just don’t want to be a nobody, have no one around to mourn me.”

Buttons looked around at the small crowd. “So what, is this not enough? At least he has people here. What do you want, the entire city to be here for you?”

“Why not?”

She shook her head. “You have your priorities all messed up. Your dad has people here who love him and will remember him for who he is. You want people around you that don’t give two shits about you and will remember you for what you are or what they think you are? Who do you think will live on longer? Him or you?”

“Ray, you already have what most of us can only dream of. You made it out, don’t come back to live this fantasy.”

I was silent. She was right, but that didn’t mean I was going to listen. I should, but sitting still and letting someone else handle the problem was not something I was good at. Never was. She should know that better than anyone else.

Someone killed my dad, and I wanted to know who did it. I just would not feel the same again until I got justice.

“Buttons, I know. I just need to do something.”

“Then come hang with us for a few days. Stop by the school, check in with old friends, just don’t do anything stupid.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I might stop by,” I told her. “I can’t believe you guys still attend. They truly do not kick anyone out do they?”

Buttons laughed at that. “Nope. You’d have to do something outrageously idiotic to get expelled. Missing a few days is not one of them.”

She said that because our attendance records were not the prettiest. It made me question if they still had my name on the attendance sheet even though I’ve been gone for so long. It wouldn’t surprise me if they did. After all, Ricky skipped class for an entire month and they did not say a word.

Going back to school may take my mind off things and who knows, maybe I’ll be able to learn something. My plan was to get in touch with Gin, but he was dead. Carlos iced, and I was starting to think anyone I knew was gone. If that were the case then there was not anything for me here in New Dawn City. All that was left was to spend a few days with Buttons and Kiki before leaving town.

I could use this time to gather my thoughts on what to do next once I return to New Vegas. Buttons was right about something she asked me earlier. There was no one I could count on in New Vegas, no one I trusted. When I left this town I left behind a lot more than just my friends. I gave up my past life and tried to stay on the right path.

There are always those what-if moments. What if I ran the streets like I did here, what if I had more connections? Maybe things would have turned out differently, but no one ever got answers by asking themselves what could have been.

Finding my dad's killer won’t bring him back, but it would make me feel better.

I glanced at Buttons, she was a few inches shorter than me even when she wore her boots. We spent so much time talking about me, and our past I never asked about her. "Hey, how is your family doing? Little Jenny alright?"

Buttons opened her mouth, then closed it. I saw her force a smile, and she had to know I knew, right? "It's fine. Today is about you, don't worry about me Ray."

Was she trying to dodge the topic? I glanced toward where Kiki and Ricky were, they were both talking to my mom. Out of the two, Ricky would tell me if this was before. Now, I'd have to message Kiki and see if she would tell me anything. Eight months was a long time, but not that long.

Buttons bumped against my shoulder, "Don't think about it Ray, everything is fine."

"Yeah, alright." Her words said one thing but her pained expression told me another story.