Ranko Saotome stirred from her unconsciousness, still woozy from the sign to the head that knocked her out in the first place. She was lying face-down, doubled over something furry, wet, and soft. The regular jostling told her she was moving.
She could also tell she was him right now. The slightly taller, masculine version of herself she got stuck with a few weeks ago. When she was particularly still and quiet she could feel the length of her limbs and flatness of her chest, plus the uncomfortable presence in her pants.
How did boys manage it?
Her father's fur-covered ass was all she could focus on as she opened her eyes and she groaned. Even after ten years of being woken up by a bucket of water to the face or surprise attacks or just cops investigating the wandering martial artists, this had to be in her top five worst to wake up to.
Genma gripped harder when he noticed she was awake. “Oh right, like I'm gonna make it more than twenty feet with a concussion. How long was I even out? You know that's super bad for you, right pops?”
There was little to no point in asking questions, he couldn't speak in his current form. It was strangely liberating though: he'd spent most of her life talking over her when she tried to speak up, so she was free to talk as much as she wanted, at least until he started trying to physically punish her.
“This stupid scheme of yours is gonna end up like every other one, you know?” She propped her head up with her hand, jamming her elbow into the panda’s back for support, and pouted. “Firstly, nobody does arranged marriages anymore. Second, I'm legally your daughter so good luck making that stick somehow. Third, unless your buddy is as depraved as you — and I guess if he considers himself your ‘friend’ maybe he is — as soon as he finds out I'm actually a girl he'll kick us both out.”
The bear made an infuriatingly smug series of barks and whuffs that sounded like a chuckle.
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After a few minutes, wherein Ranko continued needling her old man to mixed results, he stopped at a well-maintained, if traditional, house.
Stepping through the front gate, Ranko took a minute to appreciate the size of the home and took notice of a koi pond next to a tree. “Ah, now I see why you brought us here, your friend is loaded, huh?”
Claws dug into her side. Not enough to tear flesh, but enough that she knew he was done indulging her.
“Gnnhhhggg…dammit, old man! I'm not gonna screw this up, you don't have to threaten me!”
Ranko heard the front door fly open and she heard a man’s voice exclaim “Saotome, it's been so—!” before the door slammed shut again.
“Dammit, you idiot! Put me down, you're scaring people!” Ranko couldn't believe how sloppy he was being. It was clear as soon as he could pass his daughter off as his son he saw dollar signs. They'd be lucky to stay the night.
She heard a frightened girl’s voice asking her father why there was a panda in their house. The sound drilled into Ranko’s heart and she started to thrash. “Put me down! We're here, you don't have to carry me any more!”
And he did, finally, put her down, though it was too late to matter. He spun her around and planted her on the floor in front of a man and three girls. Ranko realized: whatever kind of man Soun Tendon was, he was decent enough to put himself in front of a threat to his daughters, which made him an inestimably better man than Genma Saotome.
Everybody was confused, and Genma couldn't start running his mouth to take advantage of them, so Ranko just stared up at the man, smiling politely.
Soun blinked and leaned forward. “You must be...?”
Inwardly, Ranko sighed. Her dad would doubtlessly pull something if she went off script now. “Ran…ma Saotome.” Unconsciously she started nervously playing with her pigtail. “Sorry 'bout all this.”
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After an awkward hug, Soun excitedly led the strange boy and his panda into the living room while Kasumi prepared some tea. Nabiki was practically ogling the black-haired, blue-eyed boy. She'd probably volunteer to be his fiancée at this point.
Akane was incensed. Nabiki had no interest in the dojo, but probably wouldn't just give it to her younger sister, and there was no way Akane was gonna be able to pay Nabiki what it was worth. That was assuming she'd be able to convince Ranma to part with it, and as a wandering martial artist who was basically gifted a dojo in the middle of Tokyo Akane doubted he'd acquiesce without a fight.
That's what she had to do. She had to show her dad that she was the only proper heir to the dojo. He stopped training her when her mother died, but she was a great fighter anyway! She regularly fought off dozens of boys simultaneously, and while she knew Kuno never fought her at full strength she'd never lost to him.
So she prepared herself, mentally and emotionally, to challenge the boy once her father gave him a break.
Ranma didn't seem like he wanted to be here either. He kept rolling his eyes whenever her dad mentioned the marriage agreement, or some nonsense about his fears for the future of the dojo, or talking about his old training buddy, Genma. Akane wondered where he was.
Either he didn't want to be handed a wife, home, and a place to practice the Art, or he looked down at the Tendos, he was clearly nervous based on his fidgeting. Akane wanted it to be the former, because she didn't want a brother-in-law — or worse, husband — who didn't respect her family, but, well…
He was a man.
Nabiki clearly had no such issues, or was confident she'd be able to tame the wild boy who'd come into the house with a wild, endangered animal. Or just too horny to care.
Then the day got really weird.
Kasumi brought out the tea and began pouring it. Ranma actually slipped his cup to the panda, once he'd taken a big sip. The panda actually started reaching for the kettle, but when Ranma put the cup in front of it, the boy gave it a look and said “Waaiiit,” like he was talking to a dog.
Akane swore the bear looked offended , but it waited. As soon as Kasumi finished pouring for everyone, Ranma requested the kettle. “Sorry, just needed— whoops .”
The clumsy idiot fumbled the kettle and doused the panda with it. Suddenly there was an old, screaming, bald, naked man sitting at their table.
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“Dammit, boy , it didn't need to be that hot!” the former panda shouted. Akane noticed the weird amount of venomous emphasis he included on the word boy, but assumed it was because of the accident.
For some reason Ranma shrugged and sipped the tea he had taken back. “Oh no, I'm sooooo clumsy, guess I’d make a terrible husband .”
He was obviously being completely sarcastic, catty even. But there was that weird emphasis again.
The rest of the household was too busy reckoning with the fact that magic existed.
In the absence of an explanation, Soun finally recognized the soaking wet naked man and began weeping tears of joy. “Saotome!” he exclaimed.
“Tendo!” Genma called back, somehow having already donned a gi, glasses, and bandana. “It's so good to see you! I'm sorry about earlier, I'll explain everything now that my useless son finally changed me back.”
Ranma pursed his lips but didn't say anything, and Akane finally saw the frustration crack through his façade. For an instant of time he looked like he was about to cry. The quivering of his lips, the sudden wetness in his eyes, the way his body tensed.
Ranma didn't want this any more than she did.
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Ranko had the kettle in her hand. She could have poured it on herself…though she knew her dad was watching and waiting for her to do that exact thing. Fortunately, that just meant he was susceptible to a little surprise attack. It was always nice to give him a taste of his own medicine.
Sadly it meant that she was now listening to him catch up with his friend while also lying about Ranko. At least he wasn't exaggerating about anything, just referring to her as “the boy” and saying he was proud of her.
Soun’s daughters were distracted by the fact that they'd just been shown that magic exists. Nabiki had all sorts of questions about him being a panda, Kasumi kept asking about how he got the curse. Genma liked being the center of attention so long as it was positive attention so he had that stupid grin on his face and kept laughing that stupid, infuriating guffaw of his, and it was all Ranko could do not to kick him into the koi pond.
“Excuse me, do you know kempo?”
Ranko didn't even realize someone was talking to her at first: usually, once her dad got a crowd going, she was used to fading into the background. Genma always insisted that girls should be seen but not heard, so people didn't usually talk to her.
“ Excuse me.” The voice came again, angrily this time, and Ranko realized the youngest daughter, the one with long, dark hair with no hint of brown like her sisters, was talking to her. Akane, if Ranko remembered correctly.
Immediately, Ranko sat up straight, put her hands in her lap, and bowed slightly. “I'm so sorry, miss, I wasn't paying attention. What did you say?”
Akane's expression switched from irritation to curiosity, like she was trying to figure Ranko out. The subtle change put her on the defensive: had she done something to jeopardize the plan already?
“I just wondered if you knew kempo.” Akane repeated, softer than the first time.
For over ten years Ranko had traveled with her father as he studied and practiced the Art. He honed his body, learned ever more esoteric techniques, and challenged every dojo he could. Ranko’s purpose in all of this was as his training dummy (and combination cook, maid, meal ticket, test subject, and bait). He needed someone around who was good enough to spar against.
As such, Ranko was good at fighting but hated it. She had to be able to challenge her father, because if he didn't feel like he was learning anything from her it was a waste and he would steal her food the next day. If she ever won it was even worse, because for the next week he would wake her up even earlier than usual to train, attack harder during practice, and demean and insult her for everything she did while his pride recovered.
“A little.” Ranko replied sheepishly.
Akane's smile flipped something in her heart because it suddenly started beating at least 20% faster. She felt heat in her face and a tingle in her stomach. The moment was a little ruined by that awful tingling in her hips, but at least the pants her father had gotten her would conceal the embarrassing side effect of that.
“Great! Dad?” The conversation stopped as Akane interrupted Genma for her dad’s attention. Ranko couldn't help but smirk at the look of irritation on his face, but even he wouldn't rebuke one of their host's daughters. Not on the first day, anyway.
“I'm glad you're getting to catch up, but I think it's a good idea to test Ranma’s suitability to be the master of our dojo.” Soun nodded, though Genma tried to reassure him that “Ranma’s” training was thorough.
“Then I wanna see what he can do. May we be excused?” Ranko was worried this was a set up for some sort of humiliating prank, but Akane gave her a subtle wink that made her stomach do cartwheels.
Nabiki, however, glared daggers at her little sister. Ranko didn't want to get in the middle of a sisterly dispute, especially over a boy that didn't even exist, so she just blushed quietly.
“An excellent idea, we'll be unifying the schools by marrying Ranma into the family, let's find out how well you taught him, eh Saotome? Akane here gladly took up the Tendo style, she’ll be able to measure his skill.”
Genma sputtered, saying something about how Ranko was just 16, and not fully trained, but she had enough. “Pops, you sound like you don't have any faith in your only son , I'm hurt!”
Ranko stood and placed her hand over her breast…chest as if she was shocked and appalled. She didn't notice how the Tendo daughters all cocked an eyebrow at how her hips popped during the gesture.
“You're not gonna hit us with some sort of old-fashioned nonsense about how women are weaker than men , right?” Hands on her hips, she bent over to look her dad in the eye. “Uncle Tendo seems awful proud of his daughter’s fighting skills, after all.”
The elder Saotome just glared. “Of course not, boy , have fun with your potential future fiancée.”
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Akane didn't know what to make of the Saotomes’ display in the living room, but as soon as Ranma wasn't near his father it seemed like a weight was lifted from his shoulders.
“Did your dad spring this on you this morning, too?” She asked, knowing the answer.
“Oh yeah. Sorry about your dad, he seems cool otherwise.” Ranma stared into the middle distance for a moment while he thought. “Wish my dad was the kind who would throw himself between me and danger.”
That was a strangely vulnerable confession for a boy. “Do you mind if I ask…are you close with your mom?”
As soon as she asked, she regretted it. Ranma's eyes widened, his face turned red, and then collapsed in on itself.
“Oh no, I'm so sorry! Ours died when we were younger, that was really insensitive.” Boys trying not to cry was normal to her, but she could tell Ranma really wanted to.
“N-no, it's f-f-fine. I never knew her, don't know if she's alive or…” She inhaled sharply and took several seconds to exhale. Akane recognized that breathing technique, he was trying to center himself. “It's okay Akane-chan, you didn't mean anything by it.”
Normally if a boy called her -chan she'd soundly deck them, but Ranma seemed so…soft? Nothing like the boys at school at least. Not at all what she expected from the son of the bald man talking with her father.
“Thank you. If you don't want to spar now I understand.” She wanted to give the boy more time to…something. Fighting him would be good, but he was intriguing. Not in the way Nabiki was intrigued, of course, but she wanted to figure him out nonetheless.
He seriously considered it, but shook his head. “Nah. My dad would be pissed if I slacked off, plus it'll help clear my head. Also I'm really interested to see what you can do.”
His smile sent Akane to the moon. It was the most unguarded she'd seen him, the way his eyes crinkled, rather than making him seem squinty, just emphasized how big his grin was.
“O-oh, great!” Bowing low to hide her blush, she quickly moved to one side of the dojo, turned, and moved into a neutral bow stance.
Ranma bowed in return and took a much more dynamic stance: bouncing on the balls of his feet, spine straight, arms relaxed but up and ready to block.
What little she knew of the Saotome school, all second-hand information from her father's occasional tipsy recollections of his time training with Genma, they prioritized speed, mobility, and surprise attacks. It all felt very sneaky and dishonest, but Ranma looked like he was taking the fight, and Akane, seriously.
Unorthodox techniques, improvisation, having a huge repertoire of moves on-hand…Akane couldn't expect a normal fight. Fortunately, she was used to fighting dozens of opponents at once, all utilizing different disciplines, styles, and weapons.
The pigtailed martial artist dashed in and fired off a series of exploratory jabs and kicks, testing Akane’s defenses. Establishing a baseline would give him a chance to iterate on what he learned and experiment mid-fight, so Akane couldn't let it drag on for too long. If he was used to roughing it through the wilderness for days he probably had impressive reserves of stamina.
Fortunately, Akane hit very, very hard.
As he came in with a chop to Akane’s neck, she let it get through to deliver a straight cross to his belly. He was fast enough to block but her intent wasn't to connect, it was to put the fear of Akane in him.
The blow sent him reeling back, and then he further distanced himself from her with a backflip. His eyes were wide in surprise, and he rubbed his forearm where she'd struck. Akane expected him to either grin like a wild man, energized by the fight, or to start making excuses as to how a girl managed to hurt a boy.
Instead, he looked frightened and took a much more defensive stance, hands up and palms open to deflect, hips low and feet wide to make rolling or jumping easier, and his pupils were wide.
She felt horrible, she barely knew the kid and already she felt like a bully. Rubbing her neck where he'd tapped her, she stood and nodded. “Point Saotome, I'm gonna take a quick drink. You want some water before we go again?”
Ranma's eye shot up but he didn't move. “What?”
“Oh, did I forget to say we're doing tournament rules? That was my mistake, sorry Ranma-san.” It was a lie, Akane originally just wanted a freeform spar, but she was trying to get the boy to open up to her, not throw up some kind of iron eggshell around himself. “I'll just bring the whole pitcher in, as the host I insist!”
She left the confused boy in the dojo as she returned to the kitchen, taking a moment to peek her head into the living room where Genma and her dad were still talking. “Wow Mr. Saotome, you've taught Ranma a lot, haven't you?”
Subterfuge wasn't her forte, but Akane hoped her technically true observation combined with flattery would keep him from wanting to get involved. It seemed to be working.
“Hah hah! Glad to hear it took, young miss. Has he already beaten you?” The smug look on his face threatened to crack Akane’s polite façade.
“He's up 1-0! I've spent the last five minutes dodging and blocking and phew I need a quick drink.” Yet more technically true statements. But she didn't want to leave herself open to further interrogation, so she ducked into the kitchen before he responded.
Kasumi was putting together a little snack and some beer for the dads. Akane didn't say anything as she started pouring water into a large carafe.
“Is something the matter, Akane?” Her sister asked softly. When she looked, Kasumi had concern written all over her face. “You're as red as Ranma’s shirt, did he do something to you?”
Akane panicked and shook her head and hands frantically. As quietly as she could, she leaned in to reassure Kasumi that she was okay. “No! I mean he got a hit in but that was a calculated loss. He's…I'm worried about him actually, he fights like a stray cat or something.”
She shuddered as a horrible thought crossed her mind. “Or like a dog who's been trained to fight.”
Her older sister’s eyes went wide and she nodded conspiratorially, but she resumed what she was doing and responded at her normal speaking voice. “Well I'm glad to hear you're getting along. If you need anything from me just let me know.”