Chapter 5 - Agency

Rain could feel the blows before they even hit. The bloody welts on his back didn’t sting so much as the reason for them. All he had done was talk to a guest. Was that such a terrible sin? Why did he need to be punished?

“And that makes twenty,” Lugo drawled, tossing aside his whip. “That’ll teach you real good, boy.”

“Why?” Rain whispered. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Another ten added,” Lugo snarled. “You’re meat. Livestock don’t get to ask questions. You simply do as you’re fucking told. Understand me?”

That night, the kitchen floor ran red with his blood.

Rain’s eyes snapped open. The night was quiet, and although his back ached from sleeping on the floor, there was no Lugo. No whip, either. Soft breathing reverberated throughout the room. Careful as to not wake his new companions, he got up from the floor and stretched. There was no sleeping tonight, not with the nightmares.

He left the room as stealthily as he could. No one else in the inn appeared to be awake.

The stars looked down at him as Rain stepped outside into the night. The cold air didn’t seem to faze him as much as it had in the past.

Was freedom something he truly deserved? Rain would help him murder, and if he refused, it was back to the whipping post. What did it matter if Lugo had forced him? Would that be any consolation to the hundreds of dead bodies thrown into the lake? In the end, Rain was still a bystander. One day, he’d get his due from the Archons.

They’ll get tired of you, stupid peasant boy. They’ll sell you off to a man like Lugo, or even worse. You’re not even any good at chores, thanks to that hand of yours.

“Shut up,” Rain muttered under his breath. It wasn’t only his nightmares that had gotten worse. It was like he was fracturing in two. A part of him was sure that he was doomed to be abandoned and the other wanted to believe his life had truly changed for the better.

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Guided by the faint moonlight, he walked to the edge of town. Rain looked around for a fallen log to sit on, but there was nothing of the sort. He sank down to the ground, laying his head down on a bed of wildflowers. And with the night so still and quiet, he closed his eyes for a moment.

When he opened them, he saw the slim figure of Eloise standing over him. She was dressed in a blue nightgown, with a shawl over her shoulders. Rain, who never had much experience with the opposite gender, much less one as beautiful as Eloise, blushed profusely.

“You should be resting,” she said, sitting beside him cross-legged. “A young boy shouldn’t be skipping out on his sleep.”

“What about your beauty sleep?” Rain asked innocently.

She flicked his forehead. “Are you getting witty with me, boy?”

Rain managed a weak smile. “I think I’ve forgotten how to do that. Lugo didn’t like it when I made jokes.”

Eloise’s deep blue eyes narrowed. “Heavens, that man really did a number on you,” she said softly. “But you’re free now. You won’t ever be seeing him again.”

“Am I really free, Lady Eloise?” he asked, sitting up to her eye-level. “If I decided to leave right now, I’d die. I can’t do manual labor. I don’t have any skills besides cleaning dishes and mopping floors. Is this really what freedom looks like? Will I have to rely on you two for the rest of my life?”

“I suppose, in a way, none of us are free,” Eloise admitted. “I’ve got burdens of my own to bear, and so does Celia.”

Rain looked at her with a blank face. “Is this supposed to comfort me?”

“No, silly boy.” Eloise glanced up at the star-filled sky. “It’s a statement of fact. No one is ever free, so I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s such a vague concept in the first place. I much prefer the word agency.”

“Agency?”

“Answer me this, boy,” Eloise said. “If you had asked Lugo for his blessing to walk off his property and never look back, what would happen?”

“He’d whip me. And probably lock me in the cellar.”

Eloise nodded. “The fact you had no freedom under him is undeniable. But, if you asked us the same question, we would comply. So, you have agency. The unhindered ability to do whatever you desired, within reason, of course. It may not be the freedom you’re looking for, but it’s a much better way to think of it.”

Rain sighed, then glanced at his hand. “Isn’t that just semantics? I’m still bound to you all. How can I maintain this so-called agency after I separate from you and Celia. Not much a cripple can do besides beg.”

Eloise flicked at his forehead again, with double the force compared to the last one. “You act as if you’re lame. It’s only a hand. There are much worse off people than you who make it by. If you can’t do manual labor, then learn the Art. It’s not like you need two hands for magic.”

Rain was intrigued. “Could I really learn?” he asked. “I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“I could teach you the basics,” Eloise said. “But to become a true master, you would need to enroll at the Academia. There are some things you just can’t learn under one master. The Academia has access to all the knowledge and materials a fledgling magician could need. Of course, it’s certainly not cheap to attend.”

“I’ll find a way,” Rain said, rising to his feet. He gazed up at the sky. “You said it yourself, even cripples can become mages. I don’t know how I’m going to get the coin, but I’ll find a way.”

“For starters, maybe don’t sell yourself into slavery this time.” Eloise got up from the ground. “But I know someone who might be able to help you get in without the exorbitant fee.”

“Really? Who?”

Eloise smiled cryptically. “An old friend from my younger days. And one I thought I’d never have to see again.”