Ragnarök Delayed

Prologue

And what are you supposed to be?

I’m sitting in a chair on the balcony of my flat with a book in my hands… And for some reason there’s a black creature standing right beside me, its silhouette slowly shifting and changing into more or less humanlike shapes. When I look at… it? I have mixed feelings. I think I should be afraid of this…. thing, but for some reason I’m not.  That’s… odd. Why I am so calm about everything?

“That is probably because most of your emotions were depending upon glands and hormones of your body. And now, few seconds after your death, your consciousness is solely in charge. However, since this projection is responsive enough to simulate biological stimuli, your mind will soon adapt to this state to the point that your emotions will return, so don’t worry about it.”

Did that black abomination just speak? It doesn’t even have a mouth… or does it? I wonder what’s beneath all that… blackness. Another question, did it just say that I died? Is this a dream? Did I read one webnovel too much and now am having a really weird nightmare? In most of them main character dies and then gets visited by an otherworldly something, and there is usually incredibly awkward ‘I am sorry, you died’ talk, right?

“If you are having troubles understanding your current situation may I suggest you look over the railing?” Its tone generally reminds me of a lawyer. Not like I’ve ever met one…

Technically, looking away from that thing isn’t a smart decision but somehow it made it sound like a really good idea. I guess that looking at it doesn’t change the fact, that… well, it’s not like I could do anything to stop this ‘guest’ of mine from maiming me, if it turns out to be hostile, right?

I stand up from the chair and lean over the rusty metal barrier only to see a body lying on the ground, in a puddle of blood… My body, lying partially beneath what I think is, or rather was, a part of balcony concrete floor… Wait, how is that possible, I’m on that very balcony and it looks just fine. What the...

Oh, now I remember what happened. I was in fact sitting here, reading a book, when the balcony broke off and tipped. I fell on the railing which didn’t stand the impact and freed me to fall to certain death. No, that’s a bad word. I survived the fall - in a really bad shape  - but after a few seconds, a part of already heavily damaged balcony fell off right at me. What the hell was that, a scene from Final Destination? Shouldn’t I’ve - at the very least - been warned by a precognitive vision, soon before dying in a painful and awfully spectacular way?

Sitting back in a chair, which became slightly uncomfortable, I look back at the creature. Something about it is different. It’s weird to say that, as it’s an ever changing collection of blackness in a roughly human shape. But the feeling I experience just by looking at it is somewhat different than before. Friendlier… maybe? No, wrong word. Less formal, perhaps? Less… lawyer-ish?

“Well, damn. Now that’s what you call a traumatic memory.” I comment with a loud sigh. “Not like it matters anymore, since that trauma was rather blunt. Wait, did I really just think it would be funny?” The creature… smiles? It’s not just a terrifying sickle of a smile across it’s face that I can’t see but for some reason I know it’s there, but also a feeling I can’t describe that somehow this creature seems amused. “So... I’m dead, and yet conversing with an obviously supernatural entity… It looks like at least one religion was right and there is life after death… though I’m not sure which one hit the nail.” I add.

“Pastafarians.” It promptly answers. “Funny thing - no one expects Flying Spaghetti Monster to cosplay as ink stain while taking their souls to the afterlife, ha-ha!” And while I make a shocked expression it’s starting laughing. “Aff, you actually believed that? You TOTALLY DID! Well, I’m not connected to any of Earth’s religions, if that’s what you’re asking. And just so you know - I’m not saying that the God you believed in doesn’t exist. I just refuse giving you any informations about that subject, and if you keep asking me questions which religion was right and which wasn’t, I’m going to get angry. Also, yes - in a way, you’re dead, however you’re still yet to discover if there’s any kind of afterlife in this world. You’re exactly in between. Your body already died, but your soul - or however you want to call it - is still attached to it. But hey, what’s the worst that could happen, now that death is behind you. Even tax collectors can’t find you here.” It really must be in a very good mood, flooding me with jokes like that.

With quite a bad timing though… I can’t really feel anything positive when some strange entity is making jokes about my untimely demise. But I have to agree, that those aren’t the worst jokes I heard in my life, right? Well, who am I kidding, those jokes ARE funny. It’s still painful to think about the fact that I’m dead, but I can’t really change that, so all I can do is… get used to it, I guess. Although it’s more like falling into depression so deep that I don’t even feel a need to protest about anything. Besides it may be because of all the novels I’ve read, but I really think this thing here is trying to metaphorically sell me something… in a very roundabout way, but still, I can play along.

“So.., are you here to torment my spirit for sins I no longer remember or something? Because you really look alike to a demon. And I believe that angels shouldn’t be shapeless blobs of black matter.” He smils wryly… or so I believe. It gives me a feeling of a gaping maw full of sharp pointy teeth. It’s really damn surprising that I don’t feel threatened in any way. The question I asked is dangerously close to the one it forbid me from asking, but I guess it doesn’t mind. In any way, I asked this to make it tell me what’s its business and not to find out anything about angels or demons, so maybe it simply understood my intention?

“As I said earlier, I’m neither demon nor angel.” It answers with this strange smile still glued to its face. “I’m more like… a trespasser. Or a visitor. I’m currently looking through recently deceased part of the Earth’s population to find someone suitable for… um… let’s call it working for me.“ So, yeah, as I expected, it’s trying to sell me something - a job. And probably one I won’t like since it didn’t give me a straightforward explanation. What is this, a last minute ‘sell me your soul’ offer?

“If so, then that’s the strangest job interview I’ve ever heard of. Have Satan finally decided to stop pretending that all bureaucrats don’t belong to Hell’s legions with their mission being destruction of humanity? Will I be sorting mountains of contracts signed with blood?” This time it isn’t me bragging about the same topic over and over again, I just had an idea of a joke, and for some reason I felt compelled to use it. My guest suddenly bursts into laughter. And then, smiling even creepier than before, it answers.

“While, as I said twice already, I don’t belong to any of this world’s theological systems I must admit that your little speculation was amusing on many levels. Death to all bureaucrats!” It loudly exclaims while doing a grotesque salute.

And just then it shifted.

In a second its attitude changes completely. One moment it’s laughing from a good joke, and the next it feels completely serious… giving me a grim look.

Wait… is that a split personality? I never really met anyone with such problem, but I can imagine it looking exactly like that. I instantly decide to call them Jester and Lawyer. Those names fit them well anyway.

“First matter that must be resolved before we proceed to the main part of this meeting - I regret to inform you that I feel highly discontent about you using pronoun ‘It’ to describe me in your thoughts.“ Before I fully understand what that means, it switches back to Jester.

“No, seriously. What the fuck? I’m a man. A MAN! Maybe my body is highly unorthodox from your point of view, but it’s MANLY! Now beware of my MANLY TENTAC…” But before he can finish the sentence, there is another shift to the Lawyer. “Yes - I do read your thoughts. And if not for your mental disorganisation at the beginning of our discussion we would already be long past the point of you noticing that. And no - it is physically not possible for me to avoid doing so. We are currently residing in still mostly undamaged part of your brain. In here, from my perspective, your thoughts and words you are saying, are equally real as those projections of myself or you for that matter.”

Shift back to Jester.

“I tried to avoid mentioning it because... well... I know it’s pretty shitty to talk with someone who can read your mind… sorry about that.“ He doesn’t really look sorry at all. More like ‘haha, his reaction was hilarious!’. At least he didn’t return to the topic of ‘MANLY TENTAC…’ for which I am most grateful - I don’t want to know what he meant by that. Of course he’s wryly smiling while I think that… “I’m afraid it’s about time for our business talk. So, how about visiting a fantasy world for me?” … what?

“As I just said - a fantasy world. You should know the type: magic, dragons, sharp objects, rather awesome selection of torture devices still in use by law enforcement… So basically European Dark Ages but with supernatural entities pretty much everywhere. Oh, come on, don’t look at me like that, you’ve read enough novels and played enough games to know exactly what I’m talking about.” Well, to say that it’s a mindfuck would be an extreme understatement. I honestly didn’t expect that. On other hand - it looks like I accidentally hit a nail when I thought (not seriously) that all this is similar to the fantasy webnovel beginning speech...

He must have noticed my confusion, as he smiles in a bit mocking way. And then he continues while I contemplate the question - is there a time when he DOESN’T smile? By now, he’s been doing it all the time…

“So… the thing is… I need someone… capable, yes that’s a good word, of doing something specific for me in that other world. There’s currently a ‘game’ starting there… and that’s a bad word. Game suggests something you do to avoid boredom, and the thing I’m talking about is much more serious… mmm…”

I sigh loudly. “You know that you’re just mumbling incomprehensibly, right? How about starting this… bizarre explanation once again? From the very beginning?” Seriously, he was completely understandable so far, and now this? What the hell?!

“Very funny. You think it’s easy for me?! You see, the problem here is… that there’re rules, forbidding me from telling you many things. In fact… there’s so many things I can’t mention that it’s hard to say anything without running into some pesky taboos.” Ok, now he looks like a student trying to explain to his teacher why he didn’t bring his homework to school. ‘My dog ate it!’ and other bullshits like that.

“And… why is that?” Maybe that way I’ll get some answers.

“Ever heard the phrase ‘knowledge is power’? You see, I’m not the only one looking for cheap workforce. There are at least two factions right now - ‘at least’ because there are others who might want to join later on - fighting over something. And both are immensely powerful. That’s one of the reasons why we’re in need of people like you. Obviously, we could resolve all our problems ourselves, but it would be comparable to… one gang trying to eradicate another one with a nuke. You get the metaphor?” Yeah. Too much collateral damage. He reads my thoughts and nods. I have mixed feelings about this mindreading - I don’t know if that’s more handy, as there is no risk of him misunderstanding me, or more unnerving as it means absolute lack of privacy... probably both.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

“As you can see I’d gladly tell you everything there is about the task ahead of you, but I can’t. Still, I’ll just tell you everything I can. Firstly - game mechanics. There will be something like that. You know, attributes, skills, health points, et cetera. We created a system that can enforce those mechanics to work in that other world. This should help you get strong relatively quickly. Actually I can even bring you back to life, although not infinitely so don’t risk too much. Also, it won’t be instantaneous, so someone could see your head growing back after getting decapitated, which could raise inconvenient questions. The kind of questions that aren’t easy to answer. Secondly, I thought I’d let you know where I stand - among the warring factions mine is the weakest. At least for now, as you might be my key to changing that.“ He winks to me. “Still… things aren’t really favourable for me. For example - I can guarantee that your life there, or at least its beginnings, won’t be easy. You don’t have to worry about being a slave or anything like that. It’s not your living standards that might give you hardships… no, don’t even ask about it, I can’t give you any details. Also, others will probably have much more privileged beginnings. All I’ve managed to bargain for you was that you can begin approximately five years before them. And thirdly - if you manage to win, you’ll get a reward worthy of your deeds. Again, I can’t be any more specific. And to answer the question you want to ask - no, you don’t have to worry about this reward turning out to be something like… I don’t know, eternal youth only to get run over by a carriage the next day? Well, you know what I’m talking about.”

“Yeah, I think I get the basic idea.” I’ve read enough books, played enough games, and watched enough movies to know what kind of ‘gifts’ he’s talking about. He seems sincere about this, although I don’t feel fully convinced. In fact I don’t trust him at all. ‘Don’t worry, there is no catch’ is pretty much what I’d expect a con man to say. “Although... don’t you think saying things like ‘you won’t have to worry about your living standards’ is slightly too... optimistic? I didn’t say that I agree.”

“Oh, I have no worries about that.” He seems really confident.

“Okay, so… what’s exactly going to be my mission? Let me guess - princess rescuing?”

“Nah, they’re not worth saving anyway. Most of them are either wicked or arrogant, or stupid, or obese, or…”

“Okay, stop! I get it.” But now I feel compelled to ask a followup question, and as if in some sort of script for a play… “Personal experience?”

“Man if you’d ever met my ex...“ He says while making a truly terrified expression and bursts into nearly maniacal laughter. And before I know I’m already joining him. If not for the omnipresent feeling that I’m in a cage with a hungry tiger I could even get to like the… Trespasser? Good enough temporary name.

“Ok, let’s get back to the topic.“ I say right after we both stop laughing. “Am I going to fight some poor Demon Lord fella?”

“Quite the opposite actually.” Jester smiles. “ You’re gonna become this ‘poor Demon Lord’.”

And… he shifts. In something much worse than Lawyer. Something absolutely terrifying. He smiles again but this time in the most wicked way I’ve ever seen.

“I want famine, droughts, and horrible diseases to befell this land. I want ethnic, racial and species cleansings. I want war between countries, war so great that entire races are wiped out in the process. I want armies of brigands raping and killing, and stealing indiscriminately. I want corruption to taint the nobles and bureaucrats alike. I want just revolutions to turn into regimes even worse than the ones they overthrown. I want entire Earth’s history of bloodshed to take place within few years.”

Looking into his eyes I literally see oceans of fire and death. I stay like that with my mind blank. I have problems with comprehending the words I just heard. It takes me at least half a minute to get back into right shape. I also decide to name his third personality Nazi. Fitting.

“And you expect ME to do it? A slightly obese bookworm who spends most of his free time either reading books or on the internet? What am I? A bastard son of Hitler and Stalin!?”.

He shifts again into his Jester mind. This time it takes me some time to actually recognize him, since my shock was serious.

“Listen.“ His expression is a mixture of grief, sadness, well controlled anger and hatred, but not directed at me. “That world’s corrupted. Almost beyond saving. And this isn’t exaggeration. Too much power in wrong hands, ‘gods’ on intellectual and moral levels of stereotypical delinquents… And if the oppressed try to rebel, the oppressors have monopoly on magic, which allows them to easily crush every would-be revolution.”

“You make it sound like ‘humanity is so evil’ plus ‘religion is a source of oppression’, plus ‘all rich people are bastards’, plus ‘evil people are really retardedly evil’ type of fantasy world just straight out of a second grade fantasy novel.” I somehow manage to interject, although it wasn’t easy. In fact his words about ‘gods’ make me wonder what exactly he might be. His world’s version of Satan? One of the polytheistic gods? A minor demon/other supernatural entity sent for an errand by someone much greater? Lovecraftian abomination somehow avoiding brainraping me by simply being near? No way for me to know… And even though I probably could ask him, I’m not sure if I even want to know the answer…

“Because it slowly starts looking like that.” He sighs loudly. “You let mortals off the hook for some time and suddenly there are on a straight way to dystopia… which isn’t MY dystopia.” Although he started the sentence as Lawyer the last part was actually Jester’s… Come on, get more stable or something! I barely manage to guess where you are serious. “And that’s what I want you to correct.” He continues, undaunted by my pleas. “And you… you always had that rather revolutionary spirit dwelling inside you… I’m saying ‘rather’ because it was a bit hard to notice from the outside because of your powerlessness, fear of dying et cetera.” I love you too… “And now - it won’t be chained by anything any longer. I specifically need someone to shatter the current - highly unjust and stagnant system, which is plaguing that world like cancer. Only then it might get another chance. And don’t get me wrong - I do not expect you to spread democracy, human rights, equality, and other bullshits you Earth people are so attached to. Actually I would rather prefer to avoid it, as I personally believe,  there is nothing better than CHAOS AND SLAUGHTER.” This time I couldn’t even tell when did he switch into Nazi… Probably sometime before ‘other bullshits’ but I can’t be sure. But he’s swiftly replaced by Jester, who sends me a bright smile.

What he says is tempting. But I doubt if that other world is as bad as he describes, and I just can’t imagine him as a philanthropist wanting to lead the world into better future, so he probably has some hidden agenda… and ‘make world a better place’ is just something he uses to persuade me. Probably. It’s damn hard to guess what’s he trying to achieve. After all it’s a guy with possibly the worst Dissociative Identity Disorder in the history of at least two worlds that can read my mind like an open book. Actually, the fact that he’s showing - if I can use this word to describe someone who technically doesn’t even have a face - his emotions and facial expressions so clearly that I have no problem with reading them is highly suspicious. I don’t remember being so perceptive, so it’s possible that he’s somehow toying with my mind to make himself look genuine and friendly… and so my impression of him can be completely false.

Not to mention that I suck at MMORPG’s and it looks like he wants me to play one solo, and with limited respawns. And when I say ‘suck’ I’m not, by all means, trying to exaggerate… I’m the type of guy who wholeheartedly believes that RPG’s should be played solo for immersion sake, and treats the MMO genre as some sort of heresy the creators of which should be burned at the stake. In fact I’m moderate at best also with normal RPG’s, so I’m not sure if I’m really qualified to this ‘job’...

“Ok, for a moment let’s assume that I agree. Which I don’t, at least not yet.” I add quickly. I prefer to avoid getting into some stupid problems along the line of ‘hey, you said that you agree, now you can’t withdraw your approval, sooooryyyyy’. Better safe than sorry. “How am I going to get there? Are you going to toss my soul towards some pregnant female so I can get ‘reincarnated’? If so then please make sure I won’t turn into a girl. That would be…”

“...disturbing. Yes.” It’s his Lawyer mind once again. “I am going to use that ‘reincarnation’ method you mentioned, although better words to describe such process would be ‘hostile takeover’. You are going to possess a body of a child still in it’s mother’s womb and within few years after birth his personality and mind will be completely erased, and overwritten by yours.“ Oh no no no no. Absolutely NOT.

“That’s sick. Completely sick. It’s something I would expect from that Nazi-like personality of yours.“ Does he really expect me to agree after hearing that?

“Even if the host candidate would be a part of extremely corrupted family?“ He shrug his shoulders. “The child would most likely turn into another criminal. You could actually save some people this way.”

“And you expect me to accept that logic?” He rolled his eyes as I said it. I could sense that he’s only mildly annoyed with my resistance. Hey, it’s your fault! If you want me to accept, try giving me an option I won’t refuse after like one second of thinking! “You think that ‘most likely’ is enough to kill a child? There is nothing that would justify something like that.”

“Then let it be your way - I can even find a child that is mentally impaired to the point that it will be most likely killed after birth. Is that acceptable?” Is he retarded? Really, if you want to persuade me, at least look into the religion I’m a part of to see what sort of things I could possibly find morally acceptable… If I were okay with things like that, I would be a satanist, occultist… or something along these lines, YOU IDIOT!

I added the last part because of the funny face he made after he heard the ‘Is he retarded?’ part. It pretty much resembles what I imagine would be a stereotypical british gentleman’s face who just stepped into a pile excrements would look like…

“No, not really, because it’s still the same sick idea. So how about you make up some other method?” I don’t really know why I even asked, because right now I’m pretty sure I’m going to refuse anyway… If there’s one supernatural entity, there should be more of them, so I have no reason to believe that only nothingness awaits me if I refuse. And all I know about christianity's afterlife only makes me think that it should be better than playing some fantasy world’s Hitler at a behest of a seemingly insane sentient ink stain… actually most of the things I can think off are better than that.

The ink stain sighs.

“Technically there is another option for your transportation. But it is objectively much worse and regrettably costly whilst it remains unsatisfyingly inefficient. I could try to use some of my powers in the other world and create you a new body from scratch. But that would mean starting as an infant in the middle of nowhere without parents, family or anyone to take care of you. Not mentioning the lack of someone to teach you about the world, any language to communicate with or even common sense, which counts as the most basic knowledge you would require. And the only result of that method would be a small morsel for local predators. Or few consecutive morsels if counting your respawns. Can you see now why the ‘possession method’ would be infinitely better?

“Yeah, I think I can. But, regrettably, I don’t care. Nothing you said persuaded me, so I think I’m going to refuse your offer. I’m really sor…” This time I have no doubts when exactly he switched into Nazi. The perfectly neutral feeling he gave off in his Lawyer-mind was suddenly replaced with something utterly indescribable. And it’s much worse than earlier. It’s like… a mindless hatred for everything, including himself. But also something more I can’t describe or even fully comprehend. He’s like a crossbreed of stereotypical christian demon and more… cthulhish otherwordly eldritch abomination.

“Too bad, we are going to do this the hard way.“ He informs me while keeping a facade of a sympathetic smile on his face. “You see, the summoning connected us to your soul, and your soul only. This means that your refusal was never an option, because we cannot choose anyone else. We simply tried to do it nicely by gaining your approval, but as you don’t want to cooperate…” Wait, he can’t possibly mean… “What you are supposed to do is simply too important to get compromised by something as frail and insignificant as your human morality. RPG elements will fully launch after you consume all remnants of your new body’s original personality, which should happen after four or five years. About magic - get some decent fighting skill and a high position in your new family by your sixteenth birthday and you will receive a present from us - a map of Corrupted Lands with a place where you can learn magic marked on it.  About details on your main… quest - consult your Quests menu when it will activate. And now - good luck.” He jumps forward. Too fast for me to do anything. He reaches to me… and the only thing left around me is darkness.