1

The best years of Ryan’s life were his infant ones. Everything after preschool sucked, and to this day continues to suck.

He puts on a cheerful disposition, plastering on that fake smile of his, but when asked, “How’s it going?” he answers honestly with, “It goes.”

Being a positive-thinker doesn’t come easy when you can’t control your body, but most of all your mouth.

“Shut the fuck up!” is his first complex verbal tic during story time. The kindergarten teacher was having a hard time keeping the class quiet, and the words rocketed out of his mouth. He is sent to the office, sneakers dangling from where he sits in the chair as his mom is called.

“Tell her what you did,” says Mrs. Andrews– a woman with coffee breath who is always in a rush. She has the call on speaker, telephone face-up on her desk.

“I didn’t mean to! The words just came out.”

“What did you say?”

“I said…I said shut the eff up.” He wonders if he did say it on purpose, and he isnt remembering right.

“Words don’t just ‘come out’. You’re going to tell your father when he gets home.”

Ryan immediately imagines his father with his cold eyes and arms crossed, sending him to his bedroom early where he’d be alone with his thoughts.

“Please don’t.” He wants his dad’s return from China to be a happy time, not one filled with disappointment.

“You’ve left me no choice, Ryan. I’ll see you at the bus stop.”

Once they’ve hung up, Mrs. Andrews says, “I want you to do one more thing for me before you go back to class.”

“Okay.”

“Can you tell me where you learned that word?” she asks. “Was it from your parents or TV?”

Ryan’s mind floats over to the screaming matches between his parents, where he’d put his hands over his little sister’s ears. They hadn’t been happening since his father left the country, but his mother was always the instigator. She drank smoothies out of a coffee mug and some times she had too many.

“TV,” he lies.

Her eyes becomes gentle with worry. “Is there something in your eyes?” she asks. “You’re blinking a lot.”

“No. I’m fine. I just do that lately.”

The rest of his day is uneventful, albeit anxious because of what’ll happen after school.

When Mr. Dubois arrives to their house from his business trip, however, he is more concerned than anything.

“How long has he been doing the blinking and sniffing?” he asks.

"Oh, I don’t know. I thought it was allergies,” says his mother, taking another sip out of her mug.

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“Ryan, go to your room. I need to talk to Mommy alone.”

“Okay.” Ryan goes to Colette’s room instead, closing the door and heading over to sit with his three year-old sister, ready to distract her.

Their house is small with thin walls, to everyone’s misfortune. Soon enough, he hears his mother’s voice shout, “How can you accuse me of that! I’m a month sober now!”

“Then what’s in the cup, Janet?” His father’s voice is soft, barely audible through the walls.

“None of your fucking business!”

“Shh!” he says. “This is why the boy is cussing, you know. That behavior is our fault.”

“Bullshit!”

It’s a long night. Pretty soon, he is taken to an eye doctor, then referred to another doctor who tells him he has tics.

“I don’t go outside much,” he tells him. “And when in the grass, I always wear pants. Not shorts.”

His pediatrician chuckles. “Not those ticks. T-I-C-S. It’s a behavior you can’t control. So, Mrs. Dubois, he’s not doing any of these things on purpose. It’s a syndrome.”

“Are you sure?” she asks, and Ryan is not only grateful she hadn’t had a smoothie yet, but that he’s being defended.

“He fits the criteria perfectly.”

“This appointment isn’t about that. It’s about the ADHD. He needs medication, he can’t sit still.”

“That’s the Tourettes, and a stimulant would definitely make it worse.”

“Then maybe he just has ADHD and not bad Tourettes. Listen, I have ADHD, too. I know he needs those pills.”

“I’m not discussing this further with you. I can’t in good conscience prescribe something that would worsen a struggle he already has. I’ll print out some information about Tourettes.”

“Whatever. You’re the doctor, I guess,” she admits. When they’re in the parking lot, she tells him she’s getting him to see someone new.

“I liked that one, Mommy.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t.”

2

Time passes as slow as molasses. His mom gets into a car accident one night, and things had gotten so bad it’s a relief when his father tells him Mommy isn’t coming back. Ryan is sad, but knows its best for Colette, and that he has to be a good big brother to her and focus on that.

He gets services, and his tics get worse. But he gets used to not knowing what’ll launch from his lips, a repetition or something embarrassingly crude. He also gets accepted into Lakepoint, and meets people who accept him for who he is.

He has a crush on Mary. She’s super smart and he thinks her red hair is pretty, falling in ginger waves to her shoulders. Nia’s watching over her, but she’s popped her Air Pods in so can’t hear if Josh starts to bug her. Ryan takes it upon himself to be her ears, keeping Josh at the corner of his eye.

“Do we have time to play a game? The sub should be up soon,” states Gabriel, almost always sensible.

“I’m down,” says Alex, walking over to Anna who just opened the beat-up, flat black box. He opens up the directions. There are only a few good readers in the class, Alex being one of them.

He pulls an earphone off of one ear and begins to read from the tiny white booklet, the little bundle of papers in his shaky surgical gloves.

“Page One: Reginas et Reges is a multiplayer, immersive game of self-discovery and growth, of blood and bravery. Choose a game piece to be your weapon, and pull a random card immediately after to choose your starting place on the board. Only flip to Page 2 when the pieces are properly on the boards and all players are prepared to play.”

“Can I play?” Josh asks innocently.

Alex doesn’t respond, looking at everyone with a slightly open mouth as though at a loss for words. “No,” says Ryan at the same time Gabriel says, “Of course. Everyone is included.”

Josh begins to rifle through the pieces. “I want the red one.” He takes a card. “Can you read this?” he asks Alex, too lazy to read the words of his own card.

“Swamp of Skulls.”

“Fuck yeah.” He slaps down a piece.

Gabriel cringes at the profanity, but has learned long ago that to correct it is a lost cause.

Nia wanders over, leaving her post behind, to Ryan’s annoyance. Mary should really be watched in case someone tries to mess with her. She dips her caramel brown hand into the open box and pulls out her piece. “The one with the gun looks fun,” she says with a grin. “I can be like Revvy from Black Lagoon.” She looks at the card she pulled. “Jungle of Teeth.”

“I don’t know who that is,” admits Anna.

“It’s an anime,” she answers.

“Oh! Have you seen Ouran High School Host Club?”

“A little bit.”

“Ryan, you should play,” says Gabriel. “Be a part of the group.”

Ryan doesn’t see what Alex picks, and he doesn’t read his card out loud, placing his piece on the board. Ryan comes over and chooses the sworded figure, with a knife and a card for Mary. She’s talked about knowing how to throw them, so thinks she’ll like it. He places her piece on the most colorful part of the board and himself on the one with the snowflakes. He doesn’t read them out loud, but gives Mary Forest of Rainbows, heading back to her desk to place it beside her sleeping head, and gives himself Kingdom of Frost.

“Mountains of Flowers,” Anna reads slowly, gently placing down her piece; a strong juxtaposition to Josh's violent banging his down against the cardboard. “What’d you get, Gabey?”

Gabriel picks up a card and a piece. “City of Sunshine.”

“You guys ready?” asks Alex, a strict rule-follower. Once everyone replies with the affirmative, he flips the page. A gust suddenly erupts, despite the windows being closed, and Ryan's entire group is swallowed in an all-encompassing darkness.