“What?” Akachi blurted and then froze for a moment, staring at Zeke incredulously like a child being told he wouldn’t be a kid forever.
Without the oar, the trio were buoying in a single spot in the still ultramarine river.
“Ashlin likes Gill,” Zeke repeated, “no, that seems like an oversimplification really. It might be more than that. I think she’s in love with him.”
Akachi chuckled. “Ash doesn’t like Gill, and she definitely doesn’t love him either.”
“Yes, she does. A lot.”
“No, she doesn’t!” he proclaimed adamantly.
“She told me herself. If you could see the look I saw—”
“I don’t believe you. Why would you try to get me to believe such an obvious lie? What do you have to gain?”
“Why is this hard for you to believe? Because Gill is fat?”
“Yes, that is exactly why I don’t believe you,” he said, using his magic to construct another bone oar.
“Don’t be so vain,” Zeke said, which was like trying to tell a zebra to stop having stripes.
“But, I am vain, and so is Ashlin,” Akachi defended and resumed rowing, “which is why that doesn’t make any sense. I’ve known Ashlin for two years now. She’s obsessed with aesthetics and clearly cares mostly about appearances when it comes to people, so no, it can’t be.”
Aida growled in her sleep and shifted slightly. Her fluffy ears tickled Zeke’s belly.
“Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,” Zeke said and shrugged.
“I bet an ugly person came up with that saying.” Akachi paused and then gave out a groan. “If—if! What you’re saying is true, then how come none of the girls are going after me? Violet is chasing after you, Ashlin is crushing on Gill,” Akachi snuck a glance at Aida, “and I bet that Koshiko still has feelings for the Pothead.”
Zeke failed to keep himself from snickering; seeing the arrogant in distress was always amusing. “So, you’re jealous? Don’t you boast about having sex with literal goddesses?”
“And that’s the problem! I’ve had goddesses chase after me, and I can’t catch the attention of a couple of mortals? No, this isn’t right.” Akachi went silent for a moment and started making faces like those of a troubled scientist doing an absurdly long calculation in his head instead of just doing it on a piece of paper. “You and Violet have known each other since you were kids, so there’s that. She’s got some kind of nostalgic hold over you and Wade got with Koshiko when she was in a very vulnerable place, so she’ll always correlate getting out of a bad time with the memory of him….” Akachi stopped rowing to cup his chin and nodded silently, satisfied and amazed with his intuition. Giving himself a mental jackoff, increasing his crude smile.
Zeke stared with a screwed-up face.
Akachi raised a finger and continued his dissertation. “Gill must’ve used a love spell on Ashlin.”
“Isn’t that kind of impossible, given who we are?” Zeke rebutted immediately and then looked down at Aida. “Nevermind…”
“It must have been a really elaborate, powerful spell. As much as I hate to admit it, Gill is brilliant. He could probably find a way of casting an effective love spell on a member of the Tainted Generation. That’s why I’m convinced he killed Yaalon.”
“But the Black Magic…”
“He found a way around that!” Akachi snapped. “That fatass is cunning and meticulous… to be honest, for me, he’s the only person who can pull off something that big without getting caught. Gill is very dangerous, y’know.”
Zeke retreated from reality and sank into his head for his scheduled thinking session. Gill invited them to the house. Gill arranged the “party” and has a literal army of demons to help him. Everything is under his control, but pinning the blame on him was too easy.
It wasn’t just a red herring but a flaming vermillion herring with multiple flashing arrows pointing at it.
His session was cut early by a painful uppercut. Zeke fell on his back and rubbed the bottom of his chin, hissing at the pain as he watched Aida, now sitting up, and looking around in confusion.
“What’s going on?” She asked.
“Welcome back, Koshiko,” Akachi replied.
Zeke pulled himself up and then caught Aida narrowing her glowing red eyes at him.
She began to snarl. “Violet…”
“Oh, so you remember having the spell put on you,” Zeke said.
“That bitch!” Aida exclaimed and then touched her pointy ears. “Dang it… did I do anything too embarrassing or gross while under the spell?”
The image of Aida licking the toilet water in the airport bathroom flashed in Zeke’s mind. He shared a look with Akachi and knew he had the same flashback.
“No,” they both answered.
The two updated Aida on current events for the rest of the boat ride. Leaving out the part about what happened with Shadow. Luckily, she didn’t ask.
“Is there an actual plan on how we’ll sneak into the Queen’s castle?” Aida asked.
Zeke stammered, and then Akachi guided the boat to station at a river bank. The Queen’s castle was visible from where they were at. It had the anatomy of a classic medieval construct with multiple turrets topped with pointy spires, and it was of the same whimsical color palette as the forest.
“I’ve got an idea,” Akachi announced.
“Oh, no…” Aida said in horror. She turned to her side. “Zeke, are you sure you don’t have anything?”
Akachi jumped out of the boat and pulled it up the lilac terrain. “You two will get into the research lab while I distract the guards… and possibly the entirety of the Realm.”
Zeke and Aida climbed out of the boat.
The Diagnostician almost got hit in the face with Aida’s tail before adding, “What kind of distraction?”
The dark-skinned Healer answered by summoning his Garb. He dropped to the ground with his legs crossed. “Have I ever told you about the time Zeus and I did a prank on Poseidon?”
“Yes,” Aida replied dryly, “only a bazillion times.”
If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
“I was talking to Zeke!” Akachi shook his head and joined his hands. “I’ll give you guys as much time as possible. Koshiko, you’re already in hybrid form, so you know what to do.”
A sigh came from Aida, and she got in a pouncing position. “Get on,” she said to Zeke.
“Uhhh…” Zeke said and looked down at the doctor’s bag in his hand.
“Put that away,” Aida said. “You’re going to have to hold on with both hands.”
“I know… I just…” Zeke sighed, shakily walked over to some vegetation, and placed the bag down. He knew if he ever hoped to see the gift from his grandmother again, he was going to have to try out the conjuring spell to summon it back to him.
As Zeke got up, he staggered forward, sensing an electric aura from behind. He looked over at Akachi, who was reciting an incantation under his breath; his eyes were all white, and a dark nimbus was flowing out of him.
His body transformed into an electric cloud and shot up into the sky. The cloud expanded and twisted until it formed a god-like face. The darkening blue sky was covered with jagged streaks of lightning.
And even louder than the roaring thunder was a powerful voice. It said: “I AM THE MIGHTY ZEUS! HEED MY WORDS, PUNY FAIRIES! MOUNT OLYMPUS HAS BEEN IGNORED FOR TOO LONG! THIS REALM SHALL BE THE FIRST IN OUR NEW CRUSADE OF CONQUEST!”
Zeke gawked at the godly sight. His knees were now facing each other and shaking under the massive weight of fear.
“Aka can mimic the abilities of gods,” Aida said casually.
“What?”
“But it takes a lot out of him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he were out of Mana for the rest of the day. Let’s not have his efforts be in vain. We have to go now, Zeke!”
He obeyed Aida’s order and carefully latched onto her back. “Please, don’t go too fast,” Zeke pleaded, wrapping his arms around her.
Aida smirked. “No promises, Zeke.”
And she blasted off without even making a countdown.
She dodged the thick lightning bolts raining from the sky as she sped through the enchanted forest. Zeke could hear Aida laughing under all his screaming in terror. It was like he was 12 years old again, riding the Frozen Twisty at the now-defunct Winterberry Theme Park just to impress Violet.
His regret back then came only 2 seconds after the ride started.
Zeke’s regret now hopping on the kitsune came 1 second after the hell ride started. They dashed through the castle’s front gates; Zeke couldn’t see the guards or most of the courtyard. He thought he saw a pool of Mana but wasn’t sure everything was just a blur.
The guards must’ve been distracted by Akachi’s stunt, although Aida might have been simply too quick for them to attack.
The hell ride ended, and they were safe and sound inside the castle’s entrance hall. Zeke slipped off Aida’s back, only to get up to spew out chunks onto the castle’s spotless hardwood flooring.
“I guess I should’ve told you to equip your Healer’s Garb first,” Aida said with a sympathetic smile.
With his hands on his knees, Zeke groaned lifelessly. He lifted his head slowly to scan the surrounding area and avoided looking down at his puke.
There was a regal double staircase in front of them, and the hall was covered with colorful flowers and highly detailed decorations all over the walls.
“It’s all so beautiful,” Zeke said, still hearing the thunder rolling from outside.
Aida put a hand on her hip and took in the view. “Yeah, it is.”
“I get to explore all these fantastic worlds, but it’s always under the worst circumstances. Last time it was about my mother’s life, and now it’s the fate of the planet.”
Aida looked back at him. “You’re definitely a glass-half-empty kinda guy, huh?”
Following the comment, Zeke asked, “So where’s the lab?”
“How am I supposed to know? You were the one lucid enough to hear about the plan.”
“I wasn’t given a map or anything like that!” Zeke stopped to rub his forehead. “I guess we’re supposed to run around here until we find it.” His stomach whined about not being able to handle another trip.
Then, an orotund voice sounded from the top of the staircase.
“You’ll do nothing of the sort!”
Zeke and Aida looked up the staircase and saw the Queen.
Queen Titania was a slim, bony, statuesque with impressively long dark blue hair that touched the floor. Her hair was dotted with various flowers. She walked down the staircase, her look growing angrier with every imposing step she took.
“Sukunabikona,” Aida called and then summoned Tsukikaze. She got in position.
“Aida, wait, maybe we can reason with her,” Zeke said, extending his hand to her.
“That’s not going to happen, Zeke,” she replied, gripping her sword and locking eyes with Titania.
A single flower was in the center of the bust of her yellow, moss-dotted dress. She had an hourglass figure but a sickly variant of it. Her waist looked small enough to fit in both her hands, and her hips and torso were wider, however, still concerningly thin.
“You lot figured you were clever with that childish ploy of yours outside?” the Queen said. “Is that the entire plan? Distract my troops while you waltz in here and end my life as I sleep?”
“We’re not here to kill you,” Zeke said, taking note of her hollow cheeks and unfocused eyes, wondering if it was due to stress. “I understand the Thirteenth Tainted Generation has hurt your kind in many ways for a long time, but we, the Fourteenth, are different.”
“You’re telling me there isn’t a single reprobate in the current collection of Healers?”
“Well… okay… some of us are,” he said, then glanced at Aida. “Listen, we need just a little of your shrinking factor—”
“It’s no use, Zeke,” Aida hissed.
He went on. “This isn’t for us. It’s for humanity! There’s a plague and—”
“Allow me to theorize,” the Queen interrupted as she raised her hand. “One of the current members of the Tainted Generation is the culprit behind this plague.”
“Yes, but we already took care of him. He’s imprisoned, and now we just need to get rid of the protozoa he left behind.”
“It baffles me how villains like you dare to call yourselves: ‘Healers.’” Her angular face contorted in disgust. “I’ve heard enough, and I decline your request. Leave this Realm at once, vermin.”
“Zeke…” Aida whispered to him. “Summon your Garb already. This is happening whether you like it or not.”
Queen Titania’s giant sparkling blue fairy wings sprouted from her back. “Leave!” she demanded.
Zeke sighed. “Vesklepios,” he summoned.
Aida made the first move. A flurry of afterimages of herself swinging the blade flashed around the Queen as Aida stayed in place without moving an inch.
As the amazed spectator, Zeke watched the Queen evade the attacks with her nimble flight and then glide to Aida. With just a quick brush across Aida’s right arm, the Queen’s magic was successfully applied.
Tsukikaze dropped as Aida’s right arm shortened and shriveled. She then took a kick to the face. The Queen delivered it so delicately, yet the impact was massive as it sent Aida crashing into a wall.
The awestruck Zeke finally made his move and shot a red vein out of his sleeve to wrap around the Queen. She was constrained, but not for long as she shrank to the size of a dragonfly and sped around the room; Zeke’s eyes had trouble keeping up.
Queen Titania grew to full size behind him and brushed the top of his head.
It miniaturized to the size of a tennis ball. He looked up and saw a giant palm moving downward to him to crush his tiny head. After letting out his high-pitched, squeaky scream, Aida jumped over him, and the Queen was pushed back.
Even with his new head shape making him only able to see the world as if he were looking through a small telescope, he surmised that Aida was attacking the Queen using her sharp teeth, trying to tear off her throat with it.
The Queen escaped the hold by shrinking and flying away again, during which Aida pulled back and picked up her sword in her mouth. She grabbed the handle with her regular-sized hand, pulled to unsheathe the sword, and then bit onto the handle.
The claws on her regular-sized hand sharpened, and she went in for the kill, attempting to cut the Queen in her tiny form with either her sword or claws or both.
Aida didn’t succeed, but at the end of the assault, her arm grew back to normal, and the Queen returned to normal size. Titania tried to attack Zeke but was stopped by Aida, who bit onto her shoulder.
It was a rough bite as the Queen screamed with blood gushing out. Zeke’s head returned to normal, and as the Queen fell to her knees, her face crumpled in pain, Aida and Zeke shared a look and nodded.
He raised his arm and allowed for the spool of red and blue veins to cover his arm until it was thrice the size. Aida leaped off Queen Titania just in time for Zeke to blast his giant fist at her.
The gambit failed.
Queen Titania shrank in the blink of an eye, swirled around his veiny arm, and suddenly returned to normal size and grabbed hold of his throat. “You Healers think you are so smart. Allow me to give you a riddle. Which creature is the fastest flier in all of the Realms?”
They zoomed past the ceiling.