Somewhere on Earth

In a small room full of Energy enchantments and coatings. One of the most influential figures of Program was expectantly unwrapping a package. Even through the layers of protection, with HIS god-like sense of smell, HE could already feel the rich aroma coming from inside.

“Ahhh, this will be a fine addition to my collection!” said the namer of planets, Anno.

Finally, with careful movements, he managed to unwrap the human-made package. Within it was a very special Chinese food.

“There are so many things in it!” with his still limited practical knowledge in culinary, Anno managed to identify only some pieces of pork.

‘I am supposed to eat it while its still hot. Although I rushed back to our base at full speed, I was still worried that it would get cold. What a relief,’ he thought.

With the so-called spoon, he dug into the food and put it into his mouth. After that he was hit by, he was struck by, a smooth..

“AAAAAAhhh. What is this?!”

...trap of Chinese spiciness.

The namer started waving his hand in front of his mouth, creating strong blasts of wind that helped to alleviate the experience.

“Fuuu. I never imagined the humans to be so dangerous!” commented the person who was not impressed by the (recorded) explosion of atomic bomb.

His desire to explore the humanity’s creations grew by another notch. As did the pain in his neck.

He looked back at the still steaming food.

‘I should try eating less dangerous delicacies first, this one might be too much for me. But it would be such a shame to let it go to waste. Ohhh, no, wait, this is so evil. I like it. ‘

‘Why don’t I share this with the whole base? Just a spoon for everyone, they won’t be expecting a thing. And my pain might lessen too, watching how their face change from gray to red. Or transparent to red. Wait no, with transparent ones it won’t work like that. And what about the already red ones? Are they going to be even redder? Research time! Science!’

With his evil plan ready, the dark lord grabbed the bowl and made his way out of the sealed cabin. Not long after that, he met a white-blue faced fellow in a corridor.

The target was found and had no chance of escaping. With exasperated sigh, the trapped entity took the spoon and after being instructed about its use, it dug into the food and placed it into its central mouth.

The namer Anno observed the entity’s every move, waiting for its reaction, expecting its face to redden,…

The entity gave him a strange glance and left without saying a word.

Anno silently watched, confused and disappointed. He could not understand what happened.

‘Was it super resistant to that kind of taste? Or maybe its some race trait? Or..could the problem be in me? I shall ask the ancestors. For now, I need to continue with experiments!’

…

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

‘I failed,’ thought the depressed Anno. Every target he chose gave him a weird glance after (and some before) eating the food. In the end, there was only a small portion left in the bowl and Anno mentally prepared to face his unique weakness..

‘Wait.’

‘At first, the food I consumed tasted blankly. Only after letting down parts of my defenses was I able to taste it! YES! That must be it. I am NOT A FAILURE!’ thought one of the most powerful beings of the Program..

‘I just need to turn my defenses on and see how it tastes..’

‘Alright, now lets see..’

With a renewed hope, he put the last spoon of food into his mouth.

‘Poisonous substance detected. Nullifying the poison,’ announced his defense mechanism.

Anno: “…”

‘What the…! This is what they saw? Does the whole base think I tried to poison them? Whyyy, I just wanted for them to suffer a bit with me..’ thought Anno as he curled up.

For an hour, Anno was hearing steps coming and going, no one coming close to him. Until finally, someone did.

“Hey, what the hell are ya doing A?” asked a close combat expert, a female entity with sometimes vicious and mostly crazy personality. In a secret ranking of mad ones, made by various personnel serving at the base, she was at the second place. Truly a dread raising person.

“Nothing, just feel like a shit,” answered the first place of the ranking.

“Aw, c’mon this is not like you. Where is your energy? You were really enthusiastic about studying humanity. Hey, why don’t you show me some stuff you have learned?”

Anno slowly looked up.

“You really want to see..?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, I do,” that is what she said.

“Fine, I will show you something then,” he said in a bit more lively voice and started instructing the expert.

“Okey, stay like this. I will go behind you and,..”

The expert suddenly felt his hand on her waist as he hugged her from behind.

‘Feels kind of nice but what is he.. wait why is he tightening the grip? Is he trying to suffocate..no wait what, he is taking me up whaaa,’ the expert’s mind was in chaos as Anno..

...tried to use a german suplex on her but failed and both of them hit the floor with their heads.

In a monitoring office.

A single entity was sitting before some kind of monitors. There were many of them, each one full of information, mostly data sent from Program.

“..Folrida man successfully pooped out Program’s Focus orb which he previously ate. Working on anti measures…”

“...author shot by fans after he came back from his winter sleep..”

“..ongoing life support for the people left outside the planet, unable to return them in a short time, Program’s net is in the way…”

The entity was already having headache from the messages, but its current concern was inside the base, shown on the central monitor. A certain curled up chaos maker.

With a sigh, the monitoring entity stood up and closed its tired eyes for a while.

‘What is in his mind? Firstly, he runs around the planet and comes back with various stuff. There are already three rooms full of items he brought. And there is no one to stop him in here, we are just base, maybe a bit bigger than regular but still a base! We are not important enough to have big shots like him who could counter his whims. ‘

‘And its getting dangerous. He already tried to poison half of the personnel! There were many complaints about it. I hope there won’t be anything more toda..’

“BOOOM”

‘Well, fu k. WHAT IS IT THIS TIME?!’

The entity rushed back to the central monitor. In there, two figures could be seen sprawled on the floor, rolling around. There were also two huge cracks in the floor.

‘What the.. is that the crazy woentity? What is she doing with him? And did they just break the enhanced enforced and super powered substance the whole base is made of? With a single move???

He decided not to let his eyes off the screen anymore. The two mad ones started talking with each other after they got up from the floor.

After a while.

“Hey, do you want to come to my room? I have some cool films in there. There is even one named Star Raws.”

“Ohhh, Star Raws? Sounds battle-like! Yee, lets go.”

After that, they disappeared from the screen since HIS room couldn’t have any monitoring devices. They stayed there for many hours. The monitoring entity patiently waited.

After they finally exited the room, the first sentence the entity could hear was from Anno.

“.. senate? It’s treason then!”

The monitoring entity started sweating.