Back in 2017 was a terrible year me. That year I really hit bottom. I had no friends or family to support me. I was think about committing suicide that year. I remember that day so vividly. I was in a library that afternoon and I was saying my goodbyes on Facebook, until someone reached out to me.

At first, I didn’t know why I responded back, but I did. It changed my life completely, but I took baby steps to get there. The reason I am telling you this to understand me further and deeply.

I am a broken man.

My father disowned me three years ago. I cared for him when he was sick and blind for 16 years, and he abused me my whole life. When I was broke, I wasn’t allowed to eat his food. He cheated on my mother and had several children besides two siblings and me. Even in public, he wouldn’t acknowledge me as his son.

My sister had a miscarriage two weeks ago, but I felt nothing. She molested me when I was younger, but my father took her side, and my mother was forced to believe her. I was labeled as the sensitive crazy one ever since.

If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.

Even since I was five, I was subject to ridicule about my race and sexuality and for being big for my age. I would be in fistfights every week. It made me feel ugly and unwanted as a black kid.

Four years ago, he kicked us out of the house, and I was forced to live with my sister in North Carolina. Seven months later, they wanted to use me to pay their bills while her husband stayed home.

I spent thousands of dollars caring for others who never cared about me, and no one took care of me for years. I acted out by drinking, taking drugs, and having risky sex with others while destroying my body and getting arrested.

Even now, I am subject to ridicule about what I look like. I have no friends; I have no family; I have no one. I still have nightmares of committing suicide again. I am saying this because I don’t know how long I will live. If I died today, no one would care.

What gets out of bed every day is my writing. It saved my life more ways than one. I struggle with loneliness all the time and I have my dark days. But the man I am today and the man I was years ago are two different people. I believe that no one can be the same forever and people can change is they are willing and able to change.

That is why I am still alive today.