February 23, 2363 AIA
The Colibri
Tennama heard the noise on the ladder behind him and turned the pilot’s chair to face the portal. By mutual agreement, the crew had decided it was night, so only the dull red after-hour lights were on. Whoever was coming up wouldn’t be able to see him.
It seemed fair to warn them.
“Good evening,” he said.
“Good evening, Tennama.”
A small smile appeared when he heard Reyer’s voice. “You can’t sleep?”
She made it to the top of the stairs and pulled herself around the rail. “Sadly. It happens to me a lot. A gift from Ivan Rurik and the Supremacy. I don’t want to wake Adan, so I usually come up here.”
“That’s kind of you.”
“That’s what I want you to think, but Adan gets cranky when he doesn’t get enough sleep.”
“Then it’s a kindness to me.”
She crossed over to the copilot’s chair. The pain as she sat down drove her smile away, but once she was sitting, she opened her eyes and looked at Anthony.
“Better?” he asked.
She nodded. “And why are you up here?”
His monotone answer was barely loud enough to be heard: “I couldn’t sleep either.”
The nightmares. She took a breath to relieve the ache of empathy that had filled her chest, then idly examined the readouts in front of her. “How long until we reach Ionu?”
“Two more OE days.”
There was a low whistle from Alix. “Could they put it any further out?”
“That would’ve been difficult. You might as well get comfortable, Miss Reyer.”
“Good advice. Is that why you took the pilot’s seat again?”
“Do you need me to move?”
Alix let out a quiet laugh. “No, Tennama. I was teasing you. I’ve never been able to tell the difference between the pilot’s and the copilot’s chair.”
“It’s the sense of power you get. There’s a reason Captain Vas is so protective of it.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
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“Ah. That’s right. Power never appealed to you.”
“I never found it comfortable.”
“I suspect you don’t feel comfortable much these days.”
“No. Usually I have to settle for feeling content.”
“Content?”
“You know, curled up with a blanket and a cup of tea to ward off the velox chill. Content.”
“I’m afraid I don’t. Tea doesn’t do it for me.”
“What does?”
Tennama pulled his eyes away from the empty darkness outside the viewport. The red lights of the dims weren’t bright enough for him to make out any details, but Alix’s posture seemed relaxed. He felt a flash of frustrated amusement, then it faded.
He looked away. “Another interrogation? Where’s your tablet?”
“I’m sorry, Tennama—”
“It’s all right. I’m not offended. I suspect it’s become a habit. You’re always asking questions, and I’m always answering them. But I wonder how often you get more than you bargained for.” He took a deep breath. “Xenos rarely feel content, Miss Reyer.”
“Is it the longing?”
Anthony nodded. “The only time I ever really felt content was when I was back on my home planet, standing next to the pool where I was born.”
When Reyer didn’t say anything, the xeno glanced over. She was watching him. Listening.
He elaborated: “It was like everything in me stopped clamoring and sat still. I’d never known that kind of peace. I must have sat there, staring at it, for at least ten minutes, doing nothing.” There was a pause. “Then the queen found me, and the dream was over.”
“Would you want to go back?”
“Oh, yes. I wouldn’t mind staying forever.”
“You’ve never felt that way any other time?”
“Not as myself. I can only remember it from Tennama’s life. And it’s not so much that you remember the feeling, but you remember when you felt it.” He looked at her. “I think you know what I mean.”
“Do I?”
“I’m sure tea is fine, but there are those moments, laying it bed with your lover—”
“You think you know me, Anthony Tennama?”
She had blurted out the sentence to get him to stop talking; she didn’t care that it hardly made any sense. Reyer’s cheeks were so red, they ached.
“Well, I had assumed you and Captain Vas—”
“Not up for discussion!”
Tennama laughed. “All right. Have it your way, Miss Reyer. I think you know what I was getting at. And yes, I do think I know something about you.”
He braced his foot up on the front of the control panel. A few seconds passed before Alix broke the silence.
“Tennama, may I ask you a question?”
“Oh, now I get a choice in the matter?”
“Do you remember back when you first surrendered yourself and I came in to talk to you?”
More wary now, Anthony nodded.
“You said you knew what made me break. What did you mean by that?”
Tennama stared at his hands folded in his lap. “This might be another answer that’s more than you bargained for, Miss Reyer.”
“I think I deserve to know.”
“I was trying to spare you—”
“Tennama, tell me.”
“If that’s what you want.” He put his foot down. “Harlan and I had you captive for three days. They were very long days. The things we did to you—” His voice broke. For a few seconds, he said nothing. Then he went on, “You fainted twice during the torture, but you never gave us anything. Nothing. But sometimes I thought I heard you muttering something. A list of names. Do you remember?”
Reyer didn’t answer.
Tennama sighed. “The only time you lost control was that first day—the first time you saw Jack Harlan. You tore into him, accusing him of killing everyone in those caves. You were screaming their names.” A shiver fluttered from the nape of his neck to his fingertips. “When we were beating you, we couldn’t touch you, but there was already a place in you that was so broken…and it was for your people. You remembered all of them, and it was still raw. You can use people who care, Miss Reyer, and I thought that if you cared that much for your people, you might understand how much I cared about mine.”
The cockpit was so quiet, Tennama heard the tiny gasp of an in-breath rustle the snot leaking from Reyer’s nose. She was crying hard, but she was trying to do it silently.
He stood up. As he passed the copilot’s chair he put his hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Miss Reyer.”
He went over to the ladder and descended.
She waited until she was sure he was gone, then she finally let the moan escape.