The moment the group found a quiet alley outside the casino, Horan collapsed. “Okay, that was… Hey, Mark? You sure we should deal with him for this?”

Mark folded his arms and looked down at his friend. “Don’t be melodramatic. There’s nothing worth falling down over.”

“He melted a guy!” Omet turned to look at Waia. “That was a lot for you! Don’t take that as an insult, by the way.”

“I didn’t.”

“Great.” Omet turned back to the others. “But all that, and now we need to wait? I understood literally none of what went on in there.”

Quet looked surprised. “Wait, was that supposed to be like that?”

Horan decided to get up. The street was uncomfortably dirty. “I don’t know if he’s terrifyingly smart or terrifyingly stupid. Either way, that was too much for me.”

“Yeah, we saw that.” Mark helped Horan to his feet. “Speaking of, top notch negotiations. Now he’s just put us on hold while we wait out our own clock, instead of turning us into meat juice. Stellar.”

“Hey,” said Horan, “I tried my best! There’s only so much I can do when the other person is staring down at me from a pile of money. That guy knows that we’re in no position to challenge him on any of his terms. He’s forcing us to waste time that we don’t have so that he can only agree once we’re desperate. He wants this done on his own terms, with no ulterior motives on our part that might not be ideal for him in the long term.”

Waia blinked in surprise. “Where’d you get all that from?”

“Experience. A lot of it.”

“Man, I thought he was just weird.”

Horan shook his head. “A ruse. To make sure we can’t get a proper read on him.”

“Okay,” said Mark, “We get it, you’re good at talking to people. There’s not much use discussing it unless you’ve got some bright idea to get that gross flesh-baby to-”

“As opposed to a normal, fleshless baby.”

“Horan, shut up.” Mark stopped. “Great, I forgot where I was going with that.”

“Pretty sure you were gonna keep talking about how everything always goes wrong for us down here,” said Omet. “Just working off of precedent.”

“Okay, can everyone please take this seriously?” Mark brought his hands to his temples. “I can’t think if all of you keep making fun of everything I say!”

“Well, it is really easy to do,” piped up a voice above them.

While Mark lay down in a position very similar to the one Horan had been a few minutes prior, the other four people looked up to see Xiao perched on the corner of a flap of awning over a market stall adjacent to the alleyway entrance. Once he had their attention, he slid down to the ground. “Evening, friends. Or, evening-adjacent.”

“F-first of all,” began Quet, “Why are you even up there? Couldn’t you just walk up to something? Also, I guess I should append that with the fact that I have no idea who you are.”

“I’m getting a sense of familiarity,” added Horan.

Xiao cleared his throat. “Is it too weird? Sorry, back in the army days, they would hand out these manuals hand-written by Thel about the utility of a dramatic entrance. That guy had more screws loose than a… loosely screwed… thing… I should’ve planned this beyond the entrance.”

“Wait, you were in…” Recognition dawned on Horan’s face. “You!”

“Yup, it’s me!” Xiao held up both hands. “Not here for any trouble! Just here to talk. We cool? You cool with talking?”

Waia leaned over. “Hey, weren’t you with Yang when she took over? Pretty sure you were the other guy in the hood.”

“Yup, that’s me. But at the moment, my connection with Yang is… tenuous. That’s kinda why I’m here.”

Horan looked the demon over. No visible weapons, just some new clothes that fit the fashion of some of the richer-looking monsters he had seen, rather than the cobbled-together armor from earlier in the day. “...Keep talking, but you aren’t leaving unless we let you. Mark, dude, you wanna get in on this?”

A muffled “No” came from the ground.

Xiao winced. “Long day, huh?”

“Very.” It was that or Mark had said “Berry,” which seemed unlikely.

“Can’t say I disagree,” stated Horan. “Anyway, I’d like it if you started talking. The fact that you managed to track us down makes me worried that Yang could do the same.”

Mark mumbled “He’s learning” so quietly that even he had trouble hearing it.

The other five people present all looked down to see if Mark would continue, then looked at Xiao expectantly. The demon cleared his throat. “Right, so, it’s about Yang. I think this whole ‘actually owning a city’ thing is getting to her. She’s acting weird, getting mad at me for nothing, it’s just… I’m worried.”

“And I’m assuming you’ve got something for us if we help,” inquired Waia, “Because I think I can speak for all of us when I say that I do not care.” She stifled a mid-sentence chuckle.

“And I don’t expect you to.” Xiao pulled a folded-up piece of paper out of his pocket. “That’s why I’m willing to sweeten the deal with that map I’ve heard you’re looking for.”

If you come across this story on Amazon, it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.

Waia snatched the paper out of Xiao’s hands, who put up little resistance. She unfolded it and looked at what was inside. Then she turned it around and looked at the other side. After a second, she let it drop to her side. “This is blank.”

“Well, yeah, that’s a prop.” Xiao emptied out the rest of his pockets. “I figured you’d pull something like that. The map’s somewhere else, you can have it once you’ve actually upheld your part of all this.”

“Right, sure.” Horan attempted to lean back on the wall behind him, but it was a little further than he had planned. He stumbled back a step before his back impacted the wall. “This isn’t my first con, dude. Let me guess, you get us to walk into the castle, then your little pet Primus turns us all to charcoal? Here I was, thinking you and your friend would be halfway smart.”

“Yeah, okay, this sounds shady as anything. I’m well aware.” Xiao kept his arms a good distance from his sides. “But it’s like you said earlier. I don’t know exactly why, but Yang wants you dead. And if I was still working for her, you’d all be fried to a crisp right now. I tracked you down after I left, because I don’t want her knowing about any of this. And I’m fine with giving away the map, I’m just trying to get your help here.”

Omet leaned over to Horan. “You think Yang would be the type to hold a grudge?”

“No, she isn’t!” Xiao slumped down to the floor, making sure he was out of Mark’s reach. “But she’s acting like you’re after her head! It’s just the map you want, right?”

“Yeah,” said Quet, “We’re not looking for a fight if we don’t need to do it. Why, do you need the map or something?”

“No, we don’t even know what it’s for. It’s not labeled or anything. Should I care about it?”

“No, no, it’s…” Quet waved dismissively. “We’ve got our own thing going. Personal stuff.”

“Then I’ve got no reason to withhold the map from you,” said Xiao. “Besides, you’re not gonna find it in the castle anymore. No real choice but to work with me here.”

“Wow, really making us feel welcome with this arrangement,” muttered Waia.

Xiao looked at the paper which was still in the Primus’ hand. “I might’ve been more receptive to the idea of a fully consensual arrangement if you weren’t the type of person to prove that wrong in a matter of seconds.”

“Fair.”

Omet put a hand to their forehead. “Okay, so just to summarize everything that’s been set up today, we have now been hired by an accomplice in a siege that we were involved in, and our goal is to hire support from an underground mob circle made up of of failed adventurers using the attempted murder of several dozen Primoi as a justification to conduct mass raids on earth, except now we’re getting them to help us assault a castle inhabited by the mastermind of the aforementioned siege, who is protected by the weird zombie-body-thing of the owner of the besieged property.”

Xiao took a moment to take in all of that information. “...Okay, there is some very concerning stuff in there that I’m only now learning about, but… to my knowledge, yeah, that’s what’s going on now.”

Omet looked down at the ground. “Hey, Mark, is there any more space on the floor?”

“It’s starting to feel like home down here,” mumbled Mark.

“Way ahead of you.” Quet slumped against the wall and slid down to ground level. “Three or four hours ago, I figured Mang here was just being dramatic.”

Horan chuckled. “You have much to learn about my little trash goblin of a friend, it would seem.”

“Yeah, I get it now. I get him.”

Waia stepped out of the alley and into the main thoroughfare, where passing monsters gave her annoyed looks as they had to take detours around her with their tiny legs. “Okay, things have definitely gotten more… yeah, a lot more off the rails today. But the way I see it, we’re in a pretty stable position right now. I say we just find somewhere to hole up for the next few hours that doesn’t make things any more insane for us. In the morning, or as close as we can get to morning down here, we get the King to help us out. We do the thing, get the map, save the people, get out. I don’t want to give us any worse luck than we evidently have already, so I’m just gonna leave it at that. It’s probably gonna suck.”

Xiao raised a hand. “That’s a good sentiment, and I’m all for something like that, because this city is very cursed, but, um… While we’re here, who are you exactly? I don’t think I saw you back in Greece.” He turned back to look at Horan. “Where’d you guys find her?”

“Hawaii,” answered Horan.

“Hawaii?!”

Mark got to his feet unsteadily. “It’s been a long three days.”

-

Xiao didn’t really have anywhere to stay, so he opted to just follow the others on their convoluted route through a manhole and back through the front door of their lodgings. The receptionist was still there when they arrived. “Ah, I wasn’t sure if you’d be returning…” They noticed Xiao at the back of the pack. “Um…”

Xiao looked away from the teeth on the doorway and saw that he had been recognized. “Oh, hi. Yeah, it’s, um… I-it’s been a busy day.”

“He’s with us.” Mark guided Xiao upstairs before arranging everyone in a row against the balcony. “Okay. I want to get a memo across, to all of you: No matter what, we do not make this whole situation any worse. No needless convolutions, no random th-f…” He did some quick math on his fingers. “No sixth parties getting involved. You can do stuff here if you think it’ll be useful, but nobody leaves this building until we’re all good and ready to get things rolling. Is that clear?”

“I’m way too tired of everything to do anything else at this point.”

“More than happy, dude.”

“That’s fine.”

Omet and Quet preferred to just nod in unison. “I’ve had more than my fair share of lights and noises for one day,” mumbled the latter.

“Music to my ears.” Mark turned to Waia. “You’ve got a spare bed in your room, right? Xiao needs a spot to crash with us.”

“Nah, I got a single.” Waia shrugged nonchalantly. “Didn’t want to waste too much blood, and having a bunch of space all to myself weirds me out.”

“Alright then.” Xiao looked down at the bandage on Waia’s hand. “Can’t you just pay extra for another single or something? We’ve got four Primoi worth of the stuff.”

“Or,” Quet said, while raising her hand, “I can sleep on the roof. I’ve got camping supplies in the ol’ Belt of Wonders, and sleeping under the stars once in a while really helps me sleep. And let me tell you something…” She pulled out a sheet of plastic with a dozen empty square indentations on it, labeled ‘CAFFEINE PATCHES’ at the bottom. “I need sleep.”

Omet gave a thumbs up. “I’m down to share the room with Xiao. He’s not directly responsible for the deaths of anyone I know, so that’s good enough. Might have to split in two and take shifts to feel fully, but I’ll manage?”

“You know what?” Xiao nodded. “I’ll accept that. You guys are weirdly accepting, but that might just be because Yang is the only person I’ve really bunked with. Who’s, uh, still alive, that is.”

“Glad to see everyone’s okay with a quiet night,” said Mark while he opened the door to his room. “If anything else happens before tomorrow morning, I’m shooting myself.”

“...Yeah, I’m just…” Horan followed Mark inside. “Just gonna make sure he’s not serious.”

While Waia and Xiao made their way to their respective rooms, Quet pulled out the relevant glyphs for her ‘night’ on the roof. “Sleeping under the stars, just without the stars. All in all, not much different, post-Nabbing.”

Omet patted her on the shoulder. “Let’s hope the mosquitoes didn’t survive down here.”

“I feel like if there are mosquitoes in the dimension of logic-defying insults to Darwin, they’d probably be considered enough of a threat to public safety that there’d be some cool guild of monster hunters dedicated to their eradication.”

“...Got me there.”