“She might be dead. The Lady of the Lost is on the prowl—”

Vivian walked out of the hedges. Kors, Lewis, and Renee stared.

Nodding to himself, Vivian backed into the hedges. Yep, no need to worry about me. I’m just a weird-looking topiary, la di dah…

“He respawns here?” Renee muttered, looking at Kors.

“I guess he is a Gardener. Even if he’s a secret recruitable, he’s going to respawn where Gardeners would,” Kors said, drawing his sword as he walked toward the hedges.

No no no—

Vivian’s back hit an invisible wall of force. He licked his lips. Welp.

Lewis stepped out in front of Kors. “Wait.”

“Huh?” Kors asked.

“He’s an NPC, right? He should reset allegiance on respawn. We can recruit him now,” Lewis suggested.

Kors frowned. A second later, his eyes widened. He nodded. “Lewis, how devious of you. I like it.”

Lewis snorted. “I didn’t suggest anything devious. I just thought—”

“Recruit Noah’s ally and use him against Noah? Noah won’t even know he’s swapped sides,” Kors said, smiling slowly.

I like where this is going. A free escape pass? Nice!

Eh, wait. What did I say the first time I spoke to him? If I want to get mistaken for an NPC, I better get it right. Vivian smiled and nodded at the party. “It’s a good season for tomatoes!”

I feel like that wasn’t it… but whatever, close enough.

And then… I need my gear. Ignoring the party, he walked over to his body and knelt. His own lifeless eyes stared up at the sky, his guts spilling out from where Kors had cut him in two. Oh, gross. Yuck. Vivian carefully pulled the spray bottle out from under his bottom half, trying his hardest not to grimace. NPCs don’t show emotions unless they’re in dialogue, NPCs don’t show emotions…

Metal clanked under his body. Vivian gave it a shove, revealing the clippers and rake. He let out a relieved sigh. Good. I don’t lose the stuff I put in inventory. Picking them up, he slotted them back into his inventory. Casting a glance at the party, he casually used his torso to block their view of his old, severed torso, and quickly scooped up the potions he’d looted from Jane back into his inventory.

Did I get any new equipment this time? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t… I’m not clear on how to proc it. Quickly checking his inventory, Vivian frowned. Looks like a no.

He glanced over at the party. Come to think of it, I didn’t get any new gear when I was getting mob-spammed by the party the first time. Do I not respawn with gear when there are Players nearby? I guess it makes sense. Otherwise, the entire gardening shed’s interior would be splayed out over that one corner of the maze.

“Hey. Gardener,” Kors called.

Vivian jumped upright. “Would you like to plant tomatoes?”

“Recruit,” Kors replied.

Motherfuck… I hate the way people interact with NPCs! Would it kill you to string together a whole sentence? I mean, it’s meaningless, can confuse them, and wastes time, but… they can understand it! We can understand what you’re saying! The Tower put a lot of effort into making NPCs lifelike, there’s no need to treat us like stupid robots!

“Would you like to recruit me? I cost 100 Gold per day,” Vivian replied. Might as well make a bit of profit, while I’m at it.

“A hundred gold?” Renee muttered disapprovingly.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“There’s no way the kid had that much. This is a bluff,” Kors said, shaking his head.

Noah! How dare you be poor! You’re cutting into my overhead, now, too? How brutal. The cycle of oppression of the poor continues! Noah is oppressed, and makes no money, so when he hires me, then I must also be cheap, and thus because Noah is poor, I make no money, either. Damn you, the slow grind of capitalism! Damn you, cheap labor forcing down the cost of labor everywhere!

“Ten gold,” Kors returned.

“Fifty gold,” Vivian said.

“No way Noah had that much, either. Five gold,” Renee replied.

Hey, you! Shut up. I’m bargaining with Kors!

“Does Noah even have five gold?” Lewis muttered.

“Five gold, accepted,” Vivian said quickly. Dammit, let a man make some money! It’s a cold world out here for NPCs. Can’t find love, can’t make any gold…

Kors held out his hand, palm down. Vivian held his out, palm up.

+5 Gold

“What does an NPC even do with gold,” Renee muttered.

“It’s basically just a noob tax,” Lewis agreed.

Fuck off. That gold belongs to me!

…Do I have the gold from before I respawned? Hey, System! I had six hundred some, right?

Total Gold: 5

MOTHERFUCKER! Tower, you damned thief! Where’s my damn money, huh? Where’d you put it? Piece of shit motherfucking Tower stealing all my motherfucking gold—

Okay, okay, deep breaths. Calm down. It’s fine. I’ll make some more gold later. Vivian closed his eyes and forced himself to stay calm.

“Looks like he’s in a bad mood. Guess we bargained too hard?” Lewis guessed.

“Well, he would’ve been in a bad mood for Noah, too, so it’s equivalent,” Renee said, shrugging.

Noah paid me in toenail clippers, so honestly, you paid better, Vivian thought, opening his eyes. He smiled wide at the party. “So, what are we doing today?”

“We’re collecting the Phantom Rose, and searching for our lost party member. If you see a boy who looks like this, notify us immediately. In the meantime, you’re helping us kill Lost Ones,” Kors explained. He held up his phone, showing Vivian a picture of Noah.

“Okay,” Vivian said. Like fuck. As soon as I’m out of sight, I’m—

Joined Kors’ Party!

Welcome! Current active members: Kors [Swordsman] [19] | Lewis [Knight] [17] | Rose [Bard] [20] | Noah [Mage] [4]

Objective: Follow Kors’ orders.

Success: +5 Gold

Failure: -5 Gold, -2 Levels

Vivian scrunched up his face. What the hell? What is this ‘Failure’ penalty bullshit? This didn’t happen when I joined… when I joined…

I didn’t join Noah’s party! Not formally. This is the first time I’ve formally joined a party since I became an NPC. I accepted gold and everything! That negative two Level penalty… that’s a party-breaking penalty, isn’t it? It costs Gold to add features like that onto your party, but I guess a successful party like Kors’ can afford it.

Fuck! Today’s going great. I got hunted by a serious party, did some Player Killing, got Player Killed—okay, NPC Killed, and now I’ve been forcibly recruited by another party that wants me to kill the Mage I’m raising, but worst of all, all my damn gold is gone…!

Would you like to activate your Checkpoint? WARNING: Checkpoint can only be activated once per day! If you die after using your Checkpoint, you lose your Checkpoint and fall back to the previous one.

Huh? I mean… sure?

Checkpoint

Name: Vivian | Age: 21 | Sex: M | Level: 1 | Level Up +9!

Role: [Gardener] [NPC]

[Status]

HP: 10/10

SP: 5/5

STR: 5

MAG: 1

SKL: 7

SPD: 7

MDEF: 5

DEF: 5

[Skills]

[Gardener Tool Proficiency] [LOCKED] Lvl 1

[No More Human Meat]

Vivian blinked. Huh? I’ve still got the No More Human Meat skill, but none of my other skills? And Level Up +9…? Wait, does that mean the Checkpoint stored the number of levels I gained? Why didn’t I proc it until now, though?

Checkpoint activates once every ten levels. You have one more Checkpoint available on Floor One.

Wait, wait, wait. One more Checkpoint? But… okay, let’s think about this. No matter when I checkpoint, I’ll be able to have twenty stat points, but the skills… Right now, No More Human Meat is my only unique skill—my only skill that doesn’t have a level attached to it. That’s pretty normal for Event or Boss skills, but does that mean that I can stock event skills behind my Checkpoint? Then… I need to make sure I activate all the events I can before my next Checkpoint!

Uh, but… I didn’t spend a lot of time on Floor One the first time. What events are there to proc?

Kors clapped his hands. “Vivian. We’re moving!”

“Right, coming,” Vivian said, jumping to follow him. Alright, whatever. I’ll try to get Noah out of this alive, but hey, one of the biggest threats to him is the damn quest he wanted to beat! If I can finish the quest on Kors’ side, then our only problem is Kors and his party.

It’s still a big problem, but it’s one less problem.

And ultimately… not that I’m not rooting for the guy, but, well, if Noah’s more effort than it’s worth, I can always ditch him and find another Mage. Another Mage… who’s willing to follow around an NPC…

Vivian twisted his lips. Dammit. Why can’t I be hot like Kyung, that haircutter guy? Someone offered five hundred gold to recruit him. What did I get? Five gold and a pair of toenail clippers? Where’s the justice in this world? Justice for ordinarily attractive men, dammit!

Footsteps. Kors’ party paused. Vivian looked back.