"We all know that Powerman can defeat Demonbane, but can he truly defeat Spaghetti Cooking Japanese Bird? In my opinion, he shouldn't be able to, since we have never observed Powerman cooking spaghetti." asked the thin nerd.

"Nonsense. Powerman stomps easily, since he was able to beat Popeye The Sailor Man, who was easily able to defeat cans of spinach [links to video of Popeye defeating cans of spinach with only his bare hands]. Since spinach is many times more powerful than spaghetti, Powerman wins via power scaling." replied the fat nerd.

Powerman was just out walking his dog when he overheard these two nerds having the conversation. Upon realizing that it was just another stupid nerd argument, he instantly ran home crying [physics nerds: yes I know this implies that he got home before he even started running. Do not question the logic of Powerman].

When Powerman got home, he instantly took off his shirt [yes I know this would imply that his shirt was already off before he started taking it off. Do not question the logic of Powerman!] and threw it into the trash.

"I have failed you, my creator! For my one and only mission, that of ending all stupid nerd arguments, can never be truly fulfilled!" Powerman cried to the heavens.

"What troubles you my friend?" Spaghetti Cooking Japanese Bird suddenly appeared, answering Powerman's cries of anguish.

"Oh woe is me, for I am eternally consigned to rolling up the boulder of stupid nerd arguments up the hill of unintelligent discourse, only for it to tumble back down again!" cried Powerman.

"Is ok. We can have other types of stupid conversations." answered Spaghetti Cooking Japanese Bird.

"What you means?" sais teh Pwoermna.

"Have you heard of the Monty Hall problem?" aksed sphagetti coakibg japenserns brid.

"Yes. There is a 2/3 chance of getting the car if you switch. This can be easily shown using a decision tree." aorhjokhtgoj POwriowewman. 

"Actually, it's 1/2. You either get the car or you don't." adis the asphagietit cookijng japensne gbbird. 

"wtf. no it isn't." ioghjkldhgjkl ewioprpgrmdgjkl.

"Let's try something else. Did you know that 1+2+3+...=-1/12?" adjlhfljkh ashdtgjihrjkthejkl as jjdko gkoasj fwk ajvdgjb.

"You're saying, if a stranger came up to me and offers me a deal 'I'll give you a dollar on the first day, two dollars on the second day, and n dollars on the nth day, for all eternity', he's actually trying to steal 1/12th of a dollar from me? But the sequence has no sum for it is divergent." opiethuiahuiopth iouhfajwh.

"nah ur wrogn. The proof is as follows:

We first prove that the sum of the series 1-1+1-1+... = 1/2.

Observe that when we stop the sequence on a +1, we get +1 as the sum. but if we stop on a -1, then we get 0 as the sum. This means the sum fluctuates between 0 and 1, so the overall sum is just 1/2.

We then prove that the sum of the series 1-2+3-4+...=1/2 using the following manipulation:

S = 1-2+3-4...

2S = 1-2+3-4...

         +1-2+3... we just shift the second sequence by one place to the right.

     = 1-1+1-1... = 1/2 as we have shown before-"  paoshdoiarhti ajighasdhgiouja ujeojpad danbibf.

"By that reasoning, let S = 1+1+1...

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

S-S = 0

But if we shift one sequence by another:

S - S = 1+1+1...

              -1 -1...

         = 1

Which means 0=1" arhtolahb jlhtgjilhwaoiiopjwopegh sdjg sdmnhl.

"That's wrong, and the sum is used in highly advanced physics such as string theory. Look up the Casimir effect. It's okay if you can't keep up. We can work from easier problems. Did you know that 0.999...!=1?" hjkladh gawlioptuuopahpofgisbh gvsbuigiobcirobd.

"If 0.999... and 1 really are distinct, then by the fact that the reals are infinitely divisible, there is a number that is bigger than 0.999... but smaller than 1. But there can be no number simultaneously smaller than 1 and bigger than 0.999..., so they can't be distinct." poeriopwegiophuio oiriopre.

"Hah! They never taught you infinitesimals in school did they? Understandable, but this topic is too deep for me to go into with the time that we have available. One last thing. Do you think that the set of all even integers is the same size as the set of all integers?" jkhajklghj ojglioiaweyhtb.

"Yes, they have the same cardinality, you can easily construct an explicit bijection, and they both have a Lebesgue measure of zero." afmnouhtuiaweh iuth aurhoia owpeo.

"In fact that is wrong. Since the set of all even integers is a strict subset of the set of all integers, that means it is strictly smaller. Take any collection of integers from 1 to N, and only half of those will be in the set of all even integers whilst all of them will be in the set of all integers. This proves that the set of all integers is twice as large as the set of all even integers. Don't worry, math is hard and it's easy to make mistakes like these. In order to avoid making embarassing mistakes like Cantor did with his diagonalization proof, you should always check your work with other people, who can point out flaws in your reasoning that you have missed." said Spaghetti Cooking Japanese Bird.

"Okay." replied Powerman.

And then Spaghetti Cooking Japanese Bird disappeared leaving Powerman alone in his room.

"It appears that stupid arguments cannot be avoided as long as one is alive. In that case..." Powerman muttered to himself.

And then Powerman killed himself.

"Welcome to the afterlife. In order to determine whether you would be a better fit for Heaven or Hell, we have to ask you a series of questions." upon death, Powerman was transported to Purgatory, where he was greeted by a gatekeeper.

"The first question is: How many lights are there?" the gatekeeper pointed to four lights.

"2+2=5" Powerman had been tricked by this question before but he travelled back in time and answered correctly this time.

"You pass the test. Just one more question before you can enter Heaven" said the gatekeeper.

Two gates appeared along with two identical looking guards.

"One of these guards always tells the truth whilst the other always tells lies-" the gatekeeper began.

"What would you say if I asked you if you always told the truth?" asked Powerman to one of the guards.

"You fail the test. Down to Hell you go." said the gatekeeper.

And so Powerman went to Hell. He didn't turn back time yet because he turned back time last time before going to Hell and this time he wanted to know what Hell was like.

Powerman met a wandering soul in Hell and greeted it.

"Hiya. Did you know that vaccines cause AIDS?" the wandering soul said to Powerman.

"Fuck." Powerman left the soul and went in search of another. Soon he encountered another.

"Jet fuel freezes at 12,000 degrees Centigrade. It is therefore impossible for jet fuel to melt steel beams when steel beams only melt at 5,000 degrees Fahrenheit." the soul said.

"Sample size 2. This could just be bad luck. I need to keep trying." Powerman encouraged himself as he left the soul in search of another.

And so he continued.

12 billion souls later:

"Global warming is a hoax invented by oil-loving aliens who want us to keep our oil in the ground so they can come to Earth to steal it." said the soul.

And every single soul Powerman encountered was like those described above.

"Fuck this shit." said Powerman. And so he decided to go to Heaven.

And so Powerman went to Heaven.

"All praise to Azathoth." said the first soul Powerman met in Heaven, to Powerman.

"Azathoth is the greatest." said another soul.

"Do you guys ever talk about anything else?" asked Powerman.

"No. Since Azathoth is perfect and encompasses everything, it is meaningless to talk about anything else." replied the souls.

"But I am stronger than Azathoth. In fact I'm stronger than Azathoth added to infinity multiplied by infinity exponentiated to infinity tetrated to infinity infinity-ated to infinity fed into TREE() fed into the busy beaver function." said Powerman.

"That's impossible. Nothing is stronger than Azathoth because Azathoth is perfect." said the souls.

"Fuck this shit." Powerman said. And then he punched through the 4th wall and stared at the author.

"Put me in a better story." Powerman demanded.

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid such a story is beyond my capabilities. But I can write you into a Gary Stu in a nice and fluffy slice-of-life rom-com story for high schoolers" the author offered.

"No thanks. I'm outta here." Powerman said and left the author's universe.

And thus Powerman forever wandered the meta-multi-hyper-dimensional planes in search of a way to accomplish his impossible mission.

The end.