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Post War Rules
Post War Rules - 2

Post War Rules - 2

“Take a seat, Arnarxx,” the Thief-Taker General told the soft-bodied arachnid.

The Human turned away from them to take a seat on the couch behind him. One of the T’nann in the room hastily swept bits of broken glass from the cushions before the Human sat down. The Human took an unnervingly open position, leaned back against the couch to directly face the other.

Arnarxx followed his example as they clambered onto the couch, their considerably longer body filled the entire piece of furniture. Their pedipalps twitched uncontrollably as the Human stared across the open space at them.

“What do you do to relax, Arnarxx?” the Human’s tone was casual, but Arnarxx felt his stare picking them apart. “Myself, I prefer a bit of music and a relaxing vapor,” he explained as he reached to the crystalline vapor machine by his couch. He took hold of a conical mouthpiece connected by a hose to the larger device, with the subtle press of a trigger and a deep breath the machine hummed to life.

The Human blew rings of water vapor as he turned back to Arnarxx, his piercing eyes expectant.

“I suppose I like to eat while I relax,” Arnarxx answered nervously. And they did like to eat, usually rehydrated noodles in powdered broth. It seemed to be an incredibly inadequate answer while surrounded by such visible opulence.

The Human was unphased, however, and waved to one of the T’nanns nearby. They hopped from the room to follow the wordless order.

“Tell me, Arnarxx,” the Human said amid a cloud of thick vapor. “What do you know about spaceships?” He twirled the mouthpiece in his hand and blew rings.

“I am no expert, uhm, sir,” Arnarxx answered hesitantly.

“Well, I am from a simple, uncontacted people. I have no inkling of how they work,” he said around a smile and a puff of vapor. “So, please, my new friend, tell me anything you can.”

“Well, I know that Torus Terminal maintains a local patrol fleet to protect against pirates. And that most other ships are more or less just engines with room to strap cargo onto,” Arnarxx explained. “I don’t know much about how Anti-Euclidean engines work if that’s what you had hoped,” they admitted.

Thankfully, the Human shook his head. “I didn’t think so; most don’t. I’m a bit more interested in the finances of such shipping companies, and what costs go into maintaining such a fleet. This, I suspect, you will be more knowledgeable of.”

“Oh yes, I’ve- uhm, I’ve worked on such companies before,” Arnarxx stumbled. It seemed so odd to talk openly about their work.

The Human barked in that strange way again. “No need to be so humble, Arnarxx. You are a capable thief and a surprisingly clever one at that.” The vapor from his machine billowed around his head, briefly hiding his grin. “If I’m right, you’ve stolen more than a million Station Credits, and several hundred thousand InterStellar Credits. All without anyone noticing that anything was ever missing.”

The Human bit down on the mouth-piece and pointed a blunt-clawed finger directly at Arnarxx, who flinched at the sudden motion. “That is impressive.” He spoke around the mouth-piece, and vapor billowed from his mouth and nostrils like smoke from a terrible fire breathing beast. “But it appears that like most of the people out here, you’ve done very little with it – unless, of course, you are even more talented than I first thought.”

Before Arnarxx could formulate a response, a parade of Ventusi and T’nann entered the room. T’nann teams carefully marched a table and a single chair into the room, and Ventusi balancing covered trays followed in their wake. The flurry of movement that followed might have overwhelmed a being with fewer eyes.

Arnarxx, however, was able to follow enough to appreciate the practiced fluidity of the act. In moments, the finely set tables from the restaurant outside were mirrored by one within the Thief-Taker General’s office. The table cloth was a fine silk and the covered tray leaked tantalizing scents. But Arnarxx did not fail to notice that the table had blocked them into their seat.

The Human took the seat opposite of Arnarxx the moment the attending waiters had finished their work. T’nann tails whipped the covers from the trays and revealed – much to Arnarxx’s surprise – a delicious noodle broth. Expertly chopped ingredients rested on top of the soup in an artisanal arrangement. And the soup itself wafted a bouquet of savory scents toward Arnarxx.

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It was almost enough to make Arnarxx forget about the creature sitting across from them. But the way the Human stared directly at them, and not the food, was instantly able to recapture their attention.

“Go on and get yourselves something, gentlemen,” the Human said to the waiters. “And take the rest of the night off. Full pay, of course.” The staff exchanged disbelieving glances but didn’t hesitate to escape the Thief-Taker’s presence.

“Don’t mistake me, Arnarxx,” the Thief-Taker General said as he took up his utensils. “I don’t expect you to be able to steal me a fleet just yet. No, you’ll go on doing what you do best under my supervision.” The Human speared a neat cut of glistening meat, an ingredient noticeably absent from Arnarxx’s bowl. He held the slice up as if to inspect it as he continued. “I’m so happy you chose to eat during this meeting, Arnarxx. It’s a Human tradition to eat with our families and friends, and one I’ve sorely missed. So, let us eat together, and I will explain to you how all of this is going to work.” The human tucked the cut of meat into his mouth and closed his eyes to appreciate the flavor.

It wasn’t until Arnarxx had hesitantly begun to eat as well, that the Thief-Taker General continued. “Normally, how this works is someone who has had their property stolen. I either come to them, or they are led to me, and I offer to find their stolen property for a small fee. Soon the victim returns to me, and I can inform them that I have negotiated the return of their property, but in exchange, the thieves have demanded a ransom. I arrange a meeting, the ransom goes to the thieves in exchange for their property, and the victim leaves satisfied.

“In reality, the thieves have been under my employ from the beginning. And two-fifths of the ransom goes to me,” the Human admitted.

The news was so surprising Arnarxx nearly choked on their delicious soup. If that was true, then the Thief-Taker General was no crime fighter at all – which, by now, Arnarxx supposed they had begun to suspect as much. But its brilliance went beyond even that. The Thief-Taker General was both thief and fence – and yet, legally, it would be difficult to prove he was either. The Thief-Taker General didn’t steal, and he didn’t handle the ransoms, yet he benefitted from both.

It was mad and brilliant. Much more complex than a thousand tiny exchanges over months and months like Arnarxx did. But with significantly less direct risk to the Thief-Taker himself.

And, Arnarxx realized with growing dread, they now knew what the Thief-Taker General did to thieves that tried to cross him.

The Humans smile grew darker somehow. “I see you are beginning to realize the stakes of the game, now,” he muttered as he wiped his lips with a napkin. “You are one of my thieves now. You will rob who I tell you to rob, but you are a clever one, Arnarxx. I won’t try to tell you how to do your job, but you will do it to the best of your ability. If you do your job well, I’ll protect you if things go badly: there are ways a criminal might dodge the noose. But if you ever try to fuck me ...”

The Thief-Taker General trailed off, but his gaze moved pointedly toward the shattered glass still spread across one side of the room.

“Do I make myself understood?” he finally asked.

Arnarxx realized he was shaking, and slowly clamped down on the reflex as he nodded “Yes.”

The Human nodded, and a tension that Arnarxx had not noticed before left the Human. For a while, they ate in silence. Slowly, Arnarxx mustered the courage to ask a question. Something that had been confusing them from the moment they realized the Thief-Taker General’s true nature.

“Why are you so ... public,” Arnarxx asked. Hastily, they added a belated, “sir!” To be sure they would not offend their new employer. But, with all the Human’s illicit work, wasn’t public attention a hindrance rather than an asset?

For the first time since meeting him, the Human looked surprised. Perhaps he had not expected Arnarxx to be courageous enough to initiate conversation. All the same, the Human looked eager to answer.

“For my safety, of course,” he said around a grin. “By far, the only people who might be clever enough to put together what my ultimate goal is is the military branch of the Empire. They made the mistake of releasing me into the civilian world, and once they realize that mistake, they may want to make me disappear quietly. That becomes much harder with so much attention on me. People would ask questions that could neither be addressed or ignored.”

“I see,” Arnarxx mumbled as they finished the broth in their bowl. They supposed that made sense, from a disturbingly paranoid point of view. Arnarxx knew the Human had been indentured under the Imperial Military after his abduction, but there was no public information on how exactly. And then the Human had been released into the public sphere, perhaps with the hope that a single sapient would simply disappear into the crowds.

“And what is this ultimate goal of yours?” Arnarxx asked, surprising themselves as much as the Human at their forwardness. The Humans grin turned into a full smile, and his gaze grew hard again – which in turn sent Arnarxx’s pedipalps to twitching once more. Silently, Arnarxx cursed their own attention to detail: It seemed the Human hadn’t meant to reveal that to them.

“That, Arnarxx, is not something you need concern yourself of.” The Human’s voice grew deadly calm again, and Arnarxx knew they had stepped too far. Before they could hastily apologize, however, the Human continued. “You need to do your job, Arnarxx. That is all. Which brings me back to an important question I nearly forgot to ask:

“I know you can steal from a company without being noticed, but can you put them into debt without them noticing?”