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Post-Mortem Adventuring: An Undead Progression LitRPG
Chapter Two - Torches and Pitchforks

Chapter Two - Torches and Pitchforks

As I looked around the town, I wasn’t surprised by the overly reinforced…well, everything I suppose. The windows had metal bars over them and the doors and walls had enchantments. The only place that didn’t have the defenses was the tavern and that made a bit of sense. All of the fortifications were because of adventurers, with how stupid they could be, but even the worst criminals knew to not touch the tavern.

Aside from the bargoers bringing down the hammer of the gods on the offending person, there was an urban legend that taverns acted like a dead man’s switch, using runes to annihilate the town once it’s destroyed. Either way, you didn’t touch the tavern unless you wanted to get beaten like a massive helping of scrambled eggs.

Eggs…Could I eat still? I doubt I’d need to, but if eating is a luxury now, I’ll be damned if it’s not an affordable one. Do I even…no, they took all my money too. To the credit of those traitors, they were surprisingly thorough when they’d disabled us.

I let out a heavy sigh, thinking of ways to get money when I realize something. I’m dead, and I can regenerate. The guild offers odd jobs and if I can find their place here then I can make a bit of money!

I immediately start asking around, getting some stares. It occurred to me then, that I probably look like death. Literally. I’d need to fix myself up soon. After about, I don’t know, twenty minutes of asking around, I find a group that doesn’t look at me like I have the plague and they give me directions. Turns out, the building I was near when I first entered, the tavern, was the guild and I’m just really dumb.

I gently open the door, savoring the sounds of life once more. It was nice outside and all, but the people were looking at me weird and the birds looked ready to dive bomb me. Here though? This feels like home. The people celebrating a completed mission, taking on new ones, and the few that passed the test to get their rank past gold? This was amazing.

I went up to the desk, barely flat expression, and asked for a bronze contract. No one here would take them unless they needed the money, so there was bound to be a few. The man behind the counter gave me a sad smile, a mix of pity at what my situation probably was and gratitude that I could take some work off his hands.

Yes, things were good today.

———————————————————————

After getting a few jobs done, me and Rye had some good stuff. Sure, we weren’t swimming in money, but it was more than enough to pay for what we needed. I also managed to get Rye those stones with language lessons on them, and the way he spoke went from an illiterate three year old to someone who lived out in the countryside, accent and all.

He still looked like a monster though.

Apparently, he has access to the system, so we had gone and given him a class, and a rare one at that. We were still hiding in the forest, but we had enough to maybe buy a house here.

And then things went bad because of course they did. After about two weeks of fighting and doing quests, I was going to start on the jobs for the week. How no one used [Analyze] on me until then, I’ll never know, but when someone finally did use it, it was…it was a [Cleric].

And nothings wrong with being a [Cleric], but almost all of them have this holier-than-thou attitude that makes them a pain to deal with. Even a [Paladin] isn’t that self righteous compared to them. And what do all holy classes “have a duty to eradicate?”

Undead, aka me.

The archer nocked an arrow when I wasn’t looking and fired but it buried itself in the side of the desk. I turn around, grabbing the new knife I bought from my side and I look just in time to get absolutely decked in the face by their [Fighter.]

The thing about classes is that they don’t really keep you from doing anything. They just make you especially good at that thing. A [Fighter] can also heal you, they’re just really good at beating the crap out of things. A [Cleric] can fight like anyone else, they’re just really good at healing. Downside of this though? They don’t have a solid bar to measure their strength.

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

I doubt this was what the guy was going for, but he catches me in the kidney with a vicious right hook and sends me flying through the guildhall walls.

Thankfully, pain wouldn’t be a problem due to the dead nerve endings on my skin, but somehow, the ones deeper in are still alive. How do I know this? I felt that hit in my soul. It almost had me questioning if I was dead or not.

I crashed through the wall that separated the tavern from the guildhall and flew through the tavern door, landing on the ground with a loud thump before rolling into the stairs of what I think was a shop. The people at the bar stared at the group with frustration when that damn [Cleric] pointed at me, shouting “He’s undead!”

They watched in a mix of awe, revulsion, and surprise as I rose to my feet. I see their eyes looking at my left side and when I look, I realize why. That punch just eradicated any flesh that was there and what was once a kidney now sat as a little meat sack, just hanging there in tatters, flapping in the wind. I used [Regenerate] and just sprinted out of there like the Devil was coming to take my soul unless I ran a marathon.

I decide to take a quick peek behind me and I see everyone just charging, wielding whatever they could get their hands on. Most had the obligatory pitchfork and torch, but quite a few just had kitchen utensils.

One of them threw a set of frying pans at me, but luckily their aim was awful. Instead of hitting me as intended, they landed in front of me, and I snatched them up, still sprinting. It was only when I reached the forest that I noticed I wasn’t tired. Yet another advantage of being dead, I suppose.

I see Rye just looking at the plants, practicing his speech, and I run over to him. “Grab as much as you can carry.”

“What happened?”

“There was a [Cleric]-“ Before I could even finish my sentence, he started panicking, grabbing everything that we left out. It was understandable, since clerics were part of a church, and like I said before, a church says they’re responsible for purging the undead.

Back on the road after a while, I remove one of the vines that are covering Rye and observe something. Somehow, he looks more human. His face isn’t filled with holes and his features seem more defined. He just looks semi-old now.

I use [Analyze] on the vines I moved, the description actually surprising me.

Vein of Life

A type of plant commonly found in the forests of the Vitae region. Long term exposure to the vines when cut can slowly revert organic matter to its original state. Commonly used as a substitute for rope due to its durability and mild elasticity.

Well.

That’s nice. I’m just going to ignore the regenerative part and focus on the bit where it says that it’s used as a substitute for rope. I check and see the pans have holes in the handle big enough to tie them together, and lo and behold, I now have…two pans tied together.

I grab the handle of one of them and swing it around, doing tricks with it. It’s fairly fast and hitting a tree with it proves that it’s powerful.

I go through a list of words in my head before combining two to make a completely new one. “I dub thee Panchaku. May you serve us well.”

A system screen pops up above it.

Panchaku

An amalgamation of pans and nunchaku, it combines rapid attack speed with high power to make a truly devastating weapon.

Effects

Frontal attacks deal more damage.

———————————————————————

“You’re giving these to me?” Rye looked a bit surprised, facial expressions becoming clearer due to the vines fixing his body. “Are you sure?”

“Positive. Your hands are strong and all, but you need a real weapon.”

Rye nodded and took the item from me, staring in awe. It confused me, because it was really just pans, but it really didn’t matter I supposed.

We began walking through the forest, grabbing what we could for supplies, and we were almost in a new region of the continent. As we crossed the threshold of the Vitae region, I knew exactly where we were.

“What is this place?”

I breathed in, enjoying the land around us until a large bird dived down at us. I tackled both of us to the ground, remembering that carrion birds were all too common here.

“The land of the capital. Vanguard.”