"Aaaaah, finally daylight again." Jessica sighed and stretched her arms as the door to the doctor's office blended back into the wall behind us.

"We were in there for 15 minutes , Jess. Don't be so dramatic." I looked up at her hands. Her bandage concealed the hole in her palm. As low-tier villains, we weren't able to afford to go to a magic healer, and we didn't want to blow all of our hard-earned money by visiting multiple doctors, so we decided to enlist a bone specialist.

All the Family Doctors had stupid little codenames that made me want to roll my eyes so far into the back of my head that I could bid my brain good night, and one of them was good old Dr. Calcium. He was a weird dude, but with him, even complex fractures were a minor inconvenience at worst. So we walked out of his office 2000 bucks and one destroyed wrist lighter. The hole in her hand would have to heal on its own for now.

"Awww, but I like being dramatic." she pouted but pretty soon after her smile returned to her face.

"Nice to see you back in a chipper mood." I said as we started the long, winding, back alley journey to our apartment.

"Oh, dude, ya have no idea how goddamn painful it is to have your hand almost twisted off." I did, but I kept that to myself. "I mean I'm still not feeling great or whatever, but by comparison..." She shuddered instead of finishing the sentence.

"I can only imagine." I remarked and kicked a can down the road. "Sooo, about your bracelet." She looked at me for a moment before recognition flashed in her eyes.

"Oh yeah! What the hell was going on there?!" She looked down at the golden accessory. "I don't know what that was. I...I was afraid when it happened. I thought this was it. We lost. Jail for both of us. And then....Kaboom." She made a wide arc with her arms, imitating an explosion.

"Kaboom, indeed." I looked up at the sky. We had both changed into civilian clothes at the doctor's office and after spending the whole day in a hot costume and a body pumped full of adrenaline the cold was starting to get to me. "We should have it identified." I threw out.

Jess shook her head. "Let's not......not now, at least. I don't know 'bout ya, but I wanna use at least some of the cash for something other than food and villain stuff."

I let out a sigh. "Jess, I really think..."

I was interrupted by a hand on my shoulder. "Next run. Alright? Let's just enjoy ourselves a bit."

I looked into her beaming face for a full minute before shrugging. "Alright, alright. Objection withdrawn." I felt a small smile tugging at my own lips. Damn her and her infectious positivity.

It took us a good hour to arrive at the unassuming brick bando that provided the cover for our home. As soon as we opened the door we were met with an unusual sight.

Crowded around the entrance were a good 10 or so of our fellow tenants, who ushered us both in with vigorous applause.

I only knew 4 of them, Junebug, Flamermelter, Vindictive, and Frostlass, but all of them made the rounds to congratulate us.

"Way to show'em that Low-Tier doesn't mean Low-Threat."

"About time someone punted these loons back to Oz."

"The Tin bimbo blowing up was hilarious. I have that shit saved."

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

...and so on. We carefully extricated ourselves from the crowd (after letting them heap praise on us for a bit of course) and made our way up the stairs.

"I could get used to being this popular." Jess skipped up the steps.

"Don't. It's not worth the hype. Believe me." I retorted.

Once we reached the top of the staircase a small plastic figure lying in the corner sprang to life. It wasn't a soldier. In fact, the little guy looked more like a butler. It beckoned for us to follow and waddled in the direction of the building's only 3-room apartment.

"Oh yeah, Party Time!"

"....oh yeah, party time...."

we both said nearly simultaneously and went to follow, one of us clearly more excited than the other. We barely had to knock once before the door swung open and we were pulled in by my favorite person in the world.

"Aaah, there you are my fair, and might I say breathtakingly charming friends. I hereby humbly, for what am I if not the deific incarnation of humility, welcome you to our quaint yet comfy homestead." he said as he moved behind us with a twirl and closed the door.

The other two sat at a beautifully decorated table in the middle of the room, Toy General lifted a glass of what looked like wine in our direction. "Nice to see you decided to come."

"Sup." was all that came from Slugger.

"Of course we came! But not gonna lie, it's kinda weird to see ya look like this." Jess said to Smooth Criminal.

The blonde pain-in-the-neck put a hand to his chin and smirked. He really did look different. His color palette was still all white, but instead of his usual nice suit, he wore an "I 🍩 LA" hoodie and jeans. It looked almost surreal on him. Toy General was also in civilian clothing, but he radiated pure normality. Slugger looked like she always did.

"You have a keen eye for details, young miss. The whole and honest truth is even someone as near to perfection as Myself can't look fabulous all day every day. Please, do us, and of course, it goes without saying but I shall anyway, yourself a favor and sit down at our freshly decked table."

We did as he asked and he followed suit. Jess immediately used her bracelet to pour both of us a glass of wine. "To victory." Slugger said and raised her glass. It was a tradition among Villains who teamed up to raise a glass and have a toast after the success of the mission. One by one we followed

"To my dear comrade C4 who gave his life for the mission." Toy General.

"To elegantly subduing our foes." Smooth Brain Criminal.

"To the first of many successful runs!" Jess.

And me. "To doing what's wrong in the right way."

"Hear, hear." we said in unison, clinked our glasses together, and downed the alcohol in one gulp.

"Today was quite the day." Toy General was the first to speak after.

"Tell me about it!" Jess groaned and I lightly squeezed her shoulder. "Look at my hand! Who does that metal bitch think she is!"

"Just a Hero doing Hero things, presumably." TG stated matter of factly. "But you guys have it good here. Back home she would've gone for the kill the second she spotted you."

I poured myself another glass of wine. "So, I take it you're from Utopia then?"

He nodded his posture noticeably stiffening. "And despite the name a Utopia, it ain't."

Utopia. The only hero-led country in the world. One of my former teammates was Utopian, so I had a basic grasp of their culture. It was a mixed bag for sure. "But don't they have like the lowest crime rate in the world? Seems like they must do something right." Jess wondered.

He shook his head. "If you cut down every apple tree that has even one apple with a light bruise or slight imperfection then of course you're going to have the orchard with the least bad apples. Doesn't mean it isn't wasteful and insane." He poured himself another drink too and took a sip. "But enough about me. I'm more curious about you."

"Me?" Jess looked genuinely caught off guard.

"Yes. How does a bubbly girl like you end up here with us, the scum of society. Poor parents maybe? A life on the run to ensure basic survival?"

Jess opened her mouth to answer when Smooth Criminal burst out laughing. "Oh, you have it exactly backward, friend. You're the missing Chazman girl, aren't you?"

Upon hearing his words her mouth stayed open. "How do you know that?"

"It may shock and amaze you to hear that I myself was born into a life of privilege."

"Really? You? I never would've guessed." I mumbled.

"Oh yes, verily so. Were I spectator of this event I wouldn't be able to believe it myself. But it's true. Mayhaps you've heard the name Elminster before."

I raised my eyebrow. "Elminster as in Elminster Enchantments and the Elminster Institute of Magecraft?"

He puffed out his chest proudly. "The very same. And even though I've effectively cut my family out of my life I still have access to some of their more.....illicit connections. So I remain very very well informed about a lot of the things going on in this beautiful city."

"So what is a filthy rich Brit doing at the bottom rung of society in America?" I asked and finished off my second glass.

He held his arms up in a shrug position and shook his head. "Alas, I was the only child in my family born without magic. Tragic, I know, but stem your tears. All I have is a lowly Power. For shame. My own and my parents'. Staying in that dreadful environment was sure to be bad for my impeccable skin, all that stress, you know? But living on the street or getting a job wouldn't be much better stress-wise, and being a Hero is just not in my nature. So boring. So saccharine." Jess and Slugger nodded in agreement. "But of course, I couldn't be a Villain back home. My family would've made it their personal responsibility to track me down and put me behind the woeful iron curtain. So America it was. So much opportunity. So much corruption. This country is the true Utopia, I'll say."

Now it was my time to laugh. I grabbed the wine and filled up my third glass of the evening. "Hey, I'll drink to that." I raised my drink up. "To America, land of the fools."

"To America!" came the chorus.

I felt a blush creep on my cheeks as I downed the flavourful liquid in one. Jess was in much the same situation. Could it actually be that I was starting to enjoy myself here? Impossible.

Still....

Maybe this party wouldn't be a total waste of time after all.