“Hey Paul, why'd we take this job?”

“Because it's easy, Ron.”

“But it's booooooring.”

“Of course it's boring, that's because it's easy.”

“But-” Ron started, but Paul simply tuned him out. Ron could go all day with his complaints. In fact, Paul was fairly sure he would die without them. It was a terminal addiction at this point. The ceaseless chatter continued until Paul buried his head in his arms in frustration.

“Paul. Hey Paul. Paul!” Ron began shaking Paul's shoulder.

“No Ron! I don't want to play cards! Not while we're on duty!” Paul shouted, leveling his fiercest glare at his fellow guard. Ron had no idea how good they had it! All they had to do was stand around and look imposing to scare away the small fry that wandered out of the forest. No fighting, no hard work, it was practically free gold! But Ron didn't even want to do that!

However, Ron sported an odd look on his face. Usually he carried a perpetual pout, as though the world was purposely out to get him. Now, he looked utterly shocked, and the average goblin wouldn't shock Ron. No, there was only one person around here who could frighten Ron that badly!

Raising his hand, Ron pointed towards the road to get Paul's attention. 'Oh no! He's right behind me, isn't he? Get it together, Paul!'

Jumping to attention, Paul donned his most professional face and turned to look at the road, expecting to see the guard leader getting ready to chew him out for letting himself get distracted. “I'm sorry sir! It's all Ron's fau- Huh?”

Rather than the grisly, bearded visage of the guard leader staring him down, he found himself face to face with the glowing cyan eyes of a young, light blue, mostly transparent woman. She looked quite magnificent in a monstrous, unworldly sort of way, apart from the fact that she was dressed in a shredded dress that looked like little more than rags. The ethereal beauty smirked back as he tried to shake off his confusion.

“Monster? Ah! MONSTER!” Paul shouted, gripping his spear tightly in front of him.

Before he could make a move, Ron roughly shoved him into the gate. “You fool! That's no way to talk to a pretty lady!”

“Hey there” Ron said, slicking back his hair as he walked towards the stunning monster “Trust me Miss, you don't want to go in here. My boss is pretty strong, and he'll kill us both if I let you into town! But hey, maybe we could...”

“What are you doing?” Paul hissed.

“I'm... you know... distracting her, yeah. You keep watch on the gate” he hissed back. Putting on his biggest smile, he continued “Ignore him, Miss, how would you like to go for a walk with me? As long as we don't go into town there shouldn't be any problems, yeah?”

This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

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Clarity couldn't help but smirk as she watched the two guards bumble around. 'Maybe it wasn't necessary for me to jump the wall last time after all.'

“Huh, I wonder what the requirements are to become a guard around here?” she asked cheekily.

The cautious guard in the back caught the light verbal jab immediately, scrunching up his face in consternation when he heard the question, but the one called Ron was quick to respond “Well, we've got to be strong, of course!”

“... And disciplined, trustworthy, attentive, and witty. I tell ya, I was at the top of my generation back in...”

“Oof” he stopped his bragging as his partner put a fist into his gut. “What the hell, man? Don't do that to me in front of a lady!”

Putting on the same hilariously serious look as earlier, the cautious guard explained “Honestly, we just have to stand here and look scary so monsters don't bother the civilians. Could I ask what business an austere being such as yourself has with our fair town?”

“Damnit, always stealing my spotlight!” Ron hissed.

Clarity remained silent for a handful of seconds as the guards anxiously squirmed in place, before reaching her right hand into her left sleeve. She chuckled as they both gripped their spears tighter. Pulling out her hand, she revealed the status card she'd received from the guild earlier, laughing as both guards widened their eyes in shock.

“Oh! You're the monster the guild was talking about? I thought they were pulling my leg!” Ron exclaimed.

“The monster?” the other asked, clearly left out of the loop, as he examined the status card. “Slime woman?”

“Yeah” Ron replied “I told you about it last week while we were on duty.”

“You know I don't listen to half the crap you say while we're on duty!”

“Hey, that's not my problem” Ron shrugged, before cheerfully addressing Clarity “How about a tour of the city by yours truly?”

“No thanks, I have somewhere to be... and I'm pretty sure you have a job to do” Clarity shot back.

“Yes, they do” came a voice from the other side of the wall, as a bearded man with a dark smile on his face walked out. His entire body seemed to overflow with mana, despite his relaxed appearance. “So if you're done messing with my guards, I would appreciate it if you let them get back to work.”

“Ah... Of course, I'll be on my way then!” Clarity agreed, quickly hurrying off to find Esmeralda's shop. Behind her she heard a faint cry, filled with indignation. “But it was Ron's fault!”

Clarity had no trouble finding her way, the main road leading straight from the gate to the commercial section. Once again, the roads were mostly deserted, though she did encounter a fat man sitting on a wagon filled with magical items, who stared at her in shock. As she passed by, he pulled on the reins of his horses to turn them around, but he didn't call out so she continued to ignore him.

'It's Saturday, right? I guess all of the adventurers should be training with the guild again.'

Entering the shop, she found Esmeralda buried in another book.

“Oh? Who is- Clarity!” she called as the slime walked inside. “I'm glad you- Huh? What happened to your clothes?” 'Oh yeah, I forgot about that...'

“... They got ripped in the forest.”

“What? But I thought you were busy reading? Weren't you going to come back here when you were done with the adventurer's guild?” Esmeralda asked, trying to hide disappointment in her voice. 'Uh oh, how do I get out of this one? It looks like she was really looking forward to talking about enchantments.'

“I was reading, until this morning.” Clarity hedged. “The receptionist said that you humans were all sleeping, so I went back to the forest for a few hours to pick some things up.”

“Oh! I see! That makes sense!” Esmeralda perked back up. “But now your clothes are ruined! We should go get you some new ones.”

“But I don't need new ones?” 'Why does everyone want to play dress up the slime?'

“Nonsense! The adventurers won't stop bugging you if you walk around like that!” Esmeralda refuted her.

“Well... I suppose I would rather avoid that...”

“Right! So let's go, I know the local tailor and she's pretty decent at her job! Not like the carpenter, who keeps trying to sell me shoddy work...” Esmeralda trailed off into a string of grumbling. “Oh, right! What did you go into the forest to get?” she asked innocently.

“These” Clarity reached into the large, conveniently placed opening in the center of her robes, appearing as though she was reaching directly into her own chest, and pulled out a one foot long boar tusk, followed by another, placing them on a nearby table. “I thought they might be valuable. I used to use them to stab things.” 'It's a good thing I remembered to grab them on my way back.'

“That...” Esmeralda tried to chose her words carefully “That was... so, so weird.”