I stuck my hands in my pockets and leaned against the wall. The thug stood there, staring dumbly at his ruined knife. “Well? You five gonna leave or what? I’m not giving you a single penny, and unless I miss my guess, nobody else is, either.”

“You think you can just tell me what I’m gonna do? I’m about to kick your ass.” He tossed the handle to the ground and advanced on me, his fists raised.

I opened a trapdoor under him, with the exit just behind his compatriots. He fell through, landing on one of his friends, stunning him. The doors disappeared as suddenly as they came, leaving nobody the wiser. One of his friends threw his knife at me. I opened a pair of small doors, letting him stab himself in the thigh. He grabbed at the knife and fell to his knees with a cry of agony.

“I’d leave that there, if I were you. Who knows how much you’ll bleed if you try to take it out.” I looked at the others. “Anyone else? I can do this all day, y’know.”

The big man had gotten up, shoving one of his friends away. “Go on, then. Leave, if you’re such a pussy. I’m gonna teach this bitch a lesson.” He put his hands up again, advancing slowly.

I shook my head. Some people just never seemed to learn. “Okay, then. You asked for it.”

Both of his arms fell off just below the elbow, two doors on the stumps. He fell to the ground, screaming incoherently as his friends all ran off, one with a pronounced limp. I strolled over to him and squatted in front of him.

“Didn’t I tell you to leave?” His continued screams were annoying. “Shut up!” Silence. “Now. I told you to leave, didn’t I?” He whimpered and nodded his head. “That’s right. I tried to be nice about all this, but you… you decided to ruin my meal. I was having such a good time, remembering my Grammy and Pappy. And then you show up, demanding money. Get a job, pal.” I picked up his arms, feeling their heft. This guy worked out a fair bit.

“My…my arms! Put ‘em back, man! You gotta put ‘em back!”

“I don’t have to do a damn thing. I could open a door over the ocean. Drop you and your stumps into the drink.”

“God, please no! I can’t swim!”

I smirked and realigned his arms, feeling the doors click together, then let the doors dissolve. He flexed his arms and clenched his fists, marveling at the sensations.

“Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you thank you!”

“Shut up. Get the hell out of here before we find out if I can do the same with your head.” I stood and stepped away from the sniffling thug. He shuffled backwards and ran out as quickly as he could get his feet under him.

I looked over to the man behind the counter who stood there with his phone to his ear. “Could I please get a bag to take this home in? Thanks, man.”

The guy disappeared into the back, returning a few minutes later with a bag filled with sandwiches and sides. “Here dude. Just…just go. Diego will be back, and he’ll be looking for blood.”

I nodded. “Got a pen and paper?” The man nodded and handed me a legal pad and a pen. I wrote a note and ripped off the paper, then handed the pad back to the guy. “Thanks, man. I’ll leave this for him on my way home. Make sure he gets it, would you?”

“Uh… yeah.”

I placed the note on the table, then opened a door to my room. I grabbed the bag and walked to the door just as the front door burst open. “Left you a note, Diego. Leave these guys alone.” I walked into my room and shut the door just in time to hear Diego roar my name before the door dissolved into nothing.

“What the fuck’re you doing over there, Jackson?” I heard Lab yell.

I walked out to see him stomping over to my room. “Man, what did you do this time?” He sniffed the air. “And what smells so good?”

“Ah, you know. Just the usual. Antagonizing a gang in Santa Francesca. And brought home some sandwiches and sides from Tommy’s Joynt.”

Lab sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he held out a hand. I slapped a wrapped sandwich into it. He unwrapped it and took a bite. “Mmm. Roast beef. Not bad. What’s this about a gang?”

So I told him the tale of my run-in with Diego. “And I left him a note, then came home. That’s all.”

Lab gave me a grin. “What’d it say?”

I shuffled my feet and gave a nervous laugh. ”Fuck you, I’m Portal.”

Lab snorted. “You dumbass. Are you trying to get yourself blacklisted from every city in the country?”

“Hey man, I could’ve killed him. Been easy as hell to do, too. They’re not gonna bother me. Besides, Tommy’s ain’t the only place for good food." I crossed my arms and leaned against the door jamb.

Lab ate the sandwich thoughtfully, then licked his fingers clean. “They do have good food, though. Maybe reconsider not going back. You don’t want to leave a negative impression of yourself, after all.”

I sighed. The man was right. I opened a small peephole next to the camera at Tommy’s. As I looked in, I heaved a sigh. Diego was there, backed up by seven of his friends. I let the peephole dissolve and turned to Lab with a grin.

“Feel like taking out the trash, Lab?”

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Oh? How many?”

“Eight total. Diego is mine. He’s the big one with the tats.”

Lab nodded. “Maim the others?”

“As much as we can. Teach them a bit of a lesson.”

“Where we coming out at? Wall?”

“Nah. Let’s get the drop on them.”

“Oo! Fun! Let’s go.”

I opened a trapdoor above the group of idiots Diego had brought, and we dropped onto them, stunning three and knocking a total of five prone. Diego’s head whipped around at the noise and he roared at us in an impotent rage.

Lab grabbed a pair of wrists and twisted until we heard them crunch and pop. I hit one with a palmstrike to the side of his head, knocking him out. I watched Lab as he giggled like a schoolboy, punching indiscriminately at the thugs that surrounded him, taking a couple of punches himself. Due to his short stature he hit most of them just above their pelvis, and I saw another go down with hysterical screams.

One of the thugs punched at me, and I opened a small pair of doors, letting him punch himself in the face. He fell on his rear, stunned, trying to make sense of what had just happened. I opened a trapdoor under him, dropping him onto the roof of the building from about ten feet in the air.

Lab had taken the last of the men to his knees, having dispatched the other by breaking his knee, then pulled an arm back and slapped him across the face as hard as he could. The man stiffened, then fell to his side, leaving just Diego.

Diego stood there by the counter, his jaw hanging wordlessly. He quickly regained his composure, then whipped a hand forward, hurling what looked like several steel balls in our direction. Lab and I juked to the side, hearing the projectiles impact against the walls, sending up puffs of dust.

“Heh. Think you’re the only one who can do somethin’? I don’t need no gun.” He flicked his hand out several more times, as Lab and I barely dodged the hail of tiny bullets. What were those?

Lab was grazed by one, and I heard him cry out in pain. I glanced over and saw him clutching his shoulder, a bloom of red seeping into his shirt as Diego laughed, sending more projectiles our way.

I opened a door beneath my friend, dropping him into his bedroom. I stood, brushing debris from my shirt as I tried to focus on the maniac in front of me. His hand flicked out a couple more times, and puffs of dust erupted from the walls, sending debris into my eyes.

“Hah! Can’t see, can you? Makes this so much easier.” Diego advanced quickly and punched me in the gut. Hard.

I doubled over, my breath gone. Involuntarily, I vomited my dinner across the floor. I heard Diego laugh, then walk off. Something scraped across the floor, and I heard the guy behind the counter shout at me.

“I told you to just leave, man! Told you he’d be back for blood! Now look at you. About to get killed by a broom handle.”

“Shut up, asshole! This bitch deserves the beating I’m about to give him.” I heard Diego walking back over.

I struggled to see anything. My ears had begun to ring, and I still couldn’t take a breath. I did the only thing I could think of. I surrounded myself with six doors, all facing out.

“What the… Whatever, man. Can’t hide forever.” I heard little pops as something tore holes in the doors, ripping straight through.

This was bad. I pounded on my chest, forcing myself to take a breath. At the first inhale of the sweet cool air, the ringing in my ears and darkening vision began to disappear, but the cloudiness in my eyes remained. More holes were ripped into the doors. I pulled my shirt off and scrubbed my face, trying to clear my eyes. As my vision began to clear, I realized how bad my situation was. Diego wasn’t going to stop, and I didn’t want that cashier to fall into the crossfire. My mind raced with possibilities. I didn’t want to kill him, but at this point, something had to be done. I released a pair of doors, and slid backwards slowly as I saw more and more of the shop through the door in front of me. Diego had to be stopped.

I opened a peephole, finding Diego nearly to the counter, flicking whatever it was at my door. I opened a trapdoor behind me, dropping onto the counter behind the man. He spun around, swinging the broom handle at my legs. I opened a door on the stick, letting it sail harmlessly behind me into the back of the restaurant. He flicked a hand out, sending more of his ammunition at me. I opened a door in front of his hand, letting the projectiles sail harmlessly into the floor at his feet. He slung his hands out over and over, and I redirected his attacks to the floor each time.

“Got anything else, big guy?”

Diego roared and pulled his fist back, and it was then that I saw it happen. A baseball-sized black ball materialized in his hand, and he wound up like a pitcher, throwing the ball as hard as he could at my face. I opened a door just past his hand, letting the ball impact the ground between his legs.

“I can do this all day, Diego. However, I’m sure Tommy wouldn’t want his restaurant destroyed by the likes of you. Let’s get you somewhere else.” I opened a door beneath Diego, sending him to the beach, then followed behind him.

He landed on the sand and rolled to his feet, his head darting around. I fell a few feet onto the sand behind him and gazed out across the ocean. It was always peaceful here, with the gentle susurration of the waves washing over me. Tonight, however, it was going to be a tomb.

I turned to face Diego, who hadn’t noticed me yet. I opened a door to my left and stepped through, emerging some twenty yards away. “Hi, Diego! I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve brought us here, and I’m going to tell you. First, let’s just keep you still.”

He started running at me, and I opened a small door in front of him, and just below the waves, which immediately began to spew seawater out, blasting the big man with its pressure, sending him several yards away. I quickly dissolved the doors, opening a second set under the sand, and proceeded to bury his torso under several hundred pounds of sand.

I walked over to him, hearing him struggling to breathe. “Aww… what’s wrong, Diego? Having trouble?”

“I’ll kill you, you son of a bitch. I’ll kill you.”

I shook my head and sat down next to his head. “Wouldn’t struggle too much, man. That pile of sand could topple this way and bury your head. Why won’t you learn this lesson, Diego? Leave me alone. Leave Tommy’s Joynt alone. Or next time, I’ll just drop you into the ocean. Deal?”

Diego paled at the mention of the ocean. “I can’t fucking swim, man…”

I gently soothed the man’s hair. “I know, Diego. I know. So just leave Tommy’s Joynt alone. Me too. Remember that I could easily kill you.” I leaned in close, pitching my voice low. “And nobody would know it was me.”

Diego swallowed. “Alright, man. I’ll leave Tommy’s alone. And you. Now get me out of here. I…I think there’s a crab crawling up my leg, and it’s freaking me out.”

“Shit. Sorry.” I opened a door directly beneath him, sending him to the top of the pile of sand, then closed it immediately. He rolled down the mound and shook out his pants, sending a small crab scuttling off to the surf. “You good, Diego?”

The man nodded. “I hate crabs. All those legs.” He shuddered and looked at me. “Get the hell out of here.”

I nodded and opened a door to Tommy’s. “You’re at Ocean Beach, near Fulton. I hope I never see you again, Diego.” I walked through the door, seeing the carnage at Tommy’s fully for the first time.