"Oh my god," Fern was gasping for air after reading the email for the tenth time. She had managed to get a real, verifiable offer and she couldn't even speak straight. "Oh, my god."
The teenager got up and held her face in her hands. She had made it into the program, but she had so much to think about now. It made sense to go to the camp in LA. She couldn't speak Japanese or Korean, so if she went to those camps she'd be lost. But she wasn't too sure if she could take being away from her family for two years, possibly. Getting trainee contracts that long was always the norm. She had lucked out as some people she had encountered got six months and then were cut without a single goodbye sent their way. Still, she found herself pacing with everything that had been dumped onto her lap.
If she signed up for the LA camp, she would be kissing college goodbye. From the information she was able to look up, training started the day you arrived and ended the day you debuted or were cut. Fern would have no time to manage both. Plus, she'd now have to go to school in LA unless she could get online classes that managed to be twelve credits per semester. So much would change if she signed. But if she didn't, she could be throwing so much of her life away. God, she hadn't even told her mother that she might be leaving at the end of the month.
Her heart was heavy and her chest was tight as she looked at her bedroom door.
The teenager watched her mother's face go through a multitude of emotions. Joy at the fact that her daughter had succeeded in getting such a magnificent offer. Pride knowing that someone in her family would leave this small town and go off to be something more than a homemaker. Utter distraught that Fern had pushed to become involved in something so life-changing and altering without even telling her. It was a lot to take in and Fern found herself feeling worse and worse the longer her mother just stood there. She looked like she was struggling with what to say, the short-haired woman was actually at a loss for words due to the revelation. Her mother had been supportive, but mostly as her love for music being a hobby, with studies coming first and a career in it being dead last. Now, it all could be reversing.
Fern shuddered and sat down at the counter, her legs swinging as she explained her mindset. "Mom, I have to take the risk. If in the years I'm in LA nothing happens, I'll come back home. I will take a break from pursuing music and go to college. Or get some sort of training."
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"I know that it sounds risky and two years is a long time, but I have to try. I'm not getting any younger and four years from now nobody will be interested like they are right now. So, if I wait and choose to attend school, I'll have this in the back of my mind forever." She added after swallowing the growing lump in her throat.
It was a hard discussion to have. She didn't want to behave carelessly about her future. Fern was well aware of the fact that she could arrive at the trainee camp, be unimpressive in practice, and be cut within the same week. The entire thing was incredibly risky for her to embark on. But she was nineteen and she could make her own choices even if they ended up being mistakes. Thinking of replying to the offer with a no made her stomach twist into all sorts of knots. It was out of the question. Still, she would love to have her mother's approval in the matter.
The woman in question was looking off to the side with a solemn look on her face. She spun the spoon in her cup of tea around a few times before looking Fern in the eye. Her gaze was very calculated. "I won't try to stop you from going. I'm proud of you for taking your adult life into your own hands. However, I can't say that I fully support you giving up on college and getting a career for something so unstable."
"Can you at least support me if I manage to succeed?" The question was really stupid to say in hindsight, but Fern didn't know what else to say.
Her mother sighed a long, tired sigh and shook her head. "I'll support you eventually, as long as you are happy. Being successful and unhappy would just be wrong for me to let happen. I'd rather you just enjoy yourself fame or no fame." She grabbed Fern's hands and held them close.
That following night, the teenager laid in her bed unable to sleep for longer than ten minutes a piece. There was too much junk filling up her mind for her to simply close her eyes and rest. She had sent the agency that she was willing to sign and was given the contract. Her mother made her promise to wait to sign after a few days of thinking since the deadline was weeks away. Knowing that her life was never going to be the same after this hurt so badly. The pain wasn't exactly awful; it was the type of wound you needed to be inflicted with to grow. When she went to school the next day, she would have to tell her friends the news. Trainees weren't allowed much internet time besides for class, work, and family, so contact would be very limited. This wouldn't go over well with them.
She was full of turmoil at the moment. And was trying to fight off the doubts that came out from the crevices of her mind. But it wasn't that simple, and she felt her nausea start to grow as she tossed and turned in bed. Fern was positive that she was making the right choice. That what she was doing would change her life forever. Still, the rational part of her mind was panicking, screaming that this could go wrong. It was a choice that was gonna ruffle her feathers, but she had to just push forward.
'Just calm yourself down and sleep,' The teenager thought to herself as she grabbed a nearby pillow and squeezed it. 'Just. Sleep.'