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Letters That Will Never Be Read: To My Father

Dear Dad,

Hi. I'm not really sure how to begin this, or if there's even a point to doing this. But I'm gonna try just in case there's ever a moment when I can send this. In the million-to-one chance that you're reading this, no you're not seeing things. It's me, Liam, your son. But there's something you need to know first, and it'll really shock you.

I'm not a human anymore; I'm a Pokemon.

What's a Pokemon? Well, according to a friend and a few books I read, it's said that we're the sole inhabitants of the planet. There are all types of unique Pokemon that exist, and they can do amazing things that you couldn't even imagine! I'm a Riolu - I've got paws, blue and black fur, and these weird tassels that give me an 'aura instinct', which really helps me dodge attacks in battles sometimes!

I know this all sounds confusing, and I thought it was too when I first came here. I don't know how, or even why, but I'm here in this strange world now. It was more than a year ago when someone found me in a forest and helped me process all this change. Her name's Gloria, and she's my partner in a team we created together - Team Requiem. I guess one word to describe her would be 'promising'. She's sweet, caring, and a bit shy, but she's determined, and I've always admired that part of her. Easy to fluster too, but I wouldn't tell her that.

Oh, right, and then there's her brother, Roark. He really likes to trick me and Gloria with his freaky illusion abilities, but he's a good guy deep down. He's even the one who convinced us to join the Cosmic Quilt Guild and form a team! What's a guild? Well, it's full of other Pokemon teams that work together on jobs and go out on expeditions to help Pokemon in need and accomplish our main goal. I'd be writing this forever if I explained the goal of our guild, but I'll let you know that we're doing very important things. The world may even be saved by our actions! And while we're so close to the guild's goal, and I want to be happy about that, there's something else eating away at me.

I have amnesia, or at least I used to; it's hard to explain. When I came to this world, I knew nothing about it or even myself, except a name - Liam. My first few months in this world felt like a blur. I knew not a darn thing - not anything about being a human, about my world, about you or mom, just emptiness. I thought I was a Pokemon who simply had no place to be, and that really affected me. I even used to think that I never existed at all before I woke up here. Joining the guild with Gloria to me felt like I was giving myself purpose in a life that felt very hollow and meaningless.

Sometimes I look back on how I was starting off and wish for those quiet days again.

Everything seemed to change after joining the guild. She and I made good friends with our guildmates and did mission after mission across the region, helping any Pokemon we could, and we loved doing it. It was around this time that I began to see my situation differently. I felt like I was given a second chance, like a do-over of my life. It was frustrating to look at myself and see nothing, and it was even worse when others saw that much in me as well.

It seems random to mention, but I remember this one mission me and Gloria went on that stuck with me. We were sent out to this little town called Veldt Heights - a really pretty place out in the Meadow Region - lots of colorful flowers, clean air, these old buildings and tool shacks with moss growing on them, and really friendly Pokemon. We were there to help this Florges retrieve an item of hers she dropped at the end of a nearby Mystery Dungeon, which we happily did. We did the usual; got the item, gave it back to her, collected our payment, then went to leave. But the old woman insisted that we stay for a while, and have lunch as an extra little reward. While I was already satisfied with our work and ready to go, Gloria of course wanted to take up the woman's offer, and you know I couldn't say no to the face that Roark warned me about.

I told myself that I would endure the boring stuff and keep to myself as always, but this time was different.

We stayed at her home for hours, listening to her stories and telling some of the few our team created so far. She was very sweet, and I found myself losing any thoughts about leaving while we talked. She eventually led us outside and into her personal garden, and it was a sight all right. Gloria and Roark say I'm easy to impress, and while that may be true, this garden was something else. It was walled off; there were these thin streams of water that flowed across the garden. Roses, tulips, sunflowers, hyacinths, daffodils, wallflowers - she had it all. Even this special flower only found in Celestic called a Bluecrest Camellia. It looked like a blue hydrangea, but had a glint of sparkle across its petals, and smelled like fresh rain - I wish I had them myself.

The woman wanted us to help her plant new ones in her garden in exchange for extra payment, as she was too old to do it all by herself. Gloria was more than happy to do it free of charge, of course. Me? To tell you the truth, I knew that woman could do it herself, but she wanted company, and what kind of jerk would I be to deny her that?

We were out in the garden pulling weeds and laying down soil until the sun began to set. It was hard work, even tiring out a Fighting-types like myself. But doing this small little favor sparked something in me, like I awakened something inside myself. I loved doing this; planting a tiny seed in the ground, pouring a little water over it to begin its next stage, and then watching them slowly grow and blossom over time. To nurture something, to keep it protected throughout its short life. I know it can be hard to imagine since you don't have amnesia as I do, but this seemingly unimportant encounter has stuck with me ever since that day. After we finished planting all the seeds, the woman spoke with me one last time in private while Gloria conked herself out on a couch from exhaustion. And I admit, while Gloria and I agreed to keep my amnesia mostly a secret, I did spill some of my thoughts - or lack thereof - to Florges. I told her about how lost I felt, how I never thought of myself as a Pokemon - nothing specific, but she got the picture. She said many words, but one thing I do remember most is this one line of hers that resonated with me.

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'Too narrow is the flower's hold and mind of which dreams and change grow upon. Let its seeds and petals scatter on the wind, free to let go and free to live on as buds of new hope outlast dying sorrows.'

I found out she passed away just a few weeks after we had met. Sometimes I daydream about that garden again, about that town actually. I thought if I would ever settle down one day and stop exploring, I would want to live in that town and have a garden as Florges did.

I'm telling this story because I eventually regained my memories, or at least a bit of it. It was this one mission we were sent on - scouting Criss-Cross Creek from a boat - I'll never forget it. It was that mission where a memory was burned into my brain. It was one where you and I were out on lake, and you taught me how to fish. I was confused at the time, but that was the first moment where I was given a connection to my past. I would continue to get these random bits of memories shoved in my mind as time went on, and I was struggling to process it all, and what it meant. Back then, I thought I could forge a new life even if I lost my memories, but now that they were coming back, a picture of my old life began to take shape. Gloria, Roark, and the others in the guild, they never knew what I was going through, what I was slowly beginning to understand about my past. I decided to keep it that way, and I'm not sure if that was a good idea.

I was at a crossroads. I didn't know what to do. I'd say only I knew about this, but I'd be lying. There's someone else I haven't mentioned.

Jackson, the guildmaster, quickly knew what was happening to me. Get this - he's a human that was turned into a Pokemon just like I was - a Lucario. To call him strange or aloof would be an understatement, but he's the closest link I have ever had to my old life. I told him everything, and he said that someone was laying a path before me, and I could choose to walk it or not.

In retrospect, I could tell he was lying about there being a choice.

From then on, we were as close as he would let me. I told him about my memories as they came in, and he helped me understand them as I began to also accept them as reality. I was Liam, a human from another world, not a Pokemon. It was liberating for a time, hearing the strum of a banjo and feeling like I was right at home, like I was right back at that festival you took me to, and I was on stage again performing my heart out. That was all until Celestial Mountain. A huge expedition the guild went on to retrieve knowledge of our goal, and I was chosen to be the sole partner of my guildmaster as we trekked up this awesomely vast and beautiful mountain.

It was there I learned more about that Lucario. It was there I learned more about my past, about what happened to mom, and about you. I could tell in your voice and every action of yours that you were devastated, and so was I when I found out. And then I learned about June. Even now my heart feels like it's about to jump out my throat when I think about her. She existed once, you know? She could've been born, and I could've had a little sister by my side. It hurts to think that there won't be a possibility of that anymore. My guildmaster went through a loss of his own, too; his wife, a son he'd never have. He keeps me at arm's length on purpose, but I know it's because he's struggling, too. There was one moment atop that mountain where I think his true self was shown, not hidden away or lied about to others.

I know past all the blankness and empty feelings inside me that there's something true - something real and present, and I'm beginning to understand that now.

Just a few hours ago I experienced another memory, and things became a lot more clear. All the amazing things I've seen us do together as a father and son in those memories, I know now that they were just distractions - you even told me so back then. You and my guildmaster are very similar in your intentions; you both tried to keep me from realizing the reality of my situation. You, him, myself, we're all alike in that regard. We're all broken in ways we can't even begin to understand.

Dad, I don't know how much it means, but I forgive you for what you did. I know you tried your best to salvage what was left of our family, even if it was pointless in the end. I remember the last words you told my younger self; that I would have to cope with not having a father around anymore. I don't know the full picture, not yet, but I hope that you were wrong. I hope that you're still around, still alive to know that I'm still alive, still hopeful that we can reconnect again.

But there's one issue that's trying to take my hope away.

My guildmaster told me that I would remember everything from my old life, regardless of if I wanted to or not. He said I should be scared. I don't want to be scared or worried about what my memories show me, but what if he's right? What if regaining all my memories changes who I am as a person for the worst? I saw a memory where I was so angry at someone for what they said that I attacked them, and even now I can feel the occasional trembling of anger in a paw that I know for certain I didn't intend. I can feel myself longing for the family we all had, though I know so little of it. The person in these older memories, the Liam that exists in it, I don't want to become him, but it may be inevitable.

And if so, what about Gloria, and all the others? I have to write this letter close to my chest so her occasional peeks don't spot anything. She has her own problems to get over, and this would only worsen them. But she deserves to know, right? We're partners, and I keep telling myself that it's better for her not to know.

I think I'm going to tell her before it's too late, before I remember everything.

Dad, do you miss me? I miss you. And sometimes I miss the old Liam that never dealt with these feelings - the one that changed so little. You have no idea how exhausting it is to be pulled in so many different directions. So many memories, so many familiar voices that either coax or taunt me. I've been pulled so much it feels like I've been split down the middle. It's hard, it's tough, it's painful, but I've lasted through it this far, haven't I? So how long will it be until I'm given a release?

I hope you get this letter one day.

Your son,

Liam

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Moonlight hit the backs of the stampeding Mudsdales' as they pounded the grass with their rumbling carriages in tow behind them.

Liam pulled away the inky quill from the mess of words scrawled onto a piece of paper. A blank expression was glued to his face, his eyes glazing over the page. The sound of uproarious laughter broke his train of thought as he glanced over to his side to see his guildmates chatting up a storm on the opposite end of the carriage, Monferno ripping something yellow and fuzzy off his back.

From what he could overhear, Joltik had latched himself to Monferno's back again.

Gloria giggling ceased as she noticed Liam staring at her. She smiled warmly at him, and he copied her features in return. His gaze moved past her, looking off into the distance at the glowing bundles of yellow light in the distance - Empyrean City. Liam knew home was only a stone's throw away, and yet his and the guild's troubles were far from over.

Returning to look at the letter he wrote, Liam frowned. He took the page off the carriage's railing and held it up against the night. A tearing noise was muffled by thrashing hooves as he tore apart the paper, left with useless scraps. He bundled them up in his paws before leaning over the railing and opening them up again. He watched as the pieces of his letter drifted and scattered in the winds until there was nothing left in his paws.

Liam let out a heavy sigh before he moved to join his boisterous comrades.

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Discord: z2h2z

Next Time: Tranquillitas Ante Tempestatem