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Planetary Paranoia
Who turned out the lights?

Who turned out the lights?

The solar system spun for billions upon billions of years without a hitch. Today, however, was no ordinary non-hitching day. For without warning the sun went out!

Earth was the first to notice this strange occurrence. It waited patiently to see if the sun was just malfunctioning or if it just broke. It chattered its teeth and shuddered off the icy chill down its back. It called out to its best friend, Mars. “Hey, Mars, I think the sun is busted!”

Mars looked curiously at the now blackened sun. “I think you’re right, Earth.” He poked Mercury who knew the sun the best. “Hey Merc, you awake?”

Mercury already saw that the sun wasn’t functioning at its full capacity and flipped its switch on, then off, then on again. “I— err, don’t think it’s coming back on, dudes.”

“Well, did you try shaking it?” Jupiter had been listening in on the conversation. “That works for me sometimes.” it said, offering its worldly advice.

“You never had to shake the sun for anything!” blurted out Neptune.

“Ya-huh, that time aliens invade Earth, the sun flickered, and I shook it back to—”

“Jups, come on now. We all know Earth has never been invaded except for that one time by the Dinosaurian Empire. Even then the sun was fine.” Neptune smirked, calling out Jupiter’s lie.

“Well the sun is out now, so what are we going to do?” asked Saturn. It was fed up with the lack of ideas that the other planets had been coming up with.

“What’s the protocol? Has anyone looked in the instruction manual?” suggested Venus.

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“It’s probably still in the box,” replied Uranus.

“Oh and who still keeps the box, Ur-anus?” joked Earth.

The other planets burst out into snickers and giggles at Uranus’s expense.

“Hardy har guys, real mature.”

“You know.” Mars grew real quiet. “It was probably Pluto trying to get revenge for being kicked out of our club.”

“Yeah, that guy’s real cold, they'd definitely mess with our sun!” gasped Jupiter.

“Hey! I can hear you guys! It’s a small solar system, you know?” shouted Pluto with a frown.

“Confess, you dwarf planet!” rattled Mercury. His tone was so frightening that Pluto couldn’t help but start a series of hiccups.

“I- hiccup, didn’t hiccup, do nothin’! hiccup,” stated Pluto. It tried to put on its toughest and most convincing front.

“I say we all get Halley to throw Earth’s Hubble telescope into Pluto!” Earth yelled at the top of its lungs. “That’ll teach them!”

All the planets joined into the mob-like roars.

Halley!

Halley!

Halley!

Then, to everyone’s surprise the sun flickered before turning back on. Its fiery glow lit up the vast reaches of the unknown, and it hummed brightly.

A loud voice boomed over the planets. “My bad! I tripped over the power cord!”

“Oh hey, it was God’s clumsy ass,” Jupiter gave a light sigh and a sheepish grin. “Guess we owe Pluto an apology.”

“It’s fine, I just liked being part of the club again, even if it were for a little while.” Pluto gave a meek smile.

The planets turned around the sun once more, never skipping a beat, for another billion years, until once more, the sun blacked out once again.

“Dudes! Who turned off the sun?”

END

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