Michael turned the key to his apartment door and fumbled his way inside.
Oh fuck me, he groaned upon seeing the stairs that led to his and Bill’s apartment. It’s not that the stairs were usually that big of a problem. They were simply the most recent obstacle in a long line of obstacles in the last 24 hours. Who knew which number this particular straw was, but the camel was not in good shape.
He heard the sound of Django Unchained playing upstairs. He climbed up the stairs on all fours. He took a deep breath as he emerged from the top, bracing himself to talk to another human with whom he was not completely comfortable. He looked over the wall that was the bannister at Bill. Bill laid on the couch.
Clarification should be made here, that this couch, along with the tv, the entertainment center and literally everything else in the common living area, was Bill’s.
Bill laid on his couch in a way that some might identify as “one of your French girls”.
Not that he was naked but for a precious jewel, but he was in lounge mode, somewhere nearing sleep.
Bill cut his eyes at Michael.
“You dog.”
Michael flared his nostrils. “What?”
Bill perked up, changing poses to something like a cobra. “You go out all night and the next day and you come home not knowing what I’m talking about!”
Michael huffed and walked over to the refrigerator, “It was not as good as you think it was.”
“What? She put you in the hucklebuck?” Bill asked, rearranging himself to cross his legs under him.
“What does that even mean?” Michael turned, still holding the refrigerator door open.
“Oh, you know, the hucklebuck! Them big girls probably loved putting you in the hucklebuck!”
Michael scanned the fridge for something that seemed appealing.
Milk? No.
Beer? Not today.
Koolaid? No thank you.
Considering all the bad decisions I’ve made, maybe I should drink water.
He pulled down a glass, filled it with ice and drew from the tap.
“She might’ve, but I can’t say that I was a fan.”
Bill thrust his hands onto his hips, still sitting cross legged on the couch, “Well not everything is about you, Michael.” His head swayed from side to side as he spoke.
Michael swirled the ice in his cup and took a slow sip, “Oh, I’m well aware it’s not all about me.”
Bill grabbed a couch cushion and sunk down to the arm nearest to Michael and the kitchen. “Well, did you get a piece?”
Michael leaned over the island of their kitchen. “I guess.”
Bill rasped both hands in the air, “What do you mean? You can’t be uncertain about that; either you did or you didn’t.” He lifted himself up and forward a tad, squinting his eyes as he did. “You didn’t put it in the no-no hole did you?”
Michael couldn’t take this line of teasing. It was too much.
“Amber’s dead.”
Bill rolled to his side, “Amber? Which one was Amber?” He put his hand on his forehead, searching for who Amber was.
“Amber, like, you know the interpreting student who lived in the apartment close to us at our last place!”
“Oh her? Yeah, you had it bad for her.” Bill sputtered, “She’s dead? Where did she come from?”
Bill continued, “Wait, you already had three Shil girls going and you decided to call your crush? How did you organize an interspecies orgy?
Michael couldn’t articulate what happened well enough to interrupt Bill. He was on a roll.
Bill strummed his goatee, “Wait, you organized an interspecies orgy! You are the fuckin’ man, dude! Goddamn!”
Michael had finished his water as Bill went on for a bit. Let him go on; have his fun. You just get your head on straight.
At some point, Bill calmed down and actually asked, “So what really happened, man?”
Michael recalled what he could of the last 24 hours. He mentally summarized as he told Bill: Sexy time turned bad. A line of ex girlfriends ‘rescued’ me from the Shil’vati Base. Shil’vati troops killed Amber and cut off Rachel’s arm. They interrogated them, I accused them of rape. They refused to believe that. Jess called me a shitty father.
“Oh, and evidently I can speak Shil’vati when I’m wasted. So I’ve got that going for me.”
He couldn’t hold back the tears. He was spent. His guts were spilt.
Michael openly wept. “Man, I don’t even know where to go from here.”
Bill had gotten up and started cleaning up the living room while Michael got emotional. “You can’t go blaming yourself for Amber’s death. She was caught up in a situation and should have known that setting up an ambush on a superior force would have repercussions.”
He wetted and soaped up a sponge and started scrubbing the inside of the empty sink, ridding it of the residue of dirty dishes. He scrubbed and Michael circled around to the other side of the island abiding by Bill’s unspoken command.
“As far as being a father goes, you’re doing the best you can. Sure, you could step up and do more things that Jess wants you to do but you’re the Dad. You need to do what’s right for your kids on your terms. You can’t do better than your best and you can’t be your best all the time. You’ll drive yourself crazier than you already are.
“What you can do right here, right now…” He backed himself away from the island. “...is take a shower.”
Michael laughed through his tears.
“Light some candles, take a bath, put on some soothing music, rose petals and all that shit.” Bill said with a fine feminine impression. As a short, old, Filipino fairy, he coaxed Michael to the bathroom.
“I will! My clothes are in my room. I’m not gonna come out the shower naked, ya asshole!” Michael retorted, wiping his eyes and walking to his side of the apartment.
The room was as it ever was, a nest. Though he only had a handful of possessions, they were strewn about with impunity. Who’s to punish when it’s your own fault that your own shit is all over your own room? Fuck it, I’ll deal with this later. Maybe after a shower. Maybe after a sleep. Who knows what the future holds for ya, Mikey?
Find some ‘ders. Find some shorts. Find a clean shirt.
Plug up this little asshole, he thought as he connected his phone to its cord.
Alright...let’s do this.
His clothes gathered in his arms, Michael walked past the washer and dryer, peering into the living room where Django continued. He saw hooded figures on horses lit only by their torches on the screen.
“Damn! I can’t see fuckin’ shit outta this thing.”
“We ready or what?”
“Naw, holdon, I’m fuckin’ with my eye holes.” The character on screen, named Big Daddy, proceeded to rip the fabric. “Oh. Oh, shit.”
Michael smiled and recited with Bill. “Not too goo-id” They caricatured.
Bill jumped ahead while the movie played in it’s time. “All I hear is criticize, criticize, criticize.”
Laughing still, Michael closed his bathroom door behind him. He then opened it back up to quote another line. “I watched my wife work all day fixin’ 30 pillowcases together for you boys! So don’t ask me or mine for nothin’ ever again!” He closed the bathroom door again and began his business.
Removing his shirt, he looked at himself in the mirror. He leaned in closer, examining the bruises on his neck. Goddamn that was not ok. He started to pull his pants down when he saw the sticker.
Even Pirates Wipe Their Booty
Michael chuckled to himself. Whew, I’m so glad I put that up there. He proceeded to get in the shower and wash the last twenty four hours off of him the best he could.
He got out, put on the fresh clothes and dropped his dirty clothes in the washer as he passed. Django could continue without him. He gathered what clothes he recognized as dirty and sent them to the washer as well.
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
He returned to his room and checked on his phone. There was a message about his cloud account being full, which asked if he would like to pay for more storage. He canceled it and looked at the rest of his notifications.
A few facebook notifications were ignorable. Email was full of advertisements. The notification popped up again.
Your cloud storage is full. Follow the link to upgrade your storage.
What the fuck is this? Michael grumbled to himself angrily. He started to get up to talk to Bill about how to get rid of this message when he got a text from Celeste.
>Mike, I need 2 talk 2 u<
>Whoa! I’m glad to see you’re alive! How’d you get out of there.<
>N person. [phone emoji circle with a line through it emoji<
>When?<
Michael heard the doorbell ring.
>Now<
Michael bobbed his head in slight resistance before he got up and scuttled over to and down the stairs. “I got it.” He called to Bill on his way.
He opened the door for Celeste and asked, “You good?” before she nodded and he led her up the stairs.
She was still wearing the full camo she’d had on at the elementary school. She looked tired but determined.
“Mike, did the Shils tell you if the Shil’way got fucked up?” Her eyes were serious as death.
“Shil’way?” Bill interrupted, “ What are you talking about?”
“Oh, hello to you as well.” Michael settled down on the couch beside Bill.
Seeing that she wasn’t going to be getting any fast answers, Celeste settled on the other end of the sectional. “I don’t know how long I can hang around. They’re looking for me. They already took my Dad, who knows what they’re doing to him.” Turning to Bill, “Yes, the purple road around the base. We’ve taken to calling it the ‘Shil’way’, because they can use it to monitor surrounding traffic.”
“Wait! You mean this asshole was telling the truth?” Bill questioned exasperatedly, jabbing a thumb toward Michael.
“I guess. I don’t know what he told you.” Celeste threatened, “He needs to tell me if our maneuvers meant anything to them.”
Michael looked Celeste in the eyes and said flatly, “I don’t know, they pointed out that they’ve got orbital ships, so we have no idea what they’re doing.”
“Fucking Purple Bitches” She hissed. “We will not take this lying down.”
Michael asked earnestly, “What are you going to do next?”
“I don’t even know” Celeste held her face in her hands.
There wasn’t much to say after that. Celeste was clearly emotional. Michael was spent mentally and physically. Bill looked from one of them to the other, back and forth. He had been going along with Michael because he was trying to be a good friend. He didn’t believe any of it. But now that Celeste was here, quietly seething on his couch, Bill had to take things more seriously.
Michael’s phone pinged off another full storage notification.
“What the fuck is this thing?” Michael asked angrily. This fuckin’ thing is ruining our brooding.
Bill saw a problem that he might be able to solve. “Your phone is full. Let me see it.” Michael handed his phone to Bill.
Bill can fuck around with the phone. I don’t give a shit.
Gathering herself, Celeste proved again. “Did they mention anything about their capabilities?”
Michael listed on one hand what he could remember, “We know about the road. We know about their orbital ships.” He closed his eyes and tried to retrieve anything else useful from the back of his mind. “She mentioned something about drones too.”
“Drones.” Celeste squeezed arms around herself. “Ok.”
Bill absentmindedly asked, “Mike, when’s the last time you cleaned out your phone?”
Michael turned back to Bill. “I don’t know. It wasn’t too long ago. Why?”
“Dude, there’s a 30 minute video from Friday night on here.” Bill pointed at Michael’s phone screen.
“What!?!” Michael asked in shock.
“Uh, yeah.” Bill started up the video. “Look at this!”
Michael leaned over to look at his phone screen in Bill’s hands. Celeste stayed put on the other leg of the couch.
The video started from the inside of the breast pocket of Michael’s shirt. Bright purple tiles of a bathroom gave way to a doorway that led to a common room with various living room furniture and fixtures. The purples were overwhelming to Michael. He had to look away for a moment.
“I didn’t take this.” He looked at Bill.
Bill shrugged. “Maybe not on purpose. You can butt-dial, why can’t you moob-start recording a video?”
The video showed two barely dressed Shil’vati ladies grab limbs on either side of the camera’s vision. The view whisked over the couch and a coffee table. Darkness overtook the view for a moment as he entered into a bedroom. The screen shuddered for a moment before being unceremoniously shuck onto the floor.
From the pile of clothes, the viewers could see the Shil’vati women lowering themselves onto the bed.
“Can we fix this?” A voice rose from the phone.
Another followed, “I’m sure we can figure it out.”
Bill squinted at Michael, “You had two Amazons carry you to bed and you couldn’t get it up?”
Michael tried to defend himself, “Fuck off, I, uh, they got me off in the car. I wasn’t ready yet.”
Bill quirked his face at that.
“Oh sure.” A voice purred from the phone speaker.
Michael’s voice rang out next, “We’ll, uh, try to get him going in a bit. The appeal the ladies seem to find in me is...dexterity”.
Michael blushed hotly, remembering what came next. He looked over at Celeste, her face had a volatile mixture of disgust and curiosity. He quickly grabbed his phone and tried to fast forward a bit. Celeste had already gotten up and was almost in place standing behind them on the couch.
Michael’s fast forwarding settled right when the video showed him petering his little Michael from side to side.
“But…”
“I don’t know what you did to her.” One of the Shil’vati women spouted hungrily from Michael’s phone, “But I know what I’m going to do with that.”
The woman on the little screen pushed the image of Michael onto the bed on the opposite side of the room. She settled herself on top of him. “I’m good to go.”
The Michael in the phone gasped for air.
“You like that?” The purple woman leaned down onto the bed. “You like that purple pussy? You gonna make me cum like you made her cum?” She bounced on him so forcefully that the view from the phone screen shifted so that they were more centered. “Yeah, you will! You pink stiff.”
Celeste drew her hand to her mouth. “Michael…”
The voice recorded in the video on Michael’s phone continued, “That’s right you fat fuck. Make me shoot cum across the room too!”
Bill’s face twisted in a blend of shock and awe. Michael was likewise unsure how to feel as he watched more than remembered what was happening.
“That’s right you fat fuck. Make me shoot cum across the room too!” The Shil’vati woman wailed from the phone.
Michael paused the video. He couldn’t take any more. “Guys, it doesn’t get better from here. I don’t know how much longer this goes. I don’t want to remember this. I would never have shown this to you if I had known I had this.”
Celeste grabbed the phone from his hands while he pleaded.
“--No!” Michael cried as he grasped air instead of his phone.
The phone was in Celeste’s face before Michael could do anything.
“Do you know what you have here, Mike?” She said, tapping away at his phone.
“Yeah, something private that I wish I didn’t have!” he twisted on the couch catching air instead of his phone. Celeste quickly stepped to the other end of the sectional.
“This is evidence, Mikey.” She dropped the phone from her face, “I am so sorry that she did that to you, Mike. I really am. But this isn’t an unfamiliar clip to me. Do you know how many women were raped, on average, in Jacksonville before the Shil’vati showed up? It’s like one in three world wide!
“Maybe you fuckers--not you two in particular--but men, in general, wouldn’t do anything to protect women. But I’ll be Goddamned if I let anyone else be a victim to someone’s power hunger, no matter the gender.”
Michael was still confused, “Uh, thanks? I guess?”
Celeste continued, “If we can get this tape to a lawyer, we can use it to build a legal case against the Shil’vati and their abuse of their power!”
Michael looked from Celeste to Bill.
Bill looked as surprised as Michael was, but he still had his faculties. “Hell yeah!” He punched his arm straight up, “Fuck them Purple Bitches!”
Michael reeled with this realization. Could it really work? How? “What’s the point, Celeste?” His doubt washing over him in this wave of new implications.
“The point, Michael, is that we got’em!” She said, tapping a few more times on Michael’s phone before giving it back to him.
“What did you do?” Michael asked, looking at his phone screen.
“I just sent your video to myself, Rachel and a lawyer friend I have.”
Recognition crashed into Michael’s brain. Rachel was ok, that’s good, but...now she’s got a video of me--of that!? Nonononono, this is not acceptable. “You can’t send that video out willy nilly!”
“It’s not willy nilly. It’s not like Rachel hasn’t seen your dick.” She shook her head once, as if she couldn’t believe she was about to say what she was going to say, “Thanks for that, by the way…” Her brows furrowed as she said her last statement.
“I wasn’t trying to show you my cock!” Michael threw his hands in the air.
Celeste rolled her eyes, “Yeah, I know, but now I have.” Deadpan, she continued. “But if they’ve got my Dad and they took Rachel’s arm, we now have ammo to use against them. And I sent it to my lawyer friend, in case I don’t make it home tonight.”
Michael slumped in his seat. I mean, yeah, I guess she’s got a point. But this is so personal. This is not something I would have shared out of my own volition. Ugh...fuck. All I wanted to do was have a good time. I wasn’t trying to get myself assaulted. And now it’s on video!? What the fuck? I went up to them. And now the whole world’s gonna see. What will my mom think? What will my kids think? Will this have an impact on my visitation rights with the kids? Shit! Who knows what consequences this will have for me in the long run? My boss is going to find out! Anyone I work for in the future is going to have seen this video; how will I ever work again? How will I show my face in public again?
Bill smacked Michael on the arm. “Bro, you could be what brings down the Imperium on Earth! I’mma be prouder of this sex tape than I was Kim Kardashian’s!”
“Where’s your Goddamned sex tape?” Michael wheeled back.
Bill sneered, “It may be down in the garage. It’d be on a VHS though. No digital copies...yet.”
“God, is the whole world going to see my dick? Like, am I never going to get any ever again?”
Celeste made her way back around the couch to him and smacked him across the back of his head. “Shut the fuck up, you selfish bitch!”
Michael winced, more in embarrassment and surprise than in pain.
Celeste walked with purpose toward the stairs. “Stop thinking about yourself. Goddamn, who cares about your dick right now? You are the smoking gun. You have a video of a Shil raping you. Don’t you see that this could be a viable way of arguing they have too much power? Don’t you see that this could be the fulcrum that shifts the moral high ground. Their ideals are not humane.
“They may have technological superiority, but they are not a superior species. Anyone arrogant enough to think they can get away with this needs to be brought down a peg or four!” She finished and dashed down the stairs.
She dashed right back up and stuck her head up enough to look Michael in the eyes. “Thank you. I know you don’t see it this way, but you’ve made way for real change to happen, Mike.”
She opened the door and called back up, “You’ll see!”
Bill and Michael heard the door shut and looked at each other.
“Shit” they harmonized in completely opposite tones.
Michael wanted to wallow in his own self loathing.
Bill was inspired. “Maybe I should go fuck a Shil for the revolution too, huh?” He winked at Michael.
Michael flared his nostrils, got up, and went to bed.
Tomorrow has to be better.