The school year ended on Friday, signaling the official start of summer break on Saturday. My vacation's future was still unclear. BJ and I were waiting to hear back from the internship, and I needed to convince her to help Wes and me if I wanted to go to STR.
I was such a terrible asshole.
How could I ask BJ to do something for me so I could choose to spend the summer with Wes over her? It didn’t even sound right in my head. But the festival was obviously going to be less work than an internship. Neither option was without back drafts, but at least STR had a chance of my getting laid before my senior year.
Still, nothing made me feel better.
I killed a chunk of my Saturday morning sleeping in. By the time I left my bedroom, Dad had already gone off to work. The cable was out. My cooking skills were lacking. I had broken my game console a few weeks prior when a video game spirit haunted me. In short, there was nothing to do at my place, not by myself, so I left.
Knowing BJ, she was probably kick-starting her summer break somewhere out in the woods, trying out new spells. I never understood why she tried so hard to be a magician. She didn’t need the money. Her family owned enough spells that she could have done anything, but she wouldn’t even use them.
If my family had the same money or spells as BJ, I don't know what I would have done, but I would have been better off. It’s not like anyone was forcing her to be like her parents. In fact, I knew for a fact her parents didn’t want her to be a magician at all. They knew how dangerous it was. Everyone knew how dangerous it could be. Then again, I doubt I’d have recognized BJ without her dedication. Maybe had she relaxed more, she and Wes could have gotten along better.
As expected, I found BJ out in the woods.
All I had to do was follow the sound of exploding wood and bugs being sent to their graves. Approaching her from the cover of bushes and trees, I should have made my presence more apparent. She was in the middle of a spell when I stepped into view. Startled by my sudden appearance, she accidentally hit me with a cloud of lightning. I went flying across the forest floor, yelling for mercy. My slide went on and on until a tree abruptly ended it with a harsh crash that nearly uprooted it.
All of a sudden, I felt better about my intentions.
After BJ rushed over to help me back to my feet, and I brushed the mud and grass off my clothes, I presented her with my request.
“No,” she said.
“But you don’t have to actually go,” I added.
“I’m not going to lie to my parents. Not for Wes.”
“You wouldn’t be lying for Wes...you’d be lying for me,” I said, knowing it hadn’t made anything better.
“Pitch, I can’t believe you would let Wes talk you into something like this.”
“It was my idea,” I said hesitantly.
“That’s worse.”
I thought she’d have been warmer after hitting me with a lightning storm, but no, she was cold.
“I’m not asking you to commit murder. It’s a little white lie,” I debated.
“Even if I were ok with this scheme, it wouldn’t do any good,” she said.
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“And why not?”
She paused and gave me a look. It was joy bubbling up to the surface, though she had tried to hold it back. I didn’t understand until she spoke.
“Because we’ve been accepted. We got the internships,” she said.
It was good news. It was fantastic news. I didn’t have to work as a fry cook or something lame all summer.
“It starts next Tuesday at the town’s theater,” she said.
“So, you won’t lie because you don’t want me to go with Wes?” I asked with a twinge of attitude.
“This internship will make us bigger, brighter people. A festival won’t help undo your curse.”
“What if I just want to have fun this summer? What if I don’t care about turning back anymore?”
“Is that true?” she asked, knowing the answer.
It took me a moment to respond. Ironically, I couldn’t lie.
“... No, but shouldn’t I have the choice?” I spoke.
“You should have a choice, but I won’t help you make a decision I feel is wrong.”
“Of course you won’t. Have you even told your parents about the internship yet? How do you know they’ll let you go?”
“Because they will,” she exclaimed in a heated tone.
There was a brief silence. Even the woods fell dead to highlight the tension further. I didn’t want to hurt BJ’s feelings. Of course, I wanted to go with the laziest choice, but BJ was right. The internship had the potential to help me in ways that could forever change my future.
“Congratulations,” I said.
I wanted to chill the atmosphere, and I thought acknowledging the good news we glossed over could help.
“I know you think STR will be more fun, but I promise the internship can be too,” she said.
“It’s still nice to have the choice,” I replied, almost exhausted by our back and forth.
“I’m sorry. I can’t make the decision any easier.”
“Why do you need me to go with you? You got in?” I asked.
“With your spell?” she joked.
“And one of your own.”
“Do you know why I want to be a magician?” She asked suddenly.
“Because your parents are magicians.”
“There’s more to it.”
A breeze caressed the forest floor, blowing leaves into the air. We took to a nearby tree stump before BJ continued. She put away her book, and I tried to dust myself off further. I wasn’t prepared for what she said next.
“My family has money, and power, and magic, but I don’t,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“When my sisters turned 21, our parents evicted them from the house. Father said it was time they went out and found their own magic. They didn’t have access to the family grimoire. They were cut out of the accounts, and they weren’t allowed to see me unless I went to visit them away from the house. They couldn’t come back until they were financially stable on their own.”
“That’s terrible,” I said.
I didn’t have the emotional intelligence to articulate my understanding when it came to hardships and tragedies. I didn’t want to come off as unfeeling or unphased. It was hard to know how to react when faced with something of that caliber without warning.
“And the same will happen to me when I turn 21. Pitch, I’m not good at anything. I can hardly take care of myself, but my family has always been good at magic, so that’s what has to save me,” BJ said.
She didn’t look at me. She wouldn’t make eye contact, but it may have been for the best. The way her voice approached cracks and breaks told me she was uneasy.
“I’m sure there’s something else you can do,” I said.
I wanted to comfort her, but BJ was strong. She didn’t cry.
“There’s nothing, but if I become a great magician like my mother and father, it won’t matter,” she said with hope in her tone that broke the negative gravity.
Still, she paused, and I didn’t think it right to interrupt her.
“I know you don’t like magic, but there aren’t many people who’ve made their own spells. Having you around, regardless of how unlucky you are, makes me feel a little hope.”
That might have been one of the nicest things BJ ever said to me.
“Honestly, if you can make magic, then I should be able to do wonders,” she added jokingly.
And just like that, she knocked the wind out of a perfectly good compliment and almost made it an insult.
“I understand now, but you know I still have to help Wes, don’t you? He wants me with him as much as you do,” I explained.
“That’s fine, but I won’t help you choose against me,” she said.
Once again, I found myself alone while walking home from the woods.
I loved my friends. Some days, they literally gave me a reason to get out of bed. But sometimes it was nice to be by myself.
When I was with Wes, he made me feel comfortable in my skin. But being comfortable ultimately meant giving up on a cure. BJ always pushed me to be better than I was. She saw something in me, but what I was could never be enough.
Wes was happy with me the way that I was while BJ saw what I could be. Those were the actual choices. Spend my summer coming to terms with my reality or spend it making a new one.
Sometimes, I hated how much walking I had to do around town, but those were the moments when life was most clear. My walk home gave me a chance to breathe.