I thought I knew the lows the bad guys would stoop to before I enlisted. Both Dylan and I thought we anticipated all the risks. We could not have been more wrong or less prepared.

The op started like any other. We rushed in guns blazing, letting the bad guys close in on all sides and letting them believe they had us surrounded. In reality, we were just establishing a target rich environment for ourselves. We stood back to back, blasting bad guys in every direction. Eventually, we got bored of racking up our kill counts so we decided to punch through the southwest line to the monkey bars. I scaled the top of the structure, while Dylan swung underneath and mopped any bad guys who tried to flank me. I planted a bomb in the bad guy general's hideout and set the ticker just long enough for us to escape the blast unscathed.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

Dylan and I congratulated each other on another successful op as an older kid approached us. We thought he might have been a bully so we prepared ourselves for combat. Apparently the kid was some kind of neutral party working as an ambassador for the bad guys. He informed us that some girls were playing on the monkey bars about half an hour before we arrived, infecting the entire area with cooties!

Biological warfare! Only a bad guy would use such a tactic. Intel suggested the possible use of girl cooties, but never so brazenly! We immediately ran to Top Brass and begged to return to HQ for delousing. The prolonged exposure to the cooties was doing untold damage to our immune systems and I couldn't shake uneasy feeling it gave me the second that kid told us about it.