I look around me.
Darkness...
"The world that I see now is filled with darkness..."
"Is this the after life? Is this death? I ask myself.
It probably is... Did i go to heaven? Maybe Hell?
Well I probably would go to hell I suppose ... I killed myself basically after all...
Or maybe I will be reincarnated...
I look around... I don't see any angels nor do I see any devils... I don't see anyone else here so I'm not on the road of reincarnation either I suppose.
Then where am I...
I look around again and again but I still see nothing... only the endless darkness surrounding me...
But I don't move nor wish to move as I can't move.
I think of my past at this time. I think of the time I was told that I can't live past the age of 16. I remember I was 3 then.
Yes, I remember it... all of it. How? Because it is one of my only memories.
I remember at that time that I didn't understand what they were saying but I knew that it was serious. How? Because of the atmosphere. I remember it was a suffocating atmosphere. One that I though I didn't want to feel again in that life. I noticed everyone expressions. I noticed the look in there eyes... the look... yes that kind of look. Whispering... they were also whispering... yes I remember they were whispering something... something...
There was also my mother... I remember her eyes... There was sadness, sorrow and more... resisting to let me see. Not wanting to let me see her cry...
Then there was my father's eyes... strict and cold the iciness in his gaze at that time could freeze even the deepest part of hell. The coldness that doesn't allow anything come near. But in those cold freezing eyes of his... I remember I could see a flame... A burning flame of anger... Boiling in the deepest part of his eyes. But hidden by the mist of his cold freezing eyes. Eyes that hide a eternal flame behind a icy cage.
But it was also that day that I learned to fold... I learned to fold my first plane. Just a simple plane. Just a simple fold.
Hamburger fold...
unfold...
fold the edges in on the 2 sides on top into the middle line...
then fold in half again in the opposite direction of how you folded the middle line...
then fold both sides of the wings into the middle line again...
Wala... a simple plane...
Yeah a simple plane...
It was just a simple plane ... but it didn't fly...
That's right... my first simple ass plane crashed. But not a normal crash. It crash falling while flying in the opposite direction of which I threw it. Yes, there were heavy winds that day...
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
A year of Origami
I Learned the Basics of Precise Folding.
I Learned the Basics of Precise Ripping.
Age 4... I learned it all a the early age of 4... You might think so what... but my families basics of folding, precision and ripping isn't just something a folding until it seems like its even...
Its folding till it is even... We fold it and even measure it using a ruler that goes down to the smallest nano-meter. Yes, that precise. Why? because only by folding to the smallest nano-meter can you make a piece of art truly perfect. Sometimes there are shapes that just can fit. But if you can fold a piece of paper down to the nano-meter you would be able to have them be connected and look like it is still apart. Ripping... target is that there are no strands of paper sticking out when you finish ripping it apart. Down to the narrowest nano-meter rip. Must rip even better then sharpest sword cutting. Yes, that is the basic level of precise Folding and Ripping. Well? Isn't it easy... this is the bare minimum you need to pass the basic level. Isn't it simple?
At the age of 5 I finally understood what only being able to live till the age of 16 really means.
It means I will die at the age of 16.
Fear, anxiety and other emotions overwhelmed me...
I was scared... No shit! Of Course I was...
I didn't want to die after all!
Fear overwhelmed me for over the next 2 years, I still remember I feared death... unlike the me now...
Over the 2 years I did everything I could to survive longer.
I remember buying things off the internet no matter how shady they were. As long as it said that it could let me live longer, I bought it!
I remember running out of money. I remember begging and pleading... I also remember my mothers eyes when she said no...
At that time I remember I hated her guts! I hated her... I yelled at her... I said the worst words that I new...
In those 2 years I was fearing for my life.
1 Doctor after another... a couple of thousand... no at least a couple hundred... No Luck...
Man was I depressed... Now that I think back to it... I was really a problem child wasn't I...
Fear, Anxiety, and Helplessness... I felt all of them every day...
Finally I gave up. I gave up finding a cure... I gave up... I just gave up... No point in stopping something that is impossible to stop.
I remember my grandfather was the one who helped me out of my fear... I remember he said... "We are all living beings. Living beings will all eventually die. Be it a hundred years or sixteen, It is all the same. What you should worry about isn't death but how you live your life. As we live by rushing forward not by fearing what is to come and getting pushed forward to a feared death."
On my grandfathers hundredth birthday when he was blowing out the candles he died...
But there was no fear... no horror... no anxiety... peacefulness... a face with a smile none other. I remember the sadness I felt when he died but also the congratulations I gave him. He died but the look on his face was happiness. I congratulated him for his happiness.
I starting from then on had no fear of death.
What I wanted to do with my life was Create my life Master Piece. Or reach Origami Level God.
I remember the good old days of folding till the morning was bright until the morning was changed to night. I remembered one time I forgot to eat and drink for 4 days before collapsing... The good old days...
I had a million if not a couple hundred thousand paper cranes that filled my room. Flying creatures and flying things had always been my passion after all.
They can fly... fly free and far away from any problems.
They could fly away from here and experience the wonders of the world.
Unlike me... I was like a caged bird. Unable to fly unable to break free. Stuck in this cage waiting to be feed and waiting to die.
A phoenix is what I yearned to be.
You can't cage a Phoenix! And there wills are undying. They could burn down the cage you try to trap them with along with you when you try. The undying will of a phoenix.
...
"THAT'S RIGHT! THE UNDYING WILL! I CAN'T STAY CAGED HERE LIKE A BIRD! NO! REFUSE TO BE STUCK HER. I AM FREE NOW! A FREE BIRD! NO! A PHOENIX! MY WILL WON'T DIE! THEREFORE I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT I CAN'T MOVE!"
"Boom! Boom! Boom!"
Cracks appear... Cracks...
"BOOM!"
More cracks...
"Kaboom!"
Even more appear...
"KABOOM!"
Something breaks... the fire burns... The Flames Rage... Then slowly extinguishes and there is nothing but ashes.
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust my will is undying therefore I am Immortal!"
"From ashes I rise from dust I return, the flame is my life, so long as it burns I am Immortal!"
Rising from the ashes is something red...scarlet...
Yes... rising from the ashes of is the almighty...
...
Paper?
A red, scarlet sheet of paper.
Yes, I was reborn as a piece of paper...
A size (8.5X14) piece of paper... about the size of a loose leaf sheet of paper...
I am a (8.5X14) Red piece of paper...