“Push off and go, baby, take to the air! With your feet off the ground, you can go anywhere. There’s no rivers, no mountains, no boundaries, no walls. When you’re up in the clouds, there’s no limits at all.”
Akane sighed happily, looking down into the oak bassinet she gently rocked with her hand. Rest well, Jun. Auntie Akane loves you, little man.
She tiptoed carefully to the end of the twin bed that had once been her wife’s, sitting carefully atop the purple down comforter. I wonder what she’s up to right now, she thought as she reminisced about those awkward first few nights together at the Phoenix, when Akane had learned to let go of the boy she’d once been engaged to, and found a brave, fragile, magical girl named Ranko in his place.
And fallen in love with her.
“You’re a natural,” came a whispered voice from the open doorway. “Both of them down at once? I’m not sure that’s ever been done before.”
Akane looked up at Jun’s bassinet before glancing to her right. In the dinette area of Ranko’s former apartment above the Phoenix, a lime-green playpen had been erected in which Izumi’s one-year-old daughter Mioko also slept, curled up tight on her stomach. Her fingers still loosely grasped the tiny stuffed unicorn, no bigger than Akane’s hand, that Ranko had brought her niece back from Osaka.
Akane shrugged, smiling up at Hana and answering in a whisper. “It’s a bar. Ever tried just putting a little whiskey in their bottles?”
Hana mimed snapping her fingers in realization, without actually applying enough pressure to her thumb to make noise and risk waking the babies. “Might wanna grab the monitor and make your escape while you can.”
Nodding, Akane picked up a small plastic speaker from the mattress, pocketing it in her green denim skirt. With the deftness of a martial artist, she tiptoed noiselessly to the doorway, barefoot as she was, pulling it shut without a sound.
Stepping gently off the last of the stairs into the kitchen, Akane pulled the speaker from her pocket, turning it on and holding her breath for a moment as she listened to ensure that her footfalls on their stairs had not woken either of the two youngest members of the Phoenix clan. She sighed in relief when, after a moment, she heard no signs of stirring.
Her eyes flashed to the space above the saloon door, looking out into the main bar area, at the sound of a whoosh. Ayako was grinning, holding up a glass of bright orange liquid that burned blue and orange at the top. Yui had summoned all of her sisters - save the one that was currently somewhere over the Pacific Ocean - to the bar before opening so that they could practice the construction of the various new signature drinks the Phoenix planned to offer, each of which was based on some mixology misadventure caused by Akane’s bartending ineptitude. Yui had dubbed them Rocktails, as each was themed to one of Ranko’s songs. As Akane herself knew better than to attempt building the complex drinks for customers, she’d volunteered for babysitting duty to allow her elder sisters to concentrate on their training.
It’s so good to see Yui back in her element. Man, she scared us there for a bit. Whatever Ranko said to her must really have sunk in. Then again, that’s just my girl. Every time I think she’s grown as much as is possible for a person, she does something else to amaze and astound me.
Fuck, I miss her.
“You really are good with the kids, ya know. It’s impressive, especially for somebody your age, without younger siblings.” Hana smiled, returning to her regular speaking voice as she slipped into the kitchen and resumed mixing the dry elements for fried chicken batter.
What are you talking about, Mom? I have a younger sister. I just sleep with her. Akane smirked in amusement, blushing as she recalled the strange circumstances that led to Ranko having legally become Soun Tendo’s fourth daughter on their wedding day, the paperwork having been signed in the very room where Jun and Mioko now slept.
“I dunno, it’s just something I’ve always sort of gravitated to.” She gave her mother-in-not-quite-law a shrug. “My mother was really amazing with kids, everybody says. My sister Kasumi’s kind of that way, too. Nabiki… not so much.”
Hana laughed quietly. “I guess we all have our strengths.” She sat down on a stool behind the counter, sighing heavily. “It’s such a shame that you and Ranko can’t…”
Akane nodded, looking down. “Yeah. I… I think about it a lot sometimes, especially since the wedding, what with Ayako getting pregnant around the same time. But I don’t like sayin’ anything about it. There’s not much point; neither me or Ranko have time for a responsibility like that, and…” She blushed deeply. “We… seem to be missing a key component.”
The elder woman in the leather jacket nodded sagely. “There’s ways, you know, if you want it badly enough. Adoption, for one.”
Slumping onto a stool opposite Hana at the prep counter, Akane bobbed her head softly in understanding. “Yeah. Maybe one day. Right now though, it would just be another hard thing in our lives that we aren’t equipped to handle.”
“Have you talked to Ranko about it,” Hana asked. She continued shaking the plastic bag in which she was combining the flour and seasonings for the batter mix, a little less vigorously than she might normally have.
Akane shrugged, shaking her head. “There’s really no point. Ranko is… she would agree to do just about anything I asked, I think, without taking a second to consider what it would mean for her. So, I try not to bring up things if I think there’s a chance they would be bad for her, because she will absolutely try to leap before she looks. And besides…” She picked up a piece of celery, fiddling with it idly in her fingers. “I don’t wanna make her feel bad.”
“Why would she? There’s nothing wrong with discussing your dreams, even if you end up deciding not to pursue them.” Hana sighed, dropping the bag of white powdered batter mix to the counter.
Because she feels bad that she isn’t a boy anymore, Mom, Akane thought as she chewed the bite of celery she’d taken.
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“Ranko, she…”
How do I say this in a way that doesn’t give too much away?
“Sometimes, Ranko feels like I’m… I don’t know, doing her a favor, by being with her. Before I… met her… I wasn’t really into girls, and I think Ranko sometimes feels like I sacrificed something when I decided to date her. The last thing I want is for her to feel guilty that I can’t have a baby of my own because I chose to be with a woman.”
Her wife’s mother nodded slowly. “That’s a very considerate approach, but I doubt she would want you to keep quiet about your dreams for her sake, either. You could absolutely wait until the tour is over, if you want to let her focus, but if you want a child, you should tell her at some point.”
Akane shrugged. “I’m not sure I do want it, honestly. I mean, it’s like… It sounds all fun and romantic, but then when you get into the nitty-gritty of having to do it, and all the responsibilities, I know it’s probably way more than we can handle. I think about it - dream about it - sometimes, but I don’t know if it would really work for us. I mean, I’m in school for another few years, and at the rate we’re going, Ranko’s gonna see Paris before I see my pillow. Plus, she’s gonna start college when she gets back, too, and be even busier than she was before. Maybe I just need to focus on being a cool auntie for Hoshi, Mioko and Jun for now.” She blushed, giggling a bit. “Who knows, maybe Kasumi and Tofu will have a baby after they get married.”
Hana reached across the counter, patting Akane softly on the back of her hand. “It’s okay to take some time and get your own thoughts in order before you tell her, but once you know what you want, promise me you won’t keep it from her. She wouldn’t want that for you, and neither do I.”
Akane said nothing, but gave a slow nod in response.
The bar’s owner gave her a soft, weary smile that took a few seconds to make its way across her cheeks. “Speaking of, how’s things with our girl? Did you get to talk to her last night after the show? Is everything working out okay so far?”
Akane sighed. “No, she never called, but between the show and the meet and greet, plus the flight, she was probably exhausted.”
Hana bobbed her head gently in acknowledgement as she began adding ingredients to the huge steel bowl of the stand mixer for pizza dough. “That’s almost certainly it. Hopefully she has a nice hotel and everything. Did the tour organizers take good care of her, I hope?”
The singer’s wife scoffed loudly. “Without Nabiki, I don’t think they’d have managed to pull off a tour of the mall. The label people didn’t take care of the venues, the hotels, shipping the instruments and stuff - anything. Nabiki did all of that. She’s incredible. Yokai…” She shrugged. “I don’t think they’ve ever had a star like Ranko before, and they’re a little bit out of their depth dealing with it all. In fairness…” Akane giggled a bit. “... she is quite the handful sometimes.”
Hana chuckled. “I know the feeling. Before Ranko, our best singer here was some guy who liked drinking scotch and soda on Thursdays until he felt confident enough to belt Cher.” She sighed, resting her elbows on the steel countertop and rubbing her temples. “I don’t have to worry about my daughter out there, do I?”
Akane shook her head. “No more than you will anyway, I don’t think. Nabiki quadruple-checked everything. She takes a lot of pride in that sort of thing. Besides, she knows if anything happens to my wife out there in some other country someplace, sister or no, I’ll absolutely cut a bitch.” She scooped up a chef’s knife from the counter and spinning it showily in her fingers.
Hana laughed quietly. “Point taken.” There was a distance to her, a sort of disconnection Akane wasn’t used to seeing in her wife’s mother.
“Mom, are you okay? You just seem a little… off today.” Akane sat up on her stool, looking Hana over carefully.
With a dismissive scoff, the elder woman waved her hand as the sound of four of her daughters giggling wafted over the slatted half-door leading into the barroom. “Oh, yeah. Just a little tired, honey. With everybody being so stretched thin, I don’t remember the last time I had a night off.” She glanced back up at the saloon door. “I’m doing a lot better now, though. I can’t tell you how much it feels like a mountain’s been lifted off my shoulders, just seeing Yui smiling again.”
“Me too.” Akane wagged her finger at her mother admonishingly. “Well, as soon as Ranko gets back, you should take a couple of days and relax. Hang out with your grandbabies, and let us girls hold the fort. You’d know you’d tell Ranko or any of us to do the same thing if we were as whipped as you look.”
Hana gave a wide smile. “You’re absolutely right, I would. And you have my word, I will. Thank you for your concern, sweetheart, but honestly, there’s nothing wrong with me that a good night or two’s sleep won’t cure. In the meantime, I’m the mom around here, and it’s my job to look out for my girls, including you. So, how are you holding up, honey? What with Ranko being away?”
Akane sighed, slumping her shoulders. “I’m… I’m a fucking mess. It broke her heart so bad that I didn’t go with her. I just feel so damn guilty. I know you said it was the right thing to do, but I feel like the shittiest partner alive. I…”
“It absolutely was,” Hana said, interrupting her. “I told you back when you were making the decision in the first place, and I’ll say it again. She needed this opportunity to build her confidence. She needs to learn to believe in, and rely on, herself. In a lot of ways, it’s the one thing we couldn’t teach her, between you, me and her sisters. She has to figure that out on her own. Besides, you have a right to not put your own life on a shelf whenever her career comes calling. That’s how resentment gets built, and I don’t want it for you girls.”
“I don’t either, but… I don’t want her thinking I don’t care, either. Mom, what do I do? Like, I told her I was too busy to come, and as soon as I said that, I ended up with a whole weekend where I have no school stuff to do, and now I’m just gonna sit on the couch and feel like I ditched her for three days.” Akane sighed. “Until work, anyway.”
The bar’s proprietress stood, smiling excitedly with the formation of an idea. “Stay here a second.” Akane followed with her eyes as Hana moved down the narrow hallway to the blue saloon door. The owner of the Phoenix returned in a moment with her hand clenched around something small.
“Here.”
A wad of paper was thrust into Akane’s hand. Hana’s daughter turned her wrist and opened her fingers, her eyes widening as she looked at what she had been handed. “Mom, what is…”
“Go to her.”
“But…” Akane laid the stack of bills on the stainless steel countertop. “I can’t take this! It’s so much money! Besides, I’ve got work, and you just said I should let her do her own thing.”
Hana smiled sagely, patting Akane’s hand again. “I said you should let her do the trip on her own, and I meant it. You shouldn’t go to stay. But like you said, you’ve got a free weekend. With me, Seiichi and the girls, we’ve got things more than covered here, especially if it’s slow again.”
Besides, it’s not like we’re going to let you cook or tend bar, she thought with a slight smirk she did her best to conceal.
“I’m not the only one who needs a break, honey. You’re worn out, too, and you know it as well as I do. You barely saw Ranko for three months before she left, and she couldn’t even walk for most of that time. So, it’s your choice. You can spend your weekend watching sad movies on TV and second-guessing yourself, or you can take that money, buy yourself a plane ticket, and spend it in Hawai’i.”
Hana grinned broadly, shooting a wink at her youngest daughter’s wife.
“I hear there’s gonna be one hell of a show in Honolulu this Saturday.”