Ranko pulled the door to the garage space open, stumbling in from the sidewalk. “Sorry I’m late, guys!”
Crash looked up from tuning his guitar. “Typical diva. Rocks one performance and now thinks she doesn’t have to show up for practice anymore.” He grinned playfully. “It’s no big deal. Besides, you were freaking incredible out there! Did you really not rehearse any of those moves? You had them eating out of your hand!”
The band’s vocalist shrugged. “It just comes natural to me, I guess.” She’d always found that weird, considering the most effeminate she ever behaved was when she was on stage. She could even sing about dating boys and pretend to flirt, and it didn’t bother her that much. Maybe it was the fact that when she was performing, it was expected to be an act, as opposed to the rest of her life where she had been forced to silently fake it until she made it.
Ken stretched behind his drum set. “What are we playing today, guys?”
Shinji smirked. “Whatever our singer says.”
The redhead blushed. “Come on, guys, I’ve been here for like, two weeks. I shouldn’t be taking over all the decisions and stuff. This is your band, and you’re just letting me hang out. You tell me what you want to play, and I’ll learn it.”
With a dark chuckle, Kazuki shrugged. “I don’t care, man.”
Rolling his eyes, Shinji shook his head. “You never do, bro.” He turned back to Ranko. “Seriously. Our instruments can play whatever notes are on the page, but your voice is gonna be better at some things than others. So, letting you pick is just the smart thing. Besides, we’ve already played all the shit we like.”
Crash clapped his hand on the diminutive girl’s right shoulder. “What are you feeling right now?”
She thought for a moment. “Sad. Scared. Akane’s… having some problems right now.”
With a nod, Crash braced her shoulder. “So, use it. Think of a song that says what you feel, or as close as you can get.”
Try though she might, Ranko couldn’t think of a song about someone’s lover being forced into an arranged marriage with a psychopath because they were no longer engaged, and that because one of them changed genders permanently on a random Thursday afternoon. “What if there isn’t one that says what you feel?”
Crash shrugged. “That’s why people write new songs.”
Ranko nodded, walking to the window and leaning on the frame. She watched as the cars drove by. What she’d give to go back to Nerima right now, march up to the Tendo front door and tell Akane’s father that she was alive, and girl or not, Akane was hers. She had an idea, but its chances of working were slim at best. That said, even before the disaster with Kuno, she’d been lucky to see Akane once a week, and missing her was more often than not the order of the day. She opened her heart to the fear and the hurt, standing quietly until her mind applied a soundtrack to her thoughts. When it did, she quietly began to sing it, forgetting entirely that there were other people in the room waiting for her decision.
“Turn around. Every now and then, I get a little bit lonely, and you’re never coming ‘round.”
Crash nodded, gesturing with his hands for everybody else to get ready, but made no sound to interrupt Ranko’s train of thought.
“Turn around. Every now and then, I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears.”
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With a strum of his guitar, Crash cued his bandmates. Most of them had at least some experience playing a good many cover songs, and at least Crash and Shinji had a good ear for learning songs by ear. Within a few notes, all four bandmates were dialed in, backing up their singer even as she sang out the window by herself.
“Every now and then, I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by.”
Before she could sing the refrain as well, as she’d have done if she were singing karaoke or along with the radio, Ken leaned into his microphone. “Turn around.”
Ranko nodded in acknowledgement that she was no longer singing alone, but she still made no effort to leave the window or reach for a microphone of her own. “Every now and then, I get a little bit terrified, and then I see the look in your eyes.”
Ken continued the backup vocals for the call and response, freeing Ranko to focus on the lead.
“Every now and then, I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild. Every now and then, I get a little bit helpless, and I’m lying like a child in your arms. Every now and then, I get a little bit angry, and I know I’ve got to get out and cry. Every now and then, I get a little bit terrified, but then, I see the look in your eyes.”
She turned slowly, looking toward the band. She wondered how many girls her age were lucky enough to have four musicians on call to provide accompaniment whenever they felt angsty enough to sing a sad song to themselves. She walked back toward the group, making for her place at the front and center of their number. “Every now and then I fall apart.”
Shinji tossed her a handheld microphone as she approached the filthy red area rug that was their stage. As she caught it, she allowed herself to open up her voice a bit and sing the song as it was meant to be sung, and not from the scared and hollow place in her heart.
“And I need you now, tonight. And I need you more than ever. And if you’d only hold me tight, we’d be holding on forever. And we’ll only be making it right, ‘cause we’ll never be wrong! Together we can make it to the end of the line. Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time.”
Crash gave her an encouraging smile and a nod, strumming his chords. “You got this,” he mouthed silently to her. She clenched her fist around the microphone in her hand, channeling not her sadness, but her frustration.
“I don’t know what to do, and I’m always in the dark! We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks! I really need you tonight! Forever’s gonna start tonight! Forever’s gonna start tonight…”
A tear ran down her cheek. Akane, even more than her sisters, had become her source of strength. Now, with a problem she couldn’t meaningfully explain to her sisters, she needed Akane’s strength, and it wasn’t on offer, because Akane didn’t have enough for herself. With a heavy sigh, she looked at the microphone, almost having lost interest in it.
“Once upon a time, I was falling in love. Now, I’m only falling apart. There’s nothing I can do. A total eclipse of the heart.”
Ranko put the microphone back on its stand. “Guys, I’m sorry. I can’t do this today. I’ve… I’ve gotta go.” She wiped her eyes, making for the door and pulling it open.
Shinji looked over at Crash. “Dude, is she okay?” Crash could only shrug. As he looked to his bandmates for advice, he heard the back door creak shut, and noticed that Kazuki had also left. That, at least, they were used to.
“Hey, you good, kid?” Kaz leaned on the corrugated metal wall of the building, flicking his lighter to start a cigarette.
“I guess. I’ll live. I’ve just got a lot going on right now.” Ranko sighed, letting her head fall back against the steel wall.
The bald man nodded. “Well, if there’s anything I can ever do, let me know, alright? I’m not the touchy-feely one, but… I hate to see ya hurting, ya know?”
Ranko nodded. If only he knew just how much hurt had to do with her current situation. And then, her eyes widened.
“Kaz… there is one thing you could get me, maybe.” She pulled a coffee receipt from her purse, writing something on the back of it and handing it to the keyboardist.
He blinked down at the paper, looking up at her incredulously. “You sure about this?”
Ranko nodded. “Yeah.”