The job was simple. Drive to a convenience store, pick up a cash box, bring it to the bank. Drive to a gas station, pick up a cash box, bring it to the bank. Andre even was there to help. They had six or so drives they had to complete that night. Since it didn’t start until well after the stores closed, Melody was a little tired, but she figured that her sleep schedule would fix itself. Probably.

The first place they pulled up to a gas station. Oliver got out of the van, walked into the store, and came out with a lockbox three minutes later.

Melody leaned over the center console. “So what do I have to do?”

“Not much. Just don’t fall asleep.” Answered Tahala.

After that, it was a drive across town to the bank, where they dropped off the lockbox. The fifth stop that night, they pulled up to another gas station. As always, Oliver got out and went inside. After about sixty seconds, he was back, looking a bit bewildered.

“Is something wrong?” Asked Andre.

“I’m not sure. The guy was acting a bit… jumpy.” Said Oliver.

“I’m sure it’s fine. Tonight’s pretty quiet.” Said Melody.

“Yea, except for that guy shouting from the rooftop.” Added Tahala. She cupped her hands and shouted. “HEY! People are trying to sleep, IDIOT!”

Oliver got in the back seat. Everyone kind of shrugged. Tahala turned on the radio. Playing was a song by famed hero and artist Sebastián Alonso. The song was called I’d punch lots of bad guys for you and featured as much of Sebastián’s silky voice as it was possible to fit in three minutes and thirty-four seconds.

My power has you as its source

Tahala started driving. The song continued.

My love is an infinite force

Everything was fine as they passed several blocks.

Without you, it’s all dim and dark

The van crossed an intersection.

You complete my character arc

They were t-boned by a truck full of flamingos.

Being by you makes me weak

Tahala strained against her seatbelt and the front airbags activated.

Our love is a forbidden technique

Melody and Andre slammed against the side of the car. Oliver was partially crushed by the door caving in next to him.

You say, we should be apart

After the initial hit, there was a brief pause before the pickup moved again. Its engine loudly roared as it pushed the van sideways.

You break no jutsu’d my heart

The pickup continued pushing, producing a terrible scraping sound as metal grated against metal.

If only you knew…

The pickup pinned the van against a street light at the corner of the intersection.

I’d punch lots of bad guys for you

Much of the side of the van was caved in, but it could probably move. Conversely, the pickup had taken almost no damage, even lacking scratches. As both cars stopped moving, six or so flamingos leaped out of the back of the truck like some terribly flamboyant goon squad. The pickup then immediately backed up.

Oliver was the first to regain his senses. The first thing he noticed was the smell of burnt rubber in the air. The second thing he noticed was the flamingos beating at his dented door like some zombie horror movie, but instead of groaning about brains, the assailants were making a terrible squawking sound. With how fast they were, the birds must have been waiting for this moment. They others started moving. Tahala and Andre were fighting against their airbags. Melody was cradling her shoulder, and was incredibly confused as to what was happening. Of those in the van, she was the only one who could understand what the flamingos were saying.

“LOL! They got rekt!”

“Get the thing, dawg!”

“Your plumage is very swag today, Nicholas.”

“Mom wants the box!”

“I like shrimp.”

“I.. I think they are trying to get the cash box!” Melody cried out.

Beaks were now periodically piercing the door as the battery continued. Looking at his useless leg, Oliver reached into his wallet and pulled out a fifty dollar bill. He crumpled up the bill and ate it. Cash healed him faster than credit did. He found the cash box sitting on the floor, and picked it up. Suddenly, the flamingos stopped. For a few seconds, there was only the groaning of the occupants of the van.

What was left of the back door was ripped off the track. Facing Oliver was a tall woman in a long pink dress. The dress was made entirely of feathers, and covered most of her body with a long skirt and sleeves that stopped just short of her hands. She had a masquerade mask covering most of her face, and her hair was in a short bob cut. She smiled as she reached and took the lockbox from Oliver. Oliver tried to stop her, but realized that his ribs were way too broken to offer any resistance. She walked back to her truck and got in. The flamingos fluttered into the back.

Tahala and Andre had finally pulled themselves from the airbag.

“Tahala, stop it!” Oliver shouted. Tahala briefly nodded, holding up her arm.

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

The truck was driving away. As it tried to pass back through the intersection, the truck suddenly lost all momentum, standing perfectly still.

Tahala was reaching her arm towards the stop sign of the intersection. The stop sign started vibrating.

At this point, Oliver was pissed. Reaching to the back of the van, he pulled out a baseball bat. He got out of the van and limped to the truck. The flamingos and the driver were just as still as the truck was, and they offered no resistance as Oliver climbed into the bed and used his bat to beat at the back window.

CRACK!

Andre looked to the back of the van. He reached his hand onto Melody’s shoulder. She felt a slight tingling, and the pain subsided. The stop sign was now shaking very violently. It started glowing red with heat.

CRACK!

“Hurry up!” Tahala shouted, sweating as she steadied her outstretched arm. The sign was now white hot.

SMASH!

A hole in the window broke open. Oliver looked inside. The cash box was opened, and the woman was reaching inside, her entire body still locked in place.

“Huh. That looks important.” Oliver said to himself.

Inside the box, rubber banded to a wad of cash was a small blue USB stick. Instead of bothering to take the whole box, he only grabbed the USB.

The stop sign melted in half, and the truck moved again. The momentum caused Oliver to topple backwards into the bed, while the flamingos looked puzzled by the sudden appearance of the man next to them. Oliver heard a man’s voice say something from inside the truck. The woman inside turned backwards. Frowning, she said one word.

“Peck!”

Once again, Oliver found himself assaulted by the pink birds. Only this time, there was no door between him and them. They mercilessly besieged him with their sharp beaks, tearing clothes and opening wounds across his body. His rescue came in the form of a yellow jacket that flew across the street, wrapped itself around him, and pulled him off the truck. While this did remove him from the reach of the birds, the landing onto the ground from a moving truck wasn’t particularly soft.

The truck stopped, and the woman in pink got out. She then walked up to the jacket Oliver was wrapped in, and kicked him.

“Hey!” Melody shouted as she ran up.

The woman raised her hand to cover her face as colored pencils flew through the air and bounced harmlessly off her dress. Melody pushed herself forward and tackled the woman to the ground. Tahala and Andre were also on foot, and moving towards Oliver.

Melody wasn’t sure what to do, so she just sort of started slapping.

“THIS. IS. A. VERY. STRESSFUL. FIRST. DAY!”

“Ugh! Get off me!” The woman shouted as she elbowed Melody in the stomach. “Peck!”

The flamingos ran over and attacked whatever was closest to them. Three chased Tahala and Andre. One began attacking a tree. Another squared up to its own reflection in a nearby window. Melody rolled over onto her knees, clutching her stomach with one hand. The woman took this opportunity to stand up and kick Melody in the stomach again, who fell flat onto the ground.

“For fucks sake.” The woman said as she reached into her dress and pulled out a thin metal cord with feathers along the length.

Flicking her wrist, the cord unfurled to several times her body length. She flicked her hand again, whipping the cord and causing a CRACK to echo down the street. Slowly, she walked towards the others.

Tahala was fending off three flamingos while Andre attended to Oliver. Andre pulled the jacket off to see Oliver covered in cuts and bleeding profusely. Oliver lifted up the USB and gave it to Andre. Thinking for a moment, Andre pulled out a Magical Universal Cord™ and connected the USB to his phone. Oliver propped himself up on one hand and wiped some blood from his mouth. He motioned to Andre, while shoving a fistful of dollars into his mouth.

“Andre?”

“Ye..Yea?”

“Get my fucking bat.”

Tahala had managed to grab one flamingo by the neck, and was using it to fend off the other two, like some squawking, feathery shield. The woman whistled. Immediately, the flamingos stopped what they were doing and awkwardly trotted over to the woman. The one being held by Tahala bent its neck in a semicircle and bit her in the hand, and she let go of it. The woman spun on her heel as she ran up, and used the momentum to unleash a ferocious whirlwind with her whip against Tahala. Tahala could only protect her face and watch as her arms were sliced to ribbons. Melody wanted to throw up. So she did. Just a bit in her mouth. Then she slowly sat up.

A reprieve for Tahala came in the form of a massive explosion that occurred several miles away. There was no heat this far away, but everyone jumped at the sound. Part of a skyscraper was blown away as debris rained down on the ground below it. Since she was watching the fireball in the distance, the woman didn’t notice the yellow harness fly across the street towards her. It wrapped around her like an octopus, then pulled down. She tried to yank it off, but failed, and fell to the ground. The harness started dragging her across the pavement, similar to how someone would drag cheese across a grater. Sparks flew up as the pavement made contact with her dress.

The flamingos seemed to be at a loss as to what to do in this situation. Some watched. Others tried to follow the woman as she made circles around the intersection.

“What’s Mom doing?” One flamingo asked.

“That looks swag!” Added another.

After ten or so seconds the woman skidded to a stop, with Oliver standing directly over her, holding his bat. Oliver put one foot on her forearm to steady himself, then brought his bat straight down on top of the unprotected hand of the woman, who screamed in pain. Oliver immediately lifted and struck again on the same hand. This time, the woman just let out a choking gasp as her good hand clawed at Oliver’s foot holding her arm down. Oliver was about to hit a third time when a new voice spoke up.

“Okay, I better help.”

From a nearby light pole, a man jumped down and landed on the street. He wore tight black wrappings around his whole body, and had an assortment of knives, ropes, and hooks attached to various belts.

“Hello mortals!”

“Oh great.” The woman managed to sputter out, clutching her hand.

“I am the Prince Heir of the Karileps, guardians of the sacred art of kick-flinging!” He bowed slightly. “For generations, we have taken great pride in our ability to kick things really hard!”

“Who’s this guy?” Oliver rolled his eyes.

“You have something that belongs to us. Relinquish it!”

“What’s on the drive?” Asked Andre.

“A picture of your mom. It takes up the whole thing.” The man replied. “Now give it back. I want it for my special evening.”

The woman in pink yelled out again, as if this conversation were giving her more pain than her hand.

“Now, give it here.”

“Listen here you discount gimp, if you think we're just going to-” Oliver started.

He was interrupted by the man, who instantly closed the distance between them and delivered a lightning quick roundhouse kick to Oliver’s chest. Oliver flew back several feet, tumbling head over heels onto the sidewalk and crashing into a building. The man casually walked over to Andre and held out his hand. Andre didn’t resist as he gave the man the USB stick.

“Thanks!” The man said. He turned to the woman on the ground. “I gotta hand it to ya, that was some fight.”

“Uaaaaah! Please!” She writhed on the ground, scraping her shoes on the pavement trying to get traction. “Bring the bat back, and cave my head in this time!”

“Get your rats in the truck.” He lifted her onto her feet. “Also, what’s open this late around here? Tacos? Bagels? Hell if I know.”

No one stopped them as they walked over to the truck. Melody was still on the ground, Oliver was staggering to get on his feet, and Andre was wrapping up Tahala’s arms with cloth.

“Okaythanksbye!” the man yelled as he drove away with the USB, the woman, and her flamingos.