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Pay me in Venison
XXII. Count de Teep - The Edited Version

XXII. Count de Teep - The Edited Version

Half of the hobgoblin army was poised on the border, ready to move. The elves and the Zimlakan cavalry were in motion. The King was playing an idiot for his captors. It was time to turn my attention to Princess Aricia.

I checked on her a few times to ensure she was in good health. She had a core of dedicated attendants, most of whom worked to mitigate the worst of what her mother imposed on the girl. Aricia was lovely from a human perspective and looked like good healthy meat with not too much fat to me. She was already showing the signs of becoming a mature woman capable of carrying a litter, though human litters were only one to two newborns at a time. Humans call them babies or infants rather than kittens.

Humans, like most of the bipedal two-footed races, were badly flawed. They took far too long to raise their litters, twelve to fourteen years for females and fourteen to sixteen for males. Years, not months! It was barely believable that they could survive as a race with rising times that long. Human females died years younger than males because of their long gestation times and even longer raising times for their litters, poor things. So many died in childbirth or wore out and expired from the long labor of raising their litters, one after another.

Princess Aricia was big for her age, though that is a Nordvek royal family trait. Aricia had the same red hair and green eyes as her father and brother. She was already as tall as Cat. She would be much taller when she was done growing. I knew my boy would not enjoy having his younger sister be his bigger sister. Poor Cat.

I wasn't quite sure what to make of Aricia. She was a quiet and soft-spoken girl of few words. She chose her words with both economy and care when she had anything to say. She had no one her own age to talk to. Her principal dressing maid, a young woman of eighteen named Gilda, was the person she spoke to the most. When no one was watching them, the two would trade short snippets of speech at such a low volume that it was impossible to hear what they were saying.

Aricia was brave. She feared her mother, yet she also stood up for herself on matters she cared about. One was the sanctity of her bedroom. Her mother invaded Aricia's apartments once or twice a day. The Princess had barred Griselda from entering her bedroom on the premise that she could not dry it out while her mother's blizzard affliction soaked the carpets and furnishings. Griselda could only see her daughter in the outer sitting room. The kid put her foot down with her snowed-upon mother and made it stick.

With the storm cloud following her mother and the haunting spells spooking the staff, Princess Aricia stayed close to her quarters. She refused to dine with her mother while the snow kept falling and would not dine with the Magus without her mother as a chaperone, so she ate by herself for now.

The Princess had one of the magic-repelling pendants and wore it everywhere except when she was bathing. Aricia's principal attendant, Dame Mildred, would check every morning that Aricia had it around her neck, reminding her that it was protection from anyone casting spells on her. Mildred was a lady of the Osterian gentry who came to Nordvek in the retinue of Griselda sixteen years ago. While she cared about Aricia, she was Griselda’s creature. With Dame Mildred, I saw that Griselda's plans for Aricia took priority over anything Aricia might want for herself.

Other than keeping track of Stephano, Aricia, and the growing misery of Griselda, I had one matter to finish up with the scrying stone at the palace in Tammerhof. That matter was the renewed torment and undermining of Magus Keleher. He discovered the enchantment on his eating knife, which I found on the clothes press in his bedroom. I did not undo the enchantment of the man's undergarments or eating knife.

What I did was destroy his ability to sleep. I would need to watch carefully to be sure it didn't make him more dangerous to those around him than he already was. I was hoping that the lack of sleep would do to him what it did to most people: ruin his mental acuity. Keleher was an observant and clever man. Anything that would decrease his cognitive abilities would be to our advantage when it came time to face him in Tammerhof.

It took two days to cast the spells through the crystal ball to enchant Keleher’s clothes, wash basin, toothbrush, shaving brush and razor, furniture, pillows, blankets, and mattress with spells to keep him awake. It was overkill because, frankly, nothing exceeds like excess.

I used the same simple spell that artificer mages used to make anti-fatigue amulets. Such amulets were a common item sold to students by young artificer mages without permanent employment. The spell to cast the enchantment used little magic, making items like anti-fatigue amulets easy to make. Selling them to students would keep a human contract mage housed and fed while the universities, seminaries, ashrams, and convent schools were in session.

While I devoted myself to the harassment of Magus Keleher, Duke Valgard took my boy to the Hof's armory. Once there, he found the shirt of fine chainmail made out of dwarven ring alloy that he wore as a boy. The recipe for dwarven ring alloy is a secret the dwarves have kept to themselves for hundreds of years. The alloy is very light yet three times as strong as tempered steel. The shirt fit Cat, so the old Duke gave it to him. It was light and thin enough that Cat could wear it over his chemise, and all his doublets hid it from sight.

Duke Valgard made a list of trusted nobles to visit on our flying carpet. Our traveling party added Duke Valgard and Duchess Dora, increasing our credibility with the disgruntled nobles and senior royal officials that Griselda fired from their posts. If Count de Teep did not know his wife of many years was languishing in the palace dungeon, then we would tell him.

We left for the County of Teep two days after Cat updated Lord Rumpal of our progress at Hoheit. This pause gave Valgard's son, Earl Galland, enough time to travel from the western passes to Hoheit. Galland would care for the Duchy of Valltol while the Duke and Duchess traveled with us. The Duke brought two carefully-packed crates of Valltol wine with us on the carpet.

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Sometimes I have to wonder what Father Garshom was like as a youth. He has these occasional lapses into mischievous behavior that makes me think he is no saint. The flight on the carpet to Teep Pass Castle was short, less than an hour. The mage flying a magic carpet must cast a barrier all around the carpet to keep the occupants safe from the wind that would otherwise blow everyone off. A flying carpet can only be flown by a mage who is strong enough to maintain the barrier, levitate the carpet and its contents, and move all the parts together in flight.

Duke Valgard and Duchess Dora were enamored with the view as we traveled southeast to Teep Pass. They strolled the perimeter and studied the passing countryside below, admiring the splendid mountain chain of the South Tol Massif. While they admired the scenery, Father Garshom started smiling to himself. It was a smile I had learned to be wary of over the years. I watched him thinking and pondering and then grinning.

I was concerned enough that I went and sat right next to Cat, with my head in his lap and one paw wrapped around his backside, watching the growing evil grin on Father Garshom's face. The old priest noticed my eyes riveted on him. He laughed, looked at me askance, and smiled with self-satisfaction. By now, Cat was watching and worrying too.

Garshom winked at us, and then the carpet angled upward, though our sense of what was up and down remained with the carpet. That was a good thing because the fool priest flew the carpet up and up and up until the world was over our heads, and our feet and rumps were pointing to the heavens. He completed the loop and looked very happy.

I got up, padded over to him, and sat the front end of myself in his lap. I put my big wet nose against his small dry one and frowned at him, growling softly.

*Warn somebody when you’re going to show off like that.*

"Just having a little fun, Fuzzy," he was still smiling as if nothing was wrong.

*Really? And have you ever tried to do that before, mister mage? Hmm?*

"No, but I knew it would work." He looked a little taken aback.

*I see. And what if you were wrong? You had never even tried to do it in the past. Now, with most of the living royalty of the kingdom on this flying piece of thin wool, you decide to pull a magic stunt like this without having done it in practice. If I were the student and you were the teacher, do you know what you would be telling me right now, mister wisdom and discretion?* I hissed at him for good measure.

The look on his face when I was done was a lot more uncertain than when I started. I got up, making sure I stepped on his foot with my front paw, and did the famous cougar sliding while stalking step as I walked back to my boy. Without looking back at Father Garshom, I knocked his chaperon hat off his head with the end of my fat tail.

"Yowzers, Fuzzy," Cat whispered as I sat down next to him, "who put hot peppers on your venison this morning? Remind me not to get you mad at me." I plopped my head back onto his lap and glowered at the world, which had the anticipated effect of Willam coming over to scratch me into a better mood.

Though I did my best to rain all over his exuberance, Father Garshom did a very showy landing right into the grassy courtyard between the curtain wall and the great round keep of Teep Pass Castle. It was vertical. He stopped the carpet about a mile over the castle and then let the carpet descend so every person with eyes to see could watch our landing. The descent took about five minutes, and the last fifty feet were at a crawl.

During the last twenty feet, Duke Valgard started blustering at Count Henri de Teep, "Well, Henri, what do you think about my new carriage? It's a little draughty, but the view is fantastic. Want to go for a ride?"

Count Henri looked like he was in his sixties or seventies. He was clean-shaven and had a shock of white hair in the boring old bowl cut that old soldiers like Father Garshom favored. At least he wore a fashionable pleated knee-length houppelande, even if his upturned pointy-toed shoes were fifty years out of date.

When the carpet was a foot off the ground, the old Count hopped on, giving the Duke a look of challenge, "Sure, I'll go for a ride, Your Grace. How about a jaunt down to Zillertol Falls?"

"Zillertol Falls it is," Father Garshom said, levitating the carpet back upward.

"My, this is rather sturdy, just like a wooden floor," Count Henri walked about, testing his footing. Then he stopped to greet the Duchess, kissing her hand. He said hello to Uncle Sven and Willam and then stopped up short as he looked down at Cat sitting on the carpet to the side of Father Garshom. By now, I had righted myself after my scratch therapy session with Willam. Seeing the Count's wooden expression as he studied me and Cat was interesting. The only motion on his face for several seconds was the widening of his eyes.

Willam came to the Count’s rescue, "Count Henri, I don’t know if you remember my brother, the Crown Prince? He’s not been out in public for the last several years."

"Greetings, Your Highness," Count Henri sat cross-legged in front of my boy, knowing that standing and looking down at him was discourteous. "Pardon my rudeness, but I thought you had lost your left eye?"

My boy broke out his good-natured smile, "Count Henri, I would be surprised if you didn’t mention it. Let me show you..."

"Must you, Nephew?" right on cue, Duchess Dora's disapproving voice had icicles dropping off it. I wondered if she and Cat had worked this out ahead of time.

Cat flashed her the look of an angel and then proceeded to remove his hat and take off his half-mask. "You see, what looks like my left eye," he placed his forefinger and thumb on either side of the eye socket, "is a very cleverly made piece of glasswork." He popped the eye out and held it up for the Count.

The Count frowned. He looked at the empty eye socket, the glass eye, and the smiling guileless Prince Andray. Then the side of his mouth canted upward in a lopsided knowing smile, "I see you take after your brother. Heaven help the kingdom. Where on earth did you find a glass eye so beautifully made?"

Cat popped his eye back in, "It was made for me by one Cloud Eye of Elvenhome, son of Black Buck and Red Hawk, and cousin to King Storm Eagle of the Green Elves. He does wonderful work. His teacher is his uncle, the famous elvish artificer mage Beaver Tooth."

"I have heard of the mage Beaver Tooth, so seeing something that wonderfully made by his student is a marvel. How much of the left leg is fake?"

"Most of it below the knee," Cat knocked on the calf with his walking stick. "The leg was made for me by Beaver Tooth himself."

"Why am I getting the thought that you went and hid among elves for a few years?" Count Henri studied Cat thoughtfully. "It would explain that interesting elvish accent you have."

"Because you would be right, sir," Cat turned up the intensity on his friendly smile, knowing he had hooked the Count and already had him reeled in.

"Damn smart move, young man," the Count nodded. "It probably kept you alive."

"Count," Cat was suddenly serious, "I know it did, and I do not regret hiding until I was better equipped to fend for myself. I was able to return with allies and good friends to back me up."

"I sense a tale that requires telling," the Count gave Cat an appraising look. "Other than your family here, who do you have backing you that can face down the Regent and her backers?"

"For starters," Garshom turned his head to look at the Count from the side, "he's got me."

Count Henri turned and then gasped, "Merciful Matadee! You’re alive!"

"Well, yes, it does seem that way," the priest grinned. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to flying this thing because it does take some work to keep all the different spells working together." He nodded at the Count and went back to flying.

"My other close companion is Fuzzy here," Cat scratched me between the ears.

The Count studied me, "I’ve never seen a mountain cat with blue eyes before."

I sat up a little straighter, *That is because I am a spirit beast, Count Henri. Magical beasts such as myself have celestial blue eyes.*

The Count’s jaw dropped. I was afraid it might come detached and fall off the carpet.

Duke Valgard sat on one side of the Count, and Duchess Dora sat on the other.

"My grand-nephew takes a little getting used to, Henri," Valgard grinned. "The spirit beast, by the way, is susceptible to bribes of fresh venison and getting scratched under the chin."

The Count studied me further and then reached his hand out with the backs of his fingers facing me. It was a gesture many humans used with unfamiliar dogs, so the dogs could sniff first. I looked at his fingers and then sniffed them.

*You were on horseback for a time earlier today,* I categorized the various smells on his hands. *You spent some time writing and then sealing documents. You visited the mews. You also fed cheese to more than one dog. Soft-mouth bird dogs, if I am not mistaken. You had smoked salmon and farmer’s cheese just before we arrived.*

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"That’s...that’s amazing," the Count’s jaw dropped so low that I wanted a baguette to stuff in it.

"Show off," Cat tugged on my ears in admonishment. "Other than this conceited cougar, who is also a mage, and Father Garshom, I have the use of four Zimlakan court mages and four elven mages through the solstice and a little beyond, plus a diversion into Gan with 2,000 elves and 5,000 Zimlakan light cavalry riders. A large portion of the army under my great uncle's command is moving toward Tammerhof and will be in position by the solstice. Last, half the hobgoblin army is encamped on the border. If we need backup, that force can be at the foot of the pass between Tammerhof and Valltol in two days, assuming they march with the legendary speed and stamina of the hobgoblins."

"The Goblin Queen is your ally?" the Count was amazed.

Cat shrugged, "She likes us, me, Willam, and Uncle Sven. We solved her wyvern problem and part of her wolf infestation problem. And she's very fond of Fuzzy. She likes us well enough that she gave this to me as a gift," Cat pulled out the silk-wrapped crystal ball and pulled the cloth away."

"Is that what I think it is?" the Count asked softly.

"A crystal scrying stone, big enough to be useful for multiple mages at the same time, and small enough to be carried in a belt pouch," Cat folded the silk over the stone and put it away. "It's our secret weapon. We have been able to contact my father using the stone. Fuzzy can do magic remotely with the stone and has undone the effects of the spells and drugs used to keep my father in a state of confoundment. The King is now biding his time and playing the part of a witless wonder for his captors. He knows we are coming."

"This is wonderful news!" the Count smiled.

"There is less wonderful news that I regret I must share with you," Cat said with an expression that merged sorrow with sympathy. "Your lady wife is in the dungeon. My stepmother sent her there several days ago."

The Count grimaced, closed his eyes, and collapsed into himself, head down and fists clenched on his knees. "I asked her not to return to the Queen’s service, that she should tell the Queen she was too old and weary. She always was too stubborn for her own good. She didn't want to leave the Princess without an advocate of noble rank since all the others have fled."

"We will understand if you do not want to go to Tammerhof with us," Duke Valgard was the voice of consolation.

The Count's head snapped up, flinging tears away from his face, "Nonsense! You’ll have every armed member of the troops under my command, including the ones my daughter and son-in-law have at the Vogelberg. We might as well skip the waterfall and go straight to Vogelpass, Garshom."

"Henri, do you not fear for Estella if the Regent sees your southern army troops in Tammerhof?" Duchess Dora sounded worried.

"Dora, dear," Count Henri took her hand in his, "we said our goodbyes when she last left as if we would never see one another again. We both know what she was walking into when she returned to Tammerhof. While her actual death would wound me, I am already resigned to it, and so is she. If, by chance and good fortune, we can be together again, it will be like the dead coming back to life, for that is what she will be for me."

"Henri," she searched his eyes in doubt.

He smiled sadly, "If you had wondered why I have been so sour lately, it was because I had already started to grieve. But I am not a weak reed, good lady. I hear my King has regained his right mind, and he has two stalwart sons coming to free him and the kingdom of this three-year-long nightmare, sons that have made allies out of our traditional foes, the elves and goblins, and have made friends with the great merchant state of Zimlakuliku. My nose tells me things are finally going our way."

Then the Count sat up and then heaved a great sigh.

"Henri?" Duke Valgard inquired, looking concerned. The Count, though, looked grim and a bit disappointed.

"I was just thinking that Tammerhof and the palace still house our own people," Count Henri looked a little sad. "It will not be the best place to use our bombards and rockets, though I'll still send the hand gunners."

"Oh, for the sake of the souls in purgatory," Garshom grumped in disgust.

"You old goat, you are incorrigible!" Duke Valgard rolled his eyes, and Duchess Dora shook her head. Duke Sven looked like he was trying not to smile or laugh. Cat and Willam looked around them and then shrugged at each other.

"What?" Cat asked, looking at the old Dke and then Father Garshom. "What did you mean by that, Father?"

Duke Valgard answered for him, "My brother-in-law expressed his exasperation that despite the dire circumstances in Tammerhof, poor Count Henri here is disappointed that he can't blow the capital city and its palace to smithereens with his beloved bombs and bombards."

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The Vogeltal was considered the most beautiful valley in the Kingdom of Nordvek. It was fifteen leagues wide at its southern end. As one traveled north, the elevation of the valley floor rose, and the two mountain chains to either side approached each other – the Zuggalpen on the right and the Vogeltauern on the left. Blessed with more precipitation than the rest of the kingdom, the valley hosted stands of timber, fields of spelt, and dairy farms. The area was best known for its cheeses and lumber.

The Vogelpass was where the two mountain chains came together. Once over the pass, the South Trade Road from Zanklandt and Zimlakuliku dropped into the breadbasket of Vorvall, where most of the kingdom’s small grains were grown. Once in the Vorvall, the South Trade Road intersected the eastern end of Perguy Road. It then continued north to the ford over the Green River into Osterius.

Because Zugg on the east side of the Zuggalpen was a land of boulder-strewn forests and impassable bogs, all north-south trade into the four northern kingdoms went through the Vogelpass. The road over the pass was guarded by the fortress of the Vogelberg. Nordweg collected a modest toll from each foreign merchant who crossed the pass.

Nordweg's control over the north-south trade route was the motivation for Osterius to drain the Gan swamp. Osterius planned to build its own trade road on the east side of the Green River. That venture had yet to make much progress. The soils of a drained swamp are still swamp soils, which are inadequate to support the weight of freight wagons.

Osterius did not have the capital or expertise to build a sixty-league ballasted highway across a former swamp. Now Osterius was about to learn that draining the Gan swamp made it easy for Zimlakuliku to invade.

It did not escape my notice that Dukes Valgard and Sven grinned like highway robbers after a heist every time Cat mentioned the five thousand Zimlakan cavalry riders coming up the Green River to make their feint into Gan.

We landed in the inner courtyard on the palace side of the fortress complex. Waiting as we landed were the Viscountess Alianora and her husband, Lord Estevan Zill, younger son of the Count de Zill and the grandson of the now-deceased Count de Vogeltal, who died without heirs. The red-haired Viscountess was short and round, full of energy and talk. She had three red-haired boys and two red-haired girls to make life interesting. Her children, who also came out to greet us, were happy bundles of too much energy and far too many pranks.

The oldest boy Johan, who was fourteen, made the mistake of thinking my boy could join in teenaged roughhousing the way Willam did. Willam and Johan obviously knew each other well. Their greeting was more like a tussle than an embrace.

Johan turned his attention to my boy. After Johan unbalanced Cat, Cat fell badly. I’m afraid I lost my temper just a little bit. I wasn’t going to hurt Johan. I just wanted to make a point. All I did was trip him so he landed on his butt, and then I pushed him down on his back with my front paws.

Growling like he would be my next dinner selection might have been overkill because Lord Estevan got upset and pulled his dagger on me. I might have gotten stabbed if not for Father Garshom, who levitated Estevan in mid-jump. Garshom disarmed Estevan and left him floating. Then he put his foot on my tail and applied just enough pressure to get my attention.

"Lady Fuzzy, let the poor lad up," he knelt and scratched between my ears. "It was just honest horseplay between boys. He didn't mean any harm. Johan probably didn't realize Prince Andray was missing a foot. I don't think he had ever met Prince before now."

*But he hurt my boy!* I heard both the Viscountess and Lord Estevan gasp, probably because they hadn’t heard me mind talk yet. *I was just making the point that one must take care not to hurt my boy. I just wanted to scare him a little. He will remember now that one must be careful with Andray.*

"Don't you put your ears down at me, young lady," Garshom gave me one of his looks. He leaned over, wrapped his arms around my back and under my front legs, and lifted me off Johan. "You should apologize for scaring Johan and his father," he glanced at the Viscountess, "and his mother too."

*It’s my job to protect him,* I grumped. *I’m not sorry about that. He’s my geas. I wasn’t going to hurt the kid. I was just warning him.*

"Fuzzy," Garshom went all authoritarian on me, "you need..."

"It’s alright, Your Eminence," the Viscountess walked over and addressed Garhom as if he was still a senior bishop. "It’s just a misunderstanding. Spirit beasts are so rare that I never expected to have one in my home." She leaned over to look at me closely, "What beautiful eyes. I'm Viscountess Alianora de Teep, and that boy you tripped is my oldest idiot offspring, Johan, who doubtless will never repeat this mistake." She smiled knowingly, "After all, he should have properly introduced himself first and then started roughhousing." She winked at me.

She was kind, which made me feel bad. *I’m sorry, I guess I got a little carried away. It’s just that…*

"Hush," she put her finger over my mouth. "We understand your priority is the Crown Prince. Let's put this behind us and finish all our introductions, assuming Bishop de Welk will withdraw his spell on my darling husband." She smiled sweetly at Garshom.

"My lady Viscountess, consider it done; but please, I'm not a bishop anymore. I'm just simple, Father Garshom."

"Oh, poppycock," she gave him a look of motherly admonishment. "You'll be at your former See of Tammerhof or Arch Bishop in under two months if I've gauged the purpose of this visit correctly. Shall we finish the unfinished introductions now?"

"Alianora, we should wait," Duchess Dora was kneeling next to Cat, who was still on the ground but sitting up, protecting his left arm. "I want this young man inside where we can get the houppelande and doublet off him. I must set and heal the broken bone before we do anything else."

Johan leapt to his feet and ran over to Andray. He dropped to his knees, "It’s broken? I’m such a dunderhead. I’m so sorry, your Royal Highness!" He looked like he was ready to cry.

"Lord Johan," Cat pulled out the crowd-winning smile, "You didn't know my left leg was fake. You may have pushed me over, but you had no intent to hurt anyone. It was an accident. I'm not upset. Well, it hurts a bit, but no real harm was done. Alright?"

"But...but...but..."

"I see," Cat knitted his brows together and suppressed the grin. "Lady Fuzzy, Lord Johan needs to be acquainted with the punishment of tongues before apologizing for the rest of the day."

*The punishment of...?* I had to think for a moment. *Ah! The punishment of tongues!* I strolled over to the kneeling Johan. * I hope you are prepared, young man, for the Prince has ordered this.*

"What’s the punishment of..."

I didn't let him finish his question before I applied my wet tongue to Johan's face.

"Eww!" Johan displayed his comprehension appropriately. Since he did, I gave him an encore.

After Cat’s arm got fixed, we reconvened in the great hall of the ancient keep and finished all the introductions. Then the meeting of Cat and the Viscountess' family fell into what was becoming a familiar pattern: explaining the eye, explaining the leg, explaining the elvish accent, discussing the allies backing Cat, and then unveiling the plan for getting rid of the Regent at the solstice.

Of course, Cat's left eye came up first, but there was a difference this time. For this big reveal of the glass eye, two young girls were present, aged eight and ten. For reasons which remained a mystery to me, the five children of the Viscounty family gathered on either side of Cat's armchair to watch and listen. Then, without my knowing, the composed and mature Prince Andray was inexplicably replaced by some unknown teenage prankster who looked just like my boy but was an undoubted imposter.

When the Viscountess questioned the eye, Cat followed his usual routine with a few notable exceptions. When Cat's cue arrived, he popped out his eye like he always does, but this time he had an audience of children watching every move. When he popped the glass eye out, he held it up so the pupil faced him.

"Wow, that’s so strange," Cat muttered so everyone could hear.

"What’s strange, brother?" asked reliable sidekick Willam with a face as innocent as Andray’s.

"Seeing myself through my eye as I’m holding it," he studied it for a few seconds more and then reversed it so the pupil would be facing wherever he pointed it. He turned to the youngest girl, Alison, and held up the glass eye so it was looking at her, "Boo!"

Little Lady Alison obliged everyone with a blood-curdling shriek. Then ran she to hide behind her oldest brother. The shriek caught my boy by surprise.

"Oh dear," Cat looked concerned, "I didn’t mean to scare anyone. Would you mind holding that for me, Lord Johan?" the smiling Cat tried to pass the glass eye to Johan.

"Highness, that's so gross!" Johan stepped away from Cat's chair. "Gaaah!" Johan let out his own scream when he noticed a flame inside the eye socket. "What's wrong with your face?"

Cat looked confused and turned to his Uncle Sven. Duke Sven pointed to one of his own eyes and mouthed, "It’s on fire."

"I guess I should put it back," Cat made the motions of popping the eye back in. When he looked up, all the stars in the night sky filled his eye socket instead. Father Garshom, Duchess Dora, and Duke Valgard all shook their collective heads and rolled their collective eyes.

Father Garshom gave Cat one of his looks, "Alright, you've had your fun. We must move on to more serious business, so fix the eye."

"There’s something wrong with my eye?" Cat’s look of puzzlement was so perfect that Willam, Sven, and Valgard started laughing. Despite this, Father Garshom glowered at my boy. Cat was amazing and continued his puzzled look.

"Now then, children," Duchess Dora's tone of voice took the room over, "and that includes you, Duke Valgard, playtime is over for now." She gave the old Duke the spousal glare that promised someone was sleeping on the couch. "So you can fix your…," Dora stopped when she looked back at Cat with his glass eye back in its socket. "Hmpf," she shot daggers of disapproval at him.

"Fix what, Aunt Dora?" Cat's open expression of sincerity was a marvel. If he wasn't on track for a career as a king or a mage, he could make a decent living as a stage magician.

"How did you do that?" asked Edmund, the second oldest of the Viscountess Alianora's children. He was one of those quiet, observant types.

"Do what?" Cat asked. He was having a great deal of fun, and I couldn't bring myself to obstruct him since he rarely had opportunities like this. He received Edmund’s look of incredulity for his efforts.

"So, before we move on to our schedule for the next two weeks, are there any more questions concerning me that need to be answered?"

"Didn’t you lose your leg in the fire?" Lord Estevan asked.

"This one is mostly wood," Cat knocked on it with his walking stick.

"Please pardon me if this is rude," Estevan continued, "but why do you talk like an elf?"

"Because I’ve been living in Elvenhome for nearly four years," Cat shrugged.

"Why did you decide to come home now?" the Viscountess asked.

"I didn’t, actually," Cat’s face turned somber. "I was traveling with my friends during the traditional two years of adventuring that most elves do between the ages of sixteen and twenty. We ran into my brother's ballistae troops in Gorgurak because his troop and my adventuring party were hired to hunt wyverns.

"One thing led to another, and we discovered, Willam and I, that our father was alive but captive in the palace in Tammerhof; and that my sister is watched so carefully, the only time she has any privacy is when she visits her stool chamber. Right now, I have the Suhkuhl of Zimlakuliku, the Elf King, and the Queen of the Goblins as allies, plus the use of troops and experienced mages from those three kingdoms. We have initiated a plan to remove the Regent and rescue my father and sister before the month ends, which is why I am here."

"Where did you get a flying carpet?" Johan couldn’t stop himself from asking.

"Oh, that," Cat smiled. "My foster father gave it to me. I don’t know what he gave to the Suhkuhl to convince that merchant prince to part with one of his precious carpets, but it had to be steep."

"Foster father?" the Viscountess nudged.

"Storm Eagle, King of the Green Elves. He took me in when I fled after the second attempt on my life."

"Well, that explains why you are wearing the chain of leaves. You have been having adventures," she concluded.

"Trust me, I could have lived a happy life without half of those adventures," Cat returned to being somber.

Edmund and Johan were allowed to stay for most of our talks with the Viscountess and Lord Estevan. The two boys were most upset to hear that their grandmother was in the palace's dungeon. The Viscountess was also upset, but she hid it better.

When we were done with our discussions, the de Teeps were committed. Lord Estevan would mobilize all the troops he could spare, leaving just enough of a force to keep the toll collection at the pass in working order. We spent the night at the Vogelberg Fortress, to the delight of those five rambunctious children who decided I was the best house guest ever. That was after I had spent the evening giving the three youngest rides around the fortress battlements.

When we went to bed, we thought we would continue our journey in the morning to other nobles we wanted to recruit. No one could have foreseen the calamitous events that the early morning hours would bring.