The doctor working in the compound was not used to a condition similar to mine, that was certain. He was trying to keep me in his small infirmary for observation.
“That is not acceptable. I will walk away from this infirmary. There is still a conversation to be had,” I insisted.
“Be reasonable, young mistress. You had been bleeding profusely just a moment ago. Just wiping it out with a wet towel will not fix what is wrong with you,” the doctor was adamant.
“I am aware of what is wrong with me and You can do nothing about it. I will leave now and you better not stop me, or you will need help yourself,” I insisted back at him.
The doctor just shrugged, ”I am not here to guard you. I am here to help you. If you do not want my help, I have a veritable line of patients waiting for my help.” the doctor said as he showed me the door.
I did not hesitate and left the premises of his small cubicle. I was here on the insistence of my father and I could help myself to a wet towel I used to clean myself of the blood. As I marched towards our quarters and my parents, I was sure I would still need that towel.
I needed answers. How could have they gotten into so much debt they had to sell their riches? My father was a very successful merchant, and he was wise enough to always have a reserve of money in case the business did not pay off. It would require a terrible fortune to wipe away any reserve he might have had, but I have seen no sign of such calamity. The city was rich; the clan was rich, only my parents seemed to be suddenly poor.
The second was why did the clan not bail him out? Any member of the clan in financial straits reflected badly on the clan and to allow such loss of face was strange. People could not see the Silverhand clan as bad merchants. Too much depended on our reputation.
The third question was one I needed answered the most. What was my role in this? The only expense I gained was in the form of the cultivation resources the clan was sending me and the expense was distributed over the entire clan. The Clan head even said the expense could be easily forgiven. It was strange, because the cultivation resources were not so cheap, but now it was a part of the puzzle and I needed an answer.
The only source of information currently available to me was in our rooms. Rooms I was now standing in front of and collecting my courage to enter. It was not going well. I was not ready to hear the answers, and yet I had no option and so I raised my hand and knocked on the door.
“Enter,” the voice of my father responded to me. I went inside and closed the door behind me. There was no reason the whole clan needed to know about this debate.
My parents were standing next to each other looking at me nearly as apprehensive as I felt. Silence reigned, but I knew I had to speak.
“Father, Mother, I would like to ask you a few important questions,” I said.
My parents only nodded for me to continue. We sat down at the table. It was the same table where we happily ate our first family dinner together in a long time. It was a happy time, before I had my episode. The atmosphere was heavy this time. No one was smiling.
“What happened to your wealth and why did the clan not help you out?” I asked.
My parents looked apprehensive at this simple question. Clearly they did not want to answer me, but it was my father who spoke first.
“I invested a lot of money to caravans towards the Northern wastes, which got attacked by the Beasts and rebellious tribes. It strained our finances heavily and I could never quite recoup our losses. It is not a great mystery. We just did not reveal this to you, so you would not needlessly worry. This is a temporary state,” he gestured to the barren walls surrounding us.
What he was telling me was logical, but it did not explain everything. He was still avoiding the reason why the clan did not bail him out and he always insisted on keeping money flowing in many directions, so that one failure would not wipe you out. What he was telling me went directly against that advice.
“But why did the clan not bail you out? You are certainly not the first merchant who lost a lot of money and you are certainly not the first member of this clan to do so.” I remembered the legends of failed merchants who rose back to prominence he used to lull me to sleep.
“We had a prior arrangement with the Clan head, so that the clan would keep away from the investment,” my father said, clearly embarrassed. “I really should have driven a different bargain that time, but I did not and now we are living with the consequences,” my mother took his hand as he explained this to me and squeezed.
I never heard of any such deal. Was he implying he got greedy and tried to do business without clan authority? It did not fit with the father I knew, but I was away for a long time, yet I refused to believe he would be so foolish.
“What kind of arrangement?” I hoped he would explain the details to me, but his face just crumbled when I asked this and my mother looked up worried about something.
My father looked at me for a long time before answering, “It was about you joining the Fiery Peak sect as a disciple,” he explained.
I kept looking at him. I did not know what he meant by that.
My mother took over for him explaining the story, ”When the recruiter from the Fiery Peak sect offered you a position we were so happy. We told everyone in the clan, who did not hear it from the rumor mill. This happiness lasted for two days before the Clan head called us to his office.”
My mother stopped reliving the moment, while I was still none the wiser.
“He explained to us that you could not go to the sect. He had a distant acquaintance test all the young children of the clan, if they had a potential for the path of a cultivator and you were not the child the acquaintance picked up,” she explained.
“I do not understand. I became a cultivator and walked the path of Immortality. Clearly I had the prerequisites to be a cultivator,” I said looking at my parents. This made even less sense now.
My father offered an explanation, which helped little to calm the vortex of confusion emerging in my chest, ”Which is why it took him two days to call for us. He reached his acquaintance and demanded an explanation. As the Clan head explained to us. You had a strong enough spirit sight to begin the journey, but your other skills were lacking too deeply, so as the acquaintance described it you would probably never take the first step in the journey.
“Well. he was certainly wrong,” I pointed out. My mother smiled at my remark just for a moment, but her expression swiftly turned serious.
“Yes, but at the time his opinion was absolute, and he was not wrong. He picked Zhelan as the outstanding talent of the clan and Zhelan achieved great things. He also picked two other individuals, who seemed hopeful. It does not matter what the truth turned out to be. The clan had to make a choice.” My father picked up the story.
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I suspected where he was going with this. Cultivation resources were expensive and the Silverhand clan was not rich enough to amass them freely. It would have to buy them at a heavy price, but there was a clear advantage in having them. Resources provided by the clan would certainly make them a force to be reckoned with in any sect of the Land of the three rivers. It made me an important person, after all. But if I was not on the list, how did I get access to those resources?
“The clan budgeted their resource acquisition between these four individuals, but your invitation created an issue. Should the clan weaken their chances by giving you a share of those resources or deny you the opportunity to join the sect?” my father said, thus confirming my suspicions.
“They argued for hours about it in the Clan council. they yelled at each other for days after every meeting, while they tried to reach an agreement,” my mother said.
My father nodded,” Understand, it was not a simple decision to make. Your invitation presented an unexpected opportunity for the clan, but it could lessen the chances of others making it far.”
“Or the clan could have increased the allotment for buying the cultivation resources. It would be expensive, but not impossible,” I pointed out the most obvious solution.
My father chuckled, ”The shouting on the first day of debate was about that. Many argued that sending getting resources for four was already ruinously expensive. To get resources for five would certainly bring the ruin to the clan. I pointed out that the clan could still shoulder the burden, and the risk did not rise significantly more, but my opponents had a rather good argument,” my father did not look pleased recalling that memory.
“They argued that if we took on the fifth, we would have to give up on dispatching our yearly caravan to the Far West. It was a ridiculous argument. At worst, we would have to decrease the size of it, but it was a point which found the purchase amongst the clan council. Soon the voices calling for a rejection of the offer prevailed on the council and the Clan head was persuaded to deny the Fiery Peak’s invitation.” my father said and stopped. It was clear he would rather not continue.
I was certain I would also not like the next part of the story, but I nodded at my father to continue.
My mother took over the story, while my father collected his thoughts, “It was not a popular decision. The Fiery peak sect is honorable and valued greatly by the people and the Empire. Refusal of their offer would certainly reflect badly on the clan. Many of those dissatisfied by the Clan head’s decision were coming and talking to your father for two whole days after the Clan head announced his decision to the clan council.”
I remembered nothing of that. The only thing I remembered from that time was happiness at the idea that I would soon become a cultivator and move mountains, build palaces and create food from nothing . I was a rather naïve child. My mother continued the story and I could not reflect on that fact for long.
“Clan head did not announce his decision to the clan at large and so your father listened to his visitors and announced that we would accept the invitation from the Fiery Peak sect on your behalf to the whole clan.”
“You defied the will of the Clan head?” I asked my straight-laced father bewildered. I never thought he would defy the conventions so brazenly. The will of the Clan head was the will of the clan.
My father chuckled, ”It was my decision. They had no reason to deny you and the Clan head ruled to appease the overly cautious of our clan. It was the correct decision, as I explained to the Clan head, when he called me to explain his actions,”
“You risked expulsion from the clan,” I said horrified. How could my father risk that?
“I doubt it would have gone that far. At worst, I risked a censure, but I made Clan head a pitch in that meeting and, if I say so myself I am a rather good merchant.” My father smiled for a moment before the cloud of sadness returned to his face.
“You made a deal with the Clan head, so I could join the Fiery Peak sect, but how did that lead to you losing your money?” I was confused. The point of this story was still escaping me.
“It was the deal I made. We could not send a daughter of the clan to a sect without support. It would reflect badly on the clan. What is a penniless member of a clan? Is Silverhand poor? and the more careful elements of the clan would make sure they would not share clan resources with you. I made an offer to the Clan head. I would pay for your needs in the Fiery peak sect and supply the resources you would need in the future.”
I looked at him horrified. The cost would be ruinous for a single merchant, even one, as well as my father. “The Clan head would not bail you out, because it would finance my stay in the sect, even if indirectly and so the clan let you wallow in debts,” I looked sharply at my father, ”You bankrupted yourself for my sake, Why would you do such a thing?!”
My father looked offended, “You deserved that chance, Mei. I could not let this opportunity go to waste and look at you?” My father frantically pointed at me, ”You succeeded and made it much further, than anyone predicted. You became a cultivator-,”
“And I wasted all of your effort,” I interrupted him, ”You sacrificed everything for me and I failed you.” I said it was terrible to know that I have failed my parents. That I was a failure.
“Nonsense. I made the decision knowing the risks and for a time it worked. It is my fault that I could not make enough money to cover the expenses of your cultivation resources and even put a few things aside for the future. I made a string of poor investments, which failed to pay off. It led to a spiral, when I needed just a little more money again and again and so we sold our stuff and had to take loans. It is my fault.” My father explained.
I shook my head, “No, it is mine. I should have known something was wrong and stopped you from sending me these pills and potions. This is my fault.”
“NO!,” my father shouted, ”I will not let you take blame for our actions. We kept the truth away from you and I overestimated my skill. You are not to blame yourself.”
I looked at my father defiantly. How could he ask such a thing? I was the one responsible. How could he deny this? I was not strong enough and good enough to become a cultivator. I was just a failure. There was something wet on my face. I thought it was blood, but when I went to check, it was just a tear.
My mother stood up and wiped away my tears, ”We do not blame you. It is not so bad and the future's looking bright. We have our little pearl home and we will soon wipe the debts clean.
My body was suddenly wracked with a cough. I bowed as I tried to contain each rasp. Pain from it was bad, but the episode soon ended and luckily this time there was no blood in my mouth.
“I think it will be better, if you retire for now. You must regain your strength, so you can attend Xian’s party at your best,” my father noted.
I did not protest, but I also did not thank him. I nodded and returned to my room. There Adra was busy cleaning the walls.
I ignored her and sat on the bed. I had to make up for the losses I had incurred to my family, because I had to fix this whole mess. While my parents were putting on a brave face, losing so much wealth had to be painful. I had to pay them back somehow. Sadly, I did not know how to make money in my current condition. The only skill I had was fighting, but I was incapable of that. I had no other skill. I could not sew or to keep books, or make pictures or do anything young ladies of age did to make money.
On reflection I did not know what young ladies of age did to make money. I knew the clan made money in trade, but how a woman would come to fortune in the world of mortals was beyond me. My time in the sect did not teach me these things. I looked around the room. There were certain things, which could be sold, but I was rather sure they would not fetch that much. My eyes landed on Adra.
“Adra, Can I ask you a question?” I needed information, and she was a perfect source of it just in front of me. I was truly an idiot for not thinking about this sooner.
“Yes, Mistress, I serve at your pleasure and will answer any question you have,” she said looking startled by the simple question. I really hoped this attitude would fade with time. This fidgeting was getting annoying quickly.
“How could I make a significant sum of money for my family?” I asked her directly. I had no desire to talk around the subject.
She blinked, taken aback by my question, ”Well.. There is…, but that is not an option for a lady of your standing. The most traditional way a Clan lady can bring money to her family is by marrying a very rich husband who will give dowry to her parents.”
It was not an option I considered, nor found interesting. When I was little the idea of finding a great husband fascinated me, but the years in the sect dulled that desire. I just had no time for boys or was looking for a match expected from me in the sect.
“How could I make such a match?” I asked Adra again.
“You are a member of Silverhand Clan and thus already an excellent match, but to attract a truly exceptional husband you would have to make great connections and show to the city you are a beauty without a peer. You would have to attend parties and showcase your tact, skill and wisdom. It would show you are a potential wife for anyone interesting and the connections you would bring to the marriage would be treasured. The best way to do so is to awe the city with your presence,” my knowledgeable maid explained.
It would be hard, but I had to repay my parents for their kindness and so I dedicated myself to becoming the best wife to be and shine on all social occasions.