The day I became the Paladin was the day I became a symbol. It's the only way to survive in this grand underworld. But, being crueler, smarter, and more charismatic will have your actions will ripple out into distortion. Eventually, twisting into something unrecognizable over time. The barrier preventing most from ever going forward.
However, you transcend the flesh when those few can control the chaos and forge ahead into consciousness. Until you become a legend, or at least that's how I did. I'm a nervous drop of sweat, hesitant gulp, and paranoid jitter to every criminal who thinks of me. A myth that will trudge through dirt and snow to kill with bloody hands. Not even Titan knows my past, and I doubt they ever will.
So when I tell you this tale, know it isn't out of sadness or forewarning. Regardless of your thoughts, I've made peace that my path ends in a bloody noose. Whether it be me or someone else who tightens it. No matter what happens, I am not dying as a hero or martyr but as a sinner with a story. I'll start at the beginning.
Growing up, my birth parents weren't around much. It was very much a "surprise" to both of them, later causing so much strain they broke apart. Mom left before I was a year old, leaving my father in such a stupor he passed ownership over to his family: the Walters, more specifically, though, I've spent most of my life under the care of my auntie Shanice and her wife, Nia.
They never made me feel like an outcast or that I was missing out on anything. To them, I might as well have been their daughter. Didn't mean that I remained an only child, though. When turning 7, I had evolved from a solo act to an almost sister-like figure to my baby cousin Darius. Those early memories get harder to recall by the day, though.
Like a piece of burnt film, I only remember the broad strokes. Darius' aimless proclamations only made him look too big for his britches; Shanice's blunt movements made any challenge look like a nail. Perfectly balanced by Nia's serene personality seemed to be the lightning rod that could hold all of us together. And in the middle of this family unit was me, the same self-serious, ambitious, and loner woman I've always been.
I could smile without worry, get a good night's rest, and not be in as much pain as I'm in now. Because back then, I wanted to heal instead of hurt. A spark that developed in me during my late teens, when I felt like I could go anywhere, only leaving me more frustrated over what path to walk towards. If I was going to spend most of my life working, I wanted to do something that could help people, something that could change lives.
My answer came soon enough, though, as one day, off some silly dare gone wrong, Darius took a nasty 20ft to fall from a tree. By the time we rushed him towards the hospital, the aunts and I were ready to start a full-on riot in there. Until one doctor, I can't even remember the face of anymore, reassured us. His words held care and intelligence, reassuring us fully as he moved on to Darius.
We stayed around the hospital round the clock to survey his condition, but for me, I couldn't remove my eyes from the man, watching him work calmly and smoothly throughout the process. He had full control over the situation, making an impact that could last a lifetime. After Darius's recovery, I knew what I wanted to do.
The events after fell through like dominos. I poured everything into studying basic medicine and becoming a doctor. However, I didn't exactly have the biggest financial opportunities, courtesy of being an African American living in a small town. Thus leading me down a rabbit hole that had me enlist in the military in nineteen. A far stretch, I know, but it provided the necessary support, I met the mental and physical requirements, plus it was a position I knew where people would need me.
With teary-eyed goodbyes and heartwarming promises, I sent out to serve my country. Basic training was grueling, though, not as bad as saying goodbye to my family on my first tour of duty. If not for the river of tears shared amongst us, then certainly the location.
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I've said before travel wasn't exactly something I ever considered but guarding a nameless camp in the Arabain desert for six months was a limit. Thankfully, I could squeeze out some perks, so long as I bent the rules. Like how once a week, I would sneak out at night to call them on whatever hanging connection I could find. A stupid move, but I was always the sneaky type.
"I don't know if it was the poor connection or the disbelief, but you think you can repeat that?" I said while utterly astounded.
"I said I'm getting into law, Sarah, so I can bust you out of whatever trouble comes your way," my shrimp of a cousin Darius said.
"Hmph, that'll be the day.
"Oh, please, the only one who's ever going to need legal trouble in this family is you," I say in my usual deadpan manner.
A line like that was par for the course in our usual ribbing, but I guess I struck a chord.
"I'm serious, Sarah, you don't what's going to happen, especially if I'm not there," he said in sheepish worry.
Picking up on his true intentions, I got more serious.
"Hey, listen to me; I'm going to be fine, Darius. All I got to worry about was shade and how to ration my water. But if being a lawyer is something you want to do, then do it. I know you'll do great in it," I said encouragingly.
"Thanks, Sarah," he said excitedly before giving a near infectious yawn.
"All right, with that little matter settled, head to bed. Leave the late-night dread to the adults," I replied.
'Fine, take care of yourself, goodbye," he said before hanging up.
Immediately after he did, I got a shout that scared the crap out of me.
"And what do you think you're doing away from base, Private?!"
A straight shiver shook my spine until I recognized the voice's owner.
"Please, like you ever cared about protocol Jasmine," I said casually.
"Hmm, got me there, but seeing you scared shitless for a second was worth it. Your peripheral vision sucks," she fired back.
"Oh, shut up," I say as she sits on a stone near me.
Like I said before, this job did have a couple of perks—the biggest of which gave me something that I always had in short supply: a friend. Despite being my superior three times over and being about five years, my senior, Jasmine Lin, always had this down-to-earth vibe. Like it didn't matter where you put her, she would always stick to her own pace. Making even the most dreadful places look like the funniest place on earth.
Jasmine and I remained quiet, taking in the scenery for a brief few seconds. The cold wind felt a little refreshing, the shifting critters that scuttered underneath the sand. The open moonlight showed off Jasmine's bright brown highlights tying into a bun, along with her petite frame and mischievous light brown eyes. After we soaked it in, we started to talk.
"That was Darius, wasn't it? How is the little one?" she said dotingly.
"Yeah, he was just worried about me, said he was going to bail me out once he becomes a lawyer," I said fancifully.
"Well, if that's the case, we gotta take him up on his offer. Because after this tour, you and I are going to drink like we got a problem," she said excitedly.
"You can save the partying for someone else. I'd rather focus on heading home, even if it'll take forever to get there," I said before sighing.
"That's why you got to focus on the party. Or any goal Sarah, makes the time go by faster, less tough. Besides, there are worse places to be than here," she said as if from experience.
"Like what? Have any war stories to tell?"
Jasmine took the quote a little more seriously uncharacteristically, wavering for a brief second before saying.
"None, I can tell you. Ooh, but I can tell you about the time I-"
Our conversation got immediately interrupted by a sound that shook both of us: a gunshot. The sound alone curled goosebumps across our skins as we turned back to the dark camp.
"Probably a snake or something that one of the guys saw," I said.
Jasmine took it far more seriously, cocking back a Sig Sauer M17 before taking command.
"Sarah, stand back and get some cover. Now."
"But what about-"
"Now, Sarah!"
Utterly panicked, I complied, deciding to hide amongst the sand and hope for the best. Before moving in, Jasmine gave me one last reassuring look before saying.
"I'll be back soon, don't worry," she said before advancing in a center axis relock position.
Despite her kind words, daggers of dread pierced through my composure. Leaving me so distracted that I didn't even dare notice another nameless figure behind me as soon she left.
"Good, I thought she would never leave," a mysterious voice said.
I didn't even have time to turn around before getting clocked in the head through a pistol whip. Weeks of MMA got utterly wasted as I struggled to keep conscious. Through the utter blurring of my senses, I saw two male silhouettes over me. The one on the right raised a pistol, only for the man on his left to lower his pistol. As if I wasn't worth the effort.
The infuriating sentence was enough for me to struggle on, pouring whatever strength I had to get up. However, my twitching was only met with a brutal double axe handle punch to my skull. Leaving me to slump into slumber. Only to awake to the man that will be the first of many enemies. The man who struck first blood in a war that'll cost him everything.