“Really? That’s what you do? Film yourself filming fucking raccoons and uploading them to Youtube?” Helena said with disdain.

“Uhhh, yeah? Why is that such a problem?” I asked.

“It’s just such a stupid thing to do for a living.”

“I don’t see how. I enjoy it.”

“You just have nothing going for you,” her words hung in the air as we sat in the restaurant. “Do you have any dreams or aspirations? Anything?”

“I’d like to be a writer one day. Or maybe just travel. I have a few ideas for some books, but I’m not really sure where to start,” I replied meekly.

I watched as Helena rolled her eyes. “Great, another social media star who thinks they can just write a book and become rich and famous.”

There was a hatred starting to burn in my chest for my date. A self-righteous, holier-than-thou bitch who thought she was above everyone else just because she had a job that could turn into a career.

“You know, artists are what keeps the world hopeful.”

“Save me the spiel. We can just eat and go our separate ways,” she said.

I watched as our waiter came over with our drinks. I had gotten an old fashioned with Bulleit bourbon. She had gotten a cosmo with well vodka. Years of working the restaurants told me all I needed to know about her. She sucked.

“Were you guys ready to order?” he asked.

“You know, I think I’m done here,” I said. “Here’s twenty for my drink. Go give it to the kitchen staff. The blonde menace across from me can pay for herself.” I handed the man the green bill and stood up.

I looked down at Helena who now looked utterly dumbfounded.

“No, no, no. I didn’t mean the things I said. I was more just shocked by what you do,” she said as her face turned bright red in embarrassment.

“I’m good.” I didn’t like conflict, I didn’t want to argue or defend myself. Not to some random girl I started talking to on one of those stupid dating apps. “Besides, I have better things to do.” I threw on my black zip-up jacket and made my way towards the door.

“Like go home and feed your stupid fucking raccoons for Youtube?” she shot.

“Those ‘stupid fucking raccoons’ have more personality than you do. And yes. That’s why I’ve made more money in the last 6 months than you’ve made in the last 10 years.” I shouted as I flipped her off and walked out the door.

I was annoyed as I got into my car and sped home. It wasn’t the nicest car on the block, but it was reliable. Sure, I could afford something way more expensive, but what’s better than a 1991 Mazda Miata? Nothing. They’re perfect. The best cars Mazda ever produced. Mine was wrapped in vinyl to be a matte black. Originally it was red, but I wasn’t a fan. I also replaced the headlights to have purple LED halos. Yeah, I’m that guy. But like I said, it was the best car ever made. And I stand by that. I didn’t need to spend hundreds of thousands on a supercar. Just me, my Mazda, and my ‘stupid fucking raccoons.’ I sighed as I sped on the back roads.

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

They wound tightly, but that’s what made this car so great. I could floor it, stick to the road, and just GO. 

I pulled into my driveway, got out of my car, and went through the gate to my backyard. 

“Paco!” I shouted as I saw that fat, round raccoon sitting in my yard. He was waiting for me.

“Where are the others?” I asked. He rubbed his paws together and just chirped in response. “I’ll be right back,” I said as I slid the glass door to my kitchen open and flicked on the camera in the window. He was already in frame. Perfect.

I grabbed a pack of hot dogs from the fridge, and English biscuits from the counter before I went back out. I flicked on my monitor which was attached behind plexiglas to the outside of my house. It allowed me to read the comments without having to look at my phone.

“Hey guys, it’s me again,” I said as I walked into the camera’s view. The livestream had already started, and my viewer count was close to 10,000. “Chris here to show you my visitors for the night. It seems like only Paco came as winter is about to set in. I’ll probably start seeing less and less of them as time goes on. But, anyway, I got hot dogs and biscuits.” I raised both packages into view before I turned to start walking towards Paco. He came running when he saw them.

“This guy really does love biscuits,” I said as I sat in the chair on my back deck. “Not the biggest fan of hot dogs, but I’ll keep them here just in case we get any other visitors.”

Paco jumped up into the chair next to me, sat on his ass, and started rubbing his paws together. 

“Okay,” I said, “only because you asked so nicely.” I handed over a biscuit and he started munching on it immediately.”

I slid off my shoes and sat there monologuing to the camera. Overhead, helicopters whizzed by with spotlights. It completely ruined the video, but I let the livestream continue. 

“Bigman69, hi. Yes, I have names for all of the raccoons who come to visit. I can tell the difference. Me and Paco here have a special bond. He’s been in my house a few times, but he doesn’t frequently come in. Sometimes I can coax him to come in the kitchen, but it usually takes a few of these biscuits.”

“Nice to see you again, Angelofdusk.” 

“Mods, can you start banning people who are just going to start using slurs. I pay you guys for this.”

I was answering and fielding questions.

The helicopters above started to become more frequent as the livestream went out. More than once I saw Paco look up at the noise.

“It’s okay, buddy,” I said as I brushed my hand across his head. That seemed to quell his fears. He rubbed his hands together again and I handed over another biscuit.

One of the lights overhead stopped and shown down on us. I put my hand out instinctively to get Paco to stay with me. The bright light completely ruined the shot. It got brighter, and I felt a tingling sensation in my stomach that made me want to throw up.

I blinked multiple times trying to understand what had just happened. I was outside with Paco. We were livestreaming. Now I wasn’t outside. I was somewhere else surrounded by metallic walls and computer screens glowing with neon. I tried to stand up. As I pushed off the ground, my legs gave out. My equilibrium was off. I looked to my right. Paco was still beside me, his biscuit on the floor.

“Am I tripping? Did that bitch drug me?” I looked forward to see if my camera was still there. Nothing. Just a vast room with a bunch of computers. There was a noise behind me. I spun on my knees. 

In front of me stood three gray figures. Their legs were long and slender. Their eyes, bulbous. Their mouths, tiny little slits in huge heads. 

“What the fuck,” I whispered before I threw up on the floor in front of me and blacked out.