The corridor twisted and turned like the inside of some deranged funhouse, dragging me deeper into its depths. Grinder padded beside me, his stubby legs and patchwork body oddly menacing in the flickering light. Glitter still clung to his stitched fur, a bizarre reminder of the ridiculous—and deadly—encounters we’d already survived.
Ahead, the waypoint on my HUD pulsed, urging me forward. The air pressed against my chest like a heavy weight, thick and cloying with an unnatural warmth.
“Elmo,” I muttered, gripping my Arcbolt tightly, “what’s next? A glitter dragon? No, wait—probably a fleet of homicidal Polly Pockets. That’s about where my life is at now.”
Elmo’s voice crackled to life in my earpiece, dripping with mockery. “Oh, come on, Blake. Glitter dragons are way above your level. You’re more of a ‘starter boss’ kind of guy. Don’t worry, though—this one’s got some real sparkle to it. Think of it as... character-building.”
“Perfect,” I muttered, shaking my head as Grinder let out a low growl beside me.
We rounded the next corner, and I froze.
The chamber ahead was enormous, bathed in an eerie, prismatic glow that made the stone walls shimmer like oil slicks. In the center of the room stood something so absurd it made me question the last shreds of my sanity.
A unicorn. Not just any unicorn, but a pure white monstrosity that radiated both majesty and menace. Its shimmering rainbow mane looked like it had been hand-painted by a sugar-crazed toddler. Its hooves sparkled with the kind of gleam that screamed “try-hard.”
And perched on its back? Barbie.
Not just a doll—but Barbie as some kind of nightmarish, life-sized, alive figure. Her synthetic skin shone unnaturally, her perfectly sculpted smile both dazzling and unsettling. She looked ready to host a runway show, kill me, and critique my outfit—all at once.
They turned to face me in unison.
The unicorn’s crystalline blue eyes narrowed, and it pawed the ground with theatrical menace. “You’ve trotted far enough,” it said, its deep, velvety voice laced with contempt. “But this is the end of the road. Time to put you out to pasture.”
Barbie let out an exaggerated gasp, placing a manicured hand over her chest. “Oh, Starprancer, don’t be so cruel! The poor thing’s already a fashion disaster.” Her gaze slid over me like I was a mannequin at a thrift store. “Ugh, bloodstains and denim? What is this, 1997?”
My grip on the Arcbolt tightened. “This can’t be real,” I muttered. Grinder growled beside me, his button eyes locked on the pair.
Elmo’s voice broke through, barely suppressing his laughter. “Oh, it’s real, Blakey-boy. And fabulous. I’d say ‘be brave,’ but you’re clearly no Lion-O.”
“Seriously?” I hissed, glaring at the air. “Thundercats quotes? Now?!”
“Hey, don’t blame me,” Elmo shot back. “Just trying to lighten the mood before the rainbow murder horse flattens you. No need to thank me.”
Barbie let out a tinkling laugh, tossing her glittering mane of hair like she was in a shampoo commercial. “Starprancer, darling, be sure to keep the bloodstains off your coat. We simply must stay pristine for the afterparty.”
The unicorn’s smirk deepened as its horn began to glow with prismatic energy, the light pooling in a swirling orb at its tip. “Don’t worry, Barbie. This one’s so low-tier, I won’t even break a sweat. Let’s give him a hoofbeat to remember.”
I activated my HUD scan, the interface flickering as it locked onto the unicorn first.
NAME: Starprancer
LEVEL: 8
TYPE: Magical Beast
SPECIAL TRAITS: Radiant Hooves, Horn of Retribution, Unrelenting Majesty
“Unrelenting majesty?” I muttered. “Is that a stat now?”
The scan shifted to Barbie, her flawless features practically glowing with contempt.
NAME: Barbie, the Glamazon of Doom
LEVEL: 8
TYPE: Human Construct
SPECIAL TRAITS: Weaponized Charm, Fashionista Fury, Perfect Posture
“Glamazon of Doom,” I deadpanned. “Because of course she is.”
Elmo’s voice crackled in my ear. “You’re judging their names? Blake, you’re literally traveling with a stuffed bear named Grinder.”
“Fair point,” I muttered as the scan suddenly shifted. A new entry popped up, the two glowing figures overlapping in the display as Barbie adjusted her seat on Starprancer's back. The system chimed with an ominous note.
NAME: Prismatic Deathride (Starprancer and Barbie Combined)
LEVEL: 12
TYPE: Elite Boss Pair
SPECIAL TRAITS: Unified Fury, Rainbow Devastation, Sparkle Strike
“Oh, great,” I muttered, the knot in my stomach tightening as the situation got even worse. “Because separately they weren’t bad enough. Now we’ve got a combo form?”
Elmo’s laughter crackled through my earpiece, a little too much like he was enjoying this. “Oh, Blake, you have no idea what you’re in for. Meet your mid-tier nightmare. I believe in you... sorta. Pro-tip: try not to die. It’s really embarrassing.”
Barbie, ever the picture of plastic perfection, pointed a finger at me, her smile widening to a frightening degree. “Scan all you like, darling,” she purred, her voice dripping with condescension. “But it won’t make you any less basic.”
Starprancer snorted, his glowing horn sparking with an ominous energy. “I’ll make this quick,” he said, voice low and cruel. “I hate to drag out the suffering... unless you beg, of course.”
“Fantastic,” I growled, my teeth clenched. “Let’s get this over with.”
Grinder’s growl vibrated through the floor as he stood at my side, his patched-up fur bristling like a feral creature preparing to pounce. If I was going down, at least I wasn’t going down alone.
I aimed the Arcbolt, taking a deep breath before firing off a quick shot at the glittering duo. The bolt zipped through the air and struck Starprancer’s flank, but to my surprise, it bounced harmlessly off a shimmering energy field. The unicorn didn’t even flinch, instead turning to face me with a look that screamed “I’m too fabulous for you.”
“Pathetic,” Starprancer sneered, shaking out his rainbow-streaked mane. “You couldn’t even scuff my hoof polish.”
Barbie let out a little sigh of disappointment, flicking her hair over her shoulder with a dramatic flourish. “Really, darling? That’s your opener? A two out of ten, at best. Maybe next time, accessorize your attacks.”
Before I could even think of a comeback, Grinder lunged into action. With a guttural roar that sounded more like an angry squeaky toy than a battle cry, he launched himself at Starprancer’s head, claws swiping wildly at the unicorn’s glimmering horn.
“That’s it, Grinder!” I shouted, my pulse quickening. “Go for the—”
The room exploded into a riot of color.
Starprancer reared up, and in a move that would’ve made a circus performer proud, he unleashed a burst of light from his horn—a massive wave of rainbow energy that crashed into me like a freight train made of pure Skittles-flavored agony.
Rainbow Devastation popped up in my HUD, the words flashing like a bad omen just as the wave hit me with bone-crushing force. The impact sent me flying backward, slamming into the stone wall with a sickening thud. Pain shot through every inch of my body, each burst of color a new wave of torment, my senses overloaded as I struggled to stay conscious.
I could hear Grinder’s ferocious growls, muffled by the pain, but it was all a distant echo. All I could focus on was the firestorm of light and agony coursing through me. The world around me blurred, my vision faltering as I gasped for breath, barely able to stand.
Not good. Not good at all.
“Blake! Are you trying to get yourself killed?” Elmo’s voice was far too calm, as if he were commenting on a mild inconvenience. “Get up and fight, you drama queen!”
I could barely hear him over the ringing in my ears, but I forced myself to push through the pain. This wasn’t over. It couldn’t be. I’d made it this far—there was no way I was losing to a glitter unicorn and a plastic princess.
-50HP
Grinder was sent sprawling across the room, his little stuffed body skidding with an undignified plop near the far edge of the chamber. He shook himself off, growling under his breath as his button eyes burned with fury, glaring at the prismatic duo.
“You okay, Grinder?” I groaned, pushing myself to my feet, every muscle protesting the movement.
Elmo’s voice buzzed in my ear, dripping with mockery. “Aww, Blake. How touching. You and your little bear buddy, saving the world together. You know, I think Grinder might actually love you more than you love yourself.”
“Not now, Elmo!” I snapped, dodging to the side as Starprancer came charging at me, hooves flashing like disco balls of doom.
TRAMPLE
The system alert flared red in my HUD as the unicorn barreled forward, hooves pounding the stone with a force that shook the air itself. I barely managed to roll out of the way in time, but the shockwave from his charge sent me tumbling sideways, my head spinning.
Barbie’s cackling voice floated through the air, cruel and sweet. She stood perched on Starprancer’s back with unsettling grace, watching the chaos unfold. “Careful, darling. You wouldn’t want to ruin your lovely… oh wait, you’re already a mess.”
“Get some new material!” I barked back, gritting my teeth as I raised the Arcbolt. My finger squeezed the trigger, and the crackling shot fired toward her. This time, it connected, striking Barbie’s shoulder with a satisfying sizzle.
She flinched, but her eyes immediately narrowed in a deadly, icy glare. “Oh, you did not just wrinkle my dress,” she hissed, her voice dripping with venom. “Starprancer, darling, show this peasant what real style looks like.”
The unicorn spun on his hooves with unnerving speed, stopping in place and glaring at me, his horn glowing brightly. This time, the light pulsed rhythmically, as if charging up for something big.
I recognized the attack forming. “Grinder, now!”
With a furious growl, Grinder shot forward, launching himself at Starprancer’s leg. His little stuffed form bit down with surprising ferocity on the unicorn’s flank, his claws digging in.
Starprancer let out an indignant whinny, his body jerking as he tried to shake the bear off. Barbie nearly lost her balance on his back, her grip tightening on his shimmering mane as she fought to stay upright.
“Hold on, Grinder!” I shouted, my pulse hammering as I scrambled to regain my footing. The unicorn’s horn was still pulsing, and I had a sinking feeling that if he finished charging, things were going to get worse.
But for now, at least, Grinder had managed to distract him. The little bear might not have been the most fearsome of allies, but in moments like this, I was more than glad to have him by my side.
-75XP
"Blake, is it weird that Grinder’s attack is the most emotionally intimate thing you’ve ever experienced?” Elmo chirped, his voice dripping with amusement.
“I swear, I’m muting you after this!” I growled, charging forward to rejoin the fray.
I steadied my Arcbolt, my finger itching on the trigger. Barbie’s flawless, plastic-perfect figure glimmered in the chaos, and I knew that if I could just knock her off Starprancer, I might have a fighting chance. The synchronized nightmare they made was too much to deal with together.
“Smile for the camera,” I muttered, taking careful aim at her.
I squeezed the trigger, and the bolt shot forward. But Starprancer, that damn unicorn, moved with a fluidity that defied belief. With a flick of his shimmering mane, he knocked Grinder off his leg with a brutal rear hoof. My poor stuffed companion sailed through the air, tumbling like a ragdoll before hitting the ground with a soft thud.
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In the same instant, Starprancer twisted with unnerving precision, dodging my shot as if it were a mere afterthought.
“You’ll have to do better than that, peasant,” Barbie cooed, her voice sweet but venomous, dripping with mockery.
Before I could even think to reload, Starprancer’s horn began to glow, the prismatic light intensifying as it pulsed with growing power.
SPARKLE STRIKE.
The system alert flashed across my HUD just as the attack took shape, and I barely had time to react before the beam shot out like a rainbow laser. The blast hit me square in the side, the force of it sending me crashing into a pillar. The searing pain exploded through my body, and I gasped as the wind was knocked out of my lungs. My Arcbolt clattered to the floor beside me, just out of reach.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. My head swam, the world spinning as I tried to gather myself. This was bad. Really bad.
-60HP
The moment my back slammed into the pillar, an ominous alert flashed across my HUDD:
WARNING: XP BELOW 20%.
My vision blurred as pain wracked my body, the world around me wobbling like a poorly tuned game. Even the vibrant glow of Starprancer’s mane seemed to dim at the edges of my perception. I groaned, forcing myself to sit upright, every movement sending another wave of agony through my side. A quick glance at my stats only confirmed the grim reality:
Barbie blew an exaggerated kiss, her smile dripping with condescension. “Oops! Looks like someone’s been demoted to ‘fashion casualty.’”
“Yikes,” Elmo piped up, his voice a twisted mix of concern and sarcasm. “Blakey-boy, you're really hanging by a thread here. Sure this was a good career move? Could’ve been a nice accountant or something. Maybe a beekeeper?”
“Shut up,” I muttered through clenched teeth, my voice shaky as my hands scrambled for the arc bolt, which had skittered just out of reach. Every movement sent another sharp stab of pain through my side, and the darkness at the edges of my vision crept closer.
“You’re looking a little worse for wear,” Barbie purred, standing tall with a flick of her hair, as if she hadn't just obliterated my confidence. Her perfect smile widened into a cruel grin. “Maybe you’d like to sit this one out, darling? Before you embarrass yourself further.”
“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” I snapped back, gripping the arc bolt with trembling hands and pulling myself upright. My legs felt like jelly, but I locked my knees to stop myself from collapsing. Grinder, ever the loyal companion, was back in the fray, circling Starprancer with a low growl.
Starprancer pawed at the ground, his horn glowing with menacing energy. “You’re barely standing, mortal. It would almost be... merciful to put you out of your misery.” He snorted, lowering his head. “Almost.”
“Yeah, well,” I gritted through my teeth, aiming the arc bolt despite my unsteady grip, “mercy’s overrated.”
I couldn’t afford to miss. One more hit, and I was done for.
The arc bolt hummed to life, its energy crackling beneath my grip as I steadied it, lining up my shot. Barbie stood tall, smug as ever, her golden hair shimmering like it was sponsored by a high-end shampoo commercial. If I couldn’t take them down outright, I’d at least do something to take the shine off their perfect little world.
I took a deep breath and fired.
The bolt cut through the air with a crackling hiss. Starprancer snorted, jerking his head to the side to dodge, but the shot wasn’t aimed at him. It struck true, slamming into the top of Barbie’s flawless, plastic-like head.
Her scream was pure, unbridled rage—an inhuman wail that pierced the air, sending an involuntary shiver down my spine. Her golden mane erupted into a burst of electrical fire, the strands sizzling and burning down to a charred, uneven mess. Wisps of smoke curled from the remains as she flailed, clawing at what was left of her once-perfect hair.
"My HAIR!" she shrieked, her voice reaching a pitch that would’ve shattered glass. “Do you know how long it takes to look this good?!”
“Not anymore, you don’t!” I spat, gritting my teeth against the searing pain in my side, a bitter satisfaction flooding through me as I watched her unravel.
“Rude,” Elmo quipped, his voice a sharp, high-pitched cackle in my ear. “But I gotta say, Blakey-boy, you’ve got a real talent for makeovers. Maybe a future in cosmetology’s in store for you after this.”
Barbie’s fury radiated off her like heat from a bonfire, her face twisted in rage. “You insolent worm!” she howled, her voice laced with venom. “Starprancer, kill him!”
The unicorn whinnied, his horn glowing even brighter as he charged at me with terrifying speed. But Grinder, my relentless little savior, wasn’t about to let that happen. With a roar that seemed impossible for a stuffed bear, he launched himself at Starprancer’s side.
The impact was deafening, like a cannonball colliding with a wall of marble. Grinder’s claws dug deep into the unicorn’s pristine coat, tearing through the shimmering flesh beneath. Starprancer reared back, his scream of pain echoing in the room as crimson streaks marred his once-immaculate flank.
“You dare injure me?” Starprancer bellowed, his voice trembling with fury and agony. “I am STARPRANCER, THE ETERNAL—”
“Yeah, yeah, eternal, blah blah,” I muttered, forcing myself upright despite the pain stabbing through my side. “You’re still bleeding, buddy.”
Grinder landed with a heavy thud, shaking off loose stuffing as he growled menacingly. Starprancer staggered, his regal stance faltering as blood dripped onto the floor, pooling beneath his hooves.
For a brief moment, both Barbie and Starprancer were in disarray—one screeching about her ruined hair, the other struggling to stay upright.
“Elmo,” I gasped, my voice hoarse. “Options?”
“Options?!” Elmo shot back incredulously. “Blake, you’re practically running on fumes! Your only option is not dying!”
“Helpful,” I snapped, gripping the arc bolt tightly. My heart pounded in my chest, my vision still a blur. This fight wasn’t over, but for the first time, the odds weren’t entirely stacked against me.
Barbie scrambled back to her feet with the kind of plastic grace only she could manage, her scorched scalp still smoking. Despite the charred mess she’d become, she thrust her arm toward me, her voice dripping with venom.
“You think you can humiliate me and walk away unscathed?!” she snarled, eyes blazing. “Witness my ultimate move: Weaponized Charm!”
A strange pink aura surrounded her, pulsing like a living thing. Her eyes glowed unnaturally, and she struck what I can only assume was meant to be a seductive pose—though the charred remnants of her once-perfect hair made her look more like a deranged mannequin than a goddess of allure.
I blinked, momentarily stunned by the absurdity of it all. “Weaponized Charm? Seriously?”
But the pink aura only intensified, the strange energy humming in the air, and something shifted. My stomach churned. This wasn’t just a pose—it was a full-on assault on my senses. If I didn’t act fast, I might just find myself really regretting not keeping my distance.
“Okay, now we’re in trouble,” I muttered under my breath, steeling myself for whatever she was about to unleash.
The pink energy swelled around Barbie, rippling outward like a tidal wave, pressing in on me from all sides. My HUD blinked frantically, warning of an incoming mental assault. I braced myself, gripping the arc bolt tighter, ready for whatever mind-bending move she had in store.
But then... nothing.
The pink glow flickered and fizzled, dying out completely, leaving Barbie standing awkwardly in the middle of the battlefield, arms still raised in a dramatic, almost comical pose.
“What?” she gasped, glancing around, her expression full of confusion. “Why isn’t it working?” Her hands flew to her head, patting at her scalp like she’d lost her keys. “No! My hair! My power!”
“Elmo’s voice piped up with its usual sarcastic cheer. “Yikes, looks like someone’s having a bad hair day. Guess you’ll need a new party trick, Barb. Maybe try shadow puppets?”
I couldn’t help it. Despite the pain in my side, I let out a shaky laugh. “Guess it’s hard to be charming when you look like you lost a fight with a lawnmower.”
Barbie let out a scream of pure frustration, stomping her feet like a petulant child. Before she could muster up another move, a mighty roar from Grinder tore through the air.
The bear launched himself onto Starprancer, who was still staggering to his hooves, barely able to hold himself up. The unicorn's legs buckled under Grinder’s weight, and with a pained whinny, he collapsed. Without missing a beat, Grinder went to work. He raised his stubby, blood-coated arms and started hammering Starprancer’s head and neck with brutal, unrelenting strikes.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Each blow landed with a sickening crunch. Starprancer’s cries grew weaker, his once-pristine form now crumpling under Grinder’s assault.
“Wow,” Elmo said, his voice dripping with mock admiration. “Grinder’s really going to town. Look at him—just pounding Starprancer into submission. Talk about getting your hands dirty!”
“Not the time, Elmo!” I shouted, trying to keep my focus as I aimed the arc bolt at Barbie, the last of my energy rapidly draining.
“But seriously,” Elmo continued, ignoring me entirely. “I haven’t seen someone ride another so hard since Blake and that—”
“Elmo!” I cut him off, my face flushing with a mix of frustration and embarrassment.
Starprancer let out one final, pitiful whinny before collapsing entirely, his body limp beneath Grinder’s savage assault. The bear hopped off, victorious, with an almost triumphant roar, shaking off bits of blood and gore as if he'd just come out of a bath.
“Guess that’s one less threat,” I muttered, my body trembling as I fought to stay on my feet. But Barbie was still very much a problem.
+675XP
"Good boy, Grinder," I muttered, lowering my weapon just a little. "Now, let’s deal with—"
Barbie, her face contorted in pure rage, suddenly lunged at me, her fury unrelenting despite her lack of any real power.
"—her," I finished, letting out a sigh as I braced for round two.
“You think you’ve won?!” she screeched, her voice sharp enough to pierce the tension in the air. “Prepare to witness my ultimate finishing move: FURIOUS FASHIONISTA!”
A dazzling pink light erupted around her, forming swirling tendrils of energy that twisted and snapped like sentient ribbons. The air shimmered as waves of sequins and glitter began to materialize, cascading over her in a glowing, iridescent vortex. She pointed dramatically at Grinder.
“Let’s see how your filthy, scrappy little teddy bear handles this!”
The ribbons shot toward Grinder with terrifying speed, coiling and weaving with deadly precision. For a second, I actually thought she might have something in mind—maybe even something that could take down my bear. But as the sparkling attack reached him, something unexpected happened.
The ribbons... stopped. They hovered uncertainly in midair before collapsing to the floor in a heap of glittering, harmless wisps of light.
Grinder stood there, unfazed, like the attack hadn’t even touched him. He tilted his head slightly, almost as if confused, and then patted his chest with one paw, brushing off the glitter that had settled on him.
Barbie blinked, her expression shifting from fury to utter disbelief. “What... What is this?! Why didn’t it work?!”
I couldn’t help but smirk, the corner of my mouth twitching in amusement. “You’re trying to weaponize fashion against a stuffed bear. He doesn’t wear clothes, genius.”
Elmo's voice piped up, laughing hysterically. “Oh, this is rich! Barbie here really thought her glitter bombs and couture kung fu would work on a naked plushie! This is comedy gold!”
Barbie’s face contorted further, and she stomped her heel so hard on the ground I thought it might snap off. “Shut up! Both of you! I will not be mocked!”
I didn’t wait for her next move. While she fumed, I leveled my arc bolt and fired. The shot screamed through the air, crackling with energy before it slammed into her chest. Her pristine pink dress erupted into flames, the fabric disintegrating into blackened tatters as the force of the blast sent her stumbling backward.
Barbie let out a strangled scream, her once-glamorous façade now reduced to a smoldering wreck. The fight wasn’t over, but it was clear we were getting closer to the end.
Barbie let out a bloodcurdling scream, her hands frantically patting at the smoldering remains of her once-glorious outfit. “No! My dress! This was a limited edition! Do you have any idea how hard it is to replace this?!”
I raised an eyebrow, deadpan. “Harder than replacing your hair?”
That was the breaking point. Barbie’s perfect, composed smile twisted into a hysterical snarl as she completely lost it.
“You imbecile! You utter fashion disaster! You think you’re so clever, don’t you? Ruining my hair, my dress, my aesthetic! Do you even understand the sacrifices I’ve made to look this good? Do you?!”
She spun wildly in circles, gesturing to her charred, disheveled state. “This is unacceptable! How dare you reduce me to this! I am a style icon! I am perfection! And you... you’re nothing but a filthy, tasteless troll! A peasant! A barbarian! You don’t deserve to bask in my glory!”
Elmo’s voice piped up, practically in tears from laughing. “Oh, man, she’s really unraveling! Someone get this girl a therapist—and maybe a wig.”
“Shut up!” Barbie shrieked, tears of frustration streaming down her perfectly sculpted, yet now ruined, cheeks.
I couldn’t help it—I let out a laugh, and even Grinder joined in with a triumphant roar, clearly enjoying her meltdown.
“Alright, Barbie,” I said, raising my arc bolt again, “Time to put you out of your misery.”
I fired, the energy crackling through the air. The shot hit her square in the chest, and this time, there was no desperate, dramatic attempt to fight it. The plastic that made up her body began to melt under the intense heat, warping and bubbling like molten lava, spreading across the floor in a grotesque wave.
Her scream was bone-chilling, a piercing, agonizing sound that echoed through the chamber. Barbie collapsed, her form collapsing into a shapeless heap of liquefied plastic.
The rainbow shimmer that had been her signature style now lay in a sticky, smoldering puddle, cooling into a grotesque, misshapen mess.
I stood there for a moment, watching as the puddle of what used to be Barbie slowly congealed into a pile of goo. I half-expected some final trick or last-ditch effort from her, but there was nothing. It was over.
+695XP
I let out a slow, exhausted breath, my fingers still wrapped around the now-smoking arc bolt. The hum of energy that had filled the air was gone, replaced by an eerie silence, broken only by the occasional drip of melted plastic splattering on the cold stone floor.
"Well, that was... something," I muttered to myself, feeling the weight of the battle finally settle into my bones. I stumbled back, sinking heavily against the stone wall. My body ached—again—but at least it was over. The adrenaline was wearing off, and the pain was catching up fast.
Elmo’s voice crackled through my earpiece, annoyingly upbeat. “Well, well, Blake! Looks like you survived, huh? Who knew you had it in you? You’ve got the heart of a champion—or maybe more like the wild energy of a toddler on a sugar rush, but hey, whatever works!”
I leaned my head back against the wall, closing my eyes for a second. "I can’t believe I’m still alive. My stats are trashed."
“You know, a little gratitude wouldn’t kill you,” Elmo teased, his voice going from playful to mockingly dramatic. “But no worries, you’ve got some time to breathe. Just don’t get too comfortable. ‘Cause, spoiler alert, the next part’s probably gonna be like the Game of Thrones finale... a whole lot of pain and disappointment!”
I rubbed my temples, the headache creeping in like a slow-moving storm. "Yeah, I’m just gonna... sit here for a bit. Recharge. Let my stats catch up."
Then something struck me, something I hadn’t really thought about until now. "Hey, Elmo... how does XP actually work in this world? I mean, I took down Barbie, but I haven’t seen any breakdown or... well, any real explanation. How do I get XP?"
Elmo’s tone shifted a bit, more serious now, though still with that mischievous edge. “Ah, now you're asking the right questions, kid. XP’s actually pretty simple once you get it. See, you don’t get XP just for killing stuff. Nah, that’d be way too easy. You get XP based on the stats of whatever you defeat.”
I frowned, still trying to make sense of it. “So... the stronger something is, the more XP I get?”
“Bingo!” Elmo replied. “XP is the sum of all the stats of whatever you defeat. Strength, speed, magic, defense, charisma... every little attribute. Barbie, for example? Solid fashion stats—uh, I mean fighting stats. And her mount, Starprancer? Big XP there too. But hey, you took both of them down, so it all adds up.”
“So, the higher their level, the more I get?” I asked, piecing it together.
“Exactly! The better the opponent, the better the reward,” Elmo said, sounding like he was trying to do his best motivational speaker impression. “Barbie’s level 12, remember? You just snagged yourself a decent chunk of XP for that melt-down. Starprancer was tough, but you roasted both of them in one go. Look at you—you're practically the Thanos of this world, snapping your fingers and making bad guys disappear.”
"Wait, I only got 1370 XP?" I groaned. "What kind of joke is that?"
Elmo laughed, clearly amused. “Oh, trust me, that’s not bad! You’re still pretty low-level. The higher-level enemies you take down, the more XP you’ll rack up. But you’ve got to earn it the hard way. You get the total sum of all their stats when they’re defeated. Next time you fight something tougher, you could see a bigger haul. Look at you though—taking down high-level opponents and you barely have any XP! You're like the underdog in every 80s movie ever. Keep this up, and you’re gonna be a Rocky by the end of this.”
I didn’t feel much like an underdog, though. My vision was blurry, my body was still screaming at me, and I was barely scraping 20% of my total XP. But I managed a half-smile. “Alright, fine. But I still need a breather. I’m beat.”
“You earned it, kid. Take five. But don’t get too comfy. Who knows what’s next? Just don’t fall asleep on me, okay? If you do, I swear I’m gonna start playing the Friends theme on repeat until you wake up. That’ll get you moving.”
I closed my eyes and leaned back, letting my stats slowly recharge. The pain in my limbs began to ease as my health regenerated, and the buzz in my head faded away. But deep down, I knew it wouldn’t be long before the next challenge came.