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One man lost in here
Out of place in Gensokyo
May the Lord help him
The area around the misty lake was home to many odd things. Fairies, mermaids, Scarlet Devil Mansions… It’d be a fool’s errand to expect normalcy from this lake, yet people of Gensokyo do think of this lake as being pretty normal according to their odd standards.
One poor soul who isn’t an inhabitant of Gensokyo is Licorice, who was taking a leisurely stroll around the lake. Not because she needed to draw water, that had thankfully been solved by the kappa which had almost done unspeakable acts to her backside. It was just a leisurely stroll like any other leisurely stroll, one that would not go wrong if not for a meteor making its way to her location. Wait, a meteor?! Licorice was shocked to see this plot twist quickly falling towards her. Our heroine quickly dived and dodged the best she could as the meteor in question landed right next to her.
The earth shook, the water shook, Licorice herself was shook to the core. Couldn’t a woman loiter around a lake without being bombarded? Apparently not. Our heroine rose up from the ground to see another surprising thing: the object in front of her was not a meteor. In fact, it was a small church, strictly orthodox in appearance with grand windows and even grander domes topped with crosses. The walls of the building had more crosses engraved in it than a crossword puzzle, and there were icons of a few saints whose names Licorice had forgotten nor could she read the overly fanciful way their names were written in Church Slavonic.
For a few seconds Licorice stood idle, unsure of what to make of this sudden church appearing in front of her. Was it a sign from up above? She hadn’t attended church for, her memories were quite fuzzy but she was sure of this, a while now. No matter the case, she decided to venture inside out of curiosity. The inside was even grander than the inside, with countless icons plastering the walls and the ceiling. The pews were lined up like soldiers, a grand altar at the end of the room. There was also the sound of… crying?
Licorice searched around the room to find the source of this noise, only to find a black ball of fabric curled around the corner. “…sir?”
“Ah!” She was met with a golden cross speeding towards her face, and the priest blurted out a swear that was most unbefitting. Thankfully the man stopped right before he made contact. He was a familiar sight: a long black hat, black robes flowing down to the floor and a beard flowing down as if it was in a competition with the clothes. The man was the quintessential Eastern Orthodox priest, trying to pray away his troubles. “T-Thank the Lord, help has arrived!” Despite his jubilant tone, the man was looking at Licorice with a hint of disapproval. She lacked a cross on her neck, her ankles were showing, and her maid outfit was definitely not appropriate for church.
Our heroine was less sure of what to do now. Should she just tell the truth and let the man know of his new predicament? She could guess that the mistress might not have the highest opinion of Christian clergymen, so inviting him for some tea was not a good idea. “What happened, Father? Do you remember your name?”
The priest took a deep breath, staring at the ceiling as if he was looking for God to send a signal down to Earth. “Nikolai Valentinov, faithful servant of the one above. I have not gone senile enough to forget that yet.” He slowly rose up from his curled-up position, resting his old legs on one of the pews. Nikolai crossed himself, once, twice, then thrice as if he wasn’t blessed enough while reciting prayer in perfect Church Slavonic. “There was a great tremble as if Doomsday had come, and I really did think that was the case, until it stopped and you arrived.”
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“I see…” Items being spirited away to Gensokyo wasn’t uncommon, as witnessed by Licorice’s vast collection of literature. A whole church being spirited away, however, was a bit too ridiculous even for Gensokyo. “Father, I have some… news for you.”
“Yes?” Nikolai paused for a second, trying to look out the door of the church. He couldn’t see due to his old eyes not cooperating. “It’s been awfully quite since the earthquake.” He was expecting sirens to go off and for people to begin screaming for help, not peace and quiet.
“It’s quiet because…” Licorice didn’t know how to put it in a way that a total stranger like him would understand. “You know what, let me show you. Let’s go outside.” She helped the man get up. He moved with a lack of urgency unique to clergymen, only quickening his pace as he saw what was out the door. Or, more accurately, when he saw what was not out the door.
“Where… where’s everything else?!” He quickly crossed himself three more times, just in case. With wide eyes he scanned the surroundings, only seeing grass and water. His eyes got wider when he saw a bunch of little girls with wings who were flying and observing the odd structure that had since appeared. “Oh, by the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, where are we? Why are the children flying? A-are they angels?” He looked at the scene again. It did seem beautiful enough to be heaven. He crossed himself a couple more times just to make himself surer he’d be getting through the pearly gates.
“No, those are far from angels. They’re fairies, the bloody lot of them.” Licorice could immediately hear the priest quietly mutter something obscene in Bulgarian. “Welcome to Gensokyo, I hope you know Japanese or you’ll be having a hard time.” The priest then muttered something obscene in Japanese, showing that he did somehow know.
“Gensokyo?” Licorice could see the priest having the same reactions as her when she had first arrived. “Where the Hel- Ahem, where is this place?”
Our heroine had to quickly recap what she known: Gensokyo was like another dimension where weird stuff happened, he could return back if he could afford a ticket back to Bulgaria from Japan, etc. Nikolai instinctively patted his pockets, only to remember that he didn’t usually bring his wallet to church. He only had one choice. “Young miss, could you help a man of God and help me find a place to stay?”
If our heroine had her own house, she might’ve let an old man stay with her. But an old priest left alone with a young woman? God knows what a priest could do considering how well clergymen and young people went when put together. Forgetting that train of thought, Licorice didn’t even have her own house. She could lead the man to the Scarlet Devil Mansion, or the Hakurei Shrine. Making a priest meet a vampire didn’t seem to be the best of options, but having the broke shrine maiden have to take care of an old man seemed worst off. She could also just leave the old man to fend for himself, but that felt like it might lead to divine punishment, and God seemed pissed off enough at Licorice already. “I stay and work in the mansion over there. I’ll ask the mistress if she can provide a room for you.”
Licorice and Nikolai set off for the Scarlet Devil Mansion, our heroine hoping that the old man wouldn’t be sucked dry by the mistress. The old man was reciting prayers so quickly that Licorice thought that he must have went through the entire Bible, both Old, New and whatever other testaments, while on the way.
Right in front of the Scarlet Devil Mansion’s gate, Licorice was hailed by Meiling. “Licorice, what’s that fairy?”
“A fairy? That’s an old man.” Licorice turned around. Clearly there was an old man there.
“…I know that humans are a bit more feeble-minded than youkai, but clearly that’s a fairy in disguise. Maybe it’s somehow tricked you- hey, don’t go away!” Before Licorice could turn around to look at what was happening, “Nikolai” had flown away and disappeared.
Thus, Licorice was saved from being punished with another ten rounds of cleaning the garden due to having let a stray fairy in.