CHAPTER EIGHT - BROKEN-TOOTH INDULGENCES

Tanner was doing her fastest shuffle. Oh, she could move very quickly when she wanted to. Hiked her skirt up around her legs and bounded like some sort of unhinged cervidian ungulate. But this was... not the best move. No, not at all. When she bounded, things shook, people took notice, veterans reached for their guns, convinced that the mutants were back and one was heading right for them. And worst of all, most people didn't get out of her way when she did it, then just stared dumbly ahead, some part of their brain figuring out that 'this isn't quite right', a moment before Tanner turned them into something with the consistency of a pie ingredient. There, that was a thought, if she just ran around like a lunatic, she could probably keep that possibly-cannibalistic pie shop open for years and years. They'd have to pay people to eat their pies, just to cope with the vast supply. It was good to get over these thoughts before she found Eygi again. Because she was normal, and Eygi had to be convinced of this. Tanner the People Flattener wasn't a normal thought and shouldn't be relayed in normal company.

...it was possible she was getting too worked up about this. But once she got started with this sort of thing, it was... hard for her to stop, honestly. She kept seeing catastrophes bud, flower, bloom, ripen, explode behind her eyes, kept seeing how awful things could be, rather than how they were. Impressions were like poisonous seeds, once you planted them, they grew, grew, grew, and promptly pollinated outwards until the whole world was full of them. Being large already had connotations, and... look, she'd made mistakes in Mahar Jovan. Made bad impressions before she figured out how unpleasant they could be. And then, years later, people would remind her of some embarrassing phase of her existence, and she'd realise that a younger, stupider Tanner had flung great big burning chains around older, wiser Tanner. And no matter how old and wise she became, she'd still be bound up in the eyes of others. There was one boy she'd accidentally hurt when she was young - wrestling, and she'd slammed him into a wall. Heard a click, a snap, and...

No-one forgot that sort of thing. Every act wounded the world, and no matter how much time passed, those wounds could only ever scab. Never scar.

She just didn't want that to happen again. Because she could already feel poisonous seeds being flung far and wide.

Ergo. The shuffle. No sprinting, just a shuffle in which she moved as quickly as possible without making any excessive noise. Her jaw was clenched like she was lifting weights, though - the shuffle was a delicate dance which she only did when she couldn't be seen, but could still be heard. Fairly common, around the lodge. The moment she detected a judge or a student moving nearby, she amended her pace, strolled quickly but casually, appearing to all the world like the most normal young lady in the great normal kingdom of Normalitania. If you looked up 'average' in a dictionary, you'd see Tanner, mid-stroll, every detail composed to the apex of mundane existence. She was the maximum median, that was her.

Gradually, she made her way to the next item on her schedule, the point which... right, right, looked like people were getting fitted for their mechanical quills - her own was packed away into a neat little case stashed under her arm. There was to be a goggle fitting next - a complex set of lenses that, well, meant that judges didn't go blind from staring at tiny letters all day. It all came across as slightly silly, but... well, she wasn't going to argue. Better to know what she had to do than not, even if 'what she had to do' was very slightly silly. Like the capes - out of fashion for years, but it was better than having to decide every item of her own clothing. She shuffled... and blinked. No sign of Eygi, and she tended to stand out, with her froggish face and half-broken teeth. Still wondered how those had happened, really. No sign, no sign... the room in front of her was full of students getting fitted. Gods, it was good of Halima to take her aside and handle it privately, the idea of getting fitted while surrounded by people who barely needed a few adjustments to be ready to leave was... well, it was nicer to do it privately, silently, without inconveniencing anyone. Eygi had probably been processed and left. But where? She could just... ask?

She hovered awkwardly, and started examining her cape for dust.

Just... wait for someone to leave, then follow them. That was easier. Sidle away from the door, so no-one could see her. Had to wait in ambush.

Examined her cape. Then her ribbons. Tied and retied her ribbons, then tied and retied her shoelaces, then adopted an expression of infinite contemplation, as if she was struggling to think her way through an immense problem, then she started running her tongue over her teeth over and over to catch any last hints of pie she might've missed, little lukewarm morsels of matter that-

Oh thank every god that existed, someone was leaving.

She hummed idly as she fell into step beside the student leaving, to all the world appearing like someone who'd just happened along by complete accident. The student barely noticed her, at least, until Tanner spoke softly.

"Where are people heading next? Sorry, just-"

The student squeaked like a trodden-on toy, almost jumping out of his skin as a very large individual loomed down at him. How rude. He coughed a few times, smoothing his hair down - stank of pomade, like he was applying it improperly, using too much for fear of using too little. Looked like he was liable to turn into a fireball if he brushed against a candle, really. He coughed again, pursing slightly fish-like lips.

"Ah, well, I... ah, well, I think we've... got some time? Goggle fittings are later, so-"

Time off. That meant she was going to do something somewhere else.

"Heading anywhere?"

She disliked being so inquisitive, but... she was being polite, wasn't she? Still being polite.

"...not really? Just... going to head back to the dormitory, thought-"

Bonzer. That was it, she was heading back to unpack the bag Tanner had hauled in, that was the rational option. She trotted quickly along after exchanging a few pleasantries, moving from casual-yet-quick stroll to the Shuffle once she passed out of sight. Dormitory, dormitory... right, that was the one, goodness she was glad she'd been able to see where Eygi slept, even if it also meant seeing her... undergarments. Shuddered at the thought. She poked her large head inside, and immediately felt her innards shrink from sheer shame. There were a few people in here, sitting on beds, talking idly, and they glanced around curiously. This wasn't her room. Already they were likely wondering who she was, why she was here, all the usual questions one posed to a sudden intruder. She gulped.

"...sorry to bother you, I don't suppose you know where... Eygi is?"

The room's inhabitants - three girls - looked at one another, and one of them laughed slightly. Another ripple of shame constricting the liver. Goodness, they were well put-together, their socks matched the fashionable little ribbons they wore around their collars, their sleeves had little glittering buttons up and down the seam, and they had earrings. Goodness gracious. One of them tilted her head to one side, humming.

"...who's Eygi?"

Crumbs.

"Sorry, I'll-"

"No, no, no, describe her."

One of the other girls leaned forwards, smile bright, eyes eager. Oh, crumbs, she was earnest. Maybe?

"Short?"

Immediate laughter. Of course, everyone was short to her. The slithering shame moved to wrap around her heart, squeezing until it hurt.

"Well, uh..."

She paused, swallowing. Hard to make an accurate description without being insulting, hard to be polite without being infuriatingly vague.

"...I'll, well, I'll just go, see if-"

The earnest one stood up sharply.

"No, of course not, happy to help."

The way the other two were laughing slightly made her think that this was all one cruel practical joke. Couldn't they just be resolutely unhelpful, she could work with that. A handful of stammered platitudes, and she was stumbling away into the corridor, face the colour of the setting sun, cold sweat trickling down the back of her neck. Each breath felt strangely forced, like her throat had swollen shut. The earnest one poked her head out of the door behind her, calling down the hallway.

"Well, good luck finding her, anyway! Sorry I couldn't help more!"

Tanner shot her a strained smile as peals of laughter came from the room.

Just... leave. Go outside. Find the outer temple, she was probably hanging around there, she was clearly more comfortable with dashing outside. It took time, but... she found her way up the winding staircases, through the halls of breathing pillars, into the stuffy air beyond. The first fresh air she'd had in days, and she had no time to appreciate it. The world beyond was grey, the clouds bearing down above like a cavern's roof, the air smelling very slightly... for lack of a better word, constipated. Like there needed to be some rain, but the clouds didn't quite feel up to it. They were those sort of clouds which didn't even have texture, it was just a flat plane of colour that erased everything else and granted the world a sense of infinite smallness. As embarrassment slowly unwound itself from around her throat, and she focused on cultivating luck, on the simple enjoyment she'd felt while hearing about the role of the judges, on all her usual comforting thoughts... well, a conclusion came to her. She was aimless. No real idea where Eygi was, or where anything was, or... well. She hovered uncomfortably at the main entrance, unsure of what she was meant to do. Not going to head back immediately, but not... gosh, she didn't even have money on her, it was all down with her clothes and things, so... she stumbled along, lost in her own thoughts, just trying to kill time before she could go inside again without losing face.

Typical, really. Typical. She drew her cape around her shoulders and walked slowly, ambling along-

"Oy-oy!"

She stiffened.

Her head swivelled like some sort of startled bird.

Eygi!

Eygi was here!

Sitting in a small kaff, poking her froggish head out of the window and grinning crookedly, waving her arm about like she was imitating an untethered sail during a storm. Tanner trotted over immediately, creaking her face into a smile that felt a tad bit unpractised. Should've limbered up beforehand.

"Oh. Ah. Hello, Eygi. Good to see you."

She rocked back and forth on her heels.

"Bit muggy today, isn't it?"

Eygi blinked.

"Yeah, muggy. Definitely muggy. Listen, Tanner, you want something to drink? My brother and I are having a little sippy-sippy in here, just cooling down. See you got your quill done, very nice. Want to join?"

"Oh. I... really don't have any money on me, or-"

"Nah, I'll just add it to your tab. Come on, there's these nice little ham things in here, no idea what they are but they're addictive. Want to see here they sit on the old T-E Scale."

The wh- oh, the Tanner-Eygi Scale. Oh, goodness, she'd remembered! And she was treating Tanner like... well, like she wasn't a total freak! Right, clamp down on the weird thoughts, nod gratefully, say all the right things, poke her way inside, sit down delicately... ah, yes, her brother was here. Oh, how unfortunately, he also looked like a frog, and this extended to his odd combination of an oversized torso and long, thin legs. His bulging eyes flickered over to her blearily, and he raised a near-luminous glass of citrinitas in way of greeting.

"Ah, cheers. Eygi was just talking about you. I'm Algi, nice to meet you."

First - what was with all the people with names ending with 'gi'? There was Olgi from when she'd arrived, then Eygi, now Algi. Second - she'd been talked about. Someone had talked about her. And based on how Eygi was smiling winningly, there was... had she been saying nice things? Had Tanner left a good impression? For once? Oh, fantastic, fantastic, her life was blissful and full of ease, existence was a boundless plain of wonderments, she was happiest young lady in Normalitania, she was. She practically buzzed in her seat, and- no, wait, could be negative, could be slightly mocking, always be slightly pessimistic and you'll never be disappointed, that was her motto. Well, one of her mottos. Eygi grinned.

"Yeah, I was just telling him about that astoundingly excellent scale the two of us came up with."

Still borderline, could be mocking, could be earnest. Those laughing girls in the dormitory had scrambled Tanner a little.

"Ah. I... see."

Did she just bring up 'sorry about being odd'? No, no, that would sound very odd indeed, couldn't be doing that. Maybe... ah, yes, that was an idea.

"So, how's the... quill? I had mine fitted just a little bit ago."

Ha! Normal conversation. Absolutely demolishing this conversation. Demolishing with her normality.

"Hm? Oh, yes, yes, that little thing. Tell you what, not looking forwards to the goggles though, could definitely do with living without that sort of thing. Still, must bear up, nowt else to do about it. Algi, thoughts?"

Algi blinked.

"...well, I... the goggles look nice, though? Intricate, I mean?"

Eygi promptly poked him directly in his unusually large nose, provoking an outraged flinch.

"Moron. Putting fashion ahead of function, whether or not they look nice is completely outside the purview of this conversation, and I call for your remarks to be struck from the record, accompanied by a summary kick to the jaw. Tanner?"

"I don't want to kick anyone."

"Fine, I'll do the kicking, but you strike all mention of my brother's profound mental deficiency from the record."

"I'm not writing anything."

A pause.

"Should I be?"

Algi glared at his sister.

"You're not being funny. This entire routine is profoundly unfunny. Should be ashamed of yourself."

Eygi scowled.

"Silence from you, or I'll tell mother that you're a spiteful toad who licks people's chairs once they've left them, to satisfy your perverse urges. I'll tell father, too, and he'll disown you, leave you to wander the streets as a dissolute wastrel. And then I'll kick you in the jaw."

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Tanner blinked, horrified. He wouldn't do such a thing with seats, would he? That was vile, and... oh, she was making another joke. Tanner was slowly getting the feeling that Eygi wasn't a pillar of normality. Algi grunted, sipping at his citrinitas with the air of someone who'd seen all this before, and had long-since stopped caring... Tanner unconsciously licked her lips. That stuff looked good. She remembered the way it seemed to blast all of her pores clean at once, and... hm. Hm. Well, it'd be polite to let Eygi order for her. Making presumptions would just make her seem rude. Eygi traced her eyes, and promptly called over to the nearest waitress. The kaff was a small place, seemed to be reserved for judges, though there was one outsider sitting in a corner, buried in a heavy coat, sipping at something from a metal cup - only a little crest of foam indicating what mysteries might lie inside. Gosh, Eygi was... confident, just summoning a waitress, ordering citrinitas, sending her away with a polite smile, going to a kaff in the middle of the day like some sort of poet... Tanner mumbled about how she'd pay Eygi back, she was very thankful, she was completely apologetic for not bringing her wallet....

"Tanner, Tanner, if you keep apologising for everything..."

"Sorry."

"Tanner. Please."

A pause.

"...how did you wander out here, Tanner? Just out of interest?"

Eygi tilted her head to one side, grinning with her slightly broken teeth - still no idea about why she'd broken so many of her teeth, and always halfway, never the full thing. No open gums to be seen, just chips and shards cut out by some random force. Tanner froze.

"Oh. You know. Just... wandering around. Wanted some fresh air."

Algi hummed.

"...come to think of it, don't think I've seen you leave the temple before. No offence, but you're quite noticeable."

She shrank a little into her cape.

"Well. Might as well... learn? Wanted to see the stationers."

Eygi leaned over the table, waggling her eyebrows.

"Were you looking for me, Tanner? Did you want to hang out?"

"Um."

"Did you want to hang out with the most revered Eygi of Yorone? And her slightly less impressive brother?"

"Oy."

"Shut up."

Tanner was, somehow, more frozen. Oh dear. The citrinitas was deposited in front of her with a light click, and she hesitantly reached for it. Eygi of Yorone? Was that a place she should know? Was that... Eygi narrowed her eyes, and Tanner slowly took a little sip from her citrinitas, and-

Well. That was a rush.

And in the rush, she spoke quickly.

"Uh. Well. I hoped to run into you. I wasn't looking specifically, but I asked at your dormitory to see if you'd headed back there, just wandering how you were getting on, still meant to pay you back for that pie and whatnot, but I did want to have a look around the statiioners, get some fresh air, just been so absorbed with studying and everything that I didn't really think about leaving the temple until today, and... well, there it is, that's really the whole matter of things, you know how it is, sorry."

A pause.

"...what's Yorone?"

Eygi glanced at the drink in her increasingly tense hand.

"Hold on, Tanner, you're a foreigner, right?"

Tanner nodded several times in rapid succession, before going in for another sip.

"Maybe... you shouldn't drink that."

"Why? I've had it before. It was lovely. This is lovely, too, to clarify."

"That's citrinitas."

"I know, I know, I know."

"That's refined coca wine. You... know that?"

Tanner blinked.

"Beg pardon?"

Eygi waved her hand airily.

"I'll allow it this once, but... you shouldn't drink that until you're... well, ready."

"Why?"

"It has cocaine in it. It's... well, it's the sort of thing that used to be medicine, but then it turned out it was really, really good. So... maybe steady on? Probably for the best that you're so big, not sure if it'd be..."

Tanner was a junkie.

Tanner was a woeful street urchin. Tanner was an addict! Oh, she was already on her way to the slums, already on her way to the slums, going to be running around biting the heads off babies soon enough, raiding pharmacies to satisfy her addictions, she'd look like she was fifty by the time she was twenty and she'd have grey hair and yellow eyes and a black tongue and she'd be a rabid cannibal frothing at the mouth with glowing spittle and she'd fail her exams and everything and... and Algi was snorting with laughter.

"Don't let her get you worked up, it's fine. Just slow down with it."

"Urh."

"And Yorone's just a place outside of the city, pretty big colony, that's it. So, don't let my sister be a cheapskate, she can afford it. Me too, really. Also, good afternoon. Not sure if we actually exchanged greetings yet."

Belatedly, Tanner realised they had, but she'd forgotten to respond. Intolerable rudeness. The ritualised expectations of etiquette helped suppress her panic at becoming a slavering alcoholic-cum-drug addict with but a single sip of this... devilish wine.

"Oh, ah, yes, I'm sorry, meant to say hello - nice to meet you. Tanner Magg, sorry again."

"Algi of Yorone. I suppose we're in the same year, then. How did my odious sibling clutch onto you?"

"I helped her move a bag. She gave me a pie."

"Oh, splendid, she understands trade. That's an improvement."

Eygi scowled, showing a sharply-angled decline of the lips usually found in some species of hopeless fish. Not like an eel, they tended to smile very slightly, contented with their lot in life and their overwhelming purpose. Tanner cautiously shoved the glass away from herself, keeping it close enough to seem polite - she'd had this bought for her, after all - but far away enough to avoid temptation. Anyway. The two siblings seemed to oscillate between polite conversation and childish bickering at the drop of a hat, and there was... it was odd, but sitting in a small, slightly grimy kaff with a pair of bickering siblings was somehow doing something for Tanner. It was odd, indisputably odd, irrevocably odd, but... she'd never done this before. Never popped out for a quick spot of luncheon. She ate in the main hall, she slept in her dormitory, she learned in the approved locations, and that was it. No real desire to go beyond, mostly because she knew how she'd do it - she'd plan everything out, she'd have a little scouting mission to wherever she intended to go, she'd have the entire scheme sketched days in advance, with all timings absolutely certain. She'd make a big deal out of it, is the point. She'd plan so much that... well, it'd just be easier to not do it at all, really. The consequences of failure would be unpleasant, after all, and they'd dominate her mind from start to finish. Maybe she'd come back late, maybe she'd just become out-of-sync with the rest of her year, maybe she'd develop horrific food poisoning, maybe she'd get lost, maybe she'd come back as a sweaty mess that no-one wanted to go near, maybe, maybe, maybe.

In the end, it was easier to do nothing at all.

These two clearly had no such inhibitions. Tanner had just... wandered out to find Eygi, and now she was having luncheon. Eygi had just seen a window of time, and thought 'oh, splendid, this seems to be a good time for lunch', and it'd worked out. Tanner was convinced that some people just had an internal sixth sense which allowed them to do things successfully, timing things properly, snagging people while they had nothing else going on, nabbing a table without any trouble, that sort of thing.

She glanced suddenly. Something was moving. Not one of the waitresses. She'd noticed a man in the corner of the kaff when she entered, sitting hunched over his drink. Heavy coat, metal cup with foam cresting the edge. Silent. Now he was moving... or more accurately, he was being moved. A gentleman in a tweed suit had a firm hand on his shoulder, and a kindly smile on his face. His sleeves stood out to her - clean, and the cuffs had little gleaming pieces of metal instead of the normal horn buttons. Little golden squares, the size of a thumbnail, engraved with the image of a human palm. The gentleman hauled the other fellow to his feet, patting him like an old friend, leading him firmly out of the kaff while his kindly smile remained immaculately intact. The waitresses said nothing. Tanner stared at the little display, noting that there wasn't really any violence going on, she didn't see the coat-clad man fighting back, he just advanced outwards with an expression of irritated resignation. Not sure what she was seeing, not sure what it meant, but-

"Tanner?"

Oh, right. Reality. Eygi was looking at her from over a glass of citrinitas she was drinking with uncanny swiftness. Didn't seem to have noticed the little display in the corner, facing away from it, and Algi didn't seem to have noticed either. Eygi powered on regardless, demanding Tanner's attention, and the incident slipped a little from her mind.

"Just wondering, little thing really, but Algi and I were chatting about... well, the plays they'll want us to do, see, we thought it might make sense for us to just form a nice little collective, that way things will be slightly easier. Better than working with flat-out strangers, really, you know?"

Tanner froze. The incident vanished from her mind, obliterated by something much more immediately pressing. Plays? Hold on, hold on, Olgi, the judge who'd met her when she arrived, he'd said something about the stage, he'd said that he hoped to see her on stage, soon enough. Wondered what he'd meant, but there'd never been a good time to ask, and she'd assumed he meant the stage that the lecturers used, oh, goodness, had she missed something? Was there a part of the curriculum she didn't know about? Had everyone else known about this?

"...oh, I... don't really know, I mean, I don't know about any plays. Is that... something we can do outside of the curriculum?"

Algi blinked slowly.

"No, it's... fairly mandatory."

"It is?"

"Fairly. I mean, I think they make exceptions if you're mute, or profoundly and repeatedly sickly, or dead. But otherwise, fairly mandatory."

"Oh."

Oh crumbs. Crumbs. Crumbs. And other, much stronger words. Eygi smiled sympathetically.

"Well, it's part of... well, you know how it is, silly traditions and whatnot. Before we go into court, we eat ceremonial sweets, we wear capes, we write in that exceedingly silly fashion, and we do plays. Part of the whole... being able to slip easily from role to role, you know? I mean, if we truly and totally believed in all the people we represented, then we'd be stark raving schizophrenics. My uncle was a judge, loved talking about that stuff, he said it used to be one of the basic things you just had to learn, no matter where you went. You could be a judge, a theurgist, a scholar, a doctor, whatever, you still had to take courses in poetry and drama. Just had to. Used to do music, too, but that was canned years back, generations ago. Judges still do drama, not sure about theurgists, scholars canned the lot just before the Great War."

Tanner was sweating.

"Oh. I see."

She didn't. Why was this a thing? Was this a Fidelizh thing? Had to be, she'd heard of nothing like this in Mahar Jovan, nothing at all... but then again, theatre in general wasn't as popular, maybe Fidelizh was different? Wait, wait, wait, it made sense, Fidelizh was a city where people wore gods on their backs, and summoned them by wearing costumes and behaving a certain way, being in a theatre was... was a way of life to them. Yes, exactly, that made sense. No, wait, it didn't, it was insane, why should judges have to take classes in drama? More accurately, why should she have to? She hated the idea of going on stage, reciting lines, doing all that business, hated it, hated it, hated it. And that was just the concept, she'd never actually done it, hadn't even really participated in the lodge's mystery plays, and those were basically just prayers, you didn't get people commenting on your diction and your poise.

"I see."

Algi binked again.

"Yes, you said."

"Ah. Yes. So I did. I see."

She didn't, she was actually about to rupture her entire spinal column from sheer stress. Maybe if she did that, she'd be exempted. Eygi blinked a few times, leaning forwards.

"Gods, Tanner, you look like you're about to burst something, are you alright?"

Tanner hesitated. What would... what was the normal response here? Was she meant to just nod and act airy? Or would that make her seem like an absolute lunatic? And... well...

"No, not really. Not... much of a stage person."

Algi shrugged.

"It's fine, nor are we. I mean, I wanted to be an actor for a while, but you wouldn't believe how badly they're paid. I actually want to live in conditions which aren't completely squalid, you know? And we're not performing for the public, just for other judges. Just like performing to your mates, really."

Oh, that made everything better. She was just performing in front of her colleagues, the same colleagues she'd have for the rest of her life. That was so much better.

Gosh, this citrinitas was bringing out the sass in her. Not sure if she liked that.

Eygi tilted her head from side to side, shaking up the old grey cells, making sure they weren't stagnating.

"Gosh, you are nervous. Well, my dearest darling, even profoundly skilled individuals such as ourselves sometimes experience nerves as well, we possess nerves like everyone else, our nerves are simply sheathed with copious competence and confidence, to a state of considerable corpulence. Don't worry, it's just scenes, nothing to be worried about, nothing at all. Auntie Eygi will gladly take care of you in all respects. How does that sound?"

Tanner blinked.

"Uh."

Algi shrugged, his bulging eyes half-lidded with lazy ease.

"What my moronic twin is trying to say is that misery is better in company. We've been doing stage stuff since we were young, mother always wanted us to sing for guests at house parties. Happy to help out."

Eygi's grin broadened, and she leant forwards further, patting Tanner's hand repeatedly.

"And what my moronic twin is trying to say is that, my rather large friend, you just stick with us and all will be totally well. 'tis the burden of the exuberant to bask the internally-inclined with the rays of our wondrous extroversion. In short, bask away, my dear girl, bask away. How does that sound, pet?"

Tanner blinked. Several times.

"...that sounds rather nice."

"Splendid! Then all's settled, huzzah and hurrah and whatnot."

Algi shot Tanner a look which was somewhere between consolation and exasperation. The sort of look which was comforting, and... well, it was nice to know there was someone normal around here. Honestly, Tanner was getting the very slight idea that Eygi wasn't quite as normal as she first seemed. But she was a very functional and charismatic kind of odd, which almost felt... well, better. Some people earned the right to be eccentric, and Eygi seemed to earn it by being a welcoming, chatty, endearing supplier of pies and coca-wine. At which point, the two siblings started to chat about the lectures, the whole hullabaloo of introductions and integrations, the terrifying painting in the jackal-and-vulture room, the excessive spiciness of the food, and... wait.

Tanner froze.

"...do you find the food spicy, too?"

Algi shuddered.

"Oh, gods, yes. I don't know the cooks, but I think they had their taste buds shot off in the war. Only explanation."

"I thought... well, I thought all food here was spicy."

Eygi snorted.

"Was that pie spicy?"

"...no, not really."

"We're not lunatics. There's just one very inconveniently-placed culinary lunatic in Fidelizh, and we had the misfortune of encountering him or her."

Oh. Oh gods. She was...

Tanner felt, for a moment, like some sort of exotic industrial engine. Covered all over with plates of sturdy reinforcement, keeping the heat inside, funnelling everything into productive directions. The little luck-rites helped smooth out the world's ugliness, the lodge burdened her with expectations and shielded her from supernatural harm, the judges gave her purpose and a strictly defined life-course, and... well, restraint was important for Tanner. Deeply important. If she wasn't restrained right now, she'd have broken her glass, snapped her chair, bumped into people, acted intolerably rude and presuming, and would've probably made everyone deeply uncomfortable when the talk of drama made her start to loudly and violently panic. But...

She sipped her citrinitas.

"It is too spicy. It's ridiculous, I was raised in Mahar Jovan, we eat nothing but piles of fish there, fish stew, fish cake, fish pie, fish steak, fish on a stick, fish combined with different grains, fish fried, fish in every combination. I can't do spice. I just can't. I can barely finish a meal, and I need to eat, I get cramps if I don't eat enough. Maybe they're trying to make us adjust to spice, like they're going to send us out to a city where they drown everything in spice? Or maybe it's to make us thin? Maybe it's just to make us able to adapt to stress, like, if we can go to court and act reasonably while our tongues are slowly melting, we can do anything. Or maybe it's a conformity challenge, like they want one of us to stand up and yell 'this is too spicy', and then it'll all be settled, but someone has to speak out?"

She took a small breath. Algi was staring at her. Eygi was grinning.

Had she gone too far?

Was this not an appropriate circumstance for complaining?

She shrank back into her chair, and-

"Fish cake? What on Earth is fish cake? That sounds ghastly."

"Oh, no, it's quite nice. Not much spice."

"Well, that changes everything, spice is all that matters, nothing else remains under consideration. Actually, wait, you got here by boat, yes? How was that? We came by train, very quick, very fun, never actually been anywhere by boat."

"Oh, it was fine. Spoke to someone in a mask, though. He kept talking about all his dead relatives."

Algi leant forwards.

"You've met people like that? I've met people like that. Not the mask, just the dead relatives. You never know what you're meant to do, do you? Do you say 'sorry for your loss', or do you just nod along, but then you feel like you're not contributing. Bringing up dead relatives at the start of a conversation should be a crime. Well, except during a funeral. Honestly, there's an estate near ours, the lady of the house keeps remarrying, and talks and talks and talks about all her dead husbands. And she doesn't end the evening with them, she starts it, and continues through. It's the most painful experience I've ever had. Socially, I mean."

Tanner's face was utterly serious.

"I know exactly what you're talking about, Algi. It was awful. He just kept going and going and going, and all his relatives seemed to die horrifically of some terrible disease or wild animal or revenge plot. I was just standing near a railing, and he just approached me, said some overtures of pleasant small-talk, and then began talking about the aunt who died from... spontaneous combustion, or some such thing."

Eygi snorted.

"That's amazing. That sounds amazing. Wish I could've met him."

"You don't. You really don't."

"But I love people who can't do reasonable conversations! Then you get to throw out all the usual rules and talk like an absolute barbarian, swear up a storm, all that business. Lovely-jubbly, can't recommend it enough. If I'd met him, I'd just have started making up dead relatives of my own, tried to outdo him. Like... if he said his aunt died from spontaneous combustion, I'd say that my aunt was torn apart by a herd of mutant horses she'd been raising in an attempt to cheat at the next steeplechase. He'd say his brother died of a fever which made him turn purple and projectile vomit blood from all his pores, I'd say that my brother went on an enormous expedition to the ocean, where he became host to a monstrous snake-creature from the depths which tried to use him as a vector to infect everyone else in the household, so we had to impale him on a chandelier after he ate two servants."

Tanner smiled, very slightly.

"That's an excellent idea."

"Of course it is, I came up with it."

Algi groaned.

"Don't... encourage her, please, she's insufferable enough as it is."

Eygi leaned closer, patting Tanner's hand again.

"Don't listen to him, encourage me more, I relish in it. Now, this seems like a good chance for luncheon, in my eyes. We've got a little time... hm, yes, I think some tea cakes will go nicely, maybe some of that nice anchovy paste they make around here... yes, that'll be wonderful. Algi?"

"Fine."

Tanner hunched in her seat slightly, uncomfortable with having other people pay for her food, but... well...

This was the first time she'd been able to complain about Mr. Pocket, or the excessively spiced food of the judge's canteen. This was the first time she'd loosened her restraints, just slightly, and had done it without any shame - she was surrounded by similarly unrestrained people. For a moment, she felt... well... when she took a breath, she found her lungs filling more than they usually did, felt her entire body relaxing into the chair in a way she'd almost forgotten she was capable of. She loosened her cape slightly and relaxed while Algi ordered for the three of them. She was a stuffy person, she knew she was stuffy and restrained, largely because she had to be, but... there was something about being around people who did all she did, but effortlessly. Eygi and Algi were both totally competent as humans, they didn't panic about timing, they always remembered their wallets, they seemed to have a confident handle on the world. And in their presence, she felt comfortable complaining, she felt comfortable loosening a few of her normal limits.

Just a few. But it was enough catharsis to relax her.

The panic of knowing she had to do drama faded away. The panic of Eygi thinking she was an irredeemable freak not to be associated with faded with it. For a second, she could see the future stretching ahead of her in an immaculate golden braid of cause and effect. Could see herself being a judge for the rest of her life, restraining herself with all the tightness of a wasp in a spider's nest, but... she could also see little islands of this studded amidst it. No braid was perfect, every braid had points of tightness and relaxation, strength and weakness, little gaps between the strands. This felt...

This felt nice.

Tanner Magg, in the course of a single day, had made two friends, eaten a pie, found out that she had a small taste for coca-wine, and discovered an outlet. Possibly the first one she'd ever found. She realised, with a start, that her hands weren't curled. Usually they were, usually she curled them up and clutched at her skirt nervously, needing to release tension somehow, but... in this case, she didn't seem to find it necessary.

And in the corner of the room, just at the edge of her vision, she saw one of the waitresses walk over to a recently vacated table, lips pursed to the point of almost vanishing. And with calm, practised motions, she bent down and removed the half-full cup which had sat in front of the long-coated stranger. A swipe from a cloth, a movement of the chair... and the table was just as it'd been before the man had come in, presumably. A moment later, and a new customer stumbled in, a judge eager for refreshment, and the table was immediately strewn with loose papers, a new cup, and the chair was filled with a cape-clad individual burying himself in work without a moment's hesitation, clicking the lenses of his goggles downwards, arranging the magnification until he could read the atomic-scale chickenscratch which covered his bundles of paper. A moment, and it was hard to imagine anyone had been there before him at all.

And Tanner, immersed in her new friendship, barely noticed.