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Later that night Craig was working on his homework, begrudgingly of course, when his cell phone went off. He was a little caught off by this. Ever since the incident last year he really hadn’t received many calls or texts or in all reality, he’s texted the most that he’s had in months ever since his future self began his
communication with him.
His phone then began to buzz. Once he took a look his
phone and was now startled at what he saw. It was
Rachel. He had totally forgotten about her. With Marcy
now in the picture everything was beginning to take a
different turn. The realization that he could not count
out Marcy as a real suspect came over him. Memories of
some of the sad expressions that she had came back to
him. She was as easy on the eyes as a fresh rainbow,
shimmering in the sky. But, she had an inner world that
was clearly filled with some sort of conflict.
Craig took one last deep breath as he stared at the
phone. He then picked up the phone with a mixture of
hesitation and excitement.
“Hey.”
“Hey you. What’s up?”
“Nothing really, just doing some homework.”
“Ah yeah, so true. You always were anal of getting your
homework done.”
“It’s 10% of your grade. You never know when you’ll
need that 10%.”
“Indeed. It’ll be relevant when you least expect it.”
There was that brief semi awkward silence on the
phone. The kind where both parties have a sense that the
conversation’s flow points to something deeper and
more interesting. But the fear of playing their cards to
early makes them not know what needs to be said in the
moment.
“Umm, did you want to talk about anything in
particular?” Craig asked, making a move to pry into
Rachel’s mind.
“Well, I guess just wanted to make sure that you were
going to be able to go game and party on Friday night.”
“Of course. It sounds like it’s going to fun.”
“Yeah, I think so.”
Another semi awkward silence occurred. Craig was
picking up on Rachel’s tone a bit. It just sounded a lot
more confident than it usually was. Over the phone she
felt free to convey what only her body language could do
in person.
“How was your day Rachel? Did anything happen?”
“Nothing major. Just kind of a boring day. Same shit,
ya know?”
“You didn’t practice today or something?”
“No, I did. But that’s what I mean. Just the same shit.”
“You don’t like cheerleading anymore or something.”
“No, it’s not that. I’ve just been doing it for a little bit of
a while now. And even though it’s still fun, I’m feeling
really dreary about it at all. I feel nothing now when it
comes to cheerleading to be honest.”
Rachel began to unfold right into Craig’s ears. He
could always sense something within her, however he
could not see her expressing these kinds of feelings to
him. It just didn’t seem to fit with the image of her that
was holding space in his head.
“Why do you still do it?”
“Because, I’d feel worse without it. Sorry, I’m basically
explaining to you how I am a mess. You’re probably
starting to think that I’m just some basket case.”
“No, no, no, c’om Rachel. It’s okay to be honest with
me. You should know by now that I’m not the
judgmental type.”
“True. You are different than everyone. For better or
worse, you are who you are.”
.”
“You don’t have to worry about that around me.”
“Shit Craig, nobody else ever talks like you. Why is
that?”
“It’s because they don’t do their homework.”
“Haha! Right. I guess I should check mine out huh?”
“Not a bad idea.”
“That was really… nice. I’ll call you later.”
“Looking forward to it.”
As Craig and Rachel hung up, Craig began to go over
what just happened. Obviously, Rachel had more
sadness that existed within her than he could imagine.
When he really decided to sit down and consider
everything it really didn’t feel so out of whack. There
was always something about Rachel that made her feel
mysterious. A something that made her feel just out of
reach. It was an attractive quality, that was to be sure.
But, it also made for shocking revelations. It was like
behind your persona her true self was so far away that
you couldn’t even make it out when you took a look.
There was enough evidence for Craig to add her to the
suspect list. It was now Rachel and Marcy. Two
beautiful cheerleaders, one junior varsity, the other
varsity. Both kinder than one would think girls like that
would choose to be. And one of them could potentially
be suicidal. It did not make any kind of sense to him.
Craig’s cell phone went off again, this time it was none
other than Marcy. It was as if the universe was
manifesting these women to get in contact with him.
Craig couldn’t even finish filing away the information
that he had gathered on Rachel. He now had to deal with
his next suspect in line.
“Hello?” Craig said as he picked up the phone. He was
hoping that he could handle this call in a similar fashion
that he did with Rachel.
“Yo.” Marcy answered, surprising Craig will her chilled
demeanor. You haven’t hit me up yet.”
“Sorry. I’ve been busy.”
“Doing what? Homework?”
“Now I feel that f I answered honestly you’d laugh. And
I would feel embarrassed. That would suck.”
“Oh my goodness. No worries. My parents are forcing
me to do it right now. “Looks like that makes the two of
us.”
“What class?”
“It’s for Earth and Space. Got to find me some rocks.
You?”
“It’s for physics. I’m measuring the velocity on formula
one cars”
“You’re taking physics?”
“Unfortunately, yes.”
“That’s insane.”
“No, all it is, is insanely unfortunate.”
“Haha, you have a kinda sad sense of humor. But, I
kinda like it.”
“Why does it make you laugh?”
“Because it stands out from the rest of the mediocrity at
school.”
“Good to be above mediocrity.”
“You’re doing a better job than me.”
Craig was able to catch that little self-defeating swipe
that Marcy just took at herself. It wasn’t much. But
after speaking with Rachel he knew all too well now that
it was going to lead to something that was much more
profoundly serious and melancholy.
“What was that all about?’ Craig asked not just to figure
out how serious of a suspect she should be, but out of
actual concern as well.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. I think I just let something
out that I didn’t want to let out.”
“A Freudian slip?’
“Sorta. Anyways, when are you asking me out?”
Craig stopped breathing for a moment. That
forwardness that Marcy exhibited was daunting yet so
attractive. It was just such a rare thing for a girl to be as
up front as she was. Marcy wasn’t just a girl, she was becoming a woman.
“Well?” Marcy asked, growing impatient with Craig’s
inaction.
“You’re just going to put me on the stop there I guess.
Okay, I’ll bite. Why don’t we go out tomorrow night?”
“There we go. And where will be going out?”
“Cheesyburger Chessyburger is a great spot. I’ll even
pay for dessert.”
“Nice! A real, true gentleman!”
“You’re too kind.”
“You’re a sweet boy Craig. Don’t worry, I’ll whip you
into shape.”
“I’d like to see what that entails.”
“Teehee. Getting a little bold? It’s pretty damn cute.”
“You know me.”
“Well, that’s why I called. I wanted to see if you had the
balls to ask me out. You check out.”
“Glad that I could help you with your research project.”
“You’ve been a good test subject. I’ll see you there
tomorrow night at seven. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
After he hung up the phone, Craig had to do a double
take of himself in the mirror. Who was this person that
he was becoming? Smooth, suave, and strongly flirting?
It did not appear to be him. But alas, it was him. And it
felt right. He wondered if this side of him had been
there all along. If this was just due to the extreme and
extraordinary circumstances that he was under. Then he
wondered if any of that mattered. He was just enjoying
the new coat that he was wearing. Even if it was only
temporary.
The next day went by at a pace that was way too fast
for Craig. He suddenly felt nerves regarding his date
with Marcy. He wasn’t sure how to balance the pleasure
aspect with the actual work. Marcy seemed like a fun
girl and he would love to date her. The only thing was
he had to check for suicidal signs not only for her sake,
but for the sake of humanity and the universe at large.
Nothing seemed to really faze Craig today. Even at the
club meeting he wasn’t completely present to Amy’s
usual jabs. He hardly participated in anything and left
swiftly.
“What’s up with him?” Leanna asked with confusion
and concern.
“I don’t know.” Amy responded with slight malice.
That cheerleader is turning him into a boring bitch.”
“Amy, are you jealous?!?” Claire asked with a ton of
zealous like she was wanting to say something like that
the whole time.
Amy’s face lit up a bright red after this. It didn’t matter
what she said after that. Her face was redder than
Rudolph’s nose. She had given herself away. Not
having many options to save face, she gave Claire a
swift kick the shins, knocking her down to the ground.
“Just shut the fuck up, okay?” Amy said as she walked
away. Claire was still on the ground seething in pain as
Leanna dropped down to her side.
Just as Craig was about to exit the school, Ryan was
able to catch up to him as he popped his head out of
nowhere.
“How did you…” Craig started.
“Earth angel, remember?” Ryan said.
“That allows you to hold the powers of a ninja?”
“I would actually contest that ninja stole the element of
surprise from us.”
“I bet.”
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“What’s on the docket tonight Craig?’
“I’m finally going to be able to investigate Marcy.”
“You’re making it sound like you are a cop or
something. Lighten up a little and have fun.”
“Okay, and how is that going to serve me?”
“You’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar.”
“I can’t believe that you would say something so basic,
generic, and cliché.”
“Simplistic truths tend basic, generic, and cliché tend to
That’s why people also tend to write them off.”
“Sounds good.”
“I know this isn’t the kind of situation that would have
dreamed of…”
“Please stop talking like that.”
“However, there are lessons in every situation that you
have been, are in, and will be in. It is simply up to you
to locate those lessons.”
“Right.”
“Just act like it’s an actual date. Connect with her. Read
her. Get to know her. You’ll be surprised at how easy
everything will be after that.”
“Okay bro, got it. Do you have anything else to say?
Like something that is actually helpful?”
“Just because someone is feeling somber doesn’t equate
to suicidal thoughts. May sound obvious, but it will be
easy for you to look at someone who is sad or hating life
and think that they are going to off themselves. Truth be
told most people aren’t brave enough to go ahead and
kill themselves. That’s why I’ve always thought it’s
funny how in this world people who killed themselves
were considered cowards. Silting your wrist isn’t for the
faint of heart.”
The mere thought of someone silting their wrist
disturbed Craig. He had been focused on how this will
affect the whole universe. But with Ryan’s colorful
explanation it really began to hit home that some young
lady is going to take her own life away because the pain
is too much if he can’t get to her. The sense of
responsibility that he had over this increased ten fold.
“You okay Craig?” Ryan asked as he saw the
physiological changes that were going on with Craig.
“Yeah man. “Just, damn.”
“It’s the reality of taking your own life away. The nature
of the beast if you will. It isn’t pretty. But it grounded
in a sincere, hardcore truth.”
“Yeah man.”
“Well, I must be off and so must you.” Ryan said as he
began to walk away. He then stopped and turned back
again to address Craig one more time. Oh, and please,
just relax and don’t take any of this too seriously.”
As Ryan walked away, Craig thought to himself how
full of shit that last sentence from Ryan was. How the
hell was he not going to take any of this seriously?
Especially with what he had just been told. Maybe he
was just fucking with him. If he was, it worked like a
charm.
Later that night Craig found himself right outside the
Cheesyburger Cheesyburger, awaiting Marcy’s arrival.
As he stood in the late summer breeze he received a new
text from his future self.
“Don’t let yourself get too caught up in the moment.
Focus on the task at hand. Look for signs. Don’t let
anything slip. “Listen to her like you would if you were
playing the piano.”
The directness of his future self this time around really
shook Craig up a bit. There had to be a very serious
reason for this. Was it possible that his future self
already knew the outcome of the date? It made sense as
he is dealing with the results. If that was the case, then
was he always meant to go out with Marcy? If so, how ‘
would he had met her? Just as Craig was getting lost in
head his future self decided to send him another text.
“Quit being in your head so damn much. “You’re going
to regret that when you are my age.”
Craig straighten up after reading this, which was
perfect timing. Marcy had just arrived. She was dressed
so casually, albeit upscale. Lowkey upscale. A nice
simple blue skirt, a simple white top, and her blonde hair
was flowing as always. Craig looked at her in awe as
she drew closer. Recognizing that this would not be a
good look, he straight himself up as she approached him.
“Hey you.” Marcy said in a flirtatious manner.”
“Hey, hey.” Craig replied, regretting saying the
unnecessary second hey. “You look nice.”
“Pfffff. This was nothing. “All I thought about was how
I could make your jaw drop without you thinking that
I’m some kind of easy cheerleader fantasy.”
“Not a bad dynamic to go for.”
“Shall we go in?”
Enjoying the moment, Craig and Marcy had a seat at
their booth and the server took their orders as they got
settled in. Craig made sure to begin to inspect Marcy’s
body language from the start. She seemed happy, yet
with the constant touching of her hair she was obviously
nervous. Craig was pleasantly surprised by her nerves of
course. He didn’t think in his wildest dreams that could
have that kind of effect on her. As he noticed her pupils
dilate it became more and more obvious that she was
growing more and more self-conscious. No signs of a
suicidal girl so far and that made him feel calm.
“I always liked crazy straws.” Marcy said, breaking
Craig out of his pattern of thought. “I wish
they had them here. Takes me back to when my mom
would make lemonade in the summer and give us crazy
straws. I always had a purple one.”
“Oddly enough, I don’t really see anyone using crazy straws anymore.”
“That’s because there are no more trendsetters in the world. All it takes is one person who is
seen as cool to step up and embrace them. After that watch, it’s back in.”
“Retro.”
“Precisely.”
“It’s kinda like how people wear those old NASCAR t-shirts. They are probably not even fans.
“But ever since Elle Goulding wore one, it’s been a thing.”
“Yeah, right. “And she’s not even that cool!”
Craig and Marcy shared a nice buoyant laugh with one
another over Marcy’s crack. As Craig began to gather
himself back together he noticed how Marcy’s face
turned a but melancholic. This was the first time that he
had seen her face shift to a more down expression. What
could this conversation had made her think of?
Drawing in closer, Craig smiled at Marcy, staring into
her eyes. Marcy mirrored his behavior, clearly trying to
hide what she as feeling. Craig being able to take note
of this behavior of a way to get her true self to spring
out.
“I heard that you’ve been cheerleading for a long time.
You must be passionate about it. How did you first fall
in love with it?”
“Umm.” Marcy said, looking down on the ground with
his pointed towards the left. Craig couldn’t exactly tell
what this meant. But part of him knew that this wasn’t
very positive body language.
“Indecision?”
“You can say that.”
“What’s going on?”
Straightening herself up, Marcy and looked Craig
squarely in the eyes. The more time that passed, the
more that Craig was really beginning to enjoy the time
that he was spending with Marcy. He was starting to be
able to appreciate her depths, and he wasn’t even at the
mid-level of her being.
“My mom was a cheerleader. Big surprise. Anyway,
she is the reason that I became a cheerleader. She put
me in gymnastics, which I hated, then the pom squad,
and cheerleading in high school only made sense. I
don’t know, I just feel as if I’m just living someone else
life. I don’t feel like I’ve ever truly lived at all.
Sometimes I feel like I’m just wasting my time.”
An awkward silence grew between the two has Marcy
turned her head sideways. What she didn’t want to
happen, happened. And that was judgement from Craig.
Craig didn’t mean for this to happen and quickly realized
that this had occurred. He knew that it was paramount to
think of something considerate to say. But the words
just weren’t coming out. He was just going to have to
wing it.
“I remember how one of my sisters put on one those
cheerleading shows on Bravo. I watched twenty-nine
seconds of it and said to myself “those cheer moms are
bitches.”
“Hate to say it, but most cheer moms are worse. Mine
certainly was.”
“In what way?”
“She didn’t care if it was a good performance. It needed
to be a knockout punch each and every time, no matter
what. And if it wasn’t I’d get it.”
“Get what?”
Suddenly, Marcy tears emerged from Marcy’s eyes as
she desperately tried to hang on to them. Craig watched
as he began to feel bad about heading down this route.
Only he had no choice. If he wasn’t going to do it then
no one would, and everything would be done for good.
He knew that he had to keep pushing. No matter what.
“What do you mean Marcy?”
Sitting there, Marcy was not able to calibrate just what
she should say. The inner conflict going on in front of
Craig’s eyes was simply compelling to watch. Normally
in a conversation he would just wait for his turn to talk
and not take the time to really let someone else talk.
However, in the instance with all that was going on, it
became a riveting turn of events before their eyes.
“She… she would hit me when I didn’t do as well as she
had hoped.”
At that moment Craig’s jaws wanted to drop right to the
ground and then rush across the table to comfort Marcy.
But he knew that doing so would just make everything
proceed into a completely opposite direction. He had to
keep his cool and stayed calm.
“Wow. “I’m sorry to hear that Marcy.”
“Why would you be sorry? You weren’t there. You
didn’t even know me. There was nothing that you could
have done.”
That sense that one gets when they feel that that the
energy beneath the words is really pointing towards
something else washed over Craig in abundance. Even
Marcy’s words just seemed a little misplaced. Like she
was here, but really, she was somewhere else in her
mind. And not willing, but as if she were a prisoner.
Now was the time that Craig had to carefully weigh the
pros and cons. Yes, she could indeed be suicidal and
this could be just what can ignite her recovery in a
beautiful, yet rough sort of way. Though, at the same
token, was he just igniting her depression? That thought
just couldn’t stay below in Craig’s consciousness.
As Craig continued to ponder these thoughts, a waitress
named Isabelle Sanchez walked by him and Marcy.
Isabelle also went to the same school as them. Craig barely recognized her. Yet, what he did recognize were the tattoos feel with dark imagery and that emo look on
her face. He was filled with intrigue for a multitude of
reasons. Yes, he found her to be quite attractive. But
more importantly, his intuition was saying that he
shouldn’t just write her off like he normally would.
“Do you know her?” Marcy asked Craig, noticing how
hard he was staring at Isabelle.
“No.” Craig answered, not wanting Marcy to suspect that
he was interested in her in a romantic sense. “I was
actually just about to ask you that.”
“Funny question to ask. She and I used to be decently
close friends. She knows how to style hair and would
really help me out with that all the time.”
“What happened?”
“I began to suspect that she was a lesbian and stopped
hanging out with her. Didn’t feel like getting felt up by
another girl.”
“What do you mean by that? “What are you trying to say?”
“Look, I’m not saying that she is a full out one ya know?
But, if the shoe fits…”
“Did you ever speak to her about that?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I didn’t really care about that once I felt
violated. Why are we even talking about her? Do you
want to go out with her or something?”
“Just curious.”
“Well, curb it.”
A clearer picture of who Marcy was began to develop
in front of Craig’s eyes. All in all, he saw her as a
bubbly cheerleader. But, with all this new information
that was coming at him now, he could see that she has
had a rather rough upbringing. And that rather rough
upbringing had turned her into a bit of a bitch.
Once Craig identified this crucial trait of hers, she
realized that there was in fact no way that she was the
girl that was committing suicide. She was not in fact
down on herself. She just craved the attention. And she
didn’t get that said attention things were NOT okay.
Not at all.
“I have to go.” Craig said as he quickly excused
himself.”
“Umm, excuse me?” Marcy responded in a nagging
tone. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
“I’ve got business to take care of. Text me. Or not.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! As if!”
Before Marcy could utter more words, Craig was
already in the kitchen, looking in Isabelle. It didn’t
matter that the kitchen staff was blocking him and
wanted him out, he was not going to be denied in his
search. And he at last found Isabelle, sitting down
during her break.
“Isabelle!” Craig shouted out as the kitchen staff
grabbed him.
“You go to my school, don’t you?” Isabelle asked in a
reserved, yet surprised manner.
“Yeah! I’m Craig, Craig Marshall! And I just wanted to
talk!”
“Okay… Can you guys let him go?”
The kitchen stuff begrudgingly released Craig as he ran
up to where Isabelle was sitting. She was enjoying a
tuna melt sandwich, all by her lonesome. Craig sat right
down next her, trying to make sure that he wasn’t
imposing himself on her or freaking her out in any way.
“What do you want with me?” Isabelle asked in what
seemed like an overly suspicious way to Craig.
“I was in here and recognized you. “I just wanted to
talk.”
Isabelle gave Craig a strange little look. It was that
kind of look that said, yeah right. Bullshit. The raised
eyebrow really conveyed the sense of what the fuck that
was going on inside of Isabelle. Craig knew that he had
to think of another, better way to draw her in. To be able
to make her feel safe within instead of rushing.
“I know that this just feels out of left field.” Craig
started, pulling what he could out of his ass.
“But, I’ve just always been intrigued by you.”
Suddenly that expression of Isabelle’s expression began
to lighten up a bit. Instead of the what the fuck look, she
began to show a more open, curious look. Craig was
able to pick up on this and felt comfortable to be
continue on an proceed forward.
“I guess what I am say is that I’ve always wanted to get
to know you. But I’ve never had the guts to go up to
you.”
“Guts? “What’s so scary about me.”
“I mean, you’re pretty.”
“You really think that I’m pretty?”
“Of course. Most of the guys at school do.”
“What the fuck are you talking about? That can’t be
true. Nobody ever fucking asks me out.”
“That’s because guys are scared to death that girls like you will turn them down. Can’t take it.”
As Isabelle now started to have not only a more
confident look on her face, but more confident body
language, Craig was sensing that she was beginning to
trust him. Now was the time to really lay into her. It
was going to be a risk, but pushing the limit would at
least yield some kind of result.
“I was out there with Marcy.”
Once what he said was said, Isabelle began to freeze
up. You could feel the radiance of her goose bumps
coming up on her skin. Craig for a moment felt bad
about all of this. But he knew that this was the right
thing to do.
“She was telling me something about a time where the
two of you were hanging out. To me, it just sounded
like a cheap way to make herself look cool. Regardless,
it drove me to want to talk to you.”
“How do you know what she said isn’t true?” Isabelle
asked in a bitingly defensive manner. All these signs
were bad in a good way. She was acting like this for
some reason. Where Craig would have been repulsed by
this previously, he was even more drawn into her. All
the suspects that he had gathered thus far, Isabelle was
by far the most intriguing of the bunch.
“What do you think she said?”
“That I like girls or some shit like that. Correct?”
“Yeah, that is correct.”
“See. Do you believe it?
“I don’t know. Is it true?”
“It’s certainly a half truth.”
Craig had to calm down the excitement that was
building in him after Isabelle’s answer. He truly had no
idea what she was. But, as a 15-year-old young man, the
answer that she gave him was titillating to say the least.
“So, you…”
“Yes, I am bisexual. Is that what you were seeking?”
“No, no, no. Please, give me more credit than that. I
just thought…”
“If you say interesting one more time…”
Craig picked up Isabelle’s hands, attempting to get
closer to her. Perhaps she lacked a great deal of human
communication because her eyes lit up at this action. It
was the first time that he’d seen even a hint of a smile
from her. A glimmer of hope shined through her eyes at
that moment. It was crazy what a simple touch could do.
The two stared into each other’s eyes for a moment. Both were enjoying really connecting with
each without even saying a word. As Craig stared into Isabelle’s eyes it was as though all those
things that he had heard about intimacy finally started to click for him. It felt way better than he
had imagined it to be in his head.
“Is that all you wanted?” Isabelle asked, now confused and ready to move on.
“No, no. “I want to get to know you.”
“You’re asking me out?”
“I guess so.”
“You guess so?”
“I am! “I am!”
“Ha, this is too weird.”
“Listen, there’s a party after the football game on Friday,
why don’t you meet me up there. It doesn’t have to be
an official date. Just meet up, hang out, and have a good
time. If there’s something cool, if not who cares. “Let’s
just see if we can have a great time.”
“Ummm.”
“No need for any umms. Just say yes.”
“Yes, yes I’ll go. Is that good enough for you?”
“Close enough to what I was looking for.”
“Good, because you were beginning to come fucking
annoying.”
“Apologies. I just wanted to really go after what I
wanted there for a second I guess.”
“I’ll say.”
“But, it’s going to be a great time. What’s your number?
I’ll text you the address.”
“I don’t have a phone.”
Craig was once again seized by the spontaneity of the
moment. He pondered just how she could not have a
phone when everyone else in school had one. The guys
who sold weed had three or four. Then, once he thought
back to Marcy, things then went back into focus yet
again.
“Oh. Do you have a facebook?”
“For appearances.”
“Maybe you can use it for real this one time. Add me.”
Whipping out his phone, Craig looked Isabelle up on
facebook and sent her request. Actually somewhat
flattered, Isabella took out her phone and accepted the
friend request right in front of his eyes. It had worked.
He reached her.
“Send me a message any time that you want to talk.
Okay?”
“Okay, sounds good.”
“Well, I guess I’m going to leave you to it. “See you
Friday.”
“See ya.”
Craig left the back of the restaurant with a sense of
accomplishment. After feeling a bit lost, seemingly out
of nowhere came a hint of lucidity on the horizon.
Marcy being a bad lead got him to Isabella, a good lead.
It felt a tiny bit outlandish for him to be thinking like
this. Nevertheless, he was feeling elevated now.
Then, just like clockwork.
“Don’t forget your friends.” His future self said in the
text.
“What are you talking about?” Craig asked.
“Whatever you resist, persists.”
“What? Can you be anymore fucking dense?”
Craig waited for his retort. But nothing came back to
him. He stood there for five minutes and nothing came
back to him.
“What the hell was that all about?”