"We have incoming transmission!" - The operator loudly announces his findings.
Silence fills the room for a few seconds, then it explodes, with thunderous applause.
"WE DID IT!" "FIRST CONTACT!" "WE ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS UNIVERSE!" "BLUE ALIEN BOOTY HERE I COME!" and countless similar cheers echo throughout the control center.
Everyone is in high spirit, except for the director in charge of these guys.
"Shut the hell up! Isn't this weird?! Why are we getting signals now?!" - She exclaims, just barely loudly enough to get through the party atmosphere - "And which of you degenerates spouted that last one?!"
One could argue that the main reason she is so angry was that statement, rather than whatever thought processes she had in mind.
"Director, you are extra grumpy today. Our mission was exactly for this moment." - Despite the crowd mostly ignoring the director, someone in earshot still managed to take a jab at her.
"I wrote the proposal so of course I knew! That doesn't mean…"
"The tachyon early warning system was built to catch even non-FTL (Faster than light) communications. We can find even aliens that have not developed FTL communication from far away!"
"Drop the useless exposition to the very person leading the project! The problem is…"
"So getting emails about hot single alien babes in our local cluster is our best outcome for the mission! Hopefully they are not on the other side of the galaxy because we still haven't figured out FTL travel."
"Our mission isn't to hold an interracial mixer! Only you degenerates would send nudes across the stars anyway!"
"Sure, sure, Miss Hard-to-please. However, contact with civilizations out there is why we are all here. You should be happy too."
"Under normal circumstances, I would." - Says the director, calmly.
Then, she explodes. Slamming her desk so hard some people think they hear it cracking, she lets out a scream that can only be categorized as sonic weaponries.
"BUT WE JUST STARTED FIVE MINUTES AGO! Do you blockheads understand what that even means?! FIVE. FREAKING. MINUTES! We haven't even found any signs of civilizations, why the heck would we receive a message?! Stalker? Are the aliens actually some kind of creepy stalkers?! Because that's the only way this could happen if it isn't some damn prank!!!"
Silence once again fills the mission control room after the director blasted her subordinates out of frustration. For a short moment, the operators were looking at each other, not sure what to say about how her logical deductions could even lead to that kind of conclusion.
"You know, boss, nitpicking details like that is probably why you are still not married."
Until another idiot just has to pour another canister of gasoline into the fire, that is. How these people are qualified for communication in case of first contact is a mystery. Maybe someone thought the aliens would underestimate their opponents…?
"You… WHAT DOES MY MARITAL STATUS HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?!"
As expected, the director explodes, again.
The control room is lively today as well.
____________
"Commander, transmission from planetary command." - The officer reports.
"On screen." - Responds the superior, in a dead serious voice.
"Darn it commander, we are not in the pre-internet era anymore! It is your personal computer, and you are at the keyboard!" - The officer unfortunately did not find his superior's last century media reference amusing.
"Ugh… Getting stuck in this forsaken lunar base is one thing, now I'm stuck with uppity people too…"
"Well, if only SOMEONE had not proposed it so that they could have more space for the infrastructure! Are you not going to pick up the call?"
Mumbling "Those idiots picked up daughter's drawings on the table in first place…", the commander accepts the incoming call.
"Too slow! Were you telling ancient jokes to yourself again?!" - The director began yelling as soon as connection is established.
"Crap…" - Caught off guard by the baseless-yet-correct accusation, the commander frantically tries to think of an excuse while her officer snickers in the corner of the room - "Something, something, astronomical network delay?"
"No longer exists because YOU invented tachyon transmitter!!!" - She did not buy it, for obvious reasons - "Ugh… We intercepted a radio message with the sensors. Please take a look at it and tell me it's a prank later."
"Sure thing." - Replies the commander, as quickly as an automated answering machine.
"Shouldn't you be worried about the prank part?!" - Her officer, on the other hand, wasn't amused in the slightest.
"Because I refuse to believe in stalking aliens! I'm counting on you." - With an incomprehensible explanation like that, the call ended.
For a moment, beeping from machines were the only sounds in the room.
"…Let's get to it then." - Declares the person in charge of the base.
"Please at least be concerned!"
…
"Decoding done! Good work, I have to admit!"
"Indeed, commander. I was on edge the whole time, worrying how you would catastrophically fail to press a single button to let the quantum computer do its job."
"Is that how one should talk to their superior?!"
…
"Commander, we have successfully decompress it using 23 quantum collapses after 73 tachyonic field reconstructions. Why would anyone capable of doing this require the message to be sent by radio waves?!
"The civilization sending it, obviously."
…
"Commander, the holographic extraction is completed… It's blurry."
"That is a massive understatement. My child can draw better than this, and she's a toddler. Oh well, let's leave the data restoration to the computers. ENHANCE!"
"Commander, if you use a joke, at least pick one in this century."
…
"The message is not a prank, sadly."
"Dammit!" - Curses the director under her breath - "So, what does it say?"
"It has a galactic map presumably. The lossy decompression made it too blurry to pinpoint, but it marked a location in the inner part, which points roughly to our star cluster. It's in the middle of the message though."
"WHY?!"
This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.
"There's also this detailed blueprint of warship and generation ship… FTL drive schematics included."
"What the heck?!"
"And something resembling a dimensional monstrosity. No feeding instructions though."
"OF COURSE NOT!!!"
____________
"Captain, the Empress wanted to speak with you." - Reports the communication officer in the bridge.
"The Empress? What does she need to discuss with a lowly captain like me?"
"Apart from being in charge of the most powerful FTL warship of the empire? Probably not much, I bet."
"…Remind me to request a less snarky crew at the next station."
Because it looks like the passive-aggressive arguing is not stopping anytime soon, the vice-captain accepts the incoming transmission using his terminal.
"Good day to you, crew of Divine Sword."
"Your Majesty!" - Everyone onboard immediately drops what they were doing to salute their absolute ruler, including the navigators, who are supposed to keep the ship from turning to the nearest star.
"My apologies for the sudden contact, but from today you will be the flagship of our empire. Your fleet is waiting at the spaceport, so get over there, chop chop~"
Contrary to the cheerful attitude of the Empress, the whole crew are so busy picking their jaws up to say anything about their out-of-nowhere promotion.
"Eh… Uhm…" - The captain is visibly struggling to respond in particular. Not that anyone would have an easy time in this situation per se.
"Oh, I almost forgot. Captain, you are now the Admiral of the fleet. Congratulations~ I have high expectations of you."
Rather than dealing with the confusion, the Empress has decided to go for a follow-up attack!
"Eh? EEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH?!?!"
"I have heard about your stupi… accomplishments to climb from a cargo ship captain to commanding the best warship our empire has to offer because no one wanted to be the first to try the FTL warp drive. Please keep it up, okay~?"
"Your Majesty, you just called me stupid didn't you?! I am sure you meant no ill will but that was no compliment!!!"
"You shouldn't mind little details~ Good luck with fulfilling our species' destiny! Also, your mother sends her regards."
"What the heck was she doing with you?!" - Cries the captain to no avail, as the call has ended.
"Would you like to send an enquiry email for that question?" - The vice-captain asks with a dead pan tone.
"No, please send an enquiry to high command to request a different crew."
"Understood."
"That was a joke!"
Another peaceful day in the warship where everyone scrambles to avoid collision with the local star because they had audience with the Empress, while simultaneously thinking "Royalty is weird".
____________
"Emergency! Contact from the civilization at star system 0B1C3RA!" - A young soldier barges into the chamber where the galactic council is holding a meeting, completely out of breath.
"Remind me where that is again?" - One of the councillors raises a question, completely disregarding the word "emergency".
"The one with tachyon sensor arrays but no FTL we have been… stealthily keeping track of for a long time. Last I heard they finally made an FTL drive and were building up their first fleet. Also, their empress is smoking hawt!" - Another councillor joins in the distraction, much to the dismay of the messenger.
"Ah, so we are going to have a new council member. I am looking forward to their… intimacy, if you know what I mean."
If one asks whether this council is filled with degenerate xenophiles, the answer is a resounding "Yes".
The soldier is visibly annoyed, but decided not to butt in because he's not paid enough to deal with these perverts.
"Sorry for the wait. Now then, what was the message?" - After a discussion about galactic species' anatomies, the council has remembered what the original topic was about.
"About damn time… Displaying message now."
A hologram of an alien appears in the middle of the chamber. Some councillors are definitely ogling it, but the soldier pays no mind.
"We are your salvation from the Great Danger. We will save you even if we have to kill you. Surrender is advised, resistance is futile."
The hologram dissipates, leaving behind the astounded council members.
Then, the council cries out in perfect unison.
"They have Type-2 disease!"
Type-2 disease: The unfortunate affliction of civilizations which just reached type 2 on the energy scale, typically soon after discovering FTL. These civilizations have an irresistible urge to wage war across the galaxy, usually for the most ridiculous reasons.
"Ah, to be young…" - One of the councillor starts reminiscing the past, when his own species tried to eat everything. Now they want to "eat" everything, like the rest of the sicko here.
"Mobilize the Citadel Fleet. We shall meet them in glorious combat!"
"About that…" - The soldier hesitates a bit, then continues - "The Capital Fleet unconditionally surrendered and chose me to deliver the news."
"WHY?!"
"They broadcasted their state-funded… adult materials all over the tachyon networks. The fleet was busy… dealing with the problem, and did not notice their fleet warping right behind, gun fully loaded. Fleet admiralty surrendered after enemy commander offered better evidences for the investigation."
"WHAT THE HECK!!!"
"Emergency!" - Another soldier, this time of a different species, runs through the open door - "Homeworld fleets are under attack and surrendering one by one! Somehow we are getting ambushed despite knowing they would come! Uh… mine involved coupons to the first galactic interracial mixer."
The first soldier can only let out a big sigh. "They caught us with our pants down, both figuratively and literally."
"Hey! Our species doesn't wear pants!" - Protests the other soldier.
"Silence!" - The councillor who mentioned the Citadel Fleet raises his voice. "This is not the time to falter! BRING ME THE WAR FLAG!"
"Which one sir?" - Ask the two soldiers.
"The one to communicate our unyielding determination to preserve lives, to assert our will of peace through diplomacy, to give our citizens the light of hope even in the darkest hour!"
"OH!!!" - The whole council cheer and applaud their colleague's speech. It is important to remember that no matter the adversary, the galactic community always stand as one.
"…Right, let me find a clean white sheet in the laundry." - The first soldier replies then dashes out of the chamber.
"I hope it doesn't mean we are insulting their mothers like the last time." - Says the other as he follows suit.
Just another day of degeneracy in the galactic council.
____________
"Mommy, big sis called earlier." - The little princess reminds her honorable mother as she returns from a speech.
"Thank you, honey."
With a wipe gesture, a big hologram pops up in the middle of the throne room.
"Your Majesty, the FTL warp is underway. The Great Exodus has begun." - Reports the admiral of the fleet.
"Thank you for the report. And I told you to call me "Mommy" when we are alone!" - The Empress retorts to a totally irrelevant issue.
"I have to refuse, your Majesty. Now, please excuse me…"
"Big sis, are you skipping dinner again…?" - Not really understanding the complicated topic, the princess innocently asks her step sister about other urgent matters (in her mind).
"Of course not! I will definitely return on time!"
"I have a feeling you are treating her differently?!" - Her mother throws a tantrum upon the blatant discrimination, because that's how she is when the public is not gazing on her.
Ending the call, the Empress throws herself onto the bed.
"I'm beat…"
"Mommy, what is the Great Exodus?"
Being a young sheltered girl, the princess still has a lot to learn about the world around her.
"It's not night time but… come here, honey. Story time~"
"Yay~"
…
A long time ago, when the fleet admiral was still a young child, a group of scientists received a message of unknown origin. This short message is known later by the population as "Words of Precursor".
The Precursor is shrouded in mystery. No matter how hard the bright minds of the empire tried, they could not get another message to locate the ancient race. It is said that the Great Danger had consumed them, and what the empire found that day was their legacy.
"Words of Precursor" taught the primitive civilization the secrets of "Divine Sword", a warship with the might to destroy a star, and "Divine Shield", a massive generation ship capable of housing the population of a planet. In just a few years, the empire changed forever.
They, however, were not overly optimistic. The Precursor had such powerful technologies, yet their civilization fell to the Great Danger. What could a young species with second-hand knowledge hope to win against such overwhelming odds?
The empress, with her close vassals' support, executed an unthinkable plan: Declare surprise war on the newly contacted galactic community. In one fell swoop, the admiral of the first "Divine Sword" crushed all opposition, unifying the galaxy into the empire.
It was all to realize her destiny: To lead a migration of unprecedented scale for all species in the galaxy, a Great Exodus, to escape the Great Danger. A fleet of Divine Shields was built so no one will be left behind. It was a gargantuan effort from everyone, and it paid off.
Today, after a speech from their beloved empress, all known civilizations of the galaxy vanished. Leaving behind their homes, they begin the journey to far beyond, to the next galaxy.
They shall colonize new worlds, found new homes, become greater than the Precursor has ever been. When they have surpassed the ancients, they will confront the Great Danger, and reclaim their lost "home".
The people of the galaxy, with the empress leading them, look forward to their uncertain but hopeful future.
…
"…I feel bad for disturbing their nap time." - Says the former director of the mission control, who is now the governor of the Divine Shield fleet.
"Meals are important for kids." - The also-former commander of the lunar base is not backing off however - "I won't be able to call myself the lead scientist of the empire if I can't even balance our child's diet."
"You are not even educated in that field! And your title is for others to call you!"
The governor lifts up the little princess, trying not to wake her up. She can have her beauty nap a little longer until they arrive at the dining room.
Meanwhile, the so-called lead scientist grabs the sleeping empress by the ankle and forcefully drags her out of bed.
*WHOMP*
"BUWAH?!" - Cries the Empress of the galaxy as she faceplants to the ground - "What the heck?!"
The criminal keeps dragging her without the slightest intention of stopping.
"Pipe down. You will just crawl back to bed if I let you be. Also, we're home."
"Welcome back. Wait, no! That's not how you treat your Empress, or partner, or anyone ever!"
The maids just shrug at the sight, because they aren't paid enough to stand against two nobles who are only below the supreme leader of the galaxy.
Today, the fleet admiral comes home in time to witness a bizarre scenery as well.
____________
At the same time, on the homeworld of the Precursors…
"Do you think any alien would receive the Arecibo message?"
"I recommend thinking about dinner instead. We don't send these anymore because waiting thousands of years to exchange greetings is a waste of time."
ETA of reply message: ~50,000 - 46 years.