My class lasted until eleven, while Emily’s morning class ended at ten. I tried my best to not get distracted when she spoke with her friends during lunch. Once I was finally done, it became her turn to go back to a different class. I excused myself and went to the parking lot, about to head back home. I didn’t have any classes after this, and while usually I would go and have lunch with my friends, I told them that I needed to go do my tasks for today.

That was partly true because I do have some tasks waiting to be completed, but also partly because I didn’t want to disturb Emily. Emily herself looked exhausted. Well, she did have physics class after this, or so she said. I didn’t know what the class before was, but as someone who absolutely hated science, I could understand her pain.

I drove back home. Thick, dark clouds covered up the blue skies. Maybe heading home was the right choice. Once I arrived back at my apartment, I sent her a Fine message telling her that I would be taking a shower. She warned me of not being able to move, so this time I prepared my clothes beforehand and brought them into the toilet. Before undressing, I adjusted her position and warned her not to move, no matter what. She gave me a thumbs-up emoticon.

I showered as fast as I could, not wanting to risk anything. It was truly unfortunate, as I couldn’t stay in the refreshing cold water for long. I managed to finish showering without any incident and went straight for my tasks. Looking at her study propelled my own will to get serious. I drank a bottle of water and then put my all into my projects.

Time for lunch came by, but since her classes lasted until one pm, I decided against eating. She never complained about my eating sounds before, so I assumed she couldn’t hear them, but me eating may be distracting, so I waited until she finished class.

“You don’t need to wait for me, though.”

I read her message through Fine. She must have seen me eating bread this morning before class. For me, bread wasn’t as fulfilling as rice, so I felt hungrier by the time I got the chance to eat lunch, but that shouldn’t be visible on my face. I felt bad making her worry.

“I’m fine, really.”

I replied. From my current position, Emily was sitting right beside me. It seemed that her friend had come to sit beside her, forcing her to slide closer to me. She glanced at me with a wry smile, so I pushed myself slightly further away, giving her some distance. Since I was eating at my work table, I could afford to move a bit, although I would rather not go too far.

“Black chocolate is my favorite.”

She said rather abruptly.

“White chocolate is best.”

I sent her a Fine message. She glanced down at her phone and gave me a disapproving look.

“I could understand milk chocolate, but white chocolate is too much.”

Emily replied. She then looked up and right, away from me.

“No, I don’t like sweet things.”

“You can’t be my friend, then.”

Sent.

“I won’t then.”

That’s harsh!

I gave her a sad look, but she only glanced at me and didn’t say anything further. I continued hearing her words as they, presumably, discussed something related to desserts or sweets. I had a hard time understanding anything, though, since the only thing I could hear was Emily’s voice. It made the illusion of her being beside me more real, especially since there was no one else in my bedroom other than the two of us.

“I would love to go shopping sometime.”

The subject had changed apparently. Her words reminded me of this morning’s discussion.

Something that we want?

I couldn’t really tell what I wanted. I assumed it wasn’t something as simple as sweets or food. It just didn’t make sense. I couldn't believe that buying a cake would solve the entire issue. It wasn’t something that I could so casually say ‘just try it, trying won’t hurt anyway,’ because this time, it would. Cake costs money, and while I couldn’t deny wanting one, my mood at the moment wasn’t strong enough for me to spend money on it, and if that want wasn’t strong enough, then I would be pressed to believe that I could solve this issue that way.

But at the same time, I couldn’t think of anything else. Since I went to film school and wanted to be a cinematographer, my goals would have something to do with that, but if the Torii gate would only reappear after I became a professional cinematographer, then it would mean years before we can separate.

And what if we failed that goal? What if I changed my goals? Will the terms change as well? If not, would that mean I’m stuck with her until the end of my life?

Or maybe, I was thinking of these the wrong way. Maybe, I decide what my goals were, as in what I wanted. If I wanted to part ways with her, and thought a lot about it, maybe the Torii gate would reappear?

Also, why did this thing take the form of a Torii gate in the first place? I opened up Smartpedia, looking through its explanation for Torii gates. Reading through it, I found that in essence, a Torii gate marked the transition from the mundane to the sacred, as an entrance of sorts to a sacred or holy space.

A transition?

But from what to what?

Could that definition have something to do with me wanting something? Maybe a transition from my old me to the new me? The previous me didn’t have something in particular that I wanted, but the new me had something that I wanted to chase after, maybe that was the true meaning behind this?

I couldn’t really understand, though. Reading this only gave me more questions than answers. I wasn’t particularly fond of research, and reading all those lines made me dizzy. If only film school actually gave me leeway in that department.

On my right, meanwhile, it seemed that Emily had finished her business with her friends. She stood up and circled me, heading for my left and walked past me.

“Eh?”

She suddenly said.

“No, I’m alright, really.”

She let out a smile.

“You think so?”

“I’m sure. Am I acting that different?”

“Huh, I assure you it’s nothing.”

I couldn’t hear the other party, but they seemed to be cracking down on something. From my point of view, it didn’t look like Emily was suffering any kind of sickness. It had been a long while since I last saw her on a regular basis, so I couldn’t tell what her ‘normal’ looked like, but she looked way better now compared to when she first realized she was stuck with me.

She kept reassuring her friends, until eventually, they gave up. She let out a laugh and waved to them before changing her course of walking. She kicked something and then lifted her feet above something else, before finally settling down. Based on her movements, it seemed that she got on her bike.

“So, everything alright?”

I asked. She looked behind her and maneuvered carefully.

“I can’t hit you with my bike, can I?”

“You probably can.”

Just in case, I got off my chair and moved away from her. She smiled and whispered a thanks before moving backward. She turned the handlebar and started moving forward. As she got further away, I returned to my position.

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

“Why not drive a car or something?”

“A bike is healthier. Besides, my residence isn’t that far from campus.”

“Now that you mention it, where did you live anyway?”

She glanced my way and gave me a sharp stare.

“You want to crawl into my bed for real?”

“Of course not! I mean what kind of building!”

“Sigh… boys are always like this.”

“Didn’t you hear me?”

Emily ignored me as she pedaled forward.

“Oh, by the way, what were they talking about?”

“Hmm?”

I couldn’t hear the loudness of the road, so I could hear her voice very clearly. I wonder if the same could be said for her, or if she was in a loud street in the first place. Maybe she was still within her campus area, or the streets surrounding her campus were silent in the first place?

“I mean when they asked about you not feeling alright.”

“You can hear them?”

“I can hear your responses.”

“Ah, right. It’s just, I usually talk a lot more.”

“I see.”

I scratched my head. My task was finished, and my food was done, so I can spare more brain energy on solving this mystery. The faster I separated from her, the faster things could return to normal. She would no longer need to hold back for my sake, nor would I need to be careful for her. I thought hard about what I wanted. I needed a goal that felt like an accomplishment, but at the same time wouldn’t take me a lot of time to accomplish.

I assumed it needed to be something genuine as well, something from the depth of my heart.

“Can you talk now, Emily?”

“Flirting?”

“Something suited to your taste, something far less sweet.”

“Damn, I should have thought about that.”

She pedaled faster. I decided to wait for her until she got home and found something else to do.

At what point does an item become visible to my eyes?

I thought about that question as I sat on my bed, looking at the girl that just appeared fresh from the shower.

“Are you using a towel?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you put down that towel?”

She reached for the item on her neck and put it down. She then picked it up again and returned it to her neck.

“I can’t see your towel…”

“So how did you know I’m using one?”

“Just a guess. Is it exclusive to clothing items? I mean, can I only see clothing items, how does this phenomenon even consider what is clothing and what isn’t?”

“You’re asking the wrong person, buddy.”

Emily shook her head and sat down beside me on the bed, the smell of her shampoo going into my nostrils.

“It smells good.”

“Are you thinking of something inappropriate?”

“I’m not.”

“I’ll smack you if you are.”

“Then I won’t tell you.”

I crossed my arms and threw my face away with a huff.

“On a side note, I can smell your shampoo.”

“Ah, yes, very important.”

“By the way.”

“Yes?”

She asked, making me bring my attention back toward her.

“Oh, can you read the comments for your Eddit post first?”

She took her phone and started swiping.

“There are some more comments, but not much.”

“Any replies to the ones that commented before? About the goals or wants thingy?”

She looked down at her gadget, her eyes going up and down.

“Oh, I’ll share the link with you.”

She said as she tapped the screen. For some reason, I didn’t think about that. I didn’t have an Eddit account, but I should be able to read her post without one, since I did read some anime discussion posts on that forum before. Her Fine message came through and after going through the necessary procedures like turning on VPN, I managed to get through.

I looked through the post and started reading the various comments. As she said, most of them were making fun of us, and the ones that did say something useful tend to be buried. I finally arrived at the comment and read through it.

“Deep wish?”

I muttered. Something deep buried within us, things that we didn’t realize we want, or at least that was what the comment had said.

“Do I really want a cake that badly?”

I wondered aloud.

“Still on the cake thing?”

“I mean, cakes are delicious.”

“Not this again.”

I chuckled and looked back at the screen. I couldn’t help but wonder if this person actually experienced something like us, knew something about it, or if they were just trolling us like most of the other comments. The comment itself didn’t show any signs that suggested it wasn’t serious, though telling sarcasm through text could be impossible sometimes.

Even if it was real, it wasn’t like I could do it. I wished this whole ordeal was as simple as those tech fix videos you could find online, ones that lasted a minute and could solve your issues with three simple steps.

“So… let’s say that this person is serious, what do you want?”

“Me?”

Emily pointed to herself. I nodded. She then moved her finger to her chin.

“What do I want…”

She stared at the ceiling while lightly tapping on her chin.

“Don’t say you haven’t thought about anything?”

She shook her head. I thought since she saw the comment first, and presumably received updates on each discussion, she would keep these things in her mind for longer compared to me. Her cedar-brown eyes looked up at the ceiling, before looking back at me and shaking her head again.

“Like, nothing nothing? As in absolute emptiness.”

“Of course not.”

I leaned forward. She looked taken aback but proceeded to explain.

“I have long-term goals, of course, like continuing my family business, things like that, but if that’s what the commenter meant…”

“Yeah, it’s going to take too long.”

Far too long. If we assume we got a job directly after university, it would mean a minimum of three more years spent together. But, what if we didn’t get the specific job we wanted? What if instead of the cinematographer, I ended up being a camera operator instead? Technically both worked with the camera, so would the Torii gate appear the second I touched the camera as a professional?

And that didn’t factor in Emily’s goals. Would only one of us completing the goal count, or would it require both me and Emily to reach our respective dreams?

How close do we need to land to our dreams for it to count?

If it required both of us to land exactly where our current selves dreamt to be, then it may take years. Emily didn’t specify which position she was after, but since she had her sister, she would probably be below her sister in rank. For me, I would most likely start from the bottom, and my dreams would force me to continue to work until I reached a higher position. If both of us were after a ‘high position’, then we might as well get married at that point.

“Have you asked that person for more information?”

“I tried asking him in private…”

She tapped her screen several times, her eyes going from one point to the other.

“He said that he himself didn’t know the specifics. It's just that she experienced something similar with her friend back then…”

Emily stopped, looking flushed.

“Is something wrong?”

“Ah, no. It’s just… she said she got stuck with her friend…”

“And…?”

“That’s how they got close and now they’re married…”

She added the last part with a silent voice. She glanced at me. Had her phone been visible, she probably hid her face underneath it. I failed to understand why she was looking at me with that shy expression, though. Did she oppose the idea or something?

“What’s-”

“Ah!”

She threw her face away, before whispering a little ‘nothing’. The way she acted made me know that it wasn’t nothing, but it wasn’t like she would tell me if I pushed the case, so I shrugged my shoulders and leaned back on my wall. She glanced at me, but I pretended to not see her.

Unfortunately, if it was true that we really need to reach our dreams to escape this, then all we could do would be to study as hard as we can. I didn’t know if Emily changed, but if she stayed the same as her middle school self, then I would be the one facing the most roadblocks.

Any more and we would push ourselves to exhaustion. There would be no point in separating if we ended up in the hospital, so for the time being I decided to explore other possible options. I still didn’t know what I wanted for myself, but an idea appeared in my head.

“How about we test this out? Are you thirsty?”

Emily looked at me, adjusting her body to face me. I got off the bed, her face followed me as I moved around her.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you thirsty?”

She paused for a second. I meanwhile searched for my water bottle and picked it up.

“Now that you mention it…”

She got off the other side of the bed and looked for her water bottle. It took her a bit longer, but eventually, she picked something up. I mimicked her movements and let the refreshing water go down my throat. I felt refreshed as I pulled the bottle away and looked toward her.

“We still need to cross the Torii gate, huh?”

“Wait… you don’t think that will work, do you?”

“Trying won’t hurt.”

Although in this case, it actually helped our bodies. I am, in fact, thirsty, so I want water.

“Sigh… we’re really that desperate, huh?”

She crossed her hands and gave me a sidelong glance. I scratched my head and returned to my work desk. Until I actually found what I want, I couldn’t do anything about this phenomenon, so I thought that studying would be the best course of action, not like I would lose anything.

Emily looked at me before resuming her own work.