The lights on the stage shined down on us, brilliant and harsh. It brought up memories of my group’s first performance as an idol group and how bad we first were. We could not even sing on key last year, let alone dance in sync. Remembering those moments made my heart jump from my chest. It was as if it wanted to join us up on the stage, to sing and dance with us. I still remember how nervous I was, looking out at the tidal waves of people who were watching the first group, named "ℛĦỶ₮Ħ♏ửṢẻ”, perform,
At the time I could only think about two things in my head. The first being “Man, I wonder what would happen if one of the members from the idol group puked all over the crowd... Could the puke travel all the way to the back?!", and the other being"How unbelievably amazing ℛĦỶ₮Ħ♏ửṢẻ was. They had the whole crowd up on their feet! It was almost as if they were being hypnotized by the rhythm of their voices.”
That’s when I heard someone from behind me speak. It was Shiroai, one of the members of my Idol group and longtime friend. Shiroai asked, “Kuropie, have you seen those girls out there?, They’re amazing! I didn’t want to say this in front of the other girls, but... do you really think we can go toe to toe with them?” I looked down at the floor with a worrisome, yet understanding look, and thought the same thing. But it was only for a split second before I came up with my conclusion. “Summon the thots- I mean, the girls. I need to tell them all something important.” I said jokingly.
Shiroai, looking very puzzled at what I just said, asked, “Wait, did you just call us ‘Thots? Whatever, I’ll call them over right now. Oh- one more thing before I go.” Her face turned to the sincere side. “Please get them to remember that we came here as a team. Whether we have success or we have failure, we will still get through it as a team. Don't forget, Kuropie.” Shiroai's stance softened as she held her face of sincerity, “When something happens, you will need to be the star that ignites a new path we will walk.”
Back then, I never understood why everyone put their one-hundred-percent undying trust in me. Why would you do something like this to someone you love? Don’t they know how it makes people feel, being in the spotlight 24/7? Always fearing you’ll make that wrong step, bringing your team to a loss. The worst part is, when you do fail, the failure is on two sets of shoulders. But neither party ever wants to acknowledge their own shortcomings.
I suppose it's easier to play the blame game than to acknowledge one’s own weaknesses, and learn from their failure. I was rethinking how I would inspire hope in my group after hearing what Shiroai had to say, but I remembered what others had told me in my time of need. I had a mischievous smile when I turned back to Shiroai. She had seen this smile before, remembered that this smile spelled nothing but disaster.
“Kuropie... what are you thinking?” Shiroai said with slight concern in her voice.
“Shiroai, you remember when we were kids when your pet turtle died?”
Shiroai nodded slightly.
“And remember how I kept making turtle puns for that whole day to cheer you up?”
“I do!” Shiroai’s attempts at a deadpan face were ruined by her laughter. “My favorite one was, ‘It's ok- he’s raising shell in heaven.’ It was hard trying to cope with the death of my beloved pet Rocky, but hearing your jokes made me remember why we became friends.”
“Alright.” I said with a slightly-too-confident voice. “Call the th-- The girls over then. I am ready to give them the best damn pep talk they’ve ever heard!”
Shiroai nodded to me and then she proceeds to call out to the group. Within minutes, they were all in the room. Most of them looked nervous or had self-doubts about being in the finals of the World-Idols Tournament. But one girl seemed to feel the complete opposite of everyone else. A girl with burning red hair that matched that her passion for this idol group and an angry but compassionate face that screams, ‘I’ll kick your ass hard enough to leave you in a hospital bed.’
“What the hell are we waiting for? We came to win, not to piss the bed just because last year's champions are doing great. Are all of us missing a pair?” Lulu shouted angrily.
“What? Well, for one, we’re an all-girl group. Two, let Kuropie speak. She called us out here for a reason. Right?” Iki turned to me with a questioning look.
“Yes, Iki, I was about to address that. Thanks for cutting the tension, though.” I looked back at Lulu, my face filled with disgust. “Are you drunk before our performance or what?” After dealing with Lulu and Iki, I walked up to the front of the room and calmed down the rest of the eight girls, who were still speaking among themselves about how impressive ℛĦỶ₮Ħ♏ửṢẻ was.
Shiroai spoke first, “ℛĦỶ₮Ħ♏ửṢẻ is and will be a hard act to follow.”
I followed, “Girls, I understand that ℛĦỶ₮Ħ♏ửṢẻ is truly something amazing, and it will be truly hard to overcome them, but I think we can.” I stopped for a moment. “No, I know we can. I’ll tell you what I always tell myself when times are truly tough, and I can't climb that mountain that life drops in front of me. I say to myself, ‘Life sucks, you know?’ I still remember the looks they all gave, as I tried not to laugh, but at the same time, the words that left my mouth were what really gave me strength. They all looked back in confusion and yelled. “What? How is that supposed to give us hope?”
Someone spoke out, “Lulu’s speech was better.” I grimaced at the gripe but chose not to let her get to me. So I recollected myself and tried once more.
“Ok... I can see you all didn’t understand what that quote meant, and I don't blame you all. I was never good with words, or good at anything in general until I joined this club. Even after I joined the club, for three years, I got scared and nervous on a daily basis, even to this very day. But one thing that keeps me from stopping and quitting is the idea of being mediocre. I know we can be better and become the best idol group in the world.”
As I saw Kuropie continued giving her speech, I started to remember the day my pet turtle Rocky died. Kuropie was crying more than me! She genuinely felt bad for me. Maybe she thought I would be all alone since Rocky was not here anymore and she couldn't be there for me every day. She was being so unfair by giving me all of that kindness, I knew deep down there was no way I could repay her kindness but I wanted to try. I think she must have forgotten I still had people who loved and cared for me, who was there for me every day and every second of the hour, which is sadly what I can not say for her. Seeing her talk so passionately and with such confidence; she is not the same small black cat that I fell for.
I ended my speech with a devilish smile, “Now let's all go out there and show them why you should never count us out and give the crowd the best performance they’ve ever witnessed! Don’t forget who we are and how we need to win! One more time Girls!” Boom and that’s when you Cue the opening if this was an anime but you know I have no money, also I still need to tell you about the ending of the World Idol tournament.
I can still hear the announcer reveal the results. “And your world champions are ℛĦỶ₮Ħ♏ửṢẻ!” The crowd started to chant. “ℛĦỶ₮Ħ♏ửṢẻ! ℛĦỶ₮Ħ♏ửṢẻ! ℛĦỶ₮Ħ♏ửṢẻ!” I saw Shiroai starting to tear up and she tried her hardest to not cry. “It's okay guys, we came close and I am proud of all of you,” I spoke those hollow words from my mouth. “I couldn't had asked for a better group!” I said while being on the verge of tears. Lulu was actually crying her eyes out. “Hell yeah! I am so proud of you all that sweat is coming out of my eyes!” She said while forcing a laugh to come out. “Everyone in the group knew that she was crying. But that's okay since everyone else was in tears except for me. I was trying my best to not wear my emotions on my brightly colored sleeve that if I went into full details I will have lawyers at my door with papers ready.
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I spoke, but my wavering voice probably made it hard for the team to understand me. “It's ok everyone!” It was not ok at all but I continued.” My emotional front started to break quickly. “We came close and lost at the finals, but we won't go home being losers. We will go back home being called the second best team in the world!” I tried to believe my own words but I could not let my team see how I really felt.“I am more than happy with our performance and i’m proud of how everyone gave it 110%. It's my fault for not giving it 120%. I should have trusted everyone better. I am satisfied with this outcome.” I was actually really infuriated.
Fast forward seven years later and I’m working as a salarywoman. I really hate it, My boss is an ass but very hard-working which causes me to have some respect towards him. He is a short man who is a little taller than me. Because of his short stature, people around here call him "Bossy smurf." He also had black hair like mine before it falls out in his college years, well that’s what he tells us anyway. The people at my workplace call me "Small Darkness" on the account of my growth deficiency disorder and the first part of my name meaning Black. It really makes me mad when they call me that but at the same time it feels great to be able to talk to my co-workers and learn to understand them better, but at the same time, it felt like something was missing.
One day the bossy Smurf called me into his office. “Kuropie, I want to talk to you about your job” he said. I was slightly confused. I answered back with“Sure, what about?” He replied slowly. “Well, I want you to take a seat before I tell you this.” I thought about all of this in my head. “I swear if I get fired here I am going to go ape-shit and leave nothing in my path. I replied soon after “Alright then.” I took a seat quietly. Bossy Smurf then said “I am giving you a raise since you have been doing great here for the last four years continue doing great here and don't let us down.” I was so shocked that I forgot to say anything for a bit “Wait, really? Thank you so much I appreciate it! I won't let you down.” At first, it was one of the greatest days of my life but then it was as if God pulled the rug from under me and yelled ‘Sike!” I felt myself falling but there was nothing I could do about it but think out loud “Wait why is the floor getting closer to me? Not here floor-sama we can’t kiss in front of Bossy Smurf.”
I ate shit that day but when I woke up I was in the hospital and right next to me was a nurse who was trying her best to explain to me what happens and how I passed out at work. I caught on pretty fast about what happen so I decided to play a trick on her.
I spoke with horrible grammar and a crazed voice to try to scare her I said: “I underDAN wAT hapApEn 2 m3 i’m okEy DokeY.” I swear she had a heart attack and ran out I felt bad about pulling that prank but at the same time, you should had seen her running out! Geez, you would think she is a marathon runner or something.
Well, I was by myself for a little bit while I was waiting for my doctor to come to check me. But then I saw a little kid in the hall who was playing on a Plaything 3 and I called him to come to me. He was wearing a romper all I could think about was "Why does this kid’s parents hate him so much and what did he do to receive a punishment this bad?” The little romper kid came over and we played games together while we waited. A loud and long beeping sound could be heard from my room. I yelled loudly, “Aw man, I died again!” When the doctor entered my room all I saw was a tear streaming down her face. The doctor said “It’s been so long Kuropie... ” I replied with a dim-witted reply “Ay… It’s you, “Milktits?” Shiroai surprised by that new name I gave her and she said “No it's Shiroai.” I was blown away with that info, I needed to hear more to fully understand “Wait... It can’t be you. You're a doctor now?” I mumbled something right afterward. “And a milktit at that.” Shiroai sighed with disgust. “I heard that but I am going to let it slide for now. But wow look at you! You look like you did back in the Idol Group. It looks like some things never change” Shiroai said with a smile on her face as she looks me down, I sadly responded, “Yeah... Still the same... Never changes, never ages always will be the same small Kuropie.” Shiroai responded quickly. “Right, sorry I didn't mean it like that, but can we have a quick talk about your eating habits? Like how much ramen can one woman eat? How are you not 400 pounds on the verge of a heart attack?” I replied harshly, “Fuck off you damn nerd. That’s all I want to eat and have time to eat.” Shiroai laughed slightly. You still haven’t learned how to cook real food yet just like in the Idol group haha,” I answered back with “Well I know how to make hotdogs but I be too doggone tired to make them.” Shiroai with a smile on her face answer back my pun with one of her own “Your health is no joke but you don't look to be too ruff.” We were both laughing so hard our faces were turning red like apples and look like when you put a hotdog in a microwave and the butt of the dog burst and looks all goofy and gross, yeah our faces was like that. But as I stare at her face I noticed a new mark I don't remember being there last time I saw her "Was that always there?" I thought. I couldn’t remember her face because she had changed so much in the last 7 years. I could not get over the fact that She looked like a totally different person and some parts of her changed that made me sorta jealous.
While this reunion was nice and all I can’t help but think I forgot about something or someone OH wait I forgot about Romper. I looked to my left and there he was just watching us which was pretty weird, to say the least. Shiroai then cleared her throat and said “All puns aside, you do seem fine but we still can't figure out why you fainted for no reason. Can you run it by me what happened?” She asked with a concerned voice. I ran it all by her about what happened with me that day starting at the very beginning “Sure, I was just called in Bossy Smurf’s office and he was telling me about how I just received a raise for all my hard work.” Shiroai then said “Oh congrats!” Shiroai started writing on a clipboard and had a slightly suspicious look on her face. “Oh! By the way, we call our boss ‘Bossy Smurf.’ ” I said with confidence.
Shiroai erased something on her clipboard and started to write something else. “Maybe you were caught off guard by the raise? Shiroai said questioningly. “I don’t think that’s what caused it though” I answered back. “That can't be the case and I think I know what may take the cake!” Shiroai said as she took a breath and got closer to me and spoke in a quiet voice, “Maybe you are still hiding your true emotions and can't let yourself be truly happy because you feel like us losing was your fault.” I hate to say it but she hit the nail right on the head. “That's can't be true! not one bit, let stop talking about all of this” I said with a slight waver in my voice. “Kuropie, let me ask you something.” I nodded slightly. “What do you call someone who comes up short in a race and then hide how they felt about losing, right in the faces of the people they should had told in the first place, then next thing you know they abandon their teammates and went overseas never returning.”
I said under my breath “That person was unattached”. I started to look at the window to hide the fact I was crying. “It was all my fault.” I tried to speak clearly. Shiroai slightly sighed and said “No it wasn't... Remember what I told you?” I replied in a defeated voice. “If only I tried harder that day I could have shown everyone how amazing “One More Time Girls” really was!” I remember being so mad that day when we lost that I kept crying in the hotel bathroom for hours and lied to myself saying that the other girls could not hear me through the bathroom door. Shiroai spoke with a softer voice “So you did forget…” Shiroai stayed quiet for a moment and said, “We came here as a team and whether we have success or we have failure will fall on us as a team “But I could not be the star that the whole team needed” I replied back. Shiroai spoke harshly and moved her hand to the center of her chest, “Stop it! You are a star! You are the one that shines the brightest to me! She dropped her hand from her chest. “It wasn’t your fault. We tried our best to win but we couldn’t do it. The other group was a little bit better than us at the time.”
I remember not being able to open my eyes when I walked out of the bathroom at the hotel, but I do remember feeling something warm. That warmness was because of Shiroai and her kind words. When I opened my eyes Shiroai was hugging me and I kept weeping. Shiroai looked very protective but considerate at the same time. Shiroai spoke suddenly, “Kuropee…” “Hm?” I answered Shiroai. Shiroai hesitated but then said, “Get the shell over it.” I remembered that pun and that nickname! I’m surprised Shiroai remembered all of that from all those years ago. She truly is the best. I wanted to be sad but that pun truly brightened up the room for me.
We both kept laughing for a bit while Romper was in the corner of the room. “I have an idea,” I said, as I wiped the tears from my eyes. Shiroai nodded as she listened to me explain my plan. “I want to get the girls together one more time!” I exclaimed. “Wait for what?” Shiroai said out of shock. “Did that fall you had screwed up your brain more than I thought?” She said as she started writing something on the clipboard. I wanted to make sure she is 100% on board so I asked her if we can do it, “You don't think we can do it, do you? I don't think I can do it alone but with your help I know we can do it”.
Shiroai bluntly said “No, I think we can do it but I will need a way to track down all the girls. Maybe I could pull up their last known medical files but how will you get off work?” I smirked and gave a thumbs up. “Don't worry about it. I got it under control.” Shiroai gave me a worried expression and said, “Alright My one month vacation starts soon so that’s when we will go looking for them, but what will you tell them when we see them?” I jokingly said, “Suuuup bitch!” Shiroai yelled at me saying “You have to be serious, it’s been seven years!” I replied quickly, “It's joke, I will be serious when I see them and when the time comes I will know what to say, I'm sure of it.” Shiroai, still looking like she’s on the fence about it, asked me, “Ok practice what you’re going to say to them on me,” I calmed down and I took a breath and said in a very contentful voice “We can be one more time idols.”