“Fuck.” Those were the famous last words of XxxX Xxxxxx.
His brain was dashed on the pavement, his body was horribly mangled beyond repair.
A goddess laughed.
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Resurrection is an experience some people might find easy, but for others like me it is a chore.
Especially now that some strange lady kept laughing and slapping her knee exclaiming how hilarious it was.
“Can’t a guy sleep in peace?” I woke up with a headache.
I scratched myself and did the usual back and neck cracking I always do before standing up.
Only now when I looked around and saw where I was, did I realize the gravity of the situation.
A pitch black abyss yawned, and its never-ending blackness filled me with dread.
The lady got up as well wiping her dress. It was at odds with its surroundings like a beacon in a dark night, and now that I was looking at it it was faintly glowing.
“You died so hilariously” she said giggling and wiping away the tears from her eyes “I didn’t even know that a mortal body could bend like that.”
“Yeah.... That’s great. Where am I?”
“Well purgatory of course.” She said matter of factly. “You don’t like? Let’s see here.” She snapped her fingers and we were inside a bar.
My jaw dropped. I couldn't help it could I? One moment I was in the Abyss and now I'm in my ideal place to grab a drink.
“Much better no? Or would you prefer something else?”, she said as she sat down near the bar. “I think you should sit down for the rest of this, I don’t have all day.”
“Who are you and what exactly happened to me?”, I asked while sitting down beside her.
“I am known as Azereth. I am the ruler of these planes. Some people might call me a God. As for what happened to you....” She inhaled sharply “Well to cut to the chase, you are dead.” She said coolly while handing me a whiskey, “Some higher dimensional beings decided to rear their ugly heads, and I had to kick some ass and collateral damage happens when beings of our caliber fight.”
She looked at me with a serious face, “I am sorry I dropped an entire building on you by accident. Now drink.”
I drank the whole glass. It was surprisingly good.
“So what happens to me now?”, I said taking the second glass she offered me.
“Well the circumstances of your death were unfortunate, so I’ll give you a freebie. You decide.”
She got up and walked behind the counter, grabbed the whole bottle and started drinking.
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Boy, guess the demons of alcohol enthusiasm aren't trapped in lower dimensions.
“My choice huh?”, I grabbed a bottle over the counter “What options do I have? Heaven? Paradise? Enlightenment?”
“I’ll give you whatever you want. Heaven, knowledge about everything, entry into a plane of carnal pleasure. You just have to ask.”, she said moving to the bar. “You see, I’ll give you some advice. Choosing eternity is the boring option. I’ve been alive forever so I know a thing or two. Struggling and coming out on top, that’s where it’s at. So if I were in your shoes, I’d think before taking the ticket to heaven.”
“Hmm. Just reincarnate me, or something. That’s what I want then.” I made my decision, I didn't need much convincing. I wanted a change of pace.
“Okay. Decided. Lets see what world are available.”, she waved around her hands and the walls of the bar disappeared with a brilliant flash of light. We saw the universes.
The universes were stacked one on top of the other like a bunch of DVDs, and yet they were distinct from one another. Some flashed bright green, while others an ethereal magenta. Colors everywhere, like light through a prism.
And there Azereth was moving them around, sifting through them, one by one with a blinding speed. I looked around in amazement, so this was literally everything. All those worlds, all those people, being moved around by a woman like they were paper. It was an awesome scene.
“Ah. Let’s see, this one is perfect.”, she said dragging an entire universe.
The universe she brought to me was a deep indigo in color. It was beautiful.
“This world would be perfect for you. It has magic and swords. Its a primitive world and you’ll have a chance to enjoy the simple things in life again.” she said smiling.
“What’s the catch?” I asked suspiciously.
The goddess looked coyly, “No catch, standard scenarios with primitive societies, low birth rates, high mortality rates, monsters, Military all that jazz!”
“So you’re not going to make me into some weird hero and send me off to fight some evil god or something?”
“Fighting those filth are an eternals job, so no.”
“Then fine. How do we do this?”, I resigned myself to my fate, might as well just be alive again and do things right as opposed to just kicking the bucket.
“Not going to ask me for some cheats?”, she said smirking.
“Nah, let’s do this.”
“Well just for that attitude, I’ll leave you a surprise in your next body okay?”, she pulled the universe, making it expand. “Good luck and lead a long life free of regret. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.”
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Carla, Johann pulled on the reigns, stopping the horses in front of the Temple.
The baby was arriving and it had to rain right bloody now. He cursed his luck. He opened the carriage and carried his wife inside the temple.
The healer nuns took over, and he was asked to wait. He sat down on the floor, exhausted.
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10 Hours Later.
“Congratulations Johann, it is a boy.”, the old nun Gelda said carrying with her a sleeping infant in a blanket.
Johann held his son, he was tiny but he felt the weight of holding a bundle of innocence.
“What about Carla?” He asked, “How is she? Can I see her?”
Gelda smiled, “It was a bit rough, but she’s fine. You can see her now. Just do not excite her too much. Both the mother and baby need a little bit of rest.”
Johann thanked her and went inside the room to see his wife.
He felt like the happiest man in the world.
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Carla nursed her son while Johann was taking a nap sitting down on the chair. Looking outside the window, she didn’t think anyone would believe that just a few hours ago there was a thunderstorm.
She looked at her son’s face, he had intelligent eyes and his father’s black hair. She felt like she understood the universe a little bit. She wants nothing more than Maximilian to grow up as a healthy happy child and prayed to the eternal Azereth to grant her wish.