“Haaaah.”

School at last. Finally, my safe haven.

I bumped into a bunch of weirdos again today. It was really the worst. I’m glad that’s over with. Now I can peacefully enjoy my school life. Well my desk is about the only thing I see throughout the entire day though. I can’t ever look up in fear of the repercussions.

If it was a male teacher at the front, or if I glanced at one of the male students by accident, things would become annoying. Because of this handicap in my life, I had to record videos of the blackboard to keep up with my studies. It was such a major inconvenience.

I had no control over this. It always just happened on its own. One look from me was all it took to make a person submit. If I looked at my teacher and they suddenly fell to their knees and grovelled at my feet begging for me to accept them, I would be extremely troubled. The worst part of everything was that simply taking a video wasn’t enough to stop this absurd one look phenomenon from occurring.

I actually had to hire someone online to edit the video for me to block out the image of any people in it to avoid that ridiculous phenomenon. The same thing happened with pictures as well. As long as I looked at them, whether directly or indirectly the end result was the same. We could be separated by continents and it would happen.

The first time I discovered this was when I was very young and my parents changed the channel from the anime I was watching to a prestigious award ceremony. The actress immediately fell to her knees panting in heat. She even said my name which had the younger me terrified to death at the time.

Forget about the unpleasant things though. Today was my first day at my new school S.H. Academy. The entrance exam was really weird though. There was none. At least none that I was aware of. It was an academy held in high regard for its employment rate after graduation I heard so I applied and I got in for some reason. The weirdest thing was when I sent my application by email five minutes later I received a response that indicated I was accepted.

I was sceptical, but I decided not to question it. Maybe I was just lucky. With my inability to look at people directly it was a godsend to be accepted so easily.

When I entered the classroom there were all sorts of discussions going on. I found an open seat right by the door at the back of the class and sat there. I put my head down on the desk and listened in closely to the gossip.

“Hey. Hey. Did you hear about it?”

“About what?”

“The legendary S rank strategic class hero, Unity Man was deployed earlier today. I heard it on the radio on my way here.”

“No way! Unity Man! Are you sure about that?”

“I’m certain. It was huge. He defeated the Demon God of Thunder effortlessly. People say the Demon God of Thunder even fell to his knees from the awe-inspiring might of Unity Man. After he took a hard hit he miraculously fled with his life in one piece.”

Hah? Those weirdos who were playing superhero from this morning, they were actually on the news? Why do news outlets have nothing better to report on than stupid old men playing make pretend super heroes? There are always ridiculous pointless stories like this on the news all the time so I shouldn’t be surprised.

“Tch. Why are kids so gullible?”

I thought this school would be different. Why is it that every school I go to has stupid kids who eat this nonsensiscal hero stuff up like gold? It’s basically the same thing as wrestling isn’t it? Just some old dudes trying to live a life of falsified glory or infamy.

“What! What did you say brat!”

Ah. Did they hear me?

My desk vibrated when one of the two kids that were talking earlier slammed their hand down on my desk.

“Sorry. Sorry. I didn’t say anything.”

I’d rather not get into a fight on my first day here so it would be best to just apologize.

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it brat. You just called us gullible, what did you mean by that you half bald loser. What’s with that long beard of yours? Aren’t you too old to be attending this academy old man? Or could it be you’ve flunked so many times that you were never able to get past first year? Hahaha. Hey guys get a look at this old loser who thinks he’s better than us.”

“Old? I’m the same age as you.”

“What? Stop lying old man.”

“Just because I’m half bald doesn’t mean I’m an old man you dumbass.”

Ah. I let my real thoughts escape.

“Dumbass? Me? Hahaha. Stop trying to hide the fact that you’re a brain dead failure who can’t pass your first year here after repeating it endlessly.”

I let out a sigh and said, “you’re right I’m just an endless repeater, so can you please just leave me alone now?”

“Whatever loser, but if you ever make snide remarks again you’ll be in for hell.”

Oh. I’m so scared. Absolutely shaking in my little booties. Especially if I looked at you, I’d rather not think of the consequences.

The kids went back to their little bubble world where they revered those phoney heroes.

Not long after the bell rang and the door at the front of the room opened and someone who assumed was out teacher walked in.

“Hello everyone, I will be the teacher of class 1-F. The failure class as we like to call it.”

Those were the first words that left his mouth and I was shocked. Failure class? What the hell? What is that supposed to mean? Why am I in the failure class?

An outbreak of whispers similarly started up from everyone else in the class.

“Failures! Teacher are you supposed to be calling us failures?!”

“Yes of course. You’ve all gotten in without taking an entrance examination after all. Did you really think there was no reason for that? While you do get to attend this academy, you’re the bottom of the barrel. Complete trash of society. You’re used to set an example for the hard working students. You serve as an incentive for them to work hard to not end up in your position.”

Well… I guess that does make sense. We get to say we attended a well renowned school without any effort to get in but there’s a price attached to it.

“You should have already understood what it meant when you were informed what class you were assigned to. Yet despite knowing that you still attended, didn’t you? All for the sake of that small hope of working your way up through the ranks to get to the fabled class of legends 3-S in your final year. The class in which only one student can attend. It is a class only a student who started in class 1-F who overcomes the worst treatment from the school. Well, your dreams will probably be crushed soon enough when reality hits you in the face so don’t get your hopes up. You’re all failures. Delusional dreams like that don’t come true after all.”

Now this guy knows where it’s at and is speaking my type of language. Forget about that hero nonsense this is much more realistic. Cursing the dreams of children everywhere, what a legend. I somewhat started to idolize this new female teacher of mine. It was a shame I couldn’t look to see who this new found idol of destroying little children’s dreams was.

“What the hell! Screw you! I don’t care if you’re our teacher I’ll bash your skull in!”

“Hoh? You? A weak bottom of the barrel failure wants to bash my skull in? If you can even touch me I’d be willing to recommend you to class 1-A immediately.”

I don’t care so much about advancing in classes, but if I did it would probably help my job search after graduation. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to try to move up. Although just the fact I attend this prestigious academy regardless of what class I finish in would probably guarantee me a job.

But that idiot who wanted to pick a fight with me earlier really is a meat head with no brains. Getting triggered so badly when he’s on the receiving end of being called a failure. What an idiot. If you attack a teacher aren’t you basically screwed? Won’t you get expelled rather than sent to a better class?

“I’ll definitely do it if it means I get to move up the ladder quickly. I’ll become the strongest hero of all time. Forget Unity Man from this morning who’s only the tenth strongest S Ranker. I’ll become number one!”

“Hahaha! You? Beat Unity Man? Good luck with your naive little dream weakling.”

Eh? What are these two talking about? Suddenly my teachers stocks plummeted in my mind. Was she also a weirdo who was into the whole fake hero battle thing?

Man though this kid sounds like a main protagonist with overly large dreams in a shit tier shounen anime. Why would you want to be number one? Don’t you realize when you become number one at anything it just becomes tedious and tiring with all the responsibility you have to put up with? Just aim low and leave the responsibility to the big guys instead. Kick back and enjoy the small things in life while you can. When you’re at the top you’ll realize how lonely it is without something to chase after.

Being too strong is just a pain in the ass since there’s no one left to challenge you. From experience, I’ll have you know, I’ve never lost a fight. Not even once and it’s all because of this absurd one look phenomenon.

“I’ll definitely hit you and get moved up to class 1-A!”

It sounded like the kid had gotten out of his chair. Only a few short seconds later and I heard the sound of someone getting floored.

“Ack… you bit-“

“Hoh? What now? What did you want to call me kid?”

“AHHHHHH! GYAAAH!”

The sound of his cries immediately followed the sound of a stomp. Man that kid really was all talk.

“Please stop. I give up.”

“Give up? With just that? Tch. As expected if a failure without a spine.”

A moment later it sounded like a desk had been picked up.

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Eat this!”

“Oh? Didn’t you give up?”

“Of course not. Even if I have to be underhanded to climb the ladder I’ll do it.”

“Big words despite how weak you are. Well, since you want to be underhanded I suppose you’ll make do as a chair.”

What? Uh… isn’t this getting a bit too strange? Is this teacher really alright in the head?

A clang rang out, there was no sound from the teacher so I was fairly certain she’d avoided it. Man I really wanted to look. I really did. For something like this to happen on my first day here, how could I not want to watch some juicy drama like this unfold? Idiotic student expelled on first day after attacking teacher. Now that’s newsworthy. Not that lame fake hero nonsense everyone likes to get so hyped up over.

“What are you doing!”

“I said it before didn’t I? You’re going to be my chair today. You failed thus you pay for the consequences of your actions. Let this be a life lesson to not bite off more than you can chew when you’re just a weakling with no power to back up your words. I’ll make sure to ingrain the fact that you’re a failure in life into your head over the next year. That is assuming you don’t drop out before that.”

“I’ll definitely bash your head in before the year is over. I swear it!”

Man that kid really was an idiot. Good thing I apologized and didn’t get into a fight with him. I wouldn’t want a dog barking up my tree everyday.

“Anyways, if anyone else in the class wants to pick a fight feel free to make your move now.”

“...”

Only complete silence was returned to her.

“Good. It looks like the rest of you have a brain unlike this useless moron. A lot of you are probably secretly plotting to act behind the scenes to scheme against me so you can claw your way up to the top which I commend you for. To be able to evaluate the situation shows you’re not a complete lost cause like this dumbass who wants to brainlessly attack everything head on without a plan.”

“That being said, you’re all still failures who will not accomplish anything no matter what type of plans you come up with. You will never become heroes, you’re all just the trashy leftover dregs of society nobody wants. Your only use is to motivate the people above you. However, even if you’re all completely useless, as long as you make it to graduation you will be guaranteed a job somewhere just with this academy’s name on your resume. Be grateful and count your blessings that you were accepted to even be part of class 1-F.”

Wow, this teacher truly held nothing back with verbally degrading her students. Just what kind of school did I enroll in? Is this what public high schools are like too?

It’s really a scary world out there like I thought. Maybe that’s why those adults like to avoid seeking out a proper job and rely on donations so they can play pretend to be heroes. That’s definitely a lot easier than working a normal job in the real world.

But why did the teacher say we will never become heroes? Why would anyone want to become an unemployed person putting on cheap street performances to get donations? This is just a normal school not some stupid academy that raises those phoney heroes right? Hero academies aren’t real, they only happen in anime.

“Teacher, you mentioned something about how we will never become heroes, what did you mean by that?”

Oh? Someone else was also confused? It was a girl seated right beside me who raised the question.

“I’m not understanding your question. It means exactly what I said.”

“I see. I understand.”

The girl sounded confused but didn’t follow up.

She then mumbled something quietly that I was able to really relate to.

“What is with this nonsense about heroes? Everywhere I go it’s the same thing.”

A comrade? How unexpected.

“Well it’s about time we start our proper introductions. As I said I am your teacher just call me Ms. S. that’s what a lot of students have nicknamed me so just stick with that brats.”

It really sounded like a fitting nickname with her personality.

“Starting from the front give your name and reason why you’re a failure.”

Haha. What did I really expect her to say? Name and hobbies?

“My name is-“

“Never mind forget the name part actually. Names aren’t suitable for failures like those in this class after all. Instead we’ll just call you by students 1 through 30. As of today you’ll be student 1 the person behind you will be 2, the kid at the back is 6, the person to your left is 7 and so on. Do you understand? If by some miracle you get promoted to a class above this one you can have your names. Until then you’re just a number.”

“You can continue now.”

“My name is... Student 1.”

“And you are a failure because?”

“I am a failure because…”

“Go on, don’t stop there.”

“Because…”

“Because what?”

“I…”

“Hmm? Speak!”

“I don’t know! I don’t know why I’m a failure! I put in a lot of effort to prepare for the exam here, but when I applied I got immediate acceptance! I thought I was special, why am I lumped together with a bunch of failures like them! I’ve always done everything perfectly to a tee. This doesn’t make any sense! There must be a mistake why I’m here!”

“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. That is precisely why you’re a failure. You don’t even know why you’ve failed. Until you understand why you’re a failure you’ll always remain as one. I can assure you kid, no one put into this class was a mistake. With one hundred percent certainty you are a failure.”

Ouch that was harsh. The first student shut their mouth and sat back in their seat.

“Next.”

“I am... student 2. I am apparently also a failure, but I don’t know why.”

“Next.”

“Student 3, I am not a failure like all of you useless idiots. I requested to be placed in this class for the sake at a chance at the fabled class 3-S that can only be a student who started out in class 1-F.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Shut it and make it short. We have an idiot like you every year who thinks he’s hot shit and can reach that position. Stop talking rubbish and sit your ass down.”

“For the sake of becoming the next strategic S rank hero I’ll definitely reach class 3-S without fail.”

Again with the hero nonsense? Isn’t that clearly why you’re a failure? Could it be the reason everyone in this class are deemed failures because they want to live lives unemployed off of donations by doing street performances? If that’s true why was I put in this class? It sounds ridiculous.

“Student 4. I will definitely become a hero. No matter how many failures I face I’ll make it. If that’s why I’m a failure then so be it.”

What the hell? So many delusional kids are all in one class.

“Student 5. If I could become a hero that would be nice. If I can’t then at least I can put it on my resume that I tried to become one.”

What the hell? Why would you put something like that on your resume? Wouldn’t you feel too embarrassed? Ah this entire class is making me blush in shame.

“Chop. Chop. What are you waiting for? Next student.”

Ah. That was me. What do I say?

“I am Student… 6. I am… useless which is why I’m a failure. Due to certain reasons I either have my eyes glued to the ground and can’t look at people or I have my eyes completely shut closed. Please don’t ask me to look at you when we’re speaking. It’s troublesome. If possible I’d also like to be left alone. I’d prefer to not talk to any of you as much as possible.”

You’re all a bunch of weirdos dreaming about unreasonable things like heroes after all. I’d rather not be contaminated with your stupidity.

“Haha. Finally a kid who knows why he’s a failure. Not bad. Not bad at all. Good job kid. I have high hopes for you. Next.”

What? Did that actually get me into her good books?

Quiet whispers broke out among the other students. The teacher didn’t pay any attention to it and imposingly repeated herself.

“NEXT.”

Students 7-11 did their introductions. They were more or less all the same. Confusion filled with uncertainty. It wasn’t until Student 12 that something different was said.

“Student 12. I have no interest in heroes. I want to become something far more lucrative than a stupid beggar hero who relies on donations. That’s probably why I’m classified as a failure.”

Oh? To think the girl beside me wasn’t delusional like the other kids who all wanted to become something ridiculous like a make believe hero.

At least that was what I thought until I heard her mumble, “I want to become the strongest villainess after all. How could I want to become something stupid like a poverty stricken hero who relies on money from others. With the teacher’s confirmation I’m certain this path can’t be wrong.”

I let out a frustrated sigh, “another idiot.”

“Student 6, what did you just say about me?”

“Nothing, Student 12. I was just mumbling to myself.”

“You’ll regret your words.”

“Regret? Sorry, I don’t know the meaning of the word regret.”

It felt like she was directing a strong glare in my direction, but I didn’t dare look at her.

“Don’t you hate yourself and feel like killing yourself now?”

“Hate myself? I’ve always hated myself. As for killing myself, no thank you.”

“What? That can’t be right.”

“Tch. Student 6 and 12 shut your traps and stop quietly bickering back there.”

We immediately did as instructed.

The remaining 18 students finished up their introductions. They were more or less all the same. They eventually just copied each other, too lazy to think about why they were actually deemed failures by the school.

“Good, now that that’s over with, we will start our first lesson. You’re all failures, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a latent hidden ability. Whether you already know what it is or not, you all have one. Everyone does.”

Like being good at math or arts?

“It May be an analytic, practical or support based ability. It may be useless or it may be an overwhelming ability that can trump anyone. In your cases it’s likely the former rather than the latter though.”

We’re talking about academic ability here, right?

“Whatever your superhuman ability may be, don’t think that you’re hot stuff and let it get to your head. You were put in 1-F for a reason after all.”

No… not the teacher as well. Even she is a fan of this whole fake superhero nonsense? Just how ridiculous is this world? Why is everyone a weirdo obsessed with these ridiculous nonexistent things?

This is the worst. Should I just transfer to another school or something? Ugh. Even if I do, I'll still be surrounded by these types of delusional idiots. Relax me. I just need to stay calm and make it through these next three years and I’ll be set for a job after graduation.

Im sure when I’m in the workforce this ridiculous nonsense about heroes will go away.

The teacher continued with her lecture about hero related garbage for an hour before she got bored and left. She just said we could do whatever we wanted until the bell rang at the end of the day. She told us to use the time to reflect and figure out why we were failures. I was actually shocked by how little she cared about educating us.

When she left, the class was dead silent. I don’t think anybody truly thought she’d just leave out of nowhere like that after only an hour in. The only person who rejoiced out loud was the human chair, Student 17, she’d sat on for an hour. That idiot didn’t know how to read the air at all and started to bad mouth Ms. S. the second she left.

“I’m definitely going to kill that horrible wench.”

“Hahaha. Sure you are. I bet you enjoyed the soft plump sensation on your back for the last hour. I saw that face of regret you had the moment she got up. Don’t try and hide it.”

“Shut up man.That’s not true at all. I wouldn’t enjoy such humiliation. I’ll definitely make her grovel at my feet one day and beg for my forgiveness in the future when I’m an S rank hero.”

Since the teacher was already gone and I already had her approval as to why I was a failure I figured I’d just leave. There was no point sticking around to get chummy with idiots.

It seemed I wasn’t the only one who thought that way. At the corner of my eye when I got up from my chair, the girl beside me had also stood up. She immediately sat back down when she noticed I stood up though. Like she found it humiliating to have the same thought process as me. I couldn’t look at her face to confirm it, but I was nearly certain she thought something along those lines.

I exited the classroom, but as soon as I turned the corner I blinked for just a second before I bumped into someone. I instinctively kept my eyes shut. That was way too close for comfort. If I even saw a portion of their body things would have turned out badly for me.

“You have the guts to leave so soon, Student 6? I’m honestly surprised.”

“Ms. S? Didn’t you leave already?”

“No. I was just waiting to see which fool would dare disobey my instructions to wait for the bell first. Now, why do you have your eyes closed like that?”

“I can’t bear to sully your body with my impure eyes.”

“Haha. Well that’s an acceptable answer, it would be rather unpleasant to be looked at that way by a kid with the appearance of an old, bearded, half baldy.”

“Now why would a half bald kid like you dare to have the guts to disobey my instructions?”

“I needed to use the toilet.”

“If it means obeying my instructions then you should just wet yourself.”

“I can’t do that. If my important beautiful teacher had to return to the classroom and smell the awful odor of urine I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“Give me one good reason why I should turn you into my chair tomorrow?”

“Because Student 17 called you a horrible old wench.”

“Oh did he now. Hehe. Not bad. To sell out your own classmate so easily. You have the ability to go places.”

“Please don’t call that thing my classmate. It’s extremely unpleasant.”