I could never forget that day.

The sky was dyed in a depressing gray. Chilling wind blew—not enough to warrant a coat, but enough to feel the cold air caressing your skin. The streets were busy, so there was no one to notice. Even when the alleys were echoing yelps. Even when there was a suspicious moving truck parked on the roadside, while there wasn’t anyone in the neighborhood planning to move. 

I could still hear them in my dreams.

The helpless barking filled with dread. The beady eyes pleading for mercy. The rattling sounds of paws and teeth scratching, biting their way through the iron cage.

The desperation that oozed from the back of that truck.

The cry for help from my one and only friend.

I tried. I really tried.

As soon as I realized something was amiss, I ran to her as fast as I could.

There, I spotted the shine of her fluffy, auburn fur. The sight of her shivering with fear in her tiny cage at the back of the container like an autumn leaf about to break off from its branch.

I shouted with all the strength that my childish voice could muster.

I barged towards the container, plunging my hands between the bars. Red trickled from my nails. It hurt. But if I let go, I would regret it for the rest of my life.

In the end, I couldn’t change the outcome.

I was only a kid. There was nothing more that I could do.

In the end, all I managed to do was to alert the poachers. As soon as a pair of men wearing masks and caps charged into the containers, the result was obvious.

Even until now, the sensation of their steel pipes hitting my bones was still present. Even until now, the searing smell of their stun guns against my leg was still apparent. Even until now, the taste of humiliation mixed in with the metallic scent of blood and truck floor still lingered in my mouth.

I was powerless.

I was useless.

All I could do was swallow my pain and tears as the men kicked me out of their truck and drove away with the one friend I managed to make in all of my life.

I was hospitalized for two months due to a broken arm and leg, along with a few ribs. But I lost a lot more than some mere physical injuries.

Yet… 

When I pleaded to my parents, my schoolmates, my teachers, even the doctors and police…

All of them. All of them answered “no”.

”They’ve been gone for too long,” they said. “We can’t help you if you can’t properly identify the perpetrators,” they said. “At least get their license plate,” they said.

How did they expect me to do that?! I was beaten half to death! How could I have noticed those details?!

Excuses. Excuses, excuses, excuses!

Just say it to my face already! Just say that it was stupid of me to ask for help for a simple case of dog poaching! Shoot me down and drag my lifeless corpse away, that would be better than your fake eyes of care or your voice of pity!

In the end, you’re all the same! You didn’t care! You were probably jumping with joy on the inside, delighted that there was one fewer mouth to feed!

You people… that was all that you care about. Yourselves. 

I’d never forgive all of you for as long as I live.

*

“Yasushi, are you there?” A voice called to me, along with a slight knocking sound on my room’s door.

Seeing that I didn't answer, the voice continued their one-person conversation. “Do you feel like going to school tomorrow?”

I unconsciously reached out to my old, torn student card lying on my bed. The name “Utsuto Yasushi” was still there, frayed through the years, but legible enough. But just as the name itself bearing determination, I was determined to not leave this house for another step.

And why bother anyway? You didn’t care for me back then. If anything, you were glad that I wasn’t going to school, right? We were broke anyway. If there was no tuition fee, that would be one less expense you have to worry about.

”… Is there anything you’d like to eat today? I’ll make it.” 

I glanced down at my right arm. The bony, deformed arm that suffered from being hit with a steel pipe, then malnutrition as it recovered from the incident. 

A bitter smirk curled up on my face. If I had any mood for food, I would have done so when my body needed it. This was just sickening to me.

”… Do tell me if you need anything, Yasushi… We’ll always be here for you.”

Lies. Nothing but lies. You should have been there for me on that day, but what did I get?

Footsteps echoed from the stairways, indicating that the person outside had finally left. I’ve returned to my peace and quiet once more—the boxed room with four moldy walls, whose white hue had long diminished through the years, and only a single desk and shabby bed to fill the space between. A sight that I had grown all too accustomed to.

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

Going over to the computer desk, I turned on the hunk of metal—a retro CRT monitor that should by no means work in this day and age, yet it persevered like its owner—lying at the center, and opened the usual web browser. After a good second of blank screen, the familiar tabs appeared before me once more. Dozens upon dozens of websites regarding poaching, pet trafficking, and police cases regarding missing animals. 

I had been doing this ever since that day. People might say that it’s meaningless, but this was my everything.

As I was scrolling through the pages, however, a sudden ding of notification popped up in my face. An email? I wondered. I wasn’t the type to receive mail in the first place.

Curious, I clicked on the icon. From the mail appeared a bright red logo with a symbol that looked like a giant claw mark, or perhaps a slash from a wild animal. The word “Omushi” clad in gold ran through the crimson slash, as if there were spoils dropping out of a monster’s carcass. 

Below that savage logo, the mail read:

“Immerse yourself into a fantastical world never-before seen! Explore the vast landscape filled with different sorts of biomes for you to traverse; hunt monsters of all kinds to your liking, adapt to their traits and evolve your character to become the greatest hunter of all! The hit MMO, Omushi, now available in all regions!”

“Tch, junk.” I clicked my tongue in annoyance while removing the spam email from my sight. Even in the virtual world of the Internet, hunting and killing were all these people cared about. 

Letting out a sigh to release the anger building within me, I continued my search. A series of gazing at the screen so much that my eyes started to cry out, constant scrolling and clicking with no real news to see, until eventually a rumbling from my stomach and a parched throat stopped me from going any further.

So much for ‘not in a mood to eat’, I scoffed at myself, lightly prying open the door to prevent any creaking sound.

Outside on the floor was a tray of a simple meal—rice, miso soup, and boiled vegetables. This small tray had been my menu ever since the incident, as the mere sight of meat sickened me to the core. I brought the tray over to my desk and chowed down the dried rice without regard to anything else, occasionally sipping the miso soup when I was choking due to eating too fast. The soup wasn’t even salted—it was deliberately made much blander than normal to fit my taste. This was the only kind of food I could manage to digest.

Once I was done, I quietly opened the door again, placed the empty tray outside, and headed back into my room. Opening the curtains, I could see a beautiful night sky with a soothing moonlight shining down on the road, coating it in a mesmerizing silver light.

It should be fine.

I opened the window, and crawled down from my room on the second floor to the road. There was a tree right next to it, so my descent wasn’t that much of a hassle, but it usually resulted in a few bruises and scratches on my arms and legs—another reason why they never managed to recover.

I would be what people called a hikikomori, but it didn’t mean that I was afraid of the outside world. I just hated people—the kind that pretend to care for you, but were only after their own gain. On nights with few humans out like this one, when I could immerse myself with what little nature left in this urban area, I wouldn’t mind a nightly stroll.

Plus, it would also help with my search. News might not have traveled far enough, but a chance encounter with those scum of the earth could happen on a quiet night like this one, and it would be a blessing for me.

I trekked in the night, the sound of concrete grinding against my sandals echoed in the air. Cold wind whipped onto my exposed face under my hoodie—just like that night, ruthless and unforgiving. Only a few convenient stores were open this late in, and their light along with the moon were the only guiding force for my trip. 

I walked and walked, peeking into dark alleyways and secluded areas, hoping to find something… anything to satiate the nauseating feeling bubbling in my gut. But, just like any other day, it was to no avail. It was another day that I spent the night for nothing.

 Unconscious in my steps, before I knew it, I had already wandered to the nearby riverbank. I didn’t have too many memories regarding this place, but I knew that it was a popular destination for pet owners as the wide space around here was perfect to hang out with your animal friends. 

A tear welled in my eye as I let out a bitter sigh. If only I could have more time to spend with her…

”Arf!”

A yelp interrupted my train of thoughts. A dog-walk this late into the night?

I glanced around, trying to find the source of the cry. And to my horror, the worst was indeed happening.

A puppy was drowning in the middle of the river. What looked to be the remnants of a cardboard box was slowly disintegrating and sinking down—likely to be the vessel for the poor fellow as its irresponsible owner abandoned it. And to make matters worse, its fur was long and heavy, making swimming out of the situation even more improbable.

I didn’t have time to think.

Immediately, I jumped down the cold stream.

”Hold on, I’m coming!” I shouted, reaching out my arm towards the sinking pup. But it was at that moment that I realized something important.

My hoodie was the kind of fabric that sucked a lot of water. My body was weak and malnourished. This weather was terrible for even the most prominent swimmer, let alone someone without much of an active body like me.

Putting all of those together, and…

I started sinking. In panic, I flapped my arms and legs around to no avail. The more I struggled, the more water my clothes absorbed, and the heavier they became. They clung onto me with the weight of a steel ball, dragging my body down the depths of the merciless river.

Is this it? After all I’ve been through… that’s it?

“Hold on, I’m coming!” Another voice sounded from the shore. Before I knew it, I was being dragged away up to the surface. I could feel the strength of the muscles that pulled me—whoever this was, they were strong. Strong enough to help us both, I imagined.

”… The dog…” I stuttered, my voice still shivering due to the intense cold and shock.

”Don’t worry, you’re safe now!” My savior called out. “Save your strength!”

”Save… the dog…” I still continued, trying my best to speak up intelligible words.

”Dude, worry about yourself first! The dog will be fine! Just get to safety and then we’ll…”

… Are you kidding me?

Even now, you’re still ignoring a life at stake? Even now, you’re still turning a blind eye towards a dying animal?

Rage flared up in my eyes. I couldn’t take it anymore.

”I said to save the dog!” I struggled in the stranger’s grasp. “Let go of me!”

“H-Hey! I told you to save your strength!”

”I said let go! I have to save it!”

”Dude, calm down! I’ll save it later, so stop…”

”Later, later, it’s always later for you people! How many more ‘later’ would you need!?”

“I told you to… Wait, no!”

Finally, I broke free of their grip. I could do it. If they couldn’t bear to lift a finger onto the poor life fading before their eyes, then I had to do it.

There was no other choice. I was the only one that could help it. Me, and only me. The cold didn’t bother me anymore. 

But then… why?

Why did I not feel anything in my legs or my arms? Why was I seeing nothing but darkness? Since when did everything feel so heavy, yet so light?

What happened to the pup? Why couldn’t I hear it anymore?

And the stranger, too. Where did they go? Did they feel too guilty that they gave up in shame? Or was their rotten core too much to fix even after seeing what I was about to do?

Was I… alone all along? 

Darkness. 

All I could see was darkness.